Earthbound

By JM Dragon & Erin O’Reilly

>< >< ><

Prologue

“There’s a time and a place - there's a space and a race - one day soon you and I will meet and know we face our fate,” Raquel whispered to the two women as they slept separately. And so, their story began…

Chapter 1

“It would be so easy to end all the pain here and now,” Amanda Lawson said as she stared into the murky depths of the Susquehanna River. She rested her elbows on the rock wall of the narrow footbridge that crossed the river as an endless flow of tears coursed down her cheeks. The water, which increased in volume with each teardrop, lured her to surrender and become one with its icy coldness.

She took in the length of the bridge and wondered if she could somehow manage to climb over the wall. A new shiny penny peeking out from between two dandelions and a small patch of grass nestled close to the wall caught her attention. Time seemed to stand still as she gazed at the object. “Someone said that when you find a penny, you've been kissed by an angel.” She sighed as she picked up the coin and made a decision. “I've never taken the easy way before; why start now?”

Her feet were numb and her legs ached as she walked with determination back toward her vehicle. Once she got to her car, she turned back certain that she heard the water calling her name. Not today. She got in and flipped the switch to heat the seats. She knew the heat wouldn’t do much to ease the pain, but there was some degree of comfort in the warmth. She opened her fist and looked at the coin, shaking her head at her weakness before flicking it into the ashtray filled with other pennies. She moved the gearshift into drive and eased the vehicle away from the river and its insistent beckoning.

>< >< ><

There were other routes to get to her home, but for almost two years, she always took the same one. Her eyes scanned the side of the road until she saw the dilapidated billboard where a small white cross stood in front of it. The hard tires crunched on the gravel as the vehicle came to a rest on the shoulder. All that was left of the sign were red scripted letters spelling out EVIL along with a pair of cow's eyes and the barest hint of black, which had been the nose. At one time, Middleville Dairies had been a thriving business but now was only a sign—that if one thought about it read evil eyes. The sign marked the one-mile point from the house, and the place where her happiness ended…

It was a bright, late summer day as Amanda and her partner of eight years Gwen Witherspoon made their way back from their annual camping trip. They had spent a week communing with nature in the woods above Cayuga Lake, which is one of the Finger Lakes in upper New York State. This was their sixth end of summer sojourn to celebrate and renew their love and commitment to each other.

“Well, Ms. Amanda, I see you still haven't quite made it up the learning curve,” Gwen said with a playful lilt in her voice.

Amanda took her eyes off the road for a moment and frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, there is the small matter that for the sixth year in a row you have managed to burn yourself on our outing.”

“Hey, come on, that's not fair. The marshmallow would have landed on the ground and attracted bears.”

Gwen laughed. “Since when did we ever see a bear?”

“Well,” Amanda sputtered, “it could happen…you never know. Besides, I get to have my own private nurse take care of my injuries.”

“I will always be there to take care of you, my love,” Gwen said as she took her lover's hand. “Hey, look there's the evil eye. We're almost home.”

In the instant it took to say those words, both women's faces filled with horror as they saw a large cement truck barreling around the curve toward them.

“OH, MY GOD, NO,” Gwen screamed as she braced herself for the imminent impact.

Amanda jerked the steering wheel to the left to avoid the vehicle.

The crunch of metal on metal fractured the air as the impact spun their smaller car down a slight embankment.

Amanda felt herself pinned down by the airbag as she opened her eyes to the sting of blood seeping into them. Her nostrils filled with the smell of burning gasoline. “Gwen! Gwen! You okay? We’ve got to get out of here; I think the car’s on fire.” She heard nothing. Her throat hurt and her lungs ached as she called out again, “Gwen?”

“Hey, I'm fine, everything is good. Don't move until they come for us. Promise me you won't move.”

In the distance, Amanda heard the wail of sirens and said, “I promise,” before she passed out.

She heard her name being called, but couldn’t quite place where the sound was coming from. “Amanda, Amanda, try to open your eyes for me.” Hell no, lady, it’s not going to happen. “Amanda, open your eyes for me. You've been in an automobile accident, and I need you to open your eyes.” An accident? Gwen! Her eyes flew open and tried to fix on the source of the voice.

“That's good. Can you see me?”

She tried to focus, but all she could see was the brightness of an overhead light.

“Move that,” another voice ordered.

Amanda’s eyes darted around the room at the sterile whiteness and felt a sense of foreboding. Her throat was sore when she tried, but failed, to speak. Finally, she slurred, “Where am I?”

“You're in the hospital. You were in an accident.”

She pulled her hand up only to find it restrained. Her face, contoured with pain, scrunched up in question.

“Try not to move, Amanda. You've fractured your spine.”

With effort she whispered,” Gwen. I need her…she will…” The next voice she heard seemingly came from a long, lost memory.

“I need to see her,” the familiar voice demanded.

Amanda’s face went flat as recognition filled her consciousness. I know that voice…it’s Gwen’s mother.

“Mrs. Witherspoon, you may speak with her for a moment, but we need to get her to surgery.”

Amanda’s eyes focused on a woman and wondered why she was there. “Where’s Gwen?”

Carol Witherspoon glared at the battered, bloody body of her daughter's friend. In a hard, cold voice she said, “You were driving, weren't you?”

Terror and apprehension filled Amanda. “Gwen, I need Gwen. Where is she?”

A stern male voice scolded, “I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You’re upsetting my patient,”

Carol ignored the doctor’s request and frowned. “Now you think about her,” she said in a clipped voice.

“Please, you need to leave now.”

Amanda eyes filled with acknowledgment. “I remember,” she whispered. “You don't approve.” She grimaced as she gritted her teeth and asked, “Where's Gwen?”

Carol screamed, “She's dead! My daughter is dead; and it’s all your fault! This is your punishment for turning my daughter into a pervert!”

The doctor glared at the woman. “I will not have you distressing my patient or speaking to her in that way.” The doctor looked at the nurse. “Get security, and get this woman out of here.”

“NO!” Amanda gasped before consciousness abandoned her.

The next time Amanda opened her eyes she saw a round woman dressed in scrubs checking some machine to her right.

“Who are you?” She couldn’t speak above a whisper and found it difficult to swallow.

A bright smile greeted her. “Good. You're awake. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.”

The woman laughed. “That's to be expected. I’m Sue Bishop, and I’m be your nurse.”

“Nurse? Where am I?”

“You're in intensive care. You were in an automobile accident. They say your airbag saved your life.”

“Airbag…” A memory invaded her mind...

Gwen flopped down on the couch next to Amanda and handed her an automobile brochure. “Take a look at this.”

“Whatcha got?” Amanda saw the green Ford Explorer that seemed to be floating over rugged terrain.

“Old Bessie has seen better days, and I was thinking that we can move up to an SUV.”

“But, old Bessie is paid for.” Amanda saw the crestfallen look. “Hey, I know we need a new car. Show me what you found.”

Gwen’s face lit up as she pointed to the spec sheet. “Look at all the features…it even has two airbags…I know how you love your safety equipment. We can take it on our camping trip in two weeks.”

“It will be longer than that before we can afford this.” Amanda held up the booklet and shrugged. “I'm sorry, but I promise you that I will do whatever I can to make it happen as soon as possible.” Her reward was a kiss and a squeal of delight.

A tear escaped from Amanda's eye with the memory. “I need to get out of here.”

“Dear, you've just had major surgery; you need to stay put for now.”

“NO, I need to go. I need to see her,” she cried.

“See who?”

“Gwen,” Amanda whispered.

A compassionate, sad look crossed the nurse's face. “They buried her yesterday.” Sue patted the distressed woman’s hand. “I worked with her for three years in the emergency room. She was a lovely woman, and one of our best nurses.” She shook her head. “What a waste.”

Amanda drew inward and cried. I never got to say goodbye.

>< >< ><

Three months later, Amanda was finally able to walk out of the rehabilitation hospital under her own power. Over the months, the people who visited her dwindled down until only one person came to see her on a regular basis. Katie Regan held her arm as Amanda cautiously walked to the waiting car.

“I did as you said, Amanda, and left everything the way it was in the house. I dusted and turned up the heat. Gwen’s mother tried to get in, but she couldn’t and read me the riot act after I had the locks changed.”

Amanda lowered her head as she wiped away a tear.” You didn't touch the bedroom, did you?”

Katie’s heart went out to her friend but said nothing since she knew Amanda was having a hard time with not only losing Gwen, but with the intense pain. “Do you want to go straight home?”

“No, I need to see her.”

Chapter 2

Now, Amanda stared at the small white cross emblazoned with Gwen's name. Her shirt, as always, was drenched with her tears. Once she was up to hearing the details, she found that Gwen had died upon impact, and that the man driving the truck died, too. The brakes failed, which caused his vehicle to go out of control when he tried to negotiate the wide curve. The man's employer and insurance company agreed to pay for all her medical bills along with a hefty sum for not suing them. She would have traded it all just to see Gwen one more time.

The rubber tires bumped over the shoulder until they were back on the pavement. Amanda drove past the road to her home for another two miles and turned into the cemetery. At first, she visited Gwen every day and found some measure of peace in the knowledge that she was near her lover. With the ever increasing pain that some days totally incapacitated her, she could only now visit twice a week.

“Hey, I'm back. I don't think you would have been happy with me today. I went to the river and actually considered ending it all. I know what you are saying, but I remember the poem…Do what you must and hold on tight/ If it takes you into eternity/ Do not let go of me or your life hold on tight/ Even if it is easier to let go hold on tight… Know what stopped me? I found a penny lying in the weeds, and I remembered the end of the poem. Hold on tight to my hand/ Even if someday I am not with you still hold on tight.” She pressed her hand against the headstone. “I miss you so much.” Tears that never seemed to stop streaked down her cheeks. “I have another appointment tomorrow with Dr. Banks.” Amanda smiled. “Do you remember me telling you that she spoke of you at my last visit? She seems nice, but I really don't think there’s any hope left. I want my life back…I want you back.” She touched her fingers to her lips, kissed them, and ran them across Gwen's name. “I'll be seeing you, my love.”

>< >< ><

Emily Banks opened the door to the examining room. “How are you doing today, Amanda?”

“I feel like shit.”

“I take it that the epidural has worn off,” the neurosurgeon commented.

“Yes, it really never alleviated the pain. Why not just give me another prescription for Oxycodone, and I’ll be on my way.”

The doctor looked at her patient and shook her head. “Not so fast, I need to examine you first.” She picked up the envelope with Amanda’s latest MRI and one by one snapped the films into the viewer. “I see there is further deterioration at L3 and L2.” She smiled and patted the table. “Lie down on your side.”

Amanda complied and then felt the doctor’s gentle fingers probing her spine. “Damn, you found the right spot.”

“Sorry if I hurt you.” Dr. Banks looked back at the films. “The radiologist found fluid between the joints. I think that another injection will help alleviate some of that pain.”

Amanda closed her eyes and sighed. “I don’t want to do that.”

Emily lightly touched Amanda’s shoulder. “You can sit up now.” The doctor gently rotated her patient’s ankles. “Why don’t you want to try? It might be just what you need.”

Amanda looked at the doctor. “In one of those pain management classes you sent me to, I was told that there are worse things than pain. They were right, pain is nothing compared to losing Gwen.” Her eyes tracked to a poster on the wall then back to the doctor. “Every time I hurt, it reminds me of the pain of losing her…that hurts the most.”

“You need to move on. The Gwen I knew wouldn’t want you to keep punishing yourself this way.”

Tear-filled eyes threatened to brim over. “I considered jumping off a bridge a few days ago.”

“What stopped you?”

Amanda shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“Will you please consider having another epidural?”

She lifted her shoulders and sighed. “Sure, why not. Maybe it’ll work this time.”

“Yes, it might. How are you coping with these?” Emily asked, tapping on the braces.

“On a really hot day, Doc, you should try having your legs encased in plastic—it is a wonderful experience.” She couldn’t help her sarcastic tone. “I hate them.”

“Maybe so, but they keep you upright.” Dr. Banks said as she manipulated Amanda’s legs.

Amanda strapped on her leg braces as she watched the doctor jot down notes. “I need more meds.”

The doctor took out her prescription pad and began to scribble before handing the piece of paper to her patient. “I have written a prescription for the physiologist, so you can have another round of injections.” Emily scribbled again. “This is for the Oxycodone and Darvocet. I want you to use them like we did when you first got out of the hospital.” She fixed her eyes on Amanda. “Only use the Oxycodone when the pain is overwhelming.” She looked sternly at Amanda. “Is that clear?”

All Amanda could do was blow out a breath and say, “Yep, I got it.”

Emily sat down next to Amanda and compassionately patted her hand. “Tell me more about your last session with Rita.”

Rita Reiter, a grief counselor, had been advising Amanda for almost a year. The woman had contacted Emily a week earlier concerned about Amanda’s lack of progress.

Amanda shrugged. “Not much to tell. She told me I needed to move on and forget about Gwen.” Amanda’s eyes filled with tears as they always did when she spoke of her dead lover. “She doesn’t seem to understand that I can’t do that. I just want her back.”

“Other than Gwen, what do you want?”

“My life…I want my life back.” Amanda smoothed her blonde hair back with her hand. “Did I ever tell you I was a decent tennis player before this happened?”

“Did you know there are many handicapped people who enjoy sports?”

“Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t think I want to aspire to star in the crippled Olympics.”

“What else did you do before that you would like to do again?”

“I had the best garden in town. My tomatoes were legendary for size and taste.” She wiped away a tear. “I can’t do any of that now.” Her eyes were distant and sad. “I just want to be happy again,” she whispered. “I just want my life back.”

The doctor wrapped her arm around Amanda’s shoulders in comfort. “You can’t have the exact life you once had back, but maybe we can figure out a way, with some modifications, for you to get back to doing the things you used to love.”

manda smiled sardonically then laughed. “What will help is a backbone replacement, and as far as I know, that isn’t a possibility.” The smile left her face. “Do you have any idea what it is like to pray each day that it will be your last?”

“Have you been taking the antidepressants I prescribed?”

“Yes,” Amanda said.

“Gwen is gone,” Emily said.

Anger blazed in Amanda’s eyes. “Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think that with each breath I am not painfully aware that she is no longer here?” Amanda only referred to Gwen as being gone, but never dead.

“I know, but you need to move on, and stop living in the past. Gwen would never want you to still be grieving.”

“You don’t know what Gwen would or would not want.”

“Tell me the one thing that you remember the most about her.”

All bravado and cynicism left Amanda’s voice when she spoke of Gwen. “She is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. You know the saying she’d give you the shirt off her back?” She looked at Emily for acknowledgment and felt the arm around her tighten. “That is who Gwen is. If she has something that someone admires or wants, she will give it to him or her.” Amanda laughed. “She always speaks in est… the biggest, the best, the nicest, the greatest…there is never any middle ground for her–something is either right or it is wrong.” She shook her head. “If she were standing here right now, she would talk with you for a little bit then she would either like you or not.” She wiped an errant tear from her cheek. “You are compassionate, and that is one of the traits she always looks for in people. It is what makes her a great nurse…she cares.”

Emily nodded and smiled. “She was one hell of a nurse. I was always glad when I went to the ER, and she was working.”

Pained blue eyes fought to hold the flood of tears back. “You miss her, too.”

“Yes, I do.” Emily hugged Amanda then released her hold. “How is that editing job going?”

Amanda scrunched her face. “Oh, it is okay. Not like teaching English Lit.” She sighed. “I guess it is my salvation in a way.”

“What do you mean?”

“It gives me something to do.” She shook her head. “It is about the only thing I can do now.”

“Amanda, if I send you some information on coping with disabilities, will you a least look them over?”

A snort preceded a frown. “I already told you that I’m not into that handicapped stuff.”

“Please, just look at it.”

She nodded her head and capitulated. “Sure, why not?”

>< >< ><

As she did every time she arrived home, Amanda sat in her car and anticipated Gwen opening the door and waving to her. She never did but carrying on their ritual of greeting each other when coming home somehow consoled her. She dragged her bone-tired body out of the car, knowing it would take several days to bounce back from visit to the physiologist. The shot that pinpointed the area where fluid had built up had been excruciating, and it would be several days before she would know if it worked. Her main goal was to get inside and find the easy chair that would allow her to put her aching legs up. She was a few feet from the front door and felt her body tumble to the ground. “Shit,” she exclaimed as she rolled over and sat on the soft grass. “So much for that shot working.” She struggled to her knees and from a kneeling position, slowly stood up.

Every nerve cell in her back cried out with pain as she put the key in the lock. Once she was finally inside, she let out a heavy sigh and walked, with as much speed as she could muster, toward the cabinet that she had recently restocked with medication. After she dumped two white pills into her hand, popped them into her mouth, and chased them down with water, she closed her eyes. One fifty-milligram tablet was all she was supposed to take, but her back cried out for two. If that doesn’t work, I’ll take more.

Her eyes remained closed until the familiar feelings of Gwen’s presence filled her consciousness. At times, she was certain that she could feel her lover’s hand brush across her face or her breath whisper in her ear. Why don’t you show yourself to me? As time passed, it took longer to feel Gwen’s presence, and that caused Amanda to worry that Gwen’s spirit no longer remained. It is all I have left of her.

Her feet carried her to the bedroom door, where she opened it and stared into the room’s dark depths. A blast of cold air hit her face on. Nothing of Gwen’s had been moved or changed since her death. She walked farther into the room, opened the closet that held all of Gwen’s clothes, and took a deep breath. A small smile played around her lips as she closed her eyes again, hoping beyond hope that when she opened them, Gwen would be standing there with outstretched arms. She turned her body quickly as she opened her eyes to feel, rather than see, her lover. Tears once again threatened to spill out of her eyes when she realized she had seen nothing.

Amanda made her way into the bathroom with shorts and a t-shirt in hand and sat down on the toilet. Clothing with elastic waistbands was easier to put on and take off, and she dug her hands along her bare skin and pushed downward letting her pants and underwear fall to the ground. She took off her shoes, undid the Velcro strap around her plastic braces, and removed them before stepping out of the garments. Soon, as was her morning and nightly ritual, she was dressed. Early on, she found there was much less strain on her back if she dressed sitting down.

When she had finally made it to her recliner, she noticed the flashing light on the answering machine. “Must be someone soliciting something. No one calls me anymore.” At first, her friends were gentle and kind, but as the days turned into weeks then months and Amanda adopted a depressed, morose attitude, they slowly gave up on her. Katie Regan was the only one who would ever call, but that was only on holidays. She reached out and pressed the button. “I want my daughter’s belongings. How can you be so cruel as to deny me something to remember Gwen by? Please, I’m begging you.” Carol Witherspoon’s voice sounded as if she had been crying. Like I care what you want, lady. She hated the woman whom she was sure spent her every dime on lawyers in an attempt to get Gwen’s things.

Both women knew that to make sure no one would interfere with their final wishes they needed to make out wills leaving everything to each other. Mrs. Witherspoon did everything possible to break them apart. Even when Gwen warned her mother about not making her choose between Amanda and her, the woman refused to listen. Amanda shook her head as she remembered the last time Gwen’s mother came to the house…

Once she was released from rehab Amanda returned home and found that Carol Witherspoon pounded on her door at least once a week. The conversation never varied. “Let me in,” the woman demanded. “You can’t shut me out.”

“You have no rights to anything in this house. Go away,” Amanda countered. “Gwen made me her beneficiary not you!”

“You brainwashed her!”

“No, your actions made her angry. If you only had attempted to meet us half way, you could have had anything you wanted. But, I know what Gwen’s true feelings were, and I’m going to respect them.”

The woman banged on the door harder. “Let me in!”

“There’s nothing here for you, Mrs. Witherspoon. Go away!”

A sudden blast of wind seemingly came out of nowhere. Amanda’s brow creased as she turned in the direction of the air. The windows are all closed. “Gwen? Gwen, is that you?” her lonely voice echoed throughout the empty room. “Gwen?” Nobody answered. She lowered the footrest and got up as pain shot through her back. Nevertheless, she walked toward the direction of the blast of air. On a chair next to the table where photos of happier times resided, she saw a phone book that had blown open.

“Where’d that come from?” She bent over with care and picked up the phone directory, closing it, but keeping a finger in the page. “Nineteen ninety-nine?” She laughed. “Gwen never does throw anything away.” She reopened the book and looked at the selection. “What the…Spiritual Healers.” In the middle of the right page was a large box that showed two hands open and a caption underneath that read, “Let me heal you with the light–Luminitsa can help your body and soul.”

“Gwen,” she called again as tears leaked from the corner of her eyes. “Faith healers, yeah, right. More like smoke, mirrors, and take all your money.” In anger, she threw the phonebook down. “I shouldn’t have taken the second dose; I think the pills are making me hallucinate.” She sat back down, raised the footrest, put a pillow under her knees, and extended the chair backward. Sleep, which often eluded her, came fast that evening.

Amanda opened her eyes and marveled at how refreshed she felt. Cautiously, she stretched her body and found the familiar pain and stiffness was gone.

“Hey, sleepyhead, get a move on,” the voice said.

Her eyes widened. “Gwen?”

“The one and only.”

“But…I thought you…”

“We can talk later. Right now, you need to get up if we are going to beat the traffic.”

“Traffic?”

“To the lake and camping.”

“But…”

“Babe, come on, chop, chop.” Gwen flashed her biggest and best smile. “I’m going to jump in the shower; then it’ll be your turn.”

Amanda watched as Gwen disappeared into the bathroom, and she heard the water turn on. That knob has always been squeaky. She then slapped her arm to make sure it was all real. Ow. Maybe it has all been a dream, so when we return from our trip, we can be on the lookout for that truck. Wow, wait until I tell her this one. She laughed and got up. It was all a dream. Damn, this is gonna be a great day. As she put her hand on the bathroom doorknob, she heard the water shut off. When she pulled the door open, instead of the warm steam she had expected cold prevailed. The room was empty, and in reaction, she fell to her knees. Big copious tears dripped from her eyes. It hadn’t been a dream. “Gwen,” she wailed as she lie down on the cold tile and wrapped her arms around her knees. “Why?”

Time for her seemed to move slower and slower, and she didn’t know how long she had been on the bathroom floor. The insistence of the ringing had her struggling to get up and move in its direction. “Hello.”

“Amanda, is that you?”

“Yes, who’s this?”

“Emily Banks. How are you doing? Didn’t you get the epidural yesterday?”

Amanda shook her head in an attempt to dislodge the thoughts of Gwen, and the earlier events.

When she hadn’t heard a response, Emily became concerned. “Amanda, are you okay?”

“Yeah, um…I fell when I got home yesterday.”

“Did you hurt yourself?”

She pondered the question. How much more can I hurt? “No…I’m not sure, but I don’t think it helped the effects of the shot.”

“Did you have your braces on?”

“Yeah.”

“What made you fall?”

“My left foot drags. I think I caught it on something.”

“You should have the brace looked at, so you can get better support.”

It was at that moment she made a decision. “No, I don’t think I will,” she said with determination. “I am done with wasting my time going to doctors and therapy. It is all just a big joke, and a way to make money.”

“That’s not true. If it were, I wouldn’t be calling you.”

“Listen, Doc, I appreciate all you have done. You are one of the few good ones. I have come to the realization that how I feel right now is as good as it is ever going to get. I have to learn to deal with that and accept it. There is nothing you or anyone else can do to fix me…I’m damaged goods that can’t be repaired.”

“Have you spoken with a priest, minister, or rabbi?”

“What kind of god would do this to me? It is bad enough that I have to limp around, but he took Gwen, too. I don’t want any part of anything that destroys love.” Brief anger filled Amanda’s voice but was gone as soon as the words stopped.

Emily heard the strong words but also noted the lack of conviction behind them. Has she lost all hope? “I don’t want you to give up, Amanda. We will find an answer.” The doctor’s voice was level and compassionate. “Have you considered complimentary therapies?”

Amanda laughed sarcastically. “You mean voodoo and witch doctors?”

“No, I mean acupuncture, meditation, homeopathy, or holistic medicine. In conjunction with traditional medicine, some of them have worked for patients.”

“Well, that is not for me. I will visit my doctors when I’m told, so I can continue getting my meds, but other than that, I am through.”

“Please don’t give up, Amanda,” Emily said.

“What’s the point in doing anything more? If you come up with some miracle treatment for pain, let me know; otherwise, I am done.” She hung up the phone without hearing a response. Any hope she felt was gone, and the best she could look forward to now would be to die peacefully. With the degree of pain escalating, she made her way to the drawer that held her medicines, and a measure of relief.

Chapter 3

Two weeks later, Amanda dumped the last of her pills into her hand. She had been doubling up in hopes that Gwen would reappear, but she hadn’t. She now had to decide which doctor to call to get a refill. “I can’t believe my life has now become so out of control,” she said as she wiped her face. She bent her head backward and opened her moist eyes. “Gwen, why did I have to be the one to live?” she screamed. “Why did I kill you?” she sobbed.

A cold gust of wind blew on the nape at her neck, and she turned around to see the source. The windows are all closed and so are the doors. She felt a distinct corridor of cold and moved in its direction. Once again, she looked at the old phonebook that had seemingly blown open to the same pages. She stared at the advertisement on the right side of the page and read, “Let me heal you with the light.” It’s nothing but a rouse. No one can heal me, Gwen, no one! This is a message from you. You want me to visit this person; what else can it be?

She tore out the page and dialed the number.

“Hello.”

Amanda’s mouth flew open, but she didn’t know what to say. My lover, who has gone away, sent me a sign to call you. That sounds lame. “Hi, I was wondering if I might speak with Luminitsa.” She held her breath.

Luminitsa is my grand-mère, and she is indisposed at this time. May I ask who you are?”

“Amanda Lawson.”

Silence filled the airwaves for almost a minute. “I’ve been waiting for your call.”

Dumbfounded, Amanda blurted, “No, you haven’t.”

“My name is Raphaela, and I have been waiting for your call for almost two years.”

“This is some kind of trick, right? You’re playing me.”

“I assure you there is no slight of hand here. Luminitsa had a vision from a young woman who asked for us to help her lover. She said the name was Amanda. She was very worried about you and asked us to save you.”

“You’re just guessing. I told you my name.”

“Amanda, how did you get this phone number, and my grand-mère’s name?”

“Out of the phonebook, of course.”

“Luminitsa stopped running ads six years ago.”

“The phonebook was from 1999. It just appeared one day, and somehow the pages were opened to your grandmother’s ad,” Amanda said. Can it be? Did Gwen do all this? “I bet you don’t know…”

“Gwen, her name was Gwen. You lost her in a car accident on August seventeenth.”

Just when she thought there were no more tears, they welled up again. “Help me. Please, help me,” she sobbed.

Amanda’s soaked t-shirt clung to her body chilling her as she scanned the advertisement again. Although she didn’t see any tarot cards, astrological symbols, or palms, she was certain that was exactly the kind of person whom the Luminitsa woman would turn out to be.

“Amanda, are you still there?”

“Yes.”

“Will you come to visit with my grand-mère tomorrow morning?”

Amanda surrendered to a power that seemed to be pulling her in Luminitsa’s direction and said, “Yes.”

“Will ten be good for you?”

“Sure.” She sank further into her chair as she hung up the phone. “I bet when I get there tomorrow I’ll see a dark, smoke-filled room with a small round table that has a crystal ball sitting in the middle of it.”

She picked up a photo of Gwen and herself taken on their last camping trip. She sobbed as she remembered the moment…

“There you go, babe, a perfect hamburger that’s medium rare with cheddar cheese.” Amanda presented the meal with all the flair of an internationally known chef. “Would Madame care for some accoutrements with her filet de hamburger?” she said with her best French accent.

Gwen laughed. “Oui, oui, mon amour.”

Amanda waved her hand across a tray. “Ah, we have le catsup, le lettuce, le onion, and one very limp slice of le tomato.”

Beside herself with laughter, Gwen took the tray and pulled her lover toward her. “You, my love, are wonderful. I don’t know what I would ever do without you.”

“No worries about that happening because I will come back and haunt you.”

Gwen hugged Amanda closer then laughed. “Can’t do that ‘cause I don’t believe in ghosts or the afterlife.”

Amanda pulled back. “You mean if you died you wouldn’t hang around?”

Once again, Gwen laughed. “No need to worry about that, Babe, ‘cause it ain’t gonna happen until we are old and wrinkled.”

Amanda tried in vain to stifle the flow of moisture. “But you did leave me, and now I think you are sending me messages! I must be crazy. You told me you wouldn’t do that.”

She looked at the photo again and picked up Luminitsa’s advertisement: “Let me heal you with the light.” Are you trying to reach me, Gwen? She felt a cold blast of air hit only the wetness on her t-shirt, which sent a shiver up her spine. She reached for the bottle of pills and shook out two Darvocet. She looked at the white pills, popped them in her mouth, and chased them down with a full measure of whiskey. She leaned back and closed her eyes while she waited for the moment when the pain was gone. The whiskey would increase the effect, and she knew she wouldn’t have to wait more than thirty minutes. Soon, she felt as if a squeegee was making its way down her body eradicating the pain and replacing it with numbness. She could do with numb for it meant her mind would stop tormenting her.

Chapter 4

She rested her small hand on the glass doorknob before quietly opening the door. The room was dark except for sunlight that streamed in around the closed shutters.

“Grand-mère,” Raphaela said.

“Finally,” the older woman said. “She has found you at last.” A serene smile crossed Luminitsa’s face as she held out her hand. “So much time has been lost, and so much pain has been endured. What a waste.”

Raphaela, with her large globe earrings that were reminiscent of the disco ball in the ceiling of the old dancehalls glinting in the dappled sunlight of the room, bent to kiss her beloved grand-mère’s velvet lined cheek. “She has found us, Grand-mère. Perhaps it was how fate intended it to be—that she had to suffer so. Now we can help her. Isn’t that what we do?”

Ah, young people of today. Even her granddaughter, who was wise beyond her years in most things, felt the need to hurry things along occasionally. When she is as old as I, she will realize that time marches on very quickly indeed. Yet some things need help in that direction. “Yes, my darling, that is what we do. Have you arranged for her first consultation?”

“Tomorrow morning at ten,” she said with a smile. “That way you will have time to wake leisurely and be rested when she arrives.”

Luminitsa smiled tenderly at her only daughter’s child. “That will do very well. It also gives you plenty of time to do what you do each day before you bring me breakfast.”

With a vague expression of agreement, Raphaela looked at the clock. It was a quarter after twelve and time for her grand-mère’s lunch. “I’ll fetch you lunch, and then we can discuss how we need to handle Amanda. From what I heard in her voice, she is very fragile,” she said absently. She left her grand-mère alone in her comfortable room surrounded by the “mementoes of life” as she called them.

Luminitsa watched the child go. Child was not exactly how Raphaela would be termed by anyone else. She is, after all, thirty-two years old. Luminitsa’s memories of her birth had a bittersweet reflection—as the baby took her first breaths of life, her mother drew her final ones. Giselle had been such a volatile but adorable child. Though she did possess the gift of their family, she chose not to embrace it. That had been a hard blow to take, but one Luminitsa had taken with aplomb. How could she not, for she loved her child deeply? When Giselle had run off at eighteen and married a virtually unknown and impoverished French artist, there had been no question as to whether she would stand in her way. For, although Luminitsa had known her daughter’s ultimate fate and that of her lover, destiny had decreed that it was to be, and all she could do was watch.

When the baby had been born and Raphaela’s father had broken down in grief, Luminitsa took over the child’s upbringing. One month to the day, the small child’s father committed suicide in a Paris ghetto. Out of so much sorrow came Raphaela who had shown an aptitude for the family’s special gifts from the very early age of three. The flamboyant lifestyle that Luminitsa led while traveling with a traditional gypsy caravan took the girl all over Europe.

The experience assured that Raphaela could gain a wealth of understanding about people by studying how different individuals perceived life, and the changes bestowed upon them both good and bad. For the first twenty years of her life, Raphaela and her grandmother held great stature among the European royalty as well as other affluent and influential people. Luminitsa and her granddaughter’s reputations for their gifts of second sight and abilities to communicate with the departed were renowned and much sought after.

Shortly after that time, Luminitsa decided that it was time to stop traveling and put down some roots so that her granddaughter could attend college. For a long time, Raphaela wanted to study herbalist medicines, and there was such a course available at the Institute of Natural Healing in Wintersville, Ohio. Once they had settled in the small town, Luminitsa opened a small shop with an attached house for her spiritualist work and as a home for Raphaela to do her studies. Once her granddaughter had completed her education, it was their intention was to travel again. They did make it as far as the mountains of downstate New York, but time marched on, and Luminitsa’s body began to weaken. Now, twelve years after traveling to the United States and remaining in the town they called home, part of Luminitsa longed to be out traveling the roads again. Raphaela appeared not to mind either way, which worried her greatly.

Although Luminitsa had been able to keenly pick up the fate of her own daughter, her granddaughter remained as much a spiritual mystery as she was the day she was born. It was probably for the best—they were then like everyone else and could live out their lives in blissful ignorance of what fate had in store for them. Other people, such as Amanda Lawson, were another thing altogether. It will be interesting, very interesting. This one case has eluded us. All she knew was that the woman was important to them both. Rubbing her hands together at the thought of getting her teeth into work after a long absence, Luminitsa didn’t hear her granddaughter re-enter the room until she spoke.

“You look like you’re planning something cheerfully wicked, Grand-mère.” Raphaela said, with her hazel eyes twinkling, mirrored her amusement at her grand-mère’s guilty expression.

“Why I am, my dear, I am. Amanda Lawson may be fragile, but she’s going to be in the gentlest hands possible when she meets us tomorrow. Isn’t that so?”

Raphaela grinned as she placed the crouton filled French onion soup with the soft, freshly baked baguette on the table beside her. “Yes, she will be. As we are both aware, she means a great deal to us already. Now, please eat, or you’ll be turning your pretty nose up when it gets cold.”

Both women laughed as they settled down to the meal with their thoughts on Amanda Lawson. How would they handle her precarious state?

>< >< ><

Raphaela smiled as she watched her beloved grand-mère sleeping peacefully. The woman was the only family she had, and the only one she had ever known. A small part of her had wondered briefly, as a teenager, what her father’s family was like, but as other events became more interesting in her life that petered out. Beyond that, she had thought nothing of them, as they had obviously no interest in her. She lived the life of a gypsy with her grand-mère, which was a marvelous and colorful experience filled with happiness for the most part. The culmination of the life was the unexpected meetings of cultures, and the various people who populated them. If anyone said that she had lived a lifetime’s experience in her first twenty years, she would have willing testify to the truth of the statement.

The special gift bestowed upon on her at birth had long been a cherished entity of the female line of her ancestors. That aspect roared into her life when she had been barely out of her diapers. Perceiving dead people had been a game when she was three. For her, they were playmates that others, except Luminitsa, had thought were nothing but a figment of the imagination of a lonely child always on the road. She was by no means lonely and knew she would never be alone. Her talent frightened many, but she delighted in her gift and accepted those souls as welcomed friends. At three, she had been too young to use her power for anything but her own sustenance. The loving hands of her grand-mère trained her in honing her power for the greater good, as she called it, when her capabilities blossomed during her teenage years. Her mission was to help those who had trouble crossing over, and those, still on this side, who refused to allow them to go.

When Luminitsa had announced they were going to live in America, she had been stunned. Up until that point, her life had been one of roaming the gardens of Europe. Royalty, as well as powerful and poor men and women, clambered to have audiences with Luminitsa making her life exciting and safe. Traveling to America, even on the pretext of her education, had been scary, and she felt after the freedom the road allowed them it would be claustrophobic. Luminitsa’s father had been an American, and although they were required to complete copious forms, they eventually immigrated to the United States–it was Luminitsa’s birthright. Surprisingly for her, where they first settled in a small town in Ohio, she found the difference almost as interesting as her time in Europe. Although her earlier education took place in her travels, she was able to take an equivalency exam that allowed her admission to the school. For the first time in her life, she actually attended a formal educational establishment. While studying to become a medical herbalist, she learned a kinder, gentler way of healing. She had an advantage over the other students for she had gathered knowledge beyond her years from many of the gypsies in their travels across Europe.

Soon after she obtained her degree, she joined her grand-mère’s spiritual business as a complimentary yet integral part. Raphaela loved to hunt for and gather her own plants. The area around the Ohio town was not particularly conducive for growing herbs, so they moved to a small town near Ithaca, New York where the forest areas provided a bounty of herbs. For the next three years, they enjoyed a thriving working partnership before Luminitsa’s health began to deteriorate after a mild stroke. It was then that they decided to allow the legend of Luminitsa to retire. It hadn’t been easy. How do you stop an eighty-five year old active mind from doing what had become a lifetime’s work and joy? Gradually, they had agreed to take only cases that were impossible for modern people and medicine to cure.

Over the last three years, they had only taken on six such cases. The one case that had been unresolved and continued to haunt them was Amanda Lawson. Fates had dictated that they could not seek her out but had to wait patiently for her to approach them. Only when the woman was as low as she could go would the human defense mechanism kick in. For some, as in her own father’s case, it meant death; and for others, it would be the act of reaching out for the implausible—Raphaela and Luminitsa were that incredible link. Amanda Lawson seemingly had finally accepted that alone, and despite modern medical techniques, she was not able to function in this life.

With a slight frown on her face, Raphaela recalled the phone conversation with the woman. She sensed that it had been hard for Amanda to admit her low ebb but was glad that she did. They finally had a chance to solve the puzzle that had been growing in both her and her grand-mère’s mind. Why is this woman so important to us? Raphaela reached for her purse as she glanced at the clock—if she didn’t move fast, she’d be late. An amusing thought having trickled through her mind as she considered how she and Luminitsa looked to the public in general. Charlatans, I guess. Out to make a fast buck on the unfortunate’s sorrow. However, she preferred to think of them as intermediaries between life and death by giving a new hope of light to those who suffered on both sides. Although Amanda didn’t know that she was responsible for Gwen’s pain on the other side, that one action was preventing either woman from moving forward. Yes, it is time to shake Amanda into what life has in store for her and allow Gwen to, at last, travel another path. After locking the door of their small comfortable house, she proceeded toward the bus stop, and her twice-daily date.

>< >< ><

The short bus ride gave Raphaela time to reflect when both she and her grand-mère felt the presence of the entity that called itself Gwen. Luminitsa had been adamant that she find the woman called Amanda Lawson. “There is no time to waste, Ray. We need to find her immediately.”

For grand-mère to be so resolute, she must have been receiving the same bad vibes that I have for the last couple of weeks. Out of mutual respect and as a courtesy to each other, they rarely shared the experiences they received from the other side unless it was essential. This time it appears that it is.

Finding Amanda Lawson initially hadn’t been easy. However, eventually via a woman who used to work with Amanda and small fragments of information she had gleaned from her visitations by spiritual entities, she had been able to track her down. Fortunately, she was in the same vicinity saving them time and money.

Spending the few leisure hours that she had each day pretending to be a private detective wasn’t how she planned to spend her precious R&R. However, Luminitsa had said it was essential they watch over the woman and watch over her she did as best she could for two months. Due to other commitments, she varied the hours she observed Amanda, and it only took two weeks to find that the woman was predictable. She shopped once a week, mainly going to the pharmacy. She visited the hospital and her doctor regularly and occasionally walked around her garden listlessly, and, from the pain etched in her face, with difficulty. On more than one occasion, Raphaela’s heart went out to the woman. The injuries she had sustained in the car accident not only robbed her of someone she loved dearly but often sent her tumbling to the ground. She would watch, as Amanda would grit her teeth before she would ungainly drag herself to her feet and defeated, retreat into her house.

The house was where she spent a good deal of her time. One thing that made Raphaela even more compassionate toward the woman was the fact that at no time during her observations had anyone called on her. From all appearances, she had no family or none that was close by. Either friends were out of town the whole time or she had none. What is it like to have no one who cares about you? As the weeks passed, the expression of defeat on Amanda’s face etched itself like a permanent portrait. Inside, she clearly had lost all hope, and that made Raphaela weep silently for the woman. Those who have passed and loved her are right to be concerned. This woman has no hope left. Darkness of not only her mind, but also of the broken body that stubbornly refused to heal enveloped her. How can I infiltrate myself into such a person’s psyche?

Several days before Amanda contacted them, Raphaela had followed her to a bridge and almost had to step in when the woman looked as though she might jump. But, she had felt less wary as a peaceful sensation filled her body, and she knew whoever was contacting them had arrived to save Amanda. When the woman bent to pick up a lone penny, Raphaela knew that a higher body had intervened. She knew that she was no longer needed and left to report to her grand-mère. Two days later, Amanda Lawson had called them, and they hoped that at last all their questions had answers.

Chapter 5

She sat in front of the ordinary looking house for fifteen minutes. The place was not what she had expected for there were no neon signs or the outline of a hand; it was just a plain house with trees and grass. “They probably have a spell on me to see it like this. I bet they are charlatans wanting to make a fast buck off my misery.” For a moment, her hand reached for the ignition key, but something stopped her. Gwen’s words: “even if I’m not there hold on to my hand.” She had taken an extra measure of medicine to ensure that her mind emptied of all thoughts of her lover—it did not work. “Okay, okay, I’ll go in.”

She opened the car door reluctantly and gingerly stepped out onto the pavement. She let out a small laugh as she remembered Gwen calling the door handle an “oh, shit” handle when she let go and closed the car door. She closed her eyes as all traces of the laugh disappeared, and she wondered if Gwen grabbed onto it and said, “Oh, shit” when she saw the truck coming at them. Shaking her head, she looked at the house again. Will I find you in there, Gwen? With slow purpose, she made her way to the front door and raised her fist to knock.

Raphaela had heard a vehicle stop outside their door. It made her smile slightly as the person probably, no, definitely, was Amanda Lawson. She could have used the driveway as our other clients have. I wonder why she didn’t. This woman was certainly perplexing, but Gwen had already given signs that this would be so. She also told them that the persona she would show today was not the real Amanda. She walked toward the front door and opened it at almost the same moment as the timid knock sounded.

"Hello, Amanda, we've been expecting you." Raphaela tried to prevent a giggle from exploding as she lowered her tone, which to her was reminiscent of an old black and white horror movie

Amanda was surprised that the door opened even before she could knock, but soon her eyes flared at the audacity of the woman who was laughing at her. Why did I ever agree to come here? Then something remarkable happened—she felt a beckoning into the house that seemed against her will.

Raphaela saw that her comment had irked the woman. Then, she felt the connection of an entity transmit its essence across the boundary that separated her from this life, and Amanda’s expression changed completely. “Please enter, Luminitsa is waiting for you.” She waved her slim hand, with rings on each finger, toward the interior of the house.

Amanda’s first inclination was to run and hide, but for some reason her feet seemed to float across the floor as she followed the woman. From all outward appearances, the young woman looked normal except for the jewelry that adorned her hands and ears. As she drew nearer to the older woman, a cold chill similar to the ones she had experienced at home coursed through her body. In reaction, she shivered and was surprised when the woman in front of her commented.

“Don’t worry, my dear, you will understand everything very soon. Now please, tell me why you seek our guidance?” Luminitsa gave the impression of being a kindly grandmother figure, hardly a person who could conjure up the spirits of the dead. At least that was the initial outward expression she gave to gauge the reaction of prospective clients. Now, she waited for Amanda Lawson to show her true colors.

Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion as Amanda sat down in front of a woman whom she thought must be at least a hundred years old. She tugged slightly at the collar of her t-shirt in an attempt to release the knot lodged in her throat. “I…I don’t know why I am here,” she said slowly. “The phonebook kept opening to the page with your ad on it.” Amanda looked directly at the old woman and knew she wasn’t buying any of what she said. “I lost my girlfriend twenty-five months and three days ago. I can feel her around me all the time, but I don’t see her…I want to see her…I want her to come back to me.” Tears welled up in her eyes before they dripped down her cheeks.

Luminitsa smiled slowly as she heard the heart wrenching words. For most, it would have tugged at sympathy strings, but for those like her and Raphaela it was just an indicator to what they had to do to help the woman. “You say lost, my dear. Exactly how can you lose your girlfriend?”

Raphaela, from her vantage point standing with her back to the wall, watched each expression drift over Amanda Lawson’s face. That particular question was one of Luminitsa’s keys to her perception of how people saw them and their work.

“She went away.” Amanda gulped back the words that threatened to ruin her existence—dead was not in her vocabulary.

“We are not a missing person’s organization, my dear. Have you called the police to help you?”

Amanda couldn’t believe the boldness of Luminitsa to ask if she had gone to the police. “You are supposed to be the one who knows all and sees all! Didn’t your ad spout off about being able to heal with the light? Well, I need to be healed.” The truth of her last words was lost to her as her anger raged on. “Do you have any idea of what I have gone through? I lost the love of my life, and living isn’t worth the cost of admission anymore,” she shouted through the tears congregating in the corners of her mouth.

Luminitsa closed her eyes for a few moments. The passionate explosion from the young woman was worthy of their help. If it had been less, there could be no link to the other side. Only a person genuinely held in the grips of the insanity of loving someone so much could demand that the soul of the departed stay shackled to her indefinitely. “We do not spout our gifts as you call it; they are given to us at birth, and we help those who want to help themselves. Do you really want to do this? If you do, it may require you to relinquish your hold on Gwen. Are you ready for that, Amanda?”

The sound of her lover’s name mentioned by the old woman was strange to Amanda’s ears. “How can you speak her name? You do not know her or anything about her or me.” She planted her feet firmly on the floor and pushed back scraping the chair along the wooden floor. “I think I have had enough of this…this sham.” She turned, took a step, and then proceeded to fall flat on her face. When she opened her eyes, she saw something in the corner, but she couldn’t quite make out what it was. Squinting, she looked harder and saw a shiny penny before she heard the voice she longed to hear.

“You okay, babe?”

Raphaela moved quickly but was unable to stop the fall. She was, however, able to help the woman who had a glazed expression in her eyes get up. She looked like she had seen a ghost. “Are you okay?”

Amanda’s brow furrowed as she looked at the person holding onto her arm. “Gwen,” she said softly afraid if she spoke louder it would be nothing but a dream. “I’m okay now that you are here.”

Raphaela glanced across at her grand-mère for guidance, and the glimmer she saw in the aged eyes comforted her for what she had to say. “Amanda, my name is Raphaela. The fall must have placed you in shock for a few moments. Let me help you back to the chair.”

Confusion ruled Amanda’s brain. She didn’t know if it was the doubled up medication or if she were truly going mad. The only thing that was clear to her was what she saw and heard. “Gwen. Where did she go?”

Luminitsa spoke from her reclined position on her chaise-lounge, “Amanda, I’m tiring, please arrange with Raphaela for another consultation. Tomorrow perhaps?”

With her voice reaching an emotional pitch, Amanda cried out, “No, no, you can’t do that! I want to see Gwen. She was here, and I need to see her.”

“Amanda, please, my grand-mère is fragile these days, and she needs her rest. I promise things will be clearer for you tomorrow. Will the same time be convenient for you?” Raphaela felt sorry for Amanda Lawson—a being had been in the room with them. However, not channeled as the woman suspected through Luminitsa but via the pennies that kept appearing in the room each time the entity communicated with them. "Take this—I think then you will understand," she said dropping the penny into Amanda’s hand.

Amanda looked down at her hand as a lone tear fell. “I don’t know if I can go on,” she said with a quavering voice. The words that Raphaela said finally took hold of her consciousness. “Sure, tomorrow will be fine.” She rose slowly from the chair and looked at the other two occupants of the room. “I am sorry.” As fast as she could go, Amanda headed for the door.

With a knowing look at her grand-mère, Raphaela followed Amanda and reached the door as she opened it. “Amanda, please, one more thing before you go.” She pressed a small packet into Amanda’s hand.

Weary, sad blue eyes looked at the woman. “What is this?”

With a smile that lit up her features, Raphaela replied, “Take it tonight an hour before you go to bed; I promise it will help you.”

“It will help me? In what way, is it a magical poison to make me sleep forever?” Amanda didn’t try to mask the sarcasm in any way, and Raphaela understood the mindset. “How do I know you’re not trying to drug me?” The words sounded oddly funny to her ears. Drugs are already in my body. She felt her emotional rollercoaster suddenly slam to a stop as she began to shake. Then she heard Raphaela’s soothing voice and felt a calmness fill her weary body and mind.

“This is for the pain of your physical body; unfortunately, the pain of your spirit is not so easily managed. You may find that the other drugs you take are less useful; we can talk about it tomorrow.” Raphaela wished Amanda goodbye ensuring that the woman had collected herself enough to drive home and closed the door on their new client. She then headed back to Luminitsa for a consultation regarding Amanda Lawson.

>< >< ><

Luminitsa glanced at the pensive expression on Raphaela’s face, and with a raised quizzical eyebrow spoke softly to her granddaughter. “You thought I was harsh on her, didn’t you, Ray?”

Raphaela sat down in the same chair opposite Luminitsa that Amanda Lawson had previously occupied. Her lips curved into a smile at her grand-mère’s pet name for her. Her ray of light she had nicknamed her as a child, and it had stuck. “Maybe a little. She is in a very delicate state of mind now. Our friend from the other side didn’t help either by making her presence known.”

Considering the disparaging comment regarding the astral presence carefully, Luminitsa nodded slightly. “We do not pass judgment, Ray. We only reach out allowing ourselves to be the conduit whereby everyone finds release. Gwen is equally struggling as you have very well experienced.”

Raphaela heard the chastising words accepting them graciously before sighing deeply.

“You appear preoccupied, Ray; why is that? We have waited a long time for Amanda to enter our lives. Do you now regret it?”

“No, not in the way you may think. I was hoping that perhaps once she arrived, we would know immediately why she is important to us. I feel nothing significant has changed; do you grand-mère?” Raphaela spoke quietly; her eyes running over the rings on all her fingers except the third finger of her left hand. They represented momentous occasions in her life and handed down on each event to the firstborn female over the generations. They were all important heirlooms of her ancestors, and the only personal ring added over time would be a wedding band that went with her body when she left one plane of existence for the next. The ancestors of the first jewel maker who had begun the tradition in Europe centuries earlier made each ring. If an occasion permitted in her lifetime, she could commission a ring to mark that event. Her grand-mère had been fortunate to have such an event marked as her eyes drifted to the ring that signified light battling darkness.

Luminitsa watched her granddaughter’s fascination with her rings…but those memories are for another time to dwell on. “We cannot always rush the answers, Ray. When the time is right, the door will open, and then we will see the light that Amanda shines in our direction. Tomorrow, I will need your energy in the meeting with Amanda. She is not strong enough yet to have a one-on-one session. Will you willingly participate?”

It was a given that she would help in any way possible, and her grand-mère knew that, though she always asked permission. It was such a personal undertaking for anyone to share his or her energy. “You have my force, Grand-mère. Now, you need to rest, and in an hour, I will bring you lunch. We cannot let you miss out on our schedule, can we?”

Luminitsa chuckled. “You mean you can’t disrupt your schedule, Ray. Where is it that you go diligently to every day? I know, I know, I’m an inquisitive old woman, forget I asked.”

Raphaela grinned warmly while shaking her head at the question. She then stood up before gracefully bending to kiss the wrinkled forehead. She whispered, “I love you,” before leaving the woman to her rest.

As her granddaughter departed the room, Luminitsa frowned slightly. Where is it that she goes and does not confide in me? Perhaps she has a lover at last! With that lovely notion filling her head, she closed her eyes and immediately fell into a restful sleep.

>< >< ><

Tranquility soothed Amanda as she walked slowly to her car. Once she got in, she opened her left hand and stared at the packet and the penny. With a heavy sigh, she closed her fingers around the objects before placing the key in the ignition. As she drove home, she felt as if she were in another world that defied all reason. There could be no other explanation for the earlier events.

As the cloud that had encompassed her lifted, she looked around and found she was in her living room. The clock on the mantle read eight o’clock, and she was surprised at how well she felt. She had no recollection of how she got there or any event that may have occurred in the eight hours since she last remembered falling at…the stranger’s house. Strangers…who were they? She felt someone or something touching her balled up left hand. The space between her eyebrows furrowed as she slowly stretched her fingers open. Where did these things come from? Her eyes closed as she desperately tried to remember how the objects got into her hand, but nothing would come. “Come on, damn it, remember!” she screamed. “Why can’t I remember?” In frustration, she squeezed her eyes tightly closed willing herself to remember what had happened. Her mind was a blank. Opening her eyes, she sighed as she ran her finger through her hair. “What is happening to me?”

Her gaze tracked to her palm, and the objects resting there. They seemed so familiar, yet at the same time, strange. Then, a vision of a woman with a strong forehead, long black hair, and intense brown black eyes seemed to be floating above, around, and inside of her. The woman’s spirit absorbed Amanda completely rendering her helpless as she sank into the feeling. She did not feel panic or danger only deep abiding love and something else that she couldn’t quite understand. Taking the packet, she opened it and looked at the strange herbs and a note that read, “Steep in hot water and drink before bed.” As if she were possessed, she went into the kitchen and set a kettle on to boil. Once she heard the whistle, she poured the water into a cup holding the herbs. She took a sip and was surprised at the pleasant taste.

Chapter 6

Once again, Amanda sat in her car in front of the ordinary house, but this time she was eager to go inside and meet the women again. Her sleep the night before had been restful—completely devoid of any haunting or visions of Gwen. She was not disturbed that Gwen was not part of her dreams; instead, she felt oddly relieved. Just before she raised her fist to knock, she wondered if today it would open before she had a chance to complete the motion. The sound of her knuckles making contact with the door startled her. Obviously, she wasn’t reading my mind yesterday.

Raphaela looked up from her magazine, and a slow smile crossed her full lips. She heard the car arrive outside the house, but today, she had decided that opening the door immediately would have probably fuelled the fire of Amanda Lawson’s dread of being there. Turning the deadbolt on the door, she opened it and smiled. Great, she took the herbal remedy. “Hello, Amanda, please step inside. Luminitsa is expecting you,” she said in her best gypsy-sounding deep voice.

This time Amanda was aware of walking into the other room and seeing the older woman reclining in a chaise lounge. The day before, she hadn’t really noticed anything but the woman, and her intense eyes; but now, she took in the room as a whole. It is comfortable, but a bit old fashioned. “Hello, how are you feeling today?”

Luminitsa gave Amanda a glowing smile at her thoughtful question. “I’m feeling much stronger today, my dear. How are you?”

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Amanda considered the question of how she felt. For a reason that she could not quite explain, the malaise and depression she had experienced just twenty-four hours earlier seemed to have disappeared. She shrugged, “Not too bad.”

Luminitsa nodded in the direction of her granddaughter. With a wink of her eye she replied, “Raphaela is an expert in the field of alternative medicine, and she has a natural affinity for knowing what will help an unfortunate sufferer. I’m glad you trusted her enough to try the remedy.” Raphaela, from her vantage point, turned a slight shade of pink at the praise from her grand-mère. She diverted her eyes to a painting, by her father, on the wall rather than to the curious ones of their client.

What Amanda was feeling was reminiscent of how she had felt the first time she took oxycodone for her pain. After that, each time she took the drug, she hoped the feeling of euphoria would return—it never did. “It must be a magic elixir,” she said before adding, “are you sure it wasn’t a narcotic?”

Raphaela tensed at the word narcotic and turned her hazel eyes back from the painting to Amanda. “Every living organism can be a drug to another. What you appear to be implying is that I’m giving you something that may be dangerous for you. I assure you; I am not! “ Her gaze bore into the woman. “If that is how you feel, I will dispense from helping you in your recovery from your physical pain. I was only trying to ease your discomfort.”

Luminitsa, saddened by Raphaela’s lack of tact, looked at Amanda apologetically. Although Raphaela had an indomitable spirit and a strong character, she did lack the sophistication to counter jibes about her remedies. Often, in response to criticism, she would dogmatically refuse to help without intense persuasion. I hope that that will not happen here. Raphaela’s participation is crucially important to save Amanda and Gwen from further anxiety.

Suddenly, cold enveloped Amanda’s body, and she felt as though her heart would explode in her chest. “What is happening to me?” Her arms began flailing around her head as reds, greens, yellows, and blues appeared to be whizzing by her. “Get them off of me,” she shouted as pennies began pelting her body.

Raphaela stared in surprise, first at Amanda and then at her grand-mère. Has our client gone mad! What is she talking about? Get what off her? There isn’t anything there. “Grand-mère, what’s the problem?” she asked as she walked toward the agitated and screaming Amanda Lawson. Then, she spied the single penny at Amanda’s feet and understanding replaced astonishment.

“Raphaela, fetch one of your marvelous elixirs for Amanda. She is going to need one…and perhaps get one for me, too.” Luminitsa watched the pennies that were an illusion except for one, tumble over Amanda like a shower. “In all my years, I’ve never had such an event occur.” Is this the momentous event we envisioned?

Leaving the room, Raphaela was glad for the respite from the situation. Amanda Lawson was either more of a charlatan than she perceived them to be, or she was in the grips of a powerful fixation with the entity called Gwen. Either way, this wasn’t going to be an easy case for her grand-mère. She will need all the help she can get. It is unfortunate that I don’t feel much like giving any of my energy to the woman. She shivered as an uncomfortable feeling came over her. Something about her frightens me.

She slid the key into the lock of her small pharmacy and opened the door. She rapidly selected various herbs, and with the experience of years of practice, mixed the herbs that would calm both Amanda and her grand-mère. Ten minutes later, laden down with a tray that held three cups, each with its own individual formula, she stepped inside Luminitsa’s domain. Raphaela could see that the Lawson woman was again under control—no doubt a result of the soothing presence and words of her grand-mère. Without saying a word, she handed each woman her respective drink and stood sipping her tea in the same corner as she had the previous day.

Amanda glanced sheepishly at Raphaela and mouthed thanks as she contemplated the strange looking liquid. As far as she could see, it was nothing more than water with various bits floating around. She sniffed and found that it lacked any aroma.

Raphaela noticed the woman’s hesitation and with undisguised bitterness said, “Drink it, it isn’t going to kill you.”

To counter her granddaughter’s tone, Luminitsa added, “Oh, my darling, you know exactly the right tonic, don’t you? Drink up, Amanda. Trust me, my granddaughter knows her herbs.” As the beverage trickled down her throat, a relaxed expression crossed her face.

Amanda did trust the old woman—the granddaughter was a law unto herself. She might have a way with her medicines, but it certainly doesn’t come with a charming bedside manner. Taking a tentative sip from the cup, she was surprised. The drink that she thought would be tasteless was instead remarkably refreshing. She quickly drank much deeper from the cup and felt her spirits and body respond in a positive way. Her antagonistic feelings toward Raphaela turned grateful, and she glanced at the silent woman.

She’s quite stunning. Amanda noted the woman whose jewelry and flamboyant-colored clothing stood out against a plain backdrop. The woman’s classical features, though not chocolate box beautiful, were nonetheless intriguing. If I didn’t love Gwen as much as I do, I might... “Thank you, Raphaela, the drink is marvelous. Have you thought of opening up a café and selling your concoctions?” It was a break-the-ice type of question, as she actually considered another person’s feelings. She’s only trying to help me, and I haven’t shown any gratitude.

Luminitsa listened to the exchange and waited for the reply, hoping Raphaela’s helpful nature would surface and accept the offered olive branch. When she saw a small lightening of the hazel eyes, she knew her granddaughter had accepted the veiled apology.

Raphaela did not change her stance or expression. She inclined her head slightly and replied, “I’m not interested in commercial returns and making a fortune.”

How can anyone say that? Unless he or she is a billionaire. Who ever has enough money? Her eyes took in the room as she remembered the exterior of the small house in the middle-class neighborhood. I doubt that this family has more than a reasonable income. “Well, the drink is wonderful, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Grand-mère, do you have the strength to continue?”

Luminitsa smiled tenderly at her granddaughter. She loved her and hoped that in her lifetime she could see Ray settled and happy with a loving partner. There is also the matter of the next in-line to receive our special talents. That thought made her chuckle, and as she returned from her daydreams, she found two pairs of eyes on her. “I’m sorry, what must you think of me Amanda? When you reach my age, you will find that foolish, yet happy memories surface at inexplicable times. To answer your question, my darling, thanks to you, I’m perfectly well enough to continue.”

Amanda felt a strange sense of ease and comfort in the presence of Luminitsa. She was pleased the old woman hadn’t decided she was tired, and that they would have to start all over again later. “I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but what does happen next?”

Luminitsa carefully considered her words before she replied, and then, with a swift glance to her granddaughter for support, replied, “Amanda, for many months now the connection has been strong with an entity who wanted to contact someone very dear to her…yours was the name she gave us. Raphaela and I could not contact you directly; that had to be your doing. All we could be were vessels for that entity’s messages. I have written down various notes, or I should say memories, of this entity before she passed.” Luminitsa slipped a folded piece of high-quality paper to Amanda and waited for her response.

With her hands shaking, Amanda opened the paper, read the words and then looked at Luminitsa. “This doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m assuming that the entity you speak of is Gwen.” She watched as the old woman nodded. “Are these her words?” she asked and again received a positive response. Again, she looked at the paper and concentrated on each word. “Garden…my garden was my pride and joy.” Tears began to well. “Gwen always told me I should set up a stand on the highway and sell my produce.” She mouthed the next word, pennies. “What does she mean by that?” Her eyes traveled across the room as she waited for the old woman’s reply.

Luminitsa shook her head. “I’m sorry, my dear, but I only say what is given to me. I cannot interpret what it might mean to you. If nothing seems right to you then another explanation might be found.”

Amanda shook her head. “I just don’t know if I believe all this.” She felt cold air hit the back of her neck again. “Gwen, it was Gwen who always said that pennies were angel’s kisses.” Rubbing her hand across the nape of her neck, she squinted at Raphaela. “Is she the one who always sends this chill down my spine?”

Surprised the woman would ask her the question rather than her grand-mère, Raphaela replied cautiously. “The sensation you speak of can be caused by various events, and there is a distinct possibility that the person who has been contacting us has also tried to draw you to us. Luminitsa will be the conduit by which you contact the other side, not I.”

Her gaze returned to the piece of paper and read all the words, remembering the events they evoked. Numbness filled every pore of her body as her hands involuntarily went to her head and held it tight as a deep chasm of sorrow overtook her. In a small voice, Amanda said, “But it is you?”

Luminitsa watched the interchange between the two younger women and fought back the deep smile trying to filter over her lips. In her present emotional state, it isn’t prudent to allow Amanda to see me smile. There is definitely some sort of energy happening between them. I wonder if Raphaela will share what that is. Probably not, she can be so deep with her feelings.

Amanda released the grip on her head and held a hand toward Raphaela. “It is you? Don’t you feel it?”

Raphaela kept her gaze steady as she digested the words. It is true that this entity Gwen has invaded not only my grand-mère’s dreams but mine as well. I can’t deny that the first time I saw Amanda I felt an affinity toward her, and that is unusual. I will be of no help to her. Grand-mère is more capable as a spiritual mistress in this type of situation…far superior to my skills. Amanda Lawson needs the best, or all of this will be of no help. “Grand-mère, I have urgent business to attend to. Can you spare me for the rest of your consultation?”

“Of course, my darling, go ahead and complete your business. Besides, Amanda and I are at a point where she must list the questions she wants to ask Gwen. After that, we will have the contact consultation.” Luminitsa smiled at her granddaughter who gave her a brief smile of thanks, and then with a short goodbye, left the room.

The crestfallen look on Amanda’s face was unmistakable. “Why?” she asked softly. Her brow creased and she watched Raphaela leave. She turned her attention to Luminitsa and sighed. “I came here to find answers…doesn’t she understand that?” A great sadness began to envelope her. “I must go; I can’t do this anymore.”

Luminitsa gave the troubled woman a steady but calming look. “Amanda, this was never going to be easy, and you must understand that only one of us can be your guide. Raphaela is not being mean or preventing anything from happening. Far from it; she is doing what is right. I am more powerful than she in this area. Believe me, my dear, you do not want any evil forces feeding on your dilemma.” She saw Amanda frown. “You don’t, do you?”

“No,” Amanda said before she closed her eyes. When she opened them, she found herself in a large white building with long hallways that went only one way. As she traveled, the whiteness grew brighter until she arrived in a large auditorium that was bathed in white and had a fountain of white water trickling noiselessly. Her eyes scanned the vast expanse, and in a far corner, she saw a bright beam of light that seemed to beckon her. As she got closer, she felt a sense of peace rather than fear. When she reached the light and was about to go farther, a familiar voice called her name from somewhere in the distance.

“Amanda dear, are you okay?”

She closed her eyes tightly wanting to keep the voice away but could not. Opening them, she saw the gentle face of Luminitsa.

You cannot go there quite yet, Amanda. “You and I are both tired for different reasons. Emotional distress is a very draining experience. What I will need you to do is to write down questions for which you want answers when we have our contact consultation. Will you do that for me dear?”

“Now?”

Luminitsa chuckled. “Not now, Amanda. Bring the list with you when you come back. I do not want you to think that I’ve made things up in answer to your questions beforehand. Why you will think us as being charlatans.”

For what seemed like an eternity, Amanda just sat and stared at the old woman. Charlatans? Maybe but maybe not. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts that made no sense, and there was the strange sensation that Luminitsa was somehow channeling her thoughts.

Luminitsa’s soft, soothing voice spoke to the woman who was painfully suffering in many ways. “If you knock on the door to the left as you leave, you can ask Raphaela to arrange an appropriate time for your next visit. Now, my dear, I will say goodbye for the moment and have a little rest.”

Amanda watched as Luminitsa closed her eyes and seemed to fall asleep immediately. She turned and looked down the hallway for the door the old woman had mentioned. The idea of speaking with the younger woman made Amanda grimace. I don’t think she likes me very much. She shrugged, got up, and walked toward the door. Raising her fist, she lightly tapped the door with her knuckles.

“My grand-mère sent you for an appointment. What is a good day and time for you?” Raphaela clipped out harshly. She watched emotions play out on the woman’s face until tears welled up. “Why don’t you come in and have a seat while we figure out a time?”

Amanda swiped her hand across her cheek to erase the moisture. Defeated, she stayed put. “Whatever I have done to anger you and make you not like me I’m sorry.” She cast her eyes toward the floor not wanting to see the look of hatred in the hazel eyes. “I can arrive any time. Maybe it would be best if you called me with a day and time.”

Compassionate detachment. Raphaela remembered her grand-mère’s words. “I don’t dislike you, Amanda. I want to help you find peace.” Her voice mellowed. “Please enter and sit and we will figure out a good time together.”

Amanda finally looked up and gazed into Raphaela’s hazel eyes. In them, she only saw kindness and something else that was unfamiliar but at the same time familiar. With hesitant steps, she entered the room and sat in a chair, allowing her eyes to roam the walls that were covered in excellent miniature watercolors of plants.

After studying her calendar, Raphaela asked, “Will ten thirty the day after next be good for you?”

“Sure.” Amanda stared intently into the woman’s eyes trying to discern what she saw there. “I guess I will go then.”

Raphaela smiled. “Just a moment,” she said as she slid open a drawer. She moved close to Amanda, took her hand, and turned it palm up. “Here, take these; they will help you.” She pressed two small packets into her client’s hand before closing Amanda’s fingers around them.

All Amanda could do was look at her hand that the younger woman held. Finally, after Raphaela removed her hand, she said, “Thank you.”

Long after Amanda had left, Raphaela stood trying to understand what had just transpired. I need to speak with grand-mère when she wakes.

>< >< ><

With her work done, Raphaela locked the door of her small pharmacy and sought out the kitchen, and the chicken soup that simmered on the stovetop. Five minutes later, she had two bowls of soup, freshly baked warm baguettes, and mint tea loaded on a tray. She snatched up some of the chocolate wafers that her grand-mère loved but rarely allowed herself to have and added them to the tray before picking it up.

A tender smile crossed her face as she saw that her grand-mère was wide awake and sifting through various notes she had made after the session with Amanda Lawson. She had an uneasy feeling. In light of the events that appear to be happening around us, it is wise to take things easy. Getting involved in any way other than as an observer and consultant for grand-mère wouldn’t be prudent.

Luminitsa looked up from her notes and licked her dry lips with the prospect of the meal she was about to have “My darling, Ray, I smell that delicious homemade chicken soup you make. One day, you’re going to make someone very happy in the cooking department.” Then she spied the cookies, and her grin became even broader.

“I already make someone happy in that department, you! Now let’s eat before it becomes inedible.” Raphaela placed the tray on the small table next to Luminitsa and sat down opposite her.

As they ate, they talked generally about the household bills and other such nonsense as her grand-mère termed it. Then Raphaela decided it was a good time to bring up the issue of Amanda Lawson.

“Grand-mère, we both know I can’t get involved to the extent Amanda appears to want me to be.”

Serious, but reflective eyes peered at her granddaughter as Luminitsa carefully considered her reply. “I must admit she is rather insistent in that request. Even though I have made it clear that I will be the one to make the contact with the other side, I can feel her affinity toward you.” She tilted he head slightly and gave Raphaela a knowing glance. “It has been two years since Gwen passed, and after all this time, I don’t think it is Gwen, do you?” I already knew her answer but want to hear it spoken.

With a sad expression, Raphaela shook her head negatively. “I believe someone is using Gwen’s astral shell to help Amanda. Gwen went to a higher plane of existence long ago. How can I tell Amanda that? She’s so depressed and alone right now; I’m afraid it would finish her off.” She focused on a distant corner. “I know it would finish her off.”

“As much as I wish for Amanda’s sake it was otherwise, I agree with you, my darling. I believe the guide using Gwen’s old memories and consciousness from this world is good. If it was not, it would not dare enter my personal aura.” Luminitsa spoke with great resolve on that particular point.

“I’ve booked another appointment for ten-thirty the day after tomorrow. Hopefully, she will bring her questions with her, and we can provide answers that will bring clarity for us all.” Raphaela, lost in a world of her own, spoke absently.

Luminitsa’s brow furrowed. “Why not tomorrow, Ray?” I definitely don’t have anything planned.

Raphaela dragged her mind to the present moment and smiled. “I have business in town tomorrow, and I’ll be away most of the day. I’ve arranged for Clara to bring you lunch.” Raphaela heard the snort of annoyance at the woman’s name.

“I’m not a child, Ray. I can surely look after myself for one day; besides I don’t like that woman, and you well know it.” Luminitsa pouted like a five-year-old and picked up one of the cookies to eradicate the distastefulness of the words in her mouth.

Raphaela issued a loud burst of laughter. “You know very well that you love Clara coming over because you tease and frighten her mercilessly. She believes every last one of your haunting stories.”

Luminitsa returned a small chuckle of her own. It is true Clara is such a naïve young woman and is easily sucked into every story I tell her. “I keep trying to get rid of her, but she keeps coming back when you ask. The only reason I can think of is that she has a crush on you, Ray.”

Blushing slightly at the inference, Raphaela shook her fist gently at the old woman. “You have such a wicked imagination; one of these days it’ll get you into trouble.”

With a saucy look on her aged features, Luminitsa winked and replied, “Why, Ray, it has on many occasions and surely will in the future, too.”

Raphaela bent to kiss the weathered cheek. “I love you, Grand-mère, don’t ever change.”

The old woman hugged her precious granddaughter to her chest and returned an affectionate kiss of her own. “It will never happen,” she whispered. “Now off with you; I know you want to go to your secret rendezvous. Perhaps one day you might trust me with that secret, and tell me where you have been going every day for the past year.”

Off-handedly, Raphaela smiled as she went toward the door. “Very soon now, Grand-mère, I promise. I’ll see you at dinner. Rest easy.” She left the old woman to her speculation. One of the things that keeps Grand-mère’s mind agile is thinking over all the what-ifs.

Leaving the house, Raphaela thought about Amanda Lawson again. When all this is over and Amanda is stronger, I’ll explain why I couldn’t be as involved as she wanted me to be. A major reason she tried to be slightly off-hand and disinterested in Amanda was a part of her wished to help the woman a great deal. All my senses are screaming that right now I can’t interact in the way Amanda wants. Of course, I can’t rule out that the entity using Gwen as a front wants the contact. Her feet hastened to the bus stop while her mind continued its debate about Amanda. Not until I know who the entity is can I have any more than a passing interest in the woman. Only Grand-mère can allow the manifestation into her inner core. If it has evil intent, I’m not adept enough at warding off a powerful foe. If that did happen, I would be useless to Amanda. Her mind then shifted to the next few hours as she waited at the bus stop.

Chapter 7

The vehicle seemed to have a mind of its own as it traveled quickly down the highway. It wasn’t until she heard the crunch of the soft tires against the gravel of the cemetery road that Amanda realized where she was. She brought the car to a stop under the same tree that shaded Gwen’s gravesite and got out of the vehicle. In the past, she had always stood when she spoke with her lover, but this time, she sat down on the soft grass. Her back protested the action, and she grimaced at the pain that seemed to surround her spine and hold it in a vice grip.

“Hey, babe, bet you didn’t expect to see me again this soon. Something wild has been happening to me lately, and I’m not sure what to make of it all.” Amanda’s face filled with pain as she stretched her legs out. “I think I will pay for sitting down, but what the hell? You’re worth it.” Her fingers gently touched Gwen’s name. “Somehow, I thought you were sending me a message, and I ended up visiting two ladies whom I am sure are nothing more than gypsies. The older one is very kind and patient, but the younger one…I don’t know what to make of her. There is something about her that mystifies me, but at the same time, she frightens me.” She laughed. “She mixes herbs and gave me some that I took. I know…I know I can hear you telling me what a foolish move it was, but Babe, I had the best night’s sleep since you went away.” Amanda leaned her head back and peered through the tangle of branches at the blue sky. “The older one gave me a list of words that she said came from you.” Amanda shook her head and let out a derisive laugh. “The words are some that almost anyone can relate to.”

“There is one word on here that I can’t figure out…Red.” She looked at the headstone then back to the paper before she exclaimed, “Ricky Johnson—everyone called him Red! He was that kid in my lit class six years ago whom I brought home to do yard work. I remember you told me not to trust him ‘cause he looked shifty.” She smiled. “I can still see the look on your face when you saw the bouquet of flowers he and his mom brought for us.” Her forehead creased. “You told me my instincts about him had been the right ones.” She sighed deeply as a thought forced its way to the top. “Does that word mean you think I am on the right track with the gypsies?”

Soon, Amanda had her legs bent and her arms wrapped around them. “Luminitsa, that’s the older one’s name, wants me to write down questions for her to ask you when she contacts you. I have so many questions, but I have asked you most of them already. Well, I have until the day after tomorrow to come up with them.” She touched two fingers to her lips before pressing them against Gwen’s name. With great difficulty, she managed to stand up before looking down on the marker. “I love you. I will be back after my next visit with the gypsies.” She walked with deliberate care back to her car, and once inside, she immediately flicked the switch to heat the seats.

>< >< ><

She found herself in an endless hallway drifting aimlessly toward a room bathed in bright white with a fountain of white water. In the distance and even brighter light was beckoning her. This time, when she arrived at the source of the light, she walked through it and found herself in a small room with a fireplace that had flickering white flames. Two high-backed, iridescent chairs sat in front of a white fire with one occupied by a woman who was familiar but not. The woman, who had a strong forehead, long black hair, and intense brown-black eyes, was the same vision she was certain had been floating around, above, and inside of her at the gypsy’s home.

“Who are you?” she whispered.

With a serene countenance that appeared to be completely at peace, the woman looked at her with love, understanding, and acceptance and smiled.

“Who are you?”

Just as the woman was about to speak Amanda woke up. For the third day, she felt refreshed with the burdens of her life seemingly lifted from her shoulders. Releasing the footrest, she bent over and picked up one leg brace, strapped it on then did the same with the other. Once she made it to the bathroom, she showered and put on her clothes for the day. No longer in a drugged haze, she looked at herself in the mirror. A sunken, drawn face with dark circles under her eyes greeted her. Her hair, that once had a vibrant sheen, was dull and lifeless. “Who are you?” she asked in shock. “The Amanda I remember always had a smile on her face. How did I let this happen to myself?”

The combination of standing in the shower and then in front of the mirror elicited increasing pain in and around her lower back. Soon, pain began to course down her legs causing her to moan in reaction. As the throbbing increased, she opened the bathroom medicine cabinet and frantically looked for the meds she was sure were there. “Shit!” She began to walk stiffly but with purpose toward the kitchen and relief. The last of her Darvocet landed in her hand, and she greedily tossed it in her mouth and swallowed it down with water. Making her way back to her chair, she sat down and did not move again until relief was hers, but relief never came. An hour later, she looked at the mantle clock and saw that she needed to leave immediately to make her appointment with Luminitsa. She would have to wait until she returned to call the doctor for refills for stronger meds.

Chapter 8

Raphaela peered at the letter for about the fiftieth time and wondered what to do. Then, she contemplated what the perception she and her grand-mère had among the general population. Most people place individuals with our kinds of gifts in two categories—as being imposters or psychics. Truthfully, we are neither. Some people who traded in their market were phony, and she’d met a few over the years. That only causes someone like my grand-mère and me to appear less than professional in many people’s eyes. Fortunately, over time, reputations grow, and along with that, a respect for the craft they wielded. The perception that they knew everything was a false assumption, and she was thankful of that. God, it must be crazy to live your whole life knowing what is about to happen. Where is the fun and excitement in living if that is the case? The real facts were that those with talent in this field could pick up vibrations from some of those entities that had passed to the next astral plane. It was the next journey in a multitude of journeys that each living being would eventually undertake as he or she learned lessons from each astral projection. No one truly dies but merely moves on. That is how we live our lives. The body is merely a shell, and the consciousness is left to digest the lessons it learns in its lifetime. The astral shell on the other side is with whom we communicate. No scientific body had yet to explain how it happened or why particular people, or in her case, families were chosen that presented the phenomenon.

She had decided from an early age to accept the gift bestowed on her and to move forward regardless of how people perceive her. Along the way, she had pursued something that was even closer to her heart—herbal remedies. It is now the mainstay of my life. Her eyes, which hadn’t left the white sheet of paper with words that looked all jumbled for a few seconds before they became clear, rose as she heard a vehicle stop outside the house. She glanced at the clock and noted it was ten-thirty. Amanda Lawson is as punctual today as she was on her earlier visits. Today, however, will be completely different. My senses feel it. Over the last week, her personal spirit guide had been very active, making her feelings of foreboding all the more potent. The doorbell rang, and Raphaela reread the first line of the letter before placing it in the desk drawer. She left the room and locked the door before she walked down the hall to open the door for Amanda Lawson who had rung the bell for the third time. The words she had read were floating in her mind…We are pleased to accept you…

Raphaela had to swallow deeply, so she could prevent a grin from appearing as she saw the surprised expression of Amanda. She is like most people who come to our door. They think I know the exact moment when they will ring the bell and will open the door before they can push the button. I really hate to disillusion them by telling them that their car usually gives them away. “Welcome, Amanda. Luminitsa is looking forward to your visit today.” Her eyes quickly focused on the pale features, and the pain etched in the face of the woman standing uncomfortably at her door. This doesn’t bode well for the particularly difficult emotional experience the day will likely bring. A delicate disposition was not conducive to a good interview. “Are you feeling okay, Amanda? You look tired. Didn’t the herbal remedy I gave you help?”

Amanda shifted her expression and gave Raphaela a tight smile. “Yeah, it works as long as I’m sleeping. It is when I’m awake that the pain is my constant companion. At least that stuff you gave me keeps the pain away at night now.” As she turned her eyes away from the woman’s face to the floor, she carefully stepped into the room before following Raphaela farther into the house.

Raphaela knocked softly on the door of Luminitsa’s room, and her grand-mère’s cheerful voice welcomed them inside. “Ah, my dear Amanda, today is the day when all your questions will be answered, assuming our friends on the other side cooperate. I did mention, didn’t I, that although there is a powerful entity wanting you here, it could also not communicate with us today? Nothing is set in stone”

Fatigued eyes devoid of comprehension met the older woman’s in question. “Do you want these?” Amanda held up two pieces of paper.

Raphaela, who had yet to take her normal leaning position against the wall, had seen the clueless expression in Amanda’s eyes. “What Luminitsa means, Amanda, is that you might have questions, but…Gwen may not be willing to answer them today. However, Luminitsa has felt an energy surrounding her for the last hour, so we are ever hopeful. Now do you understand?”

“I understood before. Shall we get on with it?” she said. “My first question is one that only Gwen will know the answer to.” She gulped in a deep breath and felt for the first time fear of what was to come. She passed a small piece of yellow paper to Luminitsa.

The old woman smiled kindly at Amanda as she read the question. Why did you tell me what you did right after the truck hit our car? “I’m going to close my eyes and concentrate on the essence around me. If you care to think of Gwen and the question you have written on the paper at the same time, we shall see if anyone wishes to elaborate on it for you. Are you happy with that, dear?” Luminitsa then turned to her granddaughter and gave her a warm but piercing look that exchanged information only they knew. Seeing the affirmation from Ray, she closed her eyes and concentrated on what she did best—finding the light for lost souls.

Amanda waited for her answer. If they are, indeed, gypsies and charlatans, there will be no answer. They have already set the stage for that to happen. With hooded eyes, she watched as the old woman’s closed eyes began to flutter. This is nothing but a show.

From Raphaela’s standpoint, she could only wait while she opened her mind and her energy for her grand-mère to use if needed. At the same time, she kept an eye on their client for any signs of distress. Different events always proceed these occasions. I wonder what will transpire this time. The entity wanting to contact Amanda is very strong, so it’s a good thing Grand-mère is a mistress of this art since things may occur unexpectedly. She watched Amanda sitting awkwardly waiting for something to happen. She’s probably calling my grand-mère an old fraud. Then it happened. The room dropped several degrees, and although she was used to this reaction, she shivered and noticed Amanda did the same. “It’s okay, Amanda, this is normal.”

Amanda’s eyes flashed around the room looking for an air conditioning duct that would explain the sudden coldness. She couldn’t see any. She looked at the old woman again and saw a distressed look. “Is Luminitsa okay? She looks terrible.” Amanda entreated in a whisper.

“Luminitsa is connecting with the energy of one who wants to be heard at this time. However, it does not mean that it is whom you want to hear from; we will have to be patient.”

The lights in the room flickered for a few seconds, and then what looked remarkably like a laser light show began to permeate the room, dancing above their heads in a zigzag pattern. Wow, they certainly know how to put on a show. I bet they are waiting for me to tip my hand as to what the answer is. Well, it ain’t gonna happen.

I’m amazed that Amanda doesn’t look scared or in awe of what is happening above her head. What exactly is going through her mind? Then, Raphaela held her breath as Luminitsa began to speak—as she initially expected—a mass of jumbled, unintelligible words. Then the voice of her grand-mère deepened slightly, and the next words, in a younger woman’s tone, were perfectly clear.

“You wanted to know why?”

Raphaela waited anxiously to see if Amanda responded. She did not. Why, is such an ambiguous word…I wish I knew what the question was then I could judge her reactions better. She didn’t have long to wait as the entity that was speaking through her grand-mère began again.

“You would have been paralyzed.” The words spoken tenderly and in a tone that made it clear the entity was deeply involved and worried about Amanda Lawson.

Amanda heard the answer and opened her mouth wide then closed it. Is there any way they could know the answer? She had wracked her brain going over and over the events of that day. I never told anyone what she said. I’m sure of that. Her eyes narrowed. So, how does she know, unless… “Gwen! It’s Gwen. She’s really here.” With that realization, copious amounts of tears began drenching her cheeks. Unsuccessfully, she tried to wipe them away with the back of her hand as her nose filled and the corners of her mouth began collecting moisture. When she finally managed to speak again, it was with a quavering voice. “Why didn’t you let me die, too?” She lifted her hands over her face and sobbed into them as she mumbled, “Why didn’t I die, too?”

Raphaela silently applauded her grand-mère—Amanda finally appears to believe that we are here to help. The poignant questions Amanda fired tremulously at Luminitsa, or in Amanda’s state of mind, the person called Gwen, were powerful. She found herself enthralled by the drama that appeared to be enfolding in her grand-mère’s parlor.

“It was not your time to leave this life. You have lessons still to be learned.”

“NO, I don’t want to live. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to be with you.”

The area around Amanda filled with high emotion as each syllable was laced with extreme stress. Raphaela felt her heart go out to the woman suffering in the room. There is one word that tells the entire story when it comes to Amanda’s emotional state—loneliness. It would be so easy to reach out a hand and give her comfort. I don’t think a comforting gesture at this point will help Amanda for she has to find her own way back.

“Amanda, please let me go.” The plaintive words echoed like the final leaves falling from a tree in autumn.

Amanda closed her eyes. Please let my life end now. To her dismay, her body began to feel odd as if the warmth of a great love encircled it. Opening her eyes, she gasped as she looked at what had been Luminitsa. She clearly saw the woman with the strong forehead, long black hair, and intense brown black eyes gazing at her with a bit of a smile playing on her lips. Her eyes darted around the room, and she saw Raphaela. I’m not dreaming. She looked back at the woman who used to be Luminitsa and said, “What’s happening?” The woman only smiled. Then Amanda asked, “Who are you?”

“I am Raquel, your spirit guide.”

Raphaela sucked in a deep breath. Oddly enough, the name was the same as her spirit guide. Can it be a coincidence, or is that the connection between us?

“Noooooo,” Amanda cried. “You can’t be! I want to talk with Gwen, not you. Bring Gwen back to me NOW!”

One of the reasons Luminitsa had gone into semi-retirement was the strain on her body these sessions caused, so when she began to shake, Raphaela watched carefully for any distress. It was a common occurrence for those in their profession to suffer from various illnesses associated with the connections they experienced. Shaking was common, especially in such a highly-charged atmosphere. Raphaela breathed a sigh of relief when her grand-mère relaxed slightly as the voice spoke again.

“Gwen is in a higher place. She left her memories for me to help you. She wants, no needs, you to go forward, she loved you very much, Amanda.”

Fury blazed in Amanda’s eyes. “You aren’t speaking for Gwen! She would never allow such a thing to happen. The only thing you have right is that she loves me very much,” she spat. Her eyes bore into the brown black ones issuing a challenge. “You have to prove to me that you speak for her.”

“If you loved her, Amanda, you would allow her to find peace on this side. While you constantly reach out for her, she can feel your pain though she has left behind the vessel in which to communicate with you directly. She wants you to make peace with her mother. The locket she kept in her bedside drawer—the one given to her by her father—will help build the bridge between you. Gwen knows you will understand this.”

“Never! Never will I give that bitch one thing of Gwen’s. She hated me and our love.” Amanda began to sob. “She hurt Gwen so much.” Her body did an emotional u-turn as her tears suddenly stopped. “The necklace? That was so precious to her; how can you ask me to part with it?” She looked down at her hands. “I can’t part with it. It would be like losing Gwen all over again,” she said in a whisper.

“It will be your sign to her that you have allowed her to finally find peace, Amanda. Do you want Gwen to be constantly in the darkness of your emotions? She only wants you to find happiness, and this is your step to salvation. Will you be brave enough to take it? Gwen thought you were. Was she wrong about you?”

Raphaela felt the emotional maelstrom that enveloped Amanda, and she desperately wanted to help but had to wait patiently for the right time. As she watched and listened, she had to wonder what this all had to do with Luminitsa and her. If Raquel is my spirit guide, too, then she could have communicated with me at any time rather than wait for this session or for Amanda to enter our lives. Raquel has never been shy in entering my mind before. What is so different about this time?

Amanda felt bone weary. Her back was protesting the tension that was twisting her body. The situation was making it impossible for her to understand anything other than this Raquel person wanted her to forget Gwen. “I cannot forget Gwen,” she said. “She was everything to me— my life.” A grief stricken face looked at the entity. “All I want to do is be with her.” Her voice was defeated and without emotion, as if she had nowhere left to turn. For her, all hope seemed to be lost. I had a small glimpse of Gwen then this Raquel person took it away. “I just want to die.”

The tension in the room grew as silence answered Amanda’s pleas before Luminitsa stood up…at least her body did. Raphaela was worried for her grand-mère rarely moved out of the chair because over the years her spine was severely tested and now was very weak. If the entity who is communicating decides to do something other than stand, I will have to put an end to this session. She waited and was relieved when all that happened was that a hand touched Amanda’s head.

Raquel’s voice spoke again. “Life moves on, Amanda, and Gwen has moved on, too. The essence that was Gwen will always love you, as you will her. If you hold her close and cherish her memories in your heart, you will never forget her. Material things fade, yet her memories remain with you forever and will never die no matter where you are in the universe. Everything has life, nothing truly dies.”

The touch to her head seemed familiar but not. She closed her eyes and saw a flash of something that reminded her of the tender touch. Whatever it was, it did not stay long enough to become a full-fledged memory. Amanda opened her eyes and looked up into the brown black eyes before she fell forward onto the floor as her body became rigid before convulsing.

Raphaela rushed forward unable to prevent Amanda from hitting the polished wooden floor and quickly turned her over. The seizure was in full force as Raphaela rolled Amanda on her side and watched to ensure that the woman was in no danger of hurting herself. Perhaps she is an epileptic. I hope that it is no more than that. Her eyes quickly moved toward Luminitsa, and she was astonished, but in light of everything else not surprised, when Raquel spoke to her.

“It’s time to reveal all, Raphaela. Everything will work out as it should.”

Still watching over Amanda and being thankful that the seizure was abating, she saw Luminitsa begin to disengage from her trance-like state. “Oh, Ray,” Luminitsa said in astonishment when she saw Amanda prone on the floor. “That wasn’t supposed to happen. Raquel held no malice whatsoever toward Amanda. I’ve never seen this happen before…do you suppose she is ill?” Her grand-mère’s concerned voice seemed to echo off the walls.

“Not sure yet, Grand-mère. I think it might be the stress of what’s happened today. She’s beginning to come back to us.” Raphaela took a moment to look closer at her grand-mère. For all that had transpired, the old woman was looking quite refreshed. Wow, that’s a surprise.

Amanda opened her eyes and stared at the woman who was now holding her close. “W…w…what happened?” she asked. She was aware of the strong loving arms holding her and looked at Raphaela. She smiled and said, “It is you.”

Heaving a sigh of relief, Raphaela smiled at Amanda. “I’m going to take you to a nearby clinic Amanda and have you checked out. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes.”

Her vision moved in the direction of the older woman with concern. I just can’t get over how good she looks after all that has happened. “Grand-mère, will you be okay for a couple of hours? I think Amanda needs to be looked over by a doctor. I’ll be back to make us a late lunch, and then we can talk.”

Luminitsa nodded her head as she watched Raphaela lift Amanda with great care from the floor. She remained in Raphaela’s arms as they left the room and headed for Amanda’s car.

Chapter 9

Raphaela took the keys to Amanda’s vehicle and tossed them in her hands a couple of times before eventually opening the rear door for the pale-faced woman.

“I can sit up front with you. I don’t need to lie down.”

“It’s for the best believe me.” If you think that what you just experienced was bad, wait until you see my driving skills. She then gave Amanda a small smile, and when she saw that Amanda was comfortable, she closed the door and opened the driver’s side.

Raphaela decided that all cars were much the same. They have a steering wheel, gas pedal, brake pedal, and gears. What more do I need to know? Except this vehicle is much larger than anything that I’ve been in before; and it’s new, or at least in as pristine condition as when it left the dealership. “Nice vehicle.”

“Thanks,” Amanda said from the back seat. “Do you need any help finding all the right knobs, pedals, and that sort of thing?” She had seen Raphaela fumbling with the key and wondered if she were having a bit of trouble.

With a bright smile and an even more cheerful voice, Raphaela replied, “No, I’m sure it’s just like all the rest of the cars I’ve driven. Although where is reverse, please?”

Amanda, taken aback by the question, grimaced. “Hmm, it’s the R.” It’s strange that someone other than Gwen is driving the car. It is the one she always wanted with all the bells and whistles. “Are you sure I shouldn’t be up there with you?”

“No, you close your eyes and relax; before you know it we’ll be there.” Raphaela discreetly scanned the various gages then tipped her head sideways glad to see the slot for the key. “Thanks, sometimes the new vehicles have different gadgets. I wish I’d changed my sandals,” she muttered absently. “I’ve never driven with sandals on before.” The car roared to life and once she engaged the gear, the vehicle inched away from the car parked in front of Amanda’s vehicle. Thank goodness, there is an acre of space behind us.

Her experiences of the morning had been strange—bizarre even—but it was a party compared to what she was now experiencing. Over the last two blocks, Amanda must have grabbed the “oh, shit” handle a hundred times as she tried to stretch her legs out enough to press an imaginary brake. “Ah, Raphaela, are you sure you don’t want me to drive? I mean, I am more familiar with how the car handles.”

With a beaming smile, Raphaela answered. “Anyone would think you didn’t like my driving, Amanda. We only have another block to go. Don’t worry, I promise to get you there in one piece.”

Only one more block to hold my breath. “Oh, okay.” It was then that she decided to close her eyes. What I don’t see can’t scare me.

“That’s the spirit.” Raphaela continued to concentrate on her driving and blew out a sigh of relief when she drove the vehicle through a set of traffic signals and saw the small clinic. Parking is going to be a nightmare at this time of day. “Hold onto your hat, Amanda, parking is a real problem around here.”

Thank God, we made it in one piece. Amanda waited for Raphaela to help her out of the car and her brow furrowed with a sudden realization. “I wanted to live,” she whispered to the empty car. I was actually afraid of dying…no, I was afraid of another accident and to lose another…what do I call her? Just then, the door opened wide and she looked into the hazel eyes of…my savior.

“There you go, Amanda, all safe and sound. Let’s get you out of the car, and I’ll take you to see a friend of mine. Dr. Lapahie is wonderful.” Raphaela said, placing a special intonation to the doctor’s name.

Once out of the vehicle Amanda cocked her head and looked at woman waiting with a wheelchair. How did they know we were coming? She didn’t have time to call…maybe the old woman called…another mystery, I guess. “Dr. Lapahie is it? What does he specialize in…the heart?” It bothered her the way Raphaela’s voice said the doctor’s name. “Can’t wait to meet him.”

Raphaela didn’t answer Amanda’s question as she waved to the orderly who was pushing a wheelchair towards the clinic. Fate was good to us. A taxi that had moved away as they arrived provided them with not only a parking space, but also someone who could provide them with wheelchair support. “Jane, you must have been reading my mind.” The orderly grinned warmly as she helped Raphaela maneuver Amanda into the wheelchair.

Are they kidnapping me to a whole clinic of them? Once inside, Amanda’s eyes widened in surprise as she scanned the area. I’ve been in a lot of clinics and hospitals lately, but I have never seen anything like this place. To her right was, what she suspected, a waiting room with folding chairs in disarray and people either sitting or standing. She heard the sounds of babies wailing and what she was sure was a man moaning. Farther down the corridor seemed to be some sort of reception area, but it was more like what her desk area looked like when she was teaching. Overall, the place was dingy and in dire need of a good paint job. Exactly where has she brought me?

Then, a tall, slim woman walked around the bend of the small corridor and lit the place up with her presence. Her chocolate brown velvety eyes sparkled as they saw Raphaela in the corridor. She ate up the remaining space between them and hugged Raphaela warmly. “This is a wonderful surprise, Raph; you’re not due until this afternoon.”

Raphaela grinned at her friend and hugged her equally as hard. She had met Sun Lapahie during one of her last semesters in school, and they had struck up a deep, enduring friendship. Sun attended the school to gain further knowledge of herbalist remedies that she thought would compliment her medical knowledge. Sun’s grandfather was a Navajo medicine man, and she and Raphaela ended up helping each other. Each woman brought to the table a vast knowledge of remedies from around the world. It was a small world when Raphaela and her grandmother turned up close to where Sun lived and practiced medicine. Fascinated by Sun’s tales of the small clinic for indigents where she volunteered, Raphaela didn’t need asking twice if she wanted to help.

Raphaela smiled, as she looked her friend. She could see the clearly defined dusky features of Sun’s ancestors. “Sun, I need your professional help with my cl…friend here. This is Amanda Lawson. Would you check her out for me? She’ll give you all her details regarding her current state of health, right Amanda?” Both women’s eyes turned to Amanda for confirmation.

Amanda sat and watched, stunned by the obvious connection between Raphaela and the woman. I’ve seen that enough times to know there is more than friendship there. The thought bothered her in a way that she hadn’t thought she could ever feel again—she was jealous or at least envious of the relationship. She focused on the other woman taking in her face then her body. Not bad, not bad at all. Then she coughed slightly. “I’m sure I am fine, but Raphaela seems to think I need to be checked out.” She didn’t disguise the once over she gave the doctor before she spoke again. “I’m all yours,” she said. Amanda didn’t know what was happening to her. This isn’t like me. I just made a pass at that woman. I think I’m going mad…it must be all the drugs.

Raphaela heard the inflection in Amanda’s voice and smiled inwardly. Ah, she’s taking notice of someone more than herself—a great sign. “Marvelous, I’ll check on some of my paperwork, and Dr. Lapahie will let me know when you’re ready. I’ll see you both soon.” Her long legs strode in the direction where the doctor had come from, and once she turned the corner, only the clipping sounds of the sandals echoed back to her.

“Okay, Amanda, let’s go into the exam room, and you can tell me all about yourself.” Sun Lapahie gave Amanda a smile that was lukewarm at best. She hadn’t enjoyed the once over she had been given by Raphaela’s friend’s predatory eyes. As she is a friend of Raph’s I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

“Where do you want me to start?”

Sun closed the door and picked up a clipboard and pen. “I could be trite and say the beginning, but your last illness will be a great place to start. I’ll also need to know any medications you’re currently taking and anything you might think is responsible for what worries Raph.”

For a long time, Amanda sat and rocked ever so slightly in the chair as she tried to determine what to tell the doctor. “I’m not sure what to tell you. Almost two years ago, I was in an automobile accident and fractured my back.” Tears welled up. “Because of the deterioration of my spine, I have been in excruciating pain ever since.” She lifted up her pant legs. “I wear braces on both legs.” She shrugged. “I take a lot of pain meds.” She laughed slightly. “It’s probably more than I should take, but they get me by on the rough days.” She focused her eyes on a distant corner as she tried to remember what had happened to bring her there. “I think I was convulsing, and that is why she brought me here.”

“Who is your primary doctor?”

“Dr. Banks is the one whom I see most often.”

“I didn’t think she was a general practitioner.”

Amanda shrugged. “She is for me.”

Hmm, that’s interesting. “Were you at Raph’s home with her grandmother having one of her sessions?” Sun thought better of the question and added, “You can, of course, tell me to mind my own business.”

Amazed by the question Amanda didn’t answer only involuntarily nodded.

A tinkle of embarrassed laughter came from the doctor. “I know what you’re thinking…why I would ask such a ridiculous question? Raph didn’t describe your symptoms, or tell me what happened to you; and I’ve found the only time she isn’t one hundred percent efficient is when it comes to anything involving her grandmother.” Sun saw a look of concern. “Don’t worry, it doesn’t happen often. In fact, I only know of one incident, and that was her grandmother.” She looked back at the clipboard. “As you appear to be in the hands of a very good practitioner, I’ll give you a basic exam and release you back into Raph’s care. From what I see, you appear perfectly able to function,” Sun said in a brusque tone. “Is that okay with you?”

The tone of the doctor’s voice was not lost to Amanda as a sense of sadness engulfed her. What have I done to her? I’m only here because that gypsy woman brought me. When will the world ever swing my way? “Sure, do whatever you want; I don’t care.”

Sun didn’t reply to the pitiful remark, for the woman clearly didn’t have a clue what real life was like. I don’t care, but Raph does, so I will do what I must. She’s a client. That’s the only reason for Raph’s involvement with such a pity party. What other reason can there be for her interest? If this woman injured herself on their property, I wonder whether Raph is worried about a lawsuit. God, I hate having to waste my time on a crybaby. Sun began her cursory examination while the woman sat stoically and sadly on the exam table. Doesn’t this woman know that at least she has the means to have her injuries properly taken care of? People who come here don’t have that luxury, and a great many die because of it. Fifteen minutes later, the examination was finished and other than elevated blood pressure, which needs monitoring, there didn’t appear to be any outward sign of any other trauma. “As you know, I can’t give you a clean bill of health. I don’t see any signs of damage caused by what you described as a convulsion. Your blood pressure is markedly higher than normal, but that probably has to do with the circumstances of your coming here. Do you have a history of high blood pressure?” She saw the woman shake her head no and continued. “We don’t have the necessary diagnostic tools here to evaluate what made you have a seizure or if it was indeed one. I suggest you see Dr. Banks for further evaluation.” Amanda nodded in agreement. “Make sure you tell her about the elevated blood pressure.” Sun paused. “If you have blood pressure problems, I think you will find that Raphaela can do wonders for you.”

Amanda blew out one breath and then another. “Convulsions and high blood pressure, now there are two new ones to add to the list.” She couldn’t help the sarcasm. It seems like icing on the cake. “Listen, I know you did this exam as a favor to a friend, and I’m sorry I took up so much of your time. From the looks of this place, you must run on a shoestring budget, and I am sure there are people out in your waiting room who are in need of your help. Just send me the bill, and I will see you get a check promptly.” She brushed away a tear as she carefully got off the table and sat back in the wheelchair. “Like I said, I’m sorry to have wasted your time. Thanks.” She placed practiced hands around the rims of the wheels and turned around toward the door. “If you don’t mind, could you please open the door?”

“Why not do yourself a favor? Stand up, and walk out of this room. If for no one’s sake, think of Raphaela’s. She won’t say, but she’s worried, especially if you had the problem in her home…the implications could be…”

Amanda interrupted the doctor as she turned her head and glared at the woman. “You know nothing about me, or where I’ve been, or what I’ve been through. As for walking out of this room, no problem…I’ll do it gladly. Thank you for your time, Doctor.” She stood up, and although pain shot through her body, she put one foot in front of the other then pushed the door open and walked out.

As she watched Amanda Lawson struggle out of the room, Sun picked up the phone and called Raphaela. The woman is right, I know nothing of what she has been through, and I’m never likely to. If I allow every patient’s pity to be important to me, it would destroy me. It did not mean she cared any less, it meant she cared more for she had to see the loathing on faces of people like Amanda Lawson who thought no one cared. Amanda is luckier than most for she has found someone like Raph to take notice. If ever there was a spirit on this earth whom we should applaud for her compassion and genuine caring for others, it is Raphaela. “Hi, I just wanted you to know I am done with your friend.”

“Thanks, Sun, I’ll be right there. How is she?”

Sun shook her head in repugnance. “She’ll survive. Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Of course not.”

Sun opened her mouth to ask why her friend was wasting her time on the woman but thought better of the idea. “Never mind, your friend will be wondering where you are.”

“Yeah, you’re right; she’s kind of fragile right now.”

The doctor made a decision; she walked quickly to the door and shoved it hard. She saw Amanda standing against the wall across from the room with downcast eyes that glistened with tears. “Raphaela is on her way. If you care to listen, the best piece of advice I can give you is to have her help you with your meds. She has a special talent, and you can trust her.” She watched as a startled look crossed the woman’s face. “Oh, and a vacation might be good, too—get your mind off your troubles, and you’ll find it will do wonders.”

Amanda swiped a hand across her cheeks and stood with her mouth opened as she watched the doctor turn and walk away. Was it something I said? Amanda felt a tug on her arm and noticed Raphaela standing by her side. “Where are my keys?”

Raphaela frowned. “Right here,” she said holding up the keys.

Amanda grabbed them away. “Let’s go,” she said before turning and walking as fast as she could for the exit.

“Wait, Amanda, what’s the matter?” Raphaela asked as she hurried out the door behind her. She finally grabbed the woman’s arm to stop her. “What’s happened? Did Sun give you bad news?”

Amanda wrestled her arm away and glared at the woman. “If you want to know what happened, ask your doctor friend.” Her anger boiled up further. “And, if she says it’s privileged information, you can tell her I said she could blab away.” She moved away in the direction of her SUV. “If you want a ride home, you better come along,” she said over her shoulder.

The ride home was quiet giving Raphaela time to mull over several scenarios of what might have happened between the two women. At first, she thought that maybe Amanda made a pass at Sun but dismissed that idea immediately. I don’t think in her present state of mind Amanda would have done that. Besides, there’s no way is Sun interested in her. I guess they could have been like oil and water and just didn’t mix well. Although… Just as she was about to expand on that thought she heard the screech of rubber as Amanda stopped the vehicle in front of her house.

Amanda glared at Raphaela as she waited for her to get out. When she didn’t, she spat, “Is there something else?”

Taking the hint, Raphaela opened her door and got out. Before she could close the door, Amanda said, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to sue you or your grandmother.”

Raphaela watched as Amanda drove away at speed much faster than was necessary and spoke to the wind she left behind. “I never thought for one moment that you would sue us.” Perplexed, she walked to the door of the house, inserted her key, and let herself in. She felt the tension of the drive home and Amanda Lawson’s presence in her life lift dramatically. This house is the one place I know where nothing can harm me. Its very essence makes me feel welcomed and loved. She also knew that further inside her grand-mère resided, and that alone removed any feelings of loneliness that occasionally invaded her thoughts when she had to deal with the emotional drama of people like Amanda.

“Raphaela, is that you?” Luminitsa’s strong voice echoed down the hallway. She smiled. Her voice is in direct contrast to her body that is frail and unresponsive to treatment.

“Now who else would it be?” Raphaela chuckled knowing her grand-mère would be smiling as well. She walked toward Luminitsa’s room and knocked as she always did before entering. Her grand-mère was lying comfortably and certainly looked more refreshed than she probably felt.

Luminitsa saw the strain in her granddaughter and with a waggle of her finger, caught the younger woman’s eyes flashing in a tender glance. “I can see that it didn’t go well, Ray. You’d best sit down, and tell me everything.”

With little resistance, Raphaela sat although she suspected her grand-mère must be hungry and wanting her mint tea. It is way past our lunchtime. “It was interesting.”

Luminitsa sighed heavily; the weight of the world appeared to be on her granddaughter’s shoulders, and the only thing she could do was listen and offer advice if asked. Leaning forward, she touched Raphaela’s hand and held it gently.” First, how is Amanda?”

She stared into her grand-mère’s eyes and shook her head slightly. “I’m not sure. All I know is she was examined by my friend, Dr. Lapahie,” she smiled. “Do you remember her? She’s the one who took care of you after your stroke.” Her grand-mère nodded but continued to listen rather than say anything. “After that, she appeared to be angry and drove us both back here. Somehow, she has the impression that we think she’s going to sue us…I don’t understand why. I didn’t have time to speak with Sun and find anything out, but I will while I make us lunch.”

Luminitsa heard the explanation. Indeed, it does not make sense. We didn’t have any control over how Amanda would react to anything said to her in our home. It is always at the client’s own risk. “Well, she can’t sue; she signed the waiver, so that would negate any action for negligence…”

“She didn’t!”

Frowning slightly, the older woman looked at Raphaela. “She didn’t? Why on earth didn’t she, Ray?”

Raphaela sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck as she spoke. “In all the excitement of her actually contacting us, I forgot to have her sign the document. She has the opening to sue us. I’m sorry for failing you, Grand-mère.”

The poignantly spoken words brought tears to Luminitsa’s eyes. “Oh, my darling, Ray, you have never failed me. From the moment you were born, you have given me a hope in the future, and the light to lead me onward. We have shared an abundance of happy memories and experiences that I always treasure. Besides, Amanda may be many things, but I am certain suing us isn’t in her nature. We did do one thing for her that will be the catalyst for her recovery.”

Encased by the loving words of her grand-mère, Raphaela gave her a quizzical glance. “What was that?”

“She actually felt a connection to someone other than herself. She has begun to question her desire to leave her physical life behind.”

Even more puzzled by the cryptic statement, Raphaela shook her head. “I don’t understand. Whom was she connected with…you?”

The soft chuckle that emanated from Luminitsa made Raphaela smile—it always had from the very moment that she could consciously remember anything in life. “Not me, Ray…why you, of course! Amanda thinks she knows you and believes you are important to her. The aspect of what she thinks is not important only that she understands. Nonetheless, she now feels something other than pity for herself, and that is remarkable.”

Raphaela repeated the word, “Remarkable.”

“I think we should ask…no, you should go over and ask her to dinner. It’s time for her to make new memories and not dwell on the old. While she lives alone without genuine friendship that will not happen. We have the opportunity to open up her world to a completely new dimension. I think she just needs a little more help to get back, as they say, in the saddle.” Luminitsa was satisfied with her announcement though she could see worry beginning to cloud her granddaughter’s eyes. “You don’t agree?”

“I do, but what if she focuses all her energy on us or me? I wouldn’t want her to get hurt again if the friendship became distant.” Raphaela chose her words carefully because she knew there was more yet to disclose to her grand-mère.

Luminitsa’s brow creased in puzzlement. “Distant? Why would we be distant with her? It’s true that at the moment she might not be the nicest person to be around, but deep down and getting closer to the surface is a wonderful caring person. I think she needs us, and more particularly, you, to help her achieve that goal. And, my darling, Ray, you do that kind of thing so well.”

Raphaela cleared her throat as she tried to dredge up a suitable explanation. This is the moment when I must admit my secret. “Grand-mère,” she said tentatively. “You’ve always wanted to know where I go everyday?”

Luminitsa grinned. At last! “Yes.”

“Well, it’s like this, Grand-mère. The clinic I took you to, and where I went with Amanda today…well, I work there. In fact, I more than work there; I’m one of the chief financial backers and directors of its operation.” There, it is finally out in the open. She eyed the old woman. I can’t see one iota of change in Grand-mère’s expression…that can mean anything. Then, a look of disappointment crossed the older woman’s face as she stared at the rings on her fingers. “I know you won’t be happy that I’m using my gifts and my trust fund in this way. We did talk about it when we came here that I wouldn’t …”

Luminitsa held up her hand. “No, no, Ray. I think what you are doing is a splendid way for our gifts, and yours in particular, to shine and help a great many people. Your trust fund is for you to do with as you see fit, and I’m sure your parents would be proud…very proud. What better way to use your father’s legacy than using his fame after his death for a good cause. Why you thought you had to keep it a secret is a puzzle to me, but I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“Then why do you look so disappointed?”

“Forgive an old woman her dreams, Ray. I actually thought as you were so happy when you left for this secret rendezvous that you had finally found someone who made you happy and loved you.” Luminitsa had tears slowly rolling down her cheeks as she gave her granddaughter a solemn glance.

Raphaela smiled and quickly got up from her chair to hug the old woman tenderly. As she thought about the comment, her own tears were not far away. She whispered into Luminitsa’s ear, “One day, Grand-mère, one day, and I promise you’ll be the first to know.”

Embarrassed by her emotional ramblings, Luminitsa hugged her granddaughter as tightly as she could before releasing her and gruffly announcing, “Off with you to make us lunch. I’m hungry, and I know how you like your schedule.” The wink of her eye took any sting out of the words.

Raphaela smiled and wiped an errant tear away. “I’ll call Sun and ask her about Amanda, and tell her I can’t return to the clinic today.”

Luminitsa gave her granddaughter a quizzical look. I hope she doesn’t think I disapprove; for I don’t, in fact, I am supremely proud of her. “Don’t think you have to stop doing what makes you happy, Ray.”

Raphaela started to leave before tuning and saying, “I’m not. If we are going to try to make someone else happy, I’ll need to go over to Amanda’s house and ask her to dinner.

Chapter 10

Amanda stopped the SUV in the driveway, and then struggled to get out. All she could think about was getting inside and taking her drugs. The day had taken its toll on her body, and she wasn’t sure if the meds would even abate the horrific pain she felt. One brown plastic container after another flew to the floor as she scrutinized every label. “SHIT!” she screamed as she limped into the bathroom. She pushed aside everything in the medicine cabinet except the pill bottles and again scanned the labels. “Damn it!” she yelled the door and slammed it with such force that the glass broke. “I don’t have one fucking pill left.”

At least one good thing came out of my visit to the gypsy’s clinic–that bitch of a doctor told me to call Emily about the seizure. She picked up the phone and dialed. It is the perfect ploy to get more drugs. She listened to the list of options and finally heard a real voice. “Dr. Bank’s office, this is Cindy, how may I help you?”

She’s too damn perky. “This is Amanda Lawson; I need to speak with the doctor immediately…this is an emergency.”

“If it is an emergency, you should call nine-one-one.”

“Listen, I’m not calling nine-one-one; I had a seizure, and the doctor told me to call Dr. Banks immediately.”

“She’s with a patient right now.”

“I don’t care, I need to speak with her right now!”

In her past dealings with the woman, Cindy knew that reasoning was beyond her comprehension. The doctor told me that if she ever calls in an agitated state that I should advise her, and that is what I’m going to do. “Just a minute.”

Amanda tapped her fingers nervously as she waited. The pain was accelerating beyond anything she had ever felt before. I don’t think I’m going to make it.

“Amanda, how long ago did you have this seizure?” Emily asked.

She bent her head back and sighed loudly in relief. “I don’t know…about two hours ago…around eleven I think.”

“Are you injured?”

Yes, I need drugs. “No, I went to a clinic, and the doctor there said she saw no outward signs of injuries. They didn’t have the proper diagnostic tools to fully evaluate me and told me to call you immediately.”

“Which clinic and what doctor?”

“Oh, I don’t know, an Indian woman…Sun something or another. The clinic was on Hearst Street I think.”

“Sun Lapahie?”

“Yes, I think that’s it.”

“While I call Dr. Lapahie, I want you to call for an ambulance, and I will meet you at the hospital.”

“I can drive myself.”

“No, you call an ambulance, is that clear?”

I’m not calling any stupid ambulance. “Sure. I’ll see you there.” She hung up, grabbed her keys and noticed that her hand was trembling. “It’s the pain; it has to be the pain.”

>< >< ><

Emily watched Amanda enter the hospital and scowled. She must be insane! Once Amanda stopped at the desk, she approached her. “What part of ‘call an ambulance’ didn’t you understand?” She took hold of Amanda’s arm and led her into a private office. “Haven’t you suffered enough from one automobile accident? What do you think would have happened if you had another seizure while you were driving?” Emily looked at Amanda’s trembling hands. “Come on, I have you set up for a brain scan.”

“I don’t need that,” Amanda whined. “I’ve been poked and prodded enough today.”

“Well, get ready because you have more coming your way.” Dr. Banks opened the door and waved for Amanda to go through.

“Fine, but I need to tell you I am in tremendous pain right now.”

“Have you taken your medication?”

“This morning.”

“Well, I can’t give you anything more until the tests are run. Try to hang in there.”

Amanda just shook her head. “Do I have a choice?”

“No.” Emily’s voice had softened. She knew the day hadn’t been easy for her patient–the phone conversation with Sun Lapahie confirmed that…

“Yes, she can be difficult, but she has good reason.”

“Well, to be perfectly frank, Emily, I think she needs a good kick in the butt, so she will stop feeling sorry for herself and get on with her life,” Sun said.

Emily laughed. “Sun, I doubt that either you or I could go through what that woman has endured and not feel exactly as she does.”

“Care to enlighten me?”

“Have you ever had a patient whom you can’t help? One whom you know is basically healthy and will live a long life, but there is nothing you can do to stop his or her suffering.”

“You’ve run out of options?”

“The only thing I have left is an Intrathecal Pump Implant, and I won’t do that unless she tells me it is what she needs.”

“I guess I was harder on her than I needed to be,” Sun said. “I see so many here who don’t have the advantages of the health care that Amanda does, and it makes me jaded at times.”

“Having a good health care plan doesn’t mean that the patient doesn’t deserve compassionate treatment, Sun.” Emily felt protective of her patient. “If I could share Amanda’s story, I think you would regret your words about her. We’ve all been there where the patients just seems to push all the wrong buttons, but we need to remind ourselves that they are in need of our skills as doctors. Amanda is just trying to cope with the raw deal that life has handed her. Underneath it all, she is a wonderful person, and that is what I tell myself when she makes me want to scream. Bottom line…she needs my help.”

“Emily?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you’re her doctor.”

Three hours later, Amanda sat in a chair across from her doctor.

“We didn’t find any indications of chronic seizures or any damage done from the one you had.” Emily removed her glasses. “I think it was an isolated incident probably brought on by stress, and the medication you take.”

“So you don’t think it will happen again?”

“I doubt it.”

“What about the high blood pressure the other doctor talked about?”

“We’ll keep an eye on it. If it is okay with you, I will speak with your internist, so he will know what happened. That way he can monitor it when you see him.”

Amanda closed her eyes and said, “I need more pain meds.”

Emily narrowed her eyes and looked long and hard at her patient. “I thought I just gave you a prescription not too long ago.”

Amanda focused her clear blue eyes on the doctor. “I know; but the pain…it has been really bad lately.”

The doctor sighed. “I will give you enough to last two weeks.”

Amanda’s eyes widened. “But…”

Emily held up her hand. “Then you will have to come see me for another two weeks’ worth.”

“But…”

“That is the only way, Amanda.”

“Oh, all right.”

“I will check tomorrow to see if you have made an appointment.”

“Don’t worry, I will make it first thing in the morning.”

“Good. Would you like me to drive you home?”

For the first time since arriving at the hospital, Amanda smiled. “No thanks, I think I can manage.”

“Then, I will at least walk you out to your car.”

Amanda nodded. “I’d like that.”

>< >< ><

When she pulled up in her driveway, Amanda was surprised to see Raphaela sitting on the front porch. I really don’t need this. She looked around and didn’t see any vehicle. “How did you get here? On your broom?”

Raphaela stood, pulling herself up to her full height. “Very funny. I walked, but now I am questioning the wisdom of that.”

“You walked? That has to be a good five miles. A broom would have been quicker.” She saw Raphaela standing steadfast. “Move aside, and let me unlock the door. No sense standing out here and getting eaten up by mosquitoes.”

“Are you going to allow me inside, too, or do you think I have special potions to keep them away?” Raphaela, surprised at the vitriolic response from Amanda, smiled inwardly for she actually did have a good combination of natural ingredients to ward off the stinging insects. From her discussion with Sun, nothing had happened at the clinic that her doctor friend would classify as unusual.

Amanda frowned. “I wasn’t going to leave you out here if that’s what you think.” She blew out a breath. “Look, it has been a really long day, and I need to get inside so I can take one of these.” She held up a white pharmacy bag and jiggled it. “Come in or don’t, it is up to you.”

When Raphaela stepped inside the house, she noticed it was as neat as a pin from the hallway to the immaculately clean kitchen. Doesn’t Amanda ever make a mess or cook? Then she saw the discarded medicine containers on the floor. “Exactly what do you take Amanda? I might be able to help you.”

Amanda eagerly popped the pill into her mouth and drank the contents of the glass she had just filled. “It usually takes thirty minutes to work. I need to get this into my system before the meds they gave me at the hospital begin to wear off.” She saw the surprised look on Raphaela’s face. “Yes, I was at the hospital all afternoon.” Changing the subject will track her away from what meds I take.

Raphaela gave Amanda an understanding look as she casually walked over to the counter and the new containers. With her back to the woman on the pretext of looking out of the kitchen window, she saw the labels and grimaced at the powerful medicines. She noted the overgrown plants and lawn and remembered the woman’s words about her gardening skills. “Not much of a gardener anymore, I see.” From her angle, all she could see were some straggly flowers and shrubs. I bet it was once a beautiful place.

Amanda flipped on the radio. Because of the shot of Demerol she received at the hospital, her pain had abated somewhat, and she was more lucid. “I used to garden…Gwen said it was the best in the county. You should have seen my roses, and the vegetables seemed to grow themselves.” She shrugged. “It is in the past now.”

She heard the words of a song on the radio and was lost in them…Can you hear my thoughts? Does your heart recall the day we met? She brushed a tear away. “Not much of a story is it?”

The voice of the singer continued to hold her attention. Never to leave me…a look, a gesture, a kiss for you seared my soul forever. Will you remember me now that I’m gone from you? Will I ever see your face again, or are you gone for all time to another place? Seconds, minutes, hours tick by without you by my side. You have gone on alone and left me behind. Will you wait for me in eternity? You shared my heart, my love…you’re inside my soul for lifetimes yet undone. Now that you’re no longer here…will, you forgot you ever loved me?

“You know, I know Gwen died in the accident,” she said. “The second question I was going to ask the spirit was if it would be okay to love again.”

Taken aback at the candid comments, Raphaela didn’t know what to say. Amanda’s personal life really wasn’t any of her business, and the admission confused her. Then she recalled Amanda’s insistence at the session that ‘it is me.’ Maybe this is as good a time as any to find out what she meant…particularly after my discussion with Grand-mère. “I was wondering why you think I’m someone important to you, Amanda. You keep mentioning something along those lines.”

Silence permeated the room as the soulful sounds of Norah Jones began to fill the crevices. Amanda made her way to her recliner. “Please sit down,” she said as she motioned to the chair next to hers–Gwen’s chair. Raphaela noticed her eyes took on a distant look as if she were in another place and time. Finally, she looked directly into Raphaela’s hazel eyes. “When we first spoke on the phone, I recognized your voice. To my knowledge, I had never spoken to you before; but I knew the tone and the inflections.” She pursed her lips and sucked them inside biting hard as if to wake up. She spoke again, “Then, when you opened the door that first time I knew it was you.”

Raphaela blinked rapidly at the confession. I’ve had this kind of experience with some of my closest friends. That’s why I was attracted to them. Old souls traveling the same path are the easiest explanation for most people. Unfortunately, I didn’t pick up the same vibe from Amanda. What do I say to her? “There can be a perfectly rational explanation for that, you know. It’s something to do with the impulses from the brain catching up with optical nerves.” Oh, no, where did I dredge that up? It’s pathetic!

Amanda felt a wave pass over her and knew the meds were kicking in. For a moment, she closed her eyes and went with the feelings in her body. Amanda gave the woman next to her an easy smile. “Sounds interesting, but as I found out today my brain is functioning perfectly.” She looked away for a moment then gazed at Raphaela again. “I can’t explain it, and I’m not sure I want to, but I know you. I am sure I have always known you. I could feel it when you held me during the seizure…I should have been unaware, but I knew you were there, and I wasn’t afraid.” She shrugged. “Where are my manners? I don’t entertain much. Would you like something to eat? I have some nice cod that can be unfrozen in a jiffy.”

Raphaela, stunned by the confession but amused by something else, was unable to prevent herself from chuckling. Soon she couldn’t stop herself from laughing out loud.

Creasing her eyebrows, Amanda looked at the woman who seemed to be having quite a time laughing. Maybe one of her spirits told her a joke. Partially offended, she asked, “Did I say something funny?”

Finally getting the laughing fit under control, Raphaela smiled warmly at Amanda. I’m glad she didn’t get all huffy over my laughing. “I’m sorry, Amanda, but seriously, unfrozen cod in a jiffy? You know, I traveled around Europe growing up, and in some parts of the world, a jiffy takes on a whole new meaning. Anyway, that’s gutter talk, and I came here to ask if you wanted to come over for dinner this evening. It would allow my grand-mère and me the chance to make amends for your previous terrible experiences in the house. I can assure you that we’ll make it as comfortable an evening as possible for you. No unwanted or unannounced guests.” She winked at the mention of guests. “What do you say? If tonight isn’t good, we can do it tomorrow or anytime you name.”

Amanda started to smile but stopped. What do I say? “It has been a long time since anyone has asked me to join them for dinner.” She thought for a moment. “What type of wine do you like?”

With a beaming smile, Raphaela stood up as she spoke, “I don’t drink, but my grand-mère loves full-bodied French claret. How about eight? That way you will have time to take a nap after your busy day.”

“Eight sounds fine,” Amanda said with trepidation. It was a step forward and that scared her. Then she chuckled. “Would you care to ride home on that broom, or shall I give you a lift?”

With a smile that lit up the room, Raphaela shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, Amanda, but you’re wiped out, and I know there’s a bus due around the corner in a couple of minutes. Relax…and Amanda, I’m glad you’ve accepted the invitation. My grand-mère has some wonderful entertaining stories…I promise you’ll enjoy yourself. See you at eight. I’ll let myself out.” She left so rapidly that Amanda was unable to respond.

How does she know the bus is around the corner and leaves in a few minutes? She shrugged. Must be one of those gypsy things. Her eyes closed, and she entered into an easy, light sleep.

Chapter 11

Amanda woke with a start. “Shit, what time is it?” She sighed with relief when she saw it was almost seven. She went into the kitchen for a glass of water to take with her meds. It was important that she take them on schedule, so there would be no breakthrough pain before her next Oxycodone. Tonight especially, I don’t want the burden of pain.

When she walked into the bathroom, she saw various items from the medicine cabinet strewn on the floor. Carefully bending over, she began picking up a tube of toothpaste, a plastic aspirin bottle, Q-tips, saline solution, and a few other items. Looking at the fractured image of her face in the mirror, she shook her head. “You have to get a grip, girl.” Then she thought of the night to come and smiled.

She reached into the shower and turned on the water before she sat on the bench in the stall. Soon her body had a thick layer of foamy soap as her mind once again drifted to the upcoming dinner. She rested her elbows on her knees and buried her face in her hands. “What am I doing?”

“You are letting Gwen go,” a strong voice answered.

Like a shot, that she didn’t know she was capable of, she stood up and slowly opened the sliding shower door. “Who’s there?” The bathroom was empty. “I really think I’m losing my mind.” She slid the door closed, sat back down and squirted shampoo into her hand. I can’t let Gwen go.

“It is time to move on, Amanda.”

“Now, I know I’m going batty.” She massaged her head vigorously trying to wash the voice away. I don’t think I can make it on my own.

“Sure you can. You’ve already started on that road, and if it doesn’t work out, you can always come back here and hide some more.”

Amanda stood up and let the water flow over her head and body before turning off the water. A small smile curved around her lips. “Raquel, that’s your name, right? Thank you for your advice, and I will take it under advisement.” She towel dried her hair and felt bereft that the voice did not respond.

Amanda stood looking at the large variety of wines lining the shelf at Sparrow’s Fine Wines. To her left stood a short, round man who seemed to be doing the same thing. “So many choices,” she said to him.

With a bright smile, the man turned and looked at her. “Yes, there are. What are you looking for?”

Smiling back in kind, Amanda said, “I was thinking of claret.”

“Hmm, do you want domestic or French?”

“French, I think.”

The man reached for a bottle. “This Chateau Moulin de Peyronin is classic claret. It has smooth tannins; I think you will appreciate its subtlety.”

Amanda took the bottle. “Wow, this is pricey.”

“That depends on whether you are compact car or Mercedes kinda gal.”

She smiled and put the bottle in a small hand basket. “Thank you. Now, what are you looking for?”

“Something special for my wife, she just got a promotion.”

“That is something I can help you with.” She moved down the aisle to the German wines and picked a bottle. “I spent two years in Germany near Trier— this particular winery has never disappointed me.”

The man took the bottle and raised his eyebrows. “I’m a Mercedes kinda guy. Thank you,” he said as he turned to leave.

“You’re welcome.”

At the checkout, she chatted with the young girl behind the cash register. When she returned to her car, a warm happy feeling began permeating her. I actually interacted with people, and I was nice—kinda like my old self. A genuine smile filled her face as she placed the wine in the seat and thought about having dinner with the women who had mysteriously come into her life.

>< >< ><

Raphaela sank into the hot water in the bathtub where she had sprinkled a liberal amount of her favorite herbs to give her that all-over relaxed feeling. As the warmth surrounded her, she mulled over the events of the day. This morning when I woke, there was no indication that by dinner Grand-mère and I would be actively seeking out our newest, and somewhat antagonistic, client to spend the evening with us. The events of the consultation followed by the visit to the clinic had Raphaela wondering if she dare broach the subject of dinner. Once she discovered that the woman had gone to her own doctor, she was certain that acceptance was out of the question. Providence or the spirit world had been on her side, and miraculously, Amanda had accepted.

Initially, she hadn’t been happy about her grand-mère’s insistence that they ask her to dinner. But, the more she thought about it, the more it made perfect sense, and frankly, she was looking forward to the evening. You could count on one hand the number of times she’d had anyone home to dinner—and those had been school friends when they were working on a paper. Not once had she brought someone home for the simple pleasure of doing so, not even her dear friend Sun whom she cared a great deal about. When she’d gone over to Amanda’s, she had considered the dinner merely something she would attend, so she could keep her grand-mère happy. Now…now, I’m not so sure. In fact, there was more than a normal bounce in her steps when she was going home.

Half an hour later, she pampered herself as much as time would allow and carefully chose clothes that didn’t give her the gypsy look. If necessary, she could hold her own in the dress department, but she found the garments that were classical and timeless were the ones she preferred. Tonight, I’m going to try to get Amanda completely at ease for no other reason than she deserves a little enjoyment and peace from her worries and pain. If we succeed, who knows how many more times it will take Amanda to get back on her feet? And, it will be worth it.

The Spanish style chicken she had prepared was cooking slowly, and if the aromas around the house were anything to judge by, it would be delicious. Then, she heard her grand-mère calling. She entered the bedroom and saw Luminitsa had not yet dressed for dinner. Amanda is due in ten minutes.

“You’re not dressed, Grand-mère, is anything wrong?” Concern flooded the younger woman’s face as she pressed a gentle hand to her grand-mère’s forehead.

“I’m perfectly well, Ray. Don’t worry yourself so. I’m very tired, and if you wouldn’t mind, I’d really like just a snack for dinner, and then I’ll go straight to sleep.” Luminitsa eyed her granddaughter. I’ve seen that suspicious look before. “Before you say anything, Ray, no, this wasn’t planned.”

Raphaela rolled her eyes. She loved the old woman deeply, but on occasion, Grand-mère had things arranged only to leave her to sort it out at the last minute. Now, as she peered closely at her grand-mère, she saw the fatigue etched in the weathered, yet beautiful face. “I’ll give Amanda your apologies, although she was looking forward to your stories. Why don’t I make up a little of the chicken dinner for you while you get ready for bed? I will bring you a tray once you’re settled in.”

The beaming smile she received told her its own story. “You may tell Amanda that she can call anytime, and I will relate any story she wants to hear. It is, after all, one of my most treasured pastimes.”

Raphaela left the room and heard a car drive up and stop, not on the street as on previous occasions, but in the drive. A faint smile crossed Raphaela’s lips as she quickly made her way to the door and opened it before Amanda was even out of the car. With a warm smile, she waved at the woman who exited her car with a brown paper bag in hand.

“Hey, how did you know I was here?” Amanda said as she reached the door. Smiling mischievously, she waggled her finger at Raphaela. “Did you read my mind?” When she saw the look on Raphaela’s face, she laughed.

“No, I don’t read minds, but I’m sure if I worked hard enough at it I might.” Things are working out just as we hoped. “Come on inside; dinner is almost ready.” A sudden thought struck her. “I hope you’re not vegetarian.” Raphaela waited anxiously for the answer. Things can go array without my even trying.

It felt good to laugh again, and Amanda took the opportunity to do it again. “No! Me like meat,” she said in her best cavewoman imitation. Holding out the bag she said, “I have it on good authority that this is excellent claret.”

Raphaela glanced at the brown paper bag and gave Amanda a wink of appreciation. “My grand-mère is going to wish she wasn’t so tired tonight.”

“She isn’t going to join us?” Amanda truly liked the old woman and was somewhat sad that she wouldn’t be having dinner with them. This means it will just be Raphaela having dinner with me. The thought, in a strange way, frightened her. “I’m sorry to hear that, I hope she hasn’t been taken ill because of our session today.”

As they walked further into the house, Raphaela showed her to the dining room. Since Luminitsa’s stroke, they no longer used the small cozy room, which was much to her chagrin. “No, she’s just tired. Sessions like yours take it out of her, which is why she doesn’t do it full time anymore. I can assure you she isn’t ill. When I tell her she’s missing out on the wine bought especially for her, she’ll be upset.” Raphaela stopped and thought for a moment. “I’m taking her dinner to eat in bed before we have ours, and I think a glass would go wonderfully with her meal. If you’d like, you could take her a glass while I dish up her plate. She’ll love you for it.”

Warmth crept into Amanda’s being as she thought of the older woman smiling as she brought her the glass of wine. Flashes of her own grandmother flickered for a moment making her smile inwardly. “I would be honored to take her a glass. She is a special woman, and you’re so lucky to still have her in your life.” She shrugged. “I lost both my parents several years ago and my grandmother at least a decade before that.”

The confession had Raphaela reeling for a few moments. Something significantly has changed in this woman…almost akin to the Jekyll and Hyde story. “You never lose anything, especially people you love. They are always with you and today more so as you’ve remembered them. I’ll let you uncork the wine and let it breathe for a few minutes. The glasses are in the cabinet to your left, and my grand-mère’s bedroom is the second door on the right. I’ll be in the kitchen,” she said pointing to an open door. “Sing out if you need me. Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes, so don’t let Luminitsa spellbind you with any of her stories.” Raphaela winked and left the room.

As she watched the woman leave, Amanda realized she hadn’t given her a corkscrew, so she did the only thing she could. “Raaaaphaeeeelaaaaa,” she sang out. “Where can I find a corkscrew?” She finished her song with the flourish of a falsetto.

From the kitchen, laughter echoed around the house as Raphaela bent over in hilarity. Amanda Lawson is fun, and I’m even more pleased that she agreed to the dinner invitation. Barely able to talk, she finally managed, “In the drawer of the hutch with the glasses. Did anyone tell you never to audition for the opera?”

It was Amanda’s turn to laugh. That felt good. Then, she couldn’t resist. “Yes,” she sang out before she found the corkscrew and opened the wine.

Raphaela popped her head inside the room and said, “Good, you’re far too talented as a comedienne,” before disappearing back into the kitchen.

Comedienne, indeed. While she waited for the wine to breathe, Amanda looked around the room and smiled when she heard Raphaela humming in the kitchen. With new eyes that saw the furnishings for the first time, she was impressed with not only the quality but also the quiet ambiance. The furniture was country French. The rich tones of the cherry wood with hand painted designs accented the contours, and what she suspected was hand-carved detailing. Several excellent Renoir and Monet prints adorned the walls along with a couple of magnificent portraits of a young woman who looked a lot like Raphaela. She didn’t recognize the artist but intended to find out who it was. She stood and gazed approvingly at her most favorite Renoir—The Bathers. How apropos. Deciding that the wine had breathed enough, she poured a generous portion into the glass and headed down the hallway to Luminitsa’s room. Tapping softly on the door, she waited.

“Enter, my dear, enter.” Luminitsa’s voice rang out.

Slowly and with some trepidation, Amanda opened the door and saw the older woman sitting up in her bed. “Raphaela said you might like a glass of wine.” She saw Luminitsa’s eyes light up. “I suspect she meant a small glass, but I thought you might enjoy a bit more since I understand claret is your favorite.” She moved closer to the bed and handed the woman the glass.

“Oh, you lovely girl, that looks delicious. How are you my dear? We were worried about you.” The older woman took the glass and sipped on the blood red liquid with relish. Her eyes rolled as she allowed the flavors to integrate with her senses.

Amanda had never really taken in Luminitsa completely and gazed at her intently. She could tell the woman had been, and still was, quite attractive. Her body appeared to be failing just as she saw her own grandmother’s deteriorate with age. But, a fire in the dark eyes that told Amanda the woman’s mind was strong and alert. “I…I wanted to ask…hmm…never mind, it wasn’t that important.” She felt blood rush to her face and was sure her cheeks were bright red.

With a charming, yet teasing twinkle in the eye, Luminitsa inclined her head slightly. “Don’t be shy, Amanda, ask away. Ray isn’t here, so you can ask about her if you want.”

A genuine smiled filled Amanda’s face. “It is nothing about your granddaughter,” she said as she felt her face grow even hotter. “Although I must admit, she has made me smile and laugh today, which I really liked…it felt good.” She sucked in a breath. “At our session this morning, did you see the face of the being you were communicating with?” Her eyes focused on the old woman. “I’ve been seeing someone in my dreams and…well…”

Luminitsa didn’t answer immediately. She sipped her wine and she savored it and the question. “Raquel is a lovely creature, wouldn’t you say? She might remind you a little of my granddaughter, except they are so different. You do share one thing with Raphaela, which is extraordinary.”

“And that is?” Amanda asked.

Luminitsa placed a hand on Amanda’s arm. A far away look in her eyes appeared as she answered, “You have the same spirit guide. Ray doesn’t always heed her spirit guide—she prefers the herbal medicine side of our gift and often ignores other signs. That is a detriment to her at times. Raquel will guide you well, Amanda.”

She pursed her lips. “Raquel came to me earlier while I was showering. It was as though she could read my thoughts, and I could swear I heard her voice, clear as a bell, speaking to me. How can that be?” she asked. “I don’t understand…mostly, I don’t understand why Raphaela and I share the same guide. I didn’t think that happened.”

There was a tentative knock on the door, and it opened as Raphaela peeked her head in. “If you two have finished talking about me, I’ll bring in your dinner, Grand-mère.” She entered the room and smiled at the sheepish look she received from both pairs of eyes. “Ah, so you were talking about me, shame on you both.” Laughing, she placed the tray on her grand-mère’s side table and leaned in to kiss Luminitsa’s cheek tenderly.

Raphaela was so close that Amanda could feel the heat of her body. “We weren’t talking about you really…it…it was more about me.” Embarrassed, she looked away and was fearful that she’d see the two women trade knowing glances. She didn’t know if it was the close proximity of Raphaela, Luminitsa, or the combination of them both that suddenly made her feel vulnerable. Taking a step backward, she tried to ease away from the women.

Raphaela felt the atmosphere change distinctly and gave the older woman an imperceptible nod before wishing her goodnight. She turned to Amanda with a friendly, but not over-powering smile and said, “Amanda, let’s go eat, I’m hungry…what about you?” She stood at the threshold of the door and gallantly waved Amanda through. Before closing the door, Raphaela gazed fondly upon her grand-mère who was completely absorbed in not only the delicious meal but the wine, too. After Amanda and I finish dinner, I’ll bring her a smaller refill as a nightcap. “I’ll be back to check on you, Grand-mère, and wish you a good night later.” Luminitsa looked up, smiled, and waved her granddaughter away with the flick of her fork. Raphaela smiled indulgently and followed Amanda to the dining room.

>< >< ><

Amanda tried to decide what she would say to Raphaela about the accusation of talking about her. The last thing she wanted to do was to alienate the woman and lose the fragile connection they appeared to have. Before she entered the dining room, she turned and looked directly at Raphaela. “The only mention your grandmother and I made of you was that you and I apparently have the same spirit guide, and I was asking how that could be.” She narrowed her eyes. “That was all we said.”

With a sparkle in her eyes, Raphaela replied. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Amanda. I’m an open book—anything you want to know about me I’ll gladly share. Of course, it means that there has to be a reciprocal agreement.” Pointing to one of the dining chairs, she said, “Please sit, Amanda. Tonight, I’m going to treat you to one of my great-grand-mère’s recipes, she was Spanish you know.” By leaving the room to collect the dishes and serve their meal, Raphaela gave Amanda no time to dwell on what she perceived to be a problem that didn’t exist.

Amanda blinked and shook her head at Raphaela’s words and let a small smile crease her lips. How did I get so lucky? She watched the doorway with anticipation of what was to come. “It sure smells good,” she called out.

Raphaela brought out the meal and placed it on the table. “Please, help yourself.” Smiling at the generous portion Amanda took, Raphaela commented. “Looks like you’re hungry.”

The blush on her cheeks didn’t stop Amanda from digging into the chicken. “Hmm, this is wonderful. Your great grandmother must have been a wonderful cook.”

“Yes, she was.”

Five minutes later, they were enthusiastically eating the scrumptious meal. Both women enjoyed the food so much that there was little in the way of chatter between them.

Raphaela looked across the table and remarked, “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you sooner…would you like me to pour you a glass of the wine you brought?”

Amanda finished swallowing a mouthful of the best chicken she had ever eaten and placed her fork on the plate. “I’m not much of a wine drinker, besides with the meds I take it wouldn’t be a good idea.” She smiled broadly, as she picked up her water glass and sucked out the few remaining drops. “Actually, I was wondering if you were ever going to ask if I needed more water.” A mischievous smile played around her lips. “I thought maybe only allowing your guest one glass of water was some weird gypsy custom. Had I known that, I would have rationed it better.” Amanda couldn’t stop the broad grin after seeing the horrified look on Raphaela’s face.

“I’m sorry, Amanda. You must think I’m horrible hostess.” She couldn’t hide the red creeping along her cheeks. Then she noticed the sparkle in Amanda’s eyes and realized she was teasing her.

“I was only joking,” Amanda said as she finally gave into laughter.

Raphaela, too, succumbed to the need to laugh and soon they were both dabbing the tears from their eyes. What had happened wasn’t very funny but proved to be a wonderful icebreaker. To Raphaela’s surprise, the woman who arrived at their home only days earlier in a state of desperation was now emerging as a witty and charming woman. It is amazing. I wonder though, is it all a sham for the evening and for my benefit. “You’re on to us gypsies, Amanda,” she said with a grin “Why not get your own, and we can make it our very own custom…the guest gets her own refills. What do you think…shall we do that?” she replied with a twinkle of her own in the eyes.

“Sure, why not,” Amanda eked out through her laughter and tears. She watched as her dinner partner brought her glass to her lips and lost it again. She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly as she tried to control her laughing fit–it didn’t work. Finally, she said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I think that is so funny. If you will excuse me, I will go to the kitchen and get some more water for myself.”

Reaching over, Raphaela placed a gentle hand on Amanda’s and felt the warmth and softness of the skin under her fingers. The experience of how pleasant it was to touch Amanda was not something she expected, and she removed her hand quickly. “No, let me.”

“But, I thought…” Amanda looked down at her hand that still tingled from the brief contact with Raphaela.

“I was only teasing you; besides, you can fetch your own water next time.” Raphaela stood up. “I’ll be right back. Laughter is a wonderful tonic, isn’t it?” Raphaela felt her senses responding to Amanda in a way that was foreign to her. I like the way it makes me feel. As she placed the water in front of the woman, she caught Amanda’s eyes and asked, “Where did you meet Gwen for the first time?” She saw a hint of sadness and added, “Look, I’m sorry, that is way too personal of a question to ask.” She spied the full water glass. “You can throw that water at me if you’d like.”

“And, waste the water I finally got? Not a chance.” Had anyone else asked her that question, Amanda would have instantly fallen into a deep depression, but she felt the need—no want—to tell Raphaela everything. “I taught English Literature at the university, and Gwen asked if she could audit my class.” She smiled at the memory. “I remember her knocking on the doorframe of my office. When I looked up, I saw this angel in green scrubs standing there. After that, it was history as they say.” She watched for any adverse reactions from the woman across from her and saw none. “I loved her from the first moment.”

“It must be wonderful to have found someone you can love like that. I can’t say I’ve ever been that fortunate. I envy you, Amanda, to have all those wonderful loving memories,” Raphaela replied as she twirled the stem of her water glass.

Amanda looked intently at the woman and noticed just how beautiful she was. “It is inconceivable to me that you have not found love.” Maybe she has been waiting for someone special. Again, she looked at Raphaela, and she felt the same way she did after the seizure when the woman held her. “Maybe you are waiting for someone special.” She shrugged as she continued to hold the gaze. “Maybe you’ve already found the right someone.” The vision of Raphaela hugging the doctor flashed into her mind, and she released the gaze.

Raphaela replied, “They say that everyone has another half, someone who mirrors his or her soul. They also say that you’ll know that person when you meet him or her. Did I tell you my grand-père was a trapeze artist? He saw my grand-mère in the audience and knew instantly she was the one…he was fifty feet in the air at the time.” A trickle of light laughter accompanied the story.

The sound of Raphaela’s laughter was oddly familiar to Amanda. “I think that sometimes we can see that person, but we try to ignore what is evident to everyone else around us. There are so many stories in literature in which a character stares across a room at someone he or she doesn’t know. As if in a dream, the character can pick up on a story the other person doesn’t even know he or she is telling.” She looked deeply into Raphaela’s hazel eyes. “Sometimes it is imagination; other times it is one heart speaking to another.”

A warm smile appeared on Raphaela’s face as she listened to Amanda. In many ways, she speaks just like Grand-mère. “You and my grand-mère must get together over coffee one day and trade thoughts. I think you’ll be infinitely surprised at how alike you think and feel about life. I’m the more practical one in the partnership, or that’s how my grand-mère views me. Practical isn’t so bad, and it helps others. I don’t want to spoil the mood, Amanda, but did you find what you were looking for today?”

Amanda heard the question but focused on the word partnership. “You’re lucky you have your grandmother. It’s sad to be alone.” She stared at her plate. “People have so many good intentions and promise to be there for you, but in the end, they forget you…forget their promises.” She lifted her eyelids. “Not that I blame them. They all had lives of their own to live.” Although her words should be those of someone who is sad and depressed, she was neither. “In answer to your last question, I don’t know if I found what I was looking for, but I know something has definitely changed.” A playful yet serious look crossed her face. “Would you like to go to Starbucks with me sometime? You never know, we may have similar thoughts, too.” She winked then looked hopefully at Raphaela.

With a burst of laughter at the audacious pick up line, Raphaela nodded. “Sure thing, I have a free lunchtime on Friday when Clara comes over to clean the house. I usually do a full day at the clinic, and she takes care of my grand-mère. Besides, how did you know I love Starbucks? Oh, don’t tell me,” she said holding her hand against her forehead. “Next you’re going to say the type of coffee I love. Right? And they call us mind readers…tsk, tsk,” Raphaela replied. “I hope you’ve left some space for dessert. I make a mean apple and cinnamon pie.” Still chuckling, she stood, collected the plates, and left for the kitchen and the final course of the meal.

Amanda watched her leave then stood up and stretched. After picking up some cutlery and other utensils, she followed Raphaela into the kitchen. She stood quietly and watched as the woman placed the dishes in the sink then moved down the counter to the waiting pie. She took in the motion of Raphaela’s hips, back, and shoulders that were broad and definitely proud. Her body reacted, and she had to look away for fear that the woman might pick up on her thoughts. “Um…I brought these out for you,” she said holding up the items.

Without turning around, Raphaela replied, “Thanks, you didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it. Would you do a favor for me and take a glass of wine to my grand-mère? I thought she might like a nightcap.” She looked at the wall clock. “She might be sleeping now, but with her you just never know. Oh, a small glass please, or I’ll have her singing through the night, and she, believe it or not, is worse than you!” This time Raphaela did turn and winked to take any sting out of her comment. The look she saw in Amanda’s eyes confused her but sent tingles down her spine.

She caught me; I know it. I bet she read my mind. Amanda felt her cheeks heating up as she said, “Sure thing.” She moved toward the wine bottle on the counter. “Might as well just take the bottle and pour some in the glass she already has.” She reached for the bottle and her hand brushed against the soft skin of Raphaela’s arm. “Sorry,” she said refusing to make eye contact. It has been a long time, but I still remember what being turned on feels like. “I’ll be right back.” At a speed that surprised her, she left the kitchen.

>< >< ><

Amanda tapped lightly on the partially opened door and waited for an answer. When she heard none, she nudged open the door a bit more, and in the light streaming in the room from the hallway, she saw that Luminitsa was sleeping. There was something about the way the light lit up the old woman’s face that made her look like a young girl. My god, she’s beautiful. There was something more–it was the serenity of those at peace with themselves and the world. Let me heal you with the light. What a burden it must be to have so much empathy for others in both this world and the next; yet she carries it off with a quiet dignity and strength of spirit that would put much younger people to shame. Quietly she pulled the door partly closed.

“Amanda.”

Surprised to hear her name, Amanda slowly pushed the door back open—the old woman appeared to be fast asleep. She took hold of the doorknob and began to pull until she saw a light creep in the room from a break in the curtains. Gradually, it moved across the room until it shone only on the old woman.

“Amanda, the one you seek holds your life in her hands. Trust and she will keep you safe.”

“What? Who?” she said as her eyes fixed on Luminitsa who did not move.

The light began to recede and soon the only illumination in the room came from the hallway lights. Amanda sucked in a deep breath. Raquel, I know you can read my mind. You’ve given me too many cryptic messages already today. Please just let me enjoy the evening with Raphaela.

>< >< ><

Raphaela reflected on the gaze Amanda gave her and something that was just out of recall tried to surface. The more she tried to dredge up the memory, the more it moved out of reach. With a wry expression, she cut the pie into six pieces and then removed the cream from the refrigerator. I’m enjoying this evening immensely, and Amanda is proving to be a wonderful guest. We should do this again soon…maybe once a week until we get to know each other better. Yes, once a week…that won’t be too overtly friendly will it? Placing the pie and cream on the serving platter, she re-entered the dining room to find Amanda walking back in at that same moment. “That was quick; was Grand-mère asleep?”

Amanda tried to shake Raquel’s words from her head the entire walk back to the dining room. One look at the woman who waited for her erased all thoughts of anything but Raphaela. “Yes, she was snoring softly.” She spied the dessert and licked her lips. “That looks really yummy.”

“Thank you. Eat as much as you want. I hate to admit this, but I’ll probably have seconds—this is my favorite.” Raphaela placed the platter in the middle, positioned a piece of pie on each of their plates, and handed the cream to Amanda.

Pouring the cream over the pie, Amanda felt her mouth react to the sight. She cut a generous piece and brought it to her mouth. “This is marvelous.”

Raphaela grinned at the expression on Amanda’s face. She looks like an excited child. It would be so easy to just sit here and watch her changing features. She didn’t want to be rude and began eating her pie slowly as she covertly watched Amanda. Amanda had polished off the first piece, and she offered her more, which the woman took with a delightful greedy expression. “When you come over for dinner again, I’ll have to make you a pie to take home.” She hadn’t realized that she had spoken her thoughts aloud.

“So we can do this again? I mean, have dinner together?” Amanda asked.

With a surprised glance at Amanda, who looked as if she was sure she had heard incorrectly, she nodded. The expressions on her dinner companion’s face made Raphaela want to reassure her by hugging her close. “Well, yes. We get on so well it would be a pity to let our new-found friendship disappear. Wouldn’t you agree? I was actually thinking that if it’s not too much of a liberty, once a week would be good. Or, whatever you want; I’ll be happy whenever you want to venture over.”

Amanda had to push her excitement down but was afraid that the grin on her face gave her away. I want to see her again and again. Although the thought sounded strange, it had the ring of truth, and she knew it was right. “Too much of a liberty…I think not. Perhaps it is not enough of a liberty since I was actually thinking of more often.”