Earthbound

By JM Dragon & Erin O’Reilly

>< >< ><

Prologue

“There’s a time and a place - there's a space and a race - one day soon you and I will meet and know we face our fate,” Raquel whispered to the two women as they slept separately. And so, their story began…

Chapter 1

“It would be so easy to end all the pain here and now,” Amanda Lawson said as she stared into the murky depths of the Susquehanna River. She rested her elbows on the rock wall of the narrow footbridge that crossed the river as an endless flow of tears coursed down her cheeks. The water, which increased in volume with each teardrop, lured her to surrender and become one with its icy coldness.

She took in the length of the bridge and wondered if she could somehow manage to climb over the wall. A new shiny penny peeking out from between two dandelions and a small patch of grass nestled close to the wall caught her attention. Time seemed to stand still as she gazed at the object. “Someone said that when you find a penny, you've been kissed by an angel.” She sighed as she picked up the coin and made a decision. “I've never taken the easy way before; why start now?”

Her feet were numb and her legs ached as she walked with determination back toward her vehicle. Once she got to her car, she turned back certain that she heard the water calling her name. Not today. She got in and flipped the switch to heat the seats. She knew the heat wouldn’t do much to ease the pain, but there was some degree of comfort in the warmth. She opened her fist and looked at the coin, shaking her head at her weakness before flicking it into the ashtray filled with other pennies. She moved the gearshift into drive and eased the vehicle away from the river and its insistent beckoning.

>< >< ><

There were other routes to get to her home, but for almost two years, she always took the same one. Her eyes scanned the side of the road until she saw the dilapidated billboard where a small white cross stood in front of it. The hard tires crunched on the gravel as the vehicle came to a rest on the shoulder. All that was left of the sign were red scripted letters spelling out EVIL along with a pair of cow's eyes and the barest hint of black, which had been the nose. At one time, Middleville Dairies had been a thriving business but now was only a sign—that if one thought about it read evil eyes. The sign marked the one-mile point from the house, and the place where her happiness ended…

It was a bright, late summer day as Amanda and her partner of eight years Gwen Witherspoon made their way back from their annual camping trip. They had spent a week communing with nature in the woods above Cayuga Lake, which is one of the Finger Lakes in upper New York State. This was their sixth end of summer sojourn to celebrate and renew their love and commitment to each other.

“Well, Ms. Amanda, I see you still haven't quite made it up the learning curve,” Gwen said with a playful lilt in her voice.

Amanda took her eyes off the road for a moment and frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, there is the small matter that for the sixth year in a row you have managed to burn yourself on our outing.”

“Hey, come on, that's not fair. The marshmallow would have landed on the ground and attracted bears.”

Gwen laughed. “Since when did we ever see a bear?”

“Well,” Amanda sputtered, “it could happen…you never know. Besides, I get to have my own private nurse take care of my injuries.”

“I will always be there to take care of you, my love,” Gwen said as she took her lover's hand. “Hey, look there's the evil eye. We're almost home.”

In the instant it took to say those words, both women's faces filled with horror as they saw a large cement truck barreling around the curve toward them.

“OH, MY GOD, NO,” Gwen screamed as she braced herself for the imminent impact.

Amanda jerked the steering wheel to the left to avoid the vehicle.

The crunch of metal on metal fractured the air as the impact spun their smaller car down a slight embankment.

Amanda felt herself pinned down by the airbag as she opened her eyes to the sting of blood seeping into them. Her nostrils filled with the smell of burning gasoline. “Gwen! Gwen! You okay? We’ve got to get out of here; I think the car’s on fire.” She heard nothing. Her throat hurt and her lungs ached as she called out again, “Gwen?”

“Hey, I'm fine, everything is good. Don't move until they come for us. Promise me you won't move.”

In the distance, Amanda heard the wail of sirens and said, “I promise,” before she passed out.

She heard her name being called, but couldn’t quite place where the sound was coming from. “Amanda, Amanda, try to open your eyes for me.” Hell no, lady, it’s not going to happen. “Amanda, open your eyes for me. You've been in an automobile accident, and I need you to open your eyes.” An accident? Gwen! Her eyes flew open and tried to fix on the source of the voice.

“That's good. Can you see me?”

She tried to focus, but all she could see was the brightness of an overhead light.

“Move that,” another voice ordered.

Amanda’s eyes darted around the room at the sterile whiteness and felt a sense of foreboding. Her throat was sore when she tried, but failed, to speak. Finally, she slurred, “Where am I?”

“You're in the hospital. You were in an accident.”

She pulled her hand up only to find it restrained. Her face, contoured with pain, scrunched up in question.

“Try not to move, Amanda. You've fractured your spine.”

With effort she whispered,” Gwen. I need her…she will…” The next voice she heard seemingly came from a long, lost memory.

“I need to see her,” the familiar voice demanded.

Amanda’s face went flat as recognition filled her consciousness. I know that voice…it’s Gwen’s mother.

“Mrs. Witherspoon, you may speak with her for a moment, but we need to get her to surgery.”

Amanda’s eyes focused on a woman and wondered why she was there. “Where’s Gwen?”

Carol Witherspoon glared at the battered, bloody body of her daughter's friend. In a hard, cold voice she said, “You were driving, weren't you?”

Terror and apprehension filled Amanda. “Gwen, I need Gwen. Where is she?”

A stern male voice scolded, “I'm going to have to ask you to leave. You’re upsetting my patient,”

Carol ignored the doctor’s request and frowned. “Now you think about her,” she said in a clipped voice.

“Please, you need to leave now.”

Amanda eyes filled with acknowledgment. “I remember,” she whispered. “You don't approve.” She grimaced as she gritted her teeth and asked, “Where's Gwen?”

Carol screamed, “She's dead! My daughter is dead; and it’s all your fault! This is your punishment for turning my daughter into a pervert!”

The doctor glared at the woman. “I will not have you distressing my patient or speaking to her in that way.” The doctor looked at the nurse. “Get security, and get this woman out of here.”

“NO!” Amanda gasped before consciousness abandoned her.

The next time Amanda opened her eyes she saw a round woman dressed in scrubs checking some machine to her right.

“Who are you?” She couldn’t speak above a whisper and found it difficult to swallow.

A bright smile greeted her. “Good. You're awake. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit.”

The woman laughed. “That's to be expected. I’m Sue Bishop, and I’m be your nurse.”

“Nurse? Where am I?”

“You're in intensive care. You were in an automobile accident. They say your airbag saved your life.”

“Airbag…” A memory invaded her mind...

Gwen flopped down on the couch next to Amanda and handed her an automobile brochure. “Take a look at this.”

“Whatcha got?” Amanda saw the green Ford Explorer that seemed to be floating over rugged terrain.

“Old Bessie has seen better days, and I was thinking that we can move up to an SUV.”

“But, old Bessie is paid for.” Amanda saw the crestfallen look. “Hey, I know we need a new car. Show me what you found.”

Gwen’s face lit up as she pointed to the spec sheet. “Look at all the features…it even has two airbags…I know how you love your safety equipment. We can take it on our camping trip in two weeks.”

“It will be longer than that before we can afford this.” Amanda held up the booklet and shrugged. “I'm sorry, but I promise you that I will do whatever I can to make it happen as soon as possible.” Her reward was a kiss and a squeal of delight.

A tear escaped from Amanda's eye with the memory. “I need to get out of here.”

“Dear, you've just had major surgery; you need to stay put for now.”

“NO, I need to go. I need to see her,” she cried.

“See who?”

“Gwen,” Amanda whispered.

A compassionate, sad look crossed the nurse's face. “They buried her yesterday.” Sue patted the distressed woman’s hand. “I worked with her for three years in the emergency room. She was a lovely woman, and one of our best nurses.” She shook her head. “What a waste.”

Amanda drew inward and cried. I never got to say goodbye.

>< >< ><

Three months later, Amanda was finally able to walk out of the rehabilitation hospital under her own power. Over the months, the people who visited her dwindled down until only one person came to see her on a regular basis. Katie Regan held her arm as Amanda cautiously walked to the waiting car.

“I did as you said, Amanda, and left everything the way it was in the house. I dusted and turned up the heat. Gwen’s mother tried to get in, but she couldn’t and read me the riot act after I had the locks changed.”

Amanda lowered her head as she wiped away a tear.” You didn't touch the bedroom, did you?”

Katie’s heart went out to her friend but said nothing since she knew Amanda was having a hard time with not only losing Gwen, but with the intense pain. “Do you want to go straight home?”

“No, I need to see her.”

Chapter 2

Now, Amanda stared at the small white cross emblazoned with Gwen's name. Her shirt, as always, was drenched with her tears. Once she was up to hearing the details, she found that Gwen had died upon impact, and that the man driving the truck died, too. The brakes failed, which caused his vehicle to go out of control when he tried to negotiate the wide curve. The man's employer and insurance company agreed to pay for all her medical bills along with a hefty sum for not suing them. She would have traded it all just to see Gwen one more time.

The rubber tires bumped over the shoulder until they were back on the pavement. Amanda drove past the road to her home for another two miles and turned into the cemetery. At first, she visited Gwen every day and found some measure of peace in the knowledge that she was near her lover. With the ever increasing pain that some days totally incapacitated her, she could only now visit twice a week.

“Hey, I'm back. I don't think you would have been happy with me today. I went to the river and actually considered ending it all. I know what you are saying, but I remember the poem…Do what you must and hold on tight/ If it takes you into eternity/ Do not let go of me or your life hold on tight/ Even if it is easier to let go hold on tight… Know what stopped me? I found a penny lying in the weeds, and I remembered the end of the poem. Hold on tight to my hand/ Even if someday I am not with you still hold on tight.” She pressed her hand against the headstone. “I miss you so much.” Tears that never seemed to stop streaked down her cheeks. “I have another appointment tomorrow with Dr. Banks.” Amanda smiled. “Do you remember me telling you that she spoke of you at my last visit? She seems nice, but I really don't think there’s any hope left. I want my life back…I want you back.” She touched her fingers to her lips, kissed them, and ran them across Gwen's name. “I'll be seeing you, my love.”

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Emily Banks opened the door to the examining room. “How are you doing today, Amanda?”

“I feel like shit.”

“I take it that the epidural has worn off,” the neurosurgeon commented.

“Yes, it really never alleviated the pain. Why not just give me another prescription for Oxycodone, and I’ll be on my way.”

The doctor looked at her patient and shook her head. “Not so fast, I need to examine you first.” She picked up the envelope with Amanda’s latest MRI and one by one snapped the films into the viewer. “I see there is further deterioration at L3 and L2.” She smiled and patted the table. “Lie down on your side.”

Amanda complied and then felt the doctor’s gentle fingers probing her spine. “Damn, you found the right spot.”

“Sorry if I hurt you.” Dr. Banks looked back at the films. “The radiologist found fluid between the joints. I think that another injection will help alleviate some of that pain.”

Amanda closed her eyes and sighed. “I don’t want to do that.”

Emily lightly touched Amanda’s shoulder. “You can sit up now.” The doctor gently rotated her patient’s ankles. “Why don’t you want to try? It might be just what you need.”

Amanda looked at the doctor. “In one of those pain management classes you sent me to, I was told that there are worse things than pain. They were right, pain is nothing compared to losing Gwen.” Her eyes tracked to a poster on the wall then back to the doctor. “Every time I hurt, it reminds me of the pain of losing her…that hurts the most.”

“You need to move on. The Gwen I knew wouldn’t want you to keep punishing yourself this way.”

Tear-filled eyes threatened to brim over. “I considered jumping off a bridge a few days ago.”

“What stopped you?”

Amanda shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“Will you please consider having another epidural?”

She lifted her shoulders and sighed. “Sure, why not. Maybe it’ll work this time.”

“Yes, it might. How are you coping with these?” Emily asked, tapping on the braces.

“On a really hot day, Doc, you should try having your legs encased in plastic—it is a wonderful experience.” She couldn’t help her sarcastic tone. “I hate them.”

“Maybe so, but they keep you upright.” Dr. Banks said as she manipulated Amanda’s legs.

Amanda strapped on her leg braces as she watched the doctor jot down notes. “I need more meds.”

The doctor took out her prescription pad and began to scribble before handing the piece of paper to her patient. “I have written a prescription for the physiologist, so you can have another round of injections.” Emily scribbled again. “This is for the Oxycodone and Darvocet. I want you to use them like we did when you first got out of the hospital.” She fixed her eyes on Amanda. “Only use the Oxycodone when the pain is overwhelming.” She looked sternly at Amanda. “Is that clear?”

All Amanda could do was blow out a breath and say, “Yep, I got it.”

Emily sat down next to Amanda and compassionately patted her hand. “Tell me more about your last session with Rita.”

Rita Reiter, a grief counselor, had been advising Amanda for almost a year. The woman had contacted Emily a week earlier concerned about Amanda’s lack of progress.

Amanda shrugged. “Not much to tell. She told me I needed to move on and forget about Gwen.” Amanda’s eyes filled with tears as they always did when she spoke of her dead lover. “She doesn’t seem to understand that I can’t do that. I just want her back.”

“Other than Gwen, what do you want?”

“My life…I want my life back.” Amanda smoothed her blonde hair back with her hand. “Did I ever tell you I was a decent tennis player before this happened?”

“Did you know there are many handicapped people who enjoy sports?”

“Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t think I want to aspire to star in the crippled Olympics.”

“What else did you do before that you would like to do again?”

“I had the best garden in town. My tomatoes were legendary for size and taste.” She wiped away a tear. “I can’t do any of that now.” Her eyes were distant and sad. “I just want to be happy again,” she whispered. “I just want my life back.”

The doctor wrapped her arm around Amanda’s shoulders in comfort. “You can’t have the exact life you once had back, but maybe we can figure out a way, with some modifications, for you to get back to doing the things you used to love.”

manda smiled sardonically then laughed. “What will help is a backbone replacement, and as far as I know, that isn’t a possibility.” The smile left her face. “Do you have any idea what it is like to pray each day that it will be your last?”

“Have you been taking the antidepressants I prescribed?”

“Yes,” Amanda said.

“Gwen is gone,” Emily said.

Anger blazed in Amanda’s eyes. “Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think that with each breath I am not painfully aware that she is no longer here?” Amanda only referred to Gwen as being gone, but never dead.

“I know, but you need to move on, and stop living in the past. Gwen would never want you to still be grieving.”

“You don’t know what Gwen would or would not want.”

“Tell me the one thing that you remember the most about her.”

All bravado and cynicism left Amanda’s voice when she spoke of Gwen. “She is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. You know the saying she’d give you the shirt off her back?” She looked at Emily for acknowledgment and felt the arm around her tighten. “That is who Gwen is. If she has something that someone admires or wants, she will give it to him or her.” Amanda laughed. “She always speaks in est… the biggest, the best, the nicest, the greatest…there is never any middle ground for her–something is either right or it is wrong.” She shook her head. “If she were standing here right now, she would talk with you for a little bit then she would either like you or not.” She wiped an errant tear from her cheek. “You are compassionate, and that is one of the traits she always looks for in people. It is what makes her a great nurse…she cares.”

Emily nodded and smiled. “She was one hell of a nurse. I was always glad when I went to the ER, and she was working.”

Pained blue eyes fought to hold the flood of tears back. “You miss her, too.”

“Yes, I do.” Emily hugged Amanda then released her hold. “How is that editing job going?”

Amanda scrunched her face. “Oh, it is okay. Not like teaching English Lit.” She sighed. “I guess it is my salvation in a way.”

“What do you mean?”

“It gives me something to do.” She shook her head. “It is about the only thing I can do now.”

“Amanda, if I send you some information on coping with disabilities, will you a least look them over?”

A snort preceded a frown. “I already told you that I’m not into that handicapped stuff.”

“Please, just look at it.”

She nodded her head and capitulated. “Sure, why not?”

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As she did every time she arrived home, Amanda sat in her car and anticipated Gwen opening the door and waving to her. She never did but carrying on their ritual of greeting each other when coming home somehow consoled her. She dragged her bone-tired body out of the car, knowing it would take several days to bounce back from visit to the physiologist. The shot that pinpointed the area where fluid had built up had been excruciating, and it would be several days before she would know if it worked. Her main goal was to get inside and find the easy chair that would allow her to put her aching legs up. She was a few feet from the front door and felt her body tumble to the ground. “Shit,” she exclaimed as she rolled over and sat on the soft grass. “So much for that shot working.” She struggled to her knees and from a kneeling position, slowly stood up.

Every nerve cell in her back cried out with pain as she put the key in the lock. Once she was finally inside, she let out a heavy sigh and walked, with as much speed as she could muster, toward the cabinet that she had recently restocked with medication. After she dumped two white pills into her hand, popped them into her mouth, and chased them down with water, she closed her eyes. One fifty-milligram tablet was all she was supposed to take, but her back cried out for two. If that doesn’t work, I’ll take more.

Her eyes remained closed until the familiar feelings of Gwen’s presence filled her consciousness. At times, she was certain that she could feel her lover’s hand brush across her face or her breath whisper in her ear. Why don’t you show yourself to me? As time passed, it took longer to feel Gwen’s presence, and that caused Amanda to worry that Gwen’s spirit no longer remained. It is all I have left of her.

Her feet carried her to the bedroom door, where she opened it and stared into the room’s dark depths. A blast of cold air hit her face on. Nothing of Gwen’s had been moved or changed since her death. She walked farther into the room, opened the closet that held all of Gwen’s clothes, and took a deep breath. A small smile played around her lips as she closed her eyes again, hoping beyond hope that when she opened them, Gwen would be standing there with outstretched arms. She turned her body quickly as she opened her eyes to feel, rather than see, her lover. Tears once again threatened to spill out of her eyes when she realized she had seen nothing.

Amanda made her way into the bathroom with shorts and a t-shirt in hand and sat down on the toilet. Clothing with elastic waistbands was easier to put on and take off, and she dug her hands along her bare skin and pushed downward letting her pants and underwear fall to the ground. She took off her shoes, undid the Velcro strap around her plastic braces, and removed them before stepping out of the garments. Soon, as was her morning and nightly ritual, she was dressed. Early on, she found there was much less strain on her back if she dressed sitting down.

When she had finally made it to her recliner, she noticed the flashing light on the answering machine. “Must be someone soliciting something. No one calls me anymore.” At first, her friends were gentle and kind, but as the days turned into weeks then months and Amanda adopted a depressed, morose attitude, they slowly gave up on her. Katie Regan was the only one who would ever call, but that was only on holidays. She reached out and pressed the button. “I want my daughter’s belongings. How can you be so cruel as to deny me something to remember Gwen by? Please, I’m begging you.” Carol Witherspoon’s voice sounded as if she had been crying. Like I care what you want, lady. She hated the woman whom she was sure spent her every dime on lawyers in an attempt to get Gwen’s things.

Both women knew that to make sure no one would interfere with their final wishes they needed to make out wills leaving everything to each other. Mrs. Witherspoon did everything possible to break them apart. Even when Gwen warned her mother about not making her choose between Amanda and her, the woman refused to listen. Amanda shook her head as she remembered the last time Gwen’s mother came to the house…

Once she was released from rehab Amanda returned home and found that Carol Witherspoon pounded on her door at least once a week. The conversation never varied. “Let me in,” the woman demanded. “You can’t shut me out.”

“You have no rights to anything in this house. Go away,” Amanda countered. “Gwen made me her beneficiary not you!”

“You brainwashed her!”

“No, your actions made her angry. If you only had attempted to meet us half way, you could have had anything you wanted. But, I know what Gwen’s true feelings were, and I’m going to respect them.”

The woman banged on the door harder. “Let me in!”

“There’s nothing here for you, Mrs. Witherspoon. Go away!”

A sudden blast of wind seemingly came out of nowhere. Amanda’s brow creased as she turned in the direction of the air. The windows are all closed. “Gwen? Gwen, is that you?” her lonely voice echoed throughout the empty room. “Gwen?” Nobody answered. She lowered the footrest and got up as pain shot through her back. Nevertheless, she walked toward the direction of the blast of air. On a chair next to the table where photos of happier times resided, she saw a phone book that had blown open.

“Where’d that come from?” She bent over with care and picked up the phone directory, closing it, but keeping a finger in the page. “Nineteen ninety-nine?” She laughed. “Gwen never does throw anything away.” She reopened the book and looked at the selection. “What the…Spiritual Healers.” In the middle of the right page was a large box that showed two hands open and a caption underneath that read, “Let me heal you with the light–Luminitsa can help your body and soul.”

“Gwen,” she called again as tears leaked from the corner of her eyes. “Faith healers, yeah, right. More like smoke, mirrors, and take all your money.” In anger, she threw the phonebook down. “I shouldn’t have taken the second dose; I think the pills are making me hallucinate.” She sat back down, raised the footrest, put a pillow under her knees, and extended the chair backward. Sleep, which often eluded her, came fast that evening.

Amanda opened her eyes and marveled at how refreshed she felt. Cautiously, she stretched her body and found the familiar pain and stiffness was gone.

“Hey, sleepyhead, get a move on,” the voice said.

Her eyes widened. “Gwen?”

“The one and only.”

“But…I thought you…”

“We can talk later. Right now, you need to get up if we are going to beat the traffic.”

“Traffic?”

“To the lake and camping.”

“But…”

“Babe, come on, chop, chop.” Gwen flashed her biggest and best smile. “I’m going to jump in the shower; then it’ll be your turn.”

Amanda watched as Gwen disappeared into the bathroom, and she heard the water turn on. That knob has always been squeaky. She then slapped her arm to make sure it was all real. Ow. Maybe it has all been a dream, so when we return from our trip, we can be on the lookout for that truck. Wow, wait until I tell her this one. She laughed and got up. It was all a dream. Damn, this is gonna be a great day. As she put her hand on the bathroom doorknob, she heard the water shut off. When she pulled the door open, instead of the warm steam she had expected cold prevailed. The room was empty, and in reaction, she fell to her knees. Big copious tears dripped from her eyes. It hadn’t been a dream. “Gwen,” she wailed as she lie down on the cold tile and wrapped her arms around her knees. “Why?”

Time for her seemed to move slower and slower, and she didn’t know how long she had been on the bathroom floor. The insistence of the ringing had her struggling to get up and move in its direction. “Hello.”

“Amanda, is that you?”

“Yes, who’s this?”

“Emily Banks. How are you doing? Didn’t you get the epidural yesterday?”

Amanda shook her head in an attempt to dislodge the thoughts of Gwen, and the earlier events.

When she hadn’t heard a response, Emily became concerned. “Amanda, are you okay?”

“Yeah, um…I fell when I got home yesterday.”

“Did you hurt yourself?”

She pondered the question. How much more can I hurt? “No…I’m not sure, but I don’t think it helped the effects of the shot.”

“Did you have your braces on?”

“Yeah.”

“What made you fall?”

“My left foot drags. I think I caught it on something.”

“You should have the brace looked at, so you can get better support.”

It was at that moment she made a decision. “No, I don’t think I will,” she said with determination. “I am done with wasting my time going to doctors and therapy. It is all just a big joke, and a way to make money.”

“That’s not true. If it were, I wouldn’t be calling you.”

“Listen, Doc, I appreciate all you have done. You are one of the few good ones. I have come to the realization that how I feel right now is as good as it is ever going to get. I have to learn to deal with that and accept it. There is nothing you or anyone else can do to fix me…I’m damaged goods that can’t be repaired.”

“Have you spoken with a priest, minister, or rabbi?”

“What kind of god would do this to me? It is bad enough that I have to limp around, but he took Gwen, too. I don’t want any part of anything that destroys love.” Brief anger filled Amanda’s voice but was gone as soon as the words stopped.

Emily heard the strong words but also noted the lack of conviction behind them. Has she lost all hope? “I don’t want you to give up, Amanda. We will find an answer.” The doctor’s voice was level and compassionate. “Have you considered complimentary therapies?”

Amanda laughed sarcastically. “You mean voodoo and witch doctors?”

“No, I mean acupuncture, meditation, homeopathy, or holistic medicine. In conjunction with traditional medicine, some of them have worked for patients.”

“Well, that is not for me. I will visit my doctors when I’m told, so I can continue getting my meds, but other than that, I am through.”

“Please don’t give up, Amanda,” Emily said.

“What’s the point in doing anything more? If you come up with some miracle treatment for pain, let me know; otherwise, I am done.” She hung up the phone without hearing a response. Any hope she felt was gone, and the best she could look forward to now would be to die peacefully. With the degree of pain escalating, she made her way to the drawer that held her medicines, and a measure of relief.

Chapter 3

Two weeks later, Amanda dumped the last of her pills into her hand. She had been doubling up in hopes that Gwen would reappear, but she hadn’t. She now had to decide which doctor to call to get a refill. “I can’t believe my life has now become so out of control,” she said as she wiped her face. She bent her head backward and opened her moist eyes. “Gwen, why did I have to be the one to live?” she screamed. “Why did I kill you?” she sobbed.

A cold gust of wind blew on the nape at her neck, and she turned around to see the source. The windows are all closed and so are the doors. She felt a distinct corridor of cold and moved in its direction. Once again, she looked at the old phonebook that had seemingly blown open to the same pages. She stared at the advertisement on the right side of the page and read, “Let me heal you with the light.” It’s nothing but a rouse. No one can heal me, Gwen, no one! This is a message from you. You want me to visit this person; what else can it be?

She tore out the page and dialed the number.

“Hello.”

Amanda’s mouth flew open, but she didn’t know what to say. My lover, who has gone away, sent me a sign to call you. That sounds lame. “Hi, I was wondering if I might speak with Luminitsa.” She held her breath.

Luminitsa is my grand-mère, and she is indisposed at this time. May I ask who you are?”

“Amanda Lawson.”

Silence filled the airwaves for almost a minute. “I’ve been waiting for your call.”

Dumbfounded, Amanda blurted, “No, you haven’t.”

“My name is Raphaela, and I have been waiting for your call for almost two years.”

“This is some kind of trick, right? You’re playing me.”

“I assure you there is no slight of hand here. Luminitsa had a vision from a young woman who asked for us to help her lover. She said the name was Amanda. She was very worried about you and asked us to save you.”

“You’re just guessing. I told you my name.”

“Amanda, how did you get this phone number, and my grand-mère’s name?”

“Out of the phonebook, of course.”

“Luminitsa stopped running ads six years ago.”

“The phonebook was from 1999. It just appeared one day, and somehow the pages were opened to your grandmother’s ad,” Amanda said. Can it be? Did Gwen do all this? “I bet you don’t know…”

“Gwen, her name was Gwen. You lost her in a car accident on August seventeenth.”

Just when she thought there were no more tears, they welled up again. “Help me. Please, help me,” she sobbed.

Amanda’s soaked t-shirt clung to her body chilling her as she scanned the advertisement again. Although she didn’t see any tarot cards, astrological symbols, or palms, she was certain that was exactly the kind of person whom the Luminitsa woman would turn out to be.

“Amanda, are you still there?”

“Yes.”

“Will you come to visit with my grand-mère tomorrow morning?”

Amanda surrendered to a power that seemed to be pulling her in Luminitsa’s direction and said, “Yes.”

“Will ten be good for you?”

“Sure.” She sank further into her chair as she hung up the phone. “I bet when I get there tomorrow I’ll see a dark, smoke-filled room with a small round table that has a crystal ball sitting in the middle of it.”

She picked up a photo of Gwen and herself taken on their last camping trip. She sobbed as she remembered the moment…

“There you go, babe, a perfect hamburger that’s medium rare with cheddar cheese.” Amanda presented the meal with all the flair of an internationally known chef. “Would Madame care for some accoutrements with her filet de hamburger?” she said with her best French accent.

Gwen laughed. “Oui, oui, mon amour.”

Amanda waved her hand across a tray. “Ah, we have le catsup, le lettuce, le onion, and one very limp slice of le tomato.”

Beside herself with laughter, Gwen took the tray and pulled her lover toward her. “You, my love, are wonderful. I don’t know what I would ever do without you.”

“No worries about that happening because I will come back and haunt you.”

Gwen hugged Amanda closer then laughed. “Can’t do that ‘cause I don’t believe in ghosts or the afterlife.”

Amanda pulled back. “You mean if you died you wouldn’t hang around?”

Once again, Gwen laughed. “No need to worry about that, Babe, ‘cause it ain’t gonna happen until we are old and wrinkled.”

Amanda tried in vain to stifle the flow of moisture. “But you did leave me, and now I think you are sending me messages! I must be crazy. You told me you wouldn’t do that.”

She looked at the photo again and picked up Luminitsa’s advertisement: “Let me heal you with the light.” Are you trying to reach me, Gwen? She felt a cold blast of air hit only the wetness on her t-shirt, which sent a shiver up her spine. She reached for the bottle of pills and shook out two Darvocet. She looked at the white pills, popped them in her mouth, and chased them down with a full measure of whiskey. She leaned back and closed her eyes while she waited for the moment when the pain was gone. The whiskey would increase the effect, and she knew she wouldn’t have to wait more than thirty minutes. Soon, she felt as if a squeegee was making its way down her body eradicating the pain and replacing it with numbness. She could do with numb for it meant her mind would stop tormenting her.

Chapter 4

She rested her small hand on the glass doorknob before quietly opening the door. The room was dark except for sunlight that streamed in around the closed shutters.

“Grand-mère,” Raphaela said.

“Finally,” the older woman said. “She has found you at last.” A serene smile crossed Luminitsa’s face as she held out her hand. “So much time has been lost, and so much pain has been endured. What a waste.”

Raphaela, with her large globe earrings that were reminiscent of the disco ball in the ceiling of the old dancehalls glinting in the dappled sunlight of the room, bent to kiss her beloved grand-mère’s velvet lined cheek. “She has found us, Grand-mère. Perhaps it was how fate intended it to be—that she had to suffer so. Now we can help her. Isn’t that what we do?”

Ah, young people of today. Even her granddaughter, who was wise beyond her years in most things, felt the need to hurry things along occasionally. When she is as old as I, she will realize that time marches on very quickly indeed. Yet some things need help in that direction. “Yes, my darling, that is what we do. Have you arranged for her first consultation?”

“Tomorrow morning at ten,” she said with a smile. “That way you will have time to wake leisurely and be rested when she arrives.”

Luminitsa smiled tenderly at her only daughter’s child. “That will do very well. It also gives you plenty of time to do what you do each day before you bring me breakfast.”

With a vague expression of agreement, Raphaela looked at the clock. It was a quarter after twelve and time for her grand-mère’s lunch. “I’ll fetch you lunch, and then we can discuss how we need to handle Amanda. From what I heard in her voice, she is very fragile,” she said absently. She left her grand-mère alone in her comfortable room surrounded by the “mementoes of life” as she called them.

Luminitsa watched the child go. Child was not exactly how Raphaela would be termed by anyone else. She is, after all, thirty-two years old. Luminitsa’s memories of her birth had a bittersweet reflection—as the baby took her first breaths of life, her mother drew her final ones. Giselle had been such a volatile but adorable child. Though she did possess the gift of their family, she chose not to embrace it. That had been a hard blow to take, but one Luminitsa had taken with aplomb. How could she not, for she loved her child deeply? When Giselle had run off at eighteen and married a virtually unknown and impoverished French artist, there had been no question as to whether she would stand in her way. For, although Luminitsa had known her daughter’s ultimate fate and that of her lover, destiny had decreed that it was to be, and all she could do was watch.

When the baby had been born and Raphaela’s father had broken down in grief, Luminitsa took over the child’s upbringing. One month to the day, the small child’s father committed suicide in a Paris ghetto. Out of so much sorrow came Raphaela who had shown an aptitude for the family’s special gifts from the very early age of three. The flamboyant lifestyle that Luminitsa led while traveling with a traditional gypsy caravan took the girl all over Europe.

The experience assured that Raphaela could gain a wealth of understanding about people by studying how different individuals perceived life, and the changes bestowed upon them both good and bad. For the first twenty years of her life, Raphaela and her grandmother held great stature among the European royalty as well as other affluent and influential people. Luminitsa and her granddaughter’s reputations for their gifts of second sight and abilities to communicate with the departed were renowned and much sought after.

Shortly after that time, Luminitsa decided that it was time to stop traveling and put down some roots so that her granddaughter could attend college. For a long time, Raphaela wanted to study herbalist medicines, and there was such a course available at the Institute of Natural Healing in Wintersville, Ohio. Once they had settled in the small town, Luminitsa opened a small shop with an attached house for her spiritualist work and as a home for Raphaela to do her studies. Once her granddaughter had completed her education, it was their intention was to travel again. They did make it as far as the mountains of downstate New York, but time marched on, and Luminitsa’s body began to weaken. Now, twelve years after traveling to the United States and remaining in the town they called home, part of Luminitsa longed to be out traveling the roads again. Raphaela appeared not to mind either way, which worried her greatly.

Although Luminitsa had been able to keenly pick up the fate of her own daughter, her granddaughter remained as much a spiritual mystery as she was the day she was born. It was probably for the best—they were then like everyone else and could live out their lives in blissful ignorance of what fate had in store for them. Other people, such as Amanda Lawson, were another thing altogether. It will be interesting, very interesting. This one case has eluded us. All she knew was that the woman was important to them both. Rubbing her hands together at the thought of getting her teeth into work after a long absence, Luminitsa didn’t hear her granddaughter re-enter the room until she spoke.

“You look like you’re planning something cheerfully wicked, Grand-mère.” Raphaela said, with her hazel eyes twinkling, mirrored her amusement at her grand-mère’s guilty expression.

“Why I am, my dear, I am. Amanda Lawson may be fragile, but she’s going to be in the gentlest hands possible when she meets us tomorrow. Isn’t that so?”

Raphaela grinned as she placed the crouton filled French onion soup with the soft, freshly baked baguette on the table beside her. “Yes, she will be. As we are both aware, she means a great deal to us already. Now, please eat, or you’ll be turning your pretty nose up when it gets cold.”

Both women laughed as they settled down to the meal with their thoughts on Amanda Lawson. How would they handle her precarious state?

>< >< ><

Raphaela smiled as she watched her beloved grand-mère sleeping peacefully. The woman was the only family she had, and the only one she had ever known. A small part of her had wondered briefly, as a teenager, what her father’s family was like, but as other events became more interesting in her life that petered out. Beyond that, she had thought nothing of them, as they had obviously no interest in her. She lived the life of a gypsy with her grand-mère, which was a marvelous and colorful experience filled with happiness for the most part. The culmination of the life was the unexpected meetings of cultures, and the various people who populated them. If anyone said that she had lived a lifetime’s experience in her first twenty years, she would have willing testify to the truth of the statement.

The special gift bestowed upon on her at birth had long been a cherished entity of the female line of her ancestors. That aspect roared into her life when she had been barely out of her diapers. Perceiving dead people had been a game when she was three. For her, they were playmates that others, except Luminitsa, had thought were nothing but a figment of the imagination of a lonely child always on the road. She was by no means lonely and knew she would never be alone. Her talent frightened many, but she delighted in her gift and accepted those souls as welcomed friends. At three, she had been too young to use her power for anything but her own sustenance. The loving hands of her grand-mère trained her in honing her power for the greater good, as she called it, when her capabilities blossomed during her teenage years. Her mission was to help those who had trouble crossing over, and those, still on this side, who refused to allow them to go.

When Luminitsa had announced they were going to live in America, she had been stunned. Up until that point, her life had been one of roaming the gardens of Europe. Royalty, as well as powerful and poor men and women, clambered to have audiences with Luminitsa making her life exciting and safe. Traveling to America, even on the pretext of her education, had been scary, and she felt after the freedom the road allowed them it would be claustrophobic. Luminitsa’s father had been an American, and although they were required to complete copious forms, they eventually immigrated to the United States–it was Luminitsa’s birthright. Surprisingly for her, where they first settled in a small town in Ohio, she found the difference almost as interesting as her time in Europe. Although her earlier education took place in her travels, she was able to take an equivalency exam that allowed her admission to the school. For the first time in her life, she actually attended a formal educational establishment. While studying to become a medical herbalist, she learned a kinder, gentler way of healing. She had an advantage over the other students for she had gathered knowledge beyond her years from many of the gypsies in their travels across Europe.

Soon after she obtained her degree, she joined her grand-mère’s spiritual business as a complimentary yet integral part. Raphaela loved to hunt for and gather her own plants. The area around the Ohio town was not particularly conducive for growing herbs, so they moved to a small town near Ithaca, New York where the forest areas provided a bounty of herbs. For the next three years, they enjoyed a thriving working partnership before Luminitsa’s health began to deteriorate after a mild stroke. It was then that they decided to allow the legend of Luminitsa to retire. It hadn’t been easy. How do you stop an eighty-five year old active mind from doing what had become a lifetime’s work and joy? Gradually, they had agreed to take only cases that were impossible for modern people and medicine to cure.

Over the last three years, they had only taken on six such cases. The one case that had been unresolved and continued to haunt them was Amanda Lawson. Fates had dictated that they could not seek her out but had to wait patiently for her to approach them. Only when the woman was as low as she could go would the human defense mechanism kick in. For some, as in her own father’s case, it meant death; and for others, it would be the act of reaching out for the implausible—Raphaela and Luminitsa were that incredible link. Amanda Lawson seemingly had finally accepted that alone, and despite modern medical techniques, she was not able to function in this life.

With a slight frown on her face, Raphaela recalled the phone conversation with the woman. She sensed that it had been hard for Amanda to admit her low ebb but was glad that she did. They finally had a chance to solve the puzzle that had been growing in both her and her grand-mère’s mind. Why is this woman so important to us? Raphaela reached for her purse as she glanced at the clock—if she didn’t move fast, she’d be late. An amusing thought having trickled through her mind as she considered how she and Luminitsa looked to the public in general. Charlatans, I guess. Out to make a fast buck on the unfortunate’s sorrow. However, she preferred to think of them as intermediaries between life and death by giving a new hope of light to those who suffered on both sides. Although Amanda didn’t know that she was responsible for Gwen’s pain on the other side, that one action was preventing either woman from moving forward. Yes, it is time to shake Amanda into what life has in store for her and allow Gwen to, at last, travel another path. After locking the door of their small comfortable house, she proceeded toward the bus stop, and her twice-daily date.

>< >< ><

The short bus ride gave Raphaela time to reflect when both she and her grand-mère felt the presence of the entity that called itself Gwen. Luminitsa had been adamant that she find the woman called Amanda Lawson. “There is no time to waste, Ray. We need to find her immediately.”

For grand-mère to be so resolute, she must have been receiving the same bad vibes that I have for the last couple of weeks. Out of mutual respect and as a courtesy to each other, they rarely shared the experiences they received from the other side unless it was essential. This time it appears that it is.

Finding Amanda Lawson initially hadn’t been easy. However, eventually via a woman who used to work with Amanda and small fragments of information she had gleaned from her visitations by spiritual entities, she had been able to track her down. Fortunately, she was in the same vicinity saving them time and money.

Spending the few leisure hours that she had each day pretending to be a private detective wasn’t how she planned to spend her precious R&R. However, Luminitsa had said it was essential they watch over the woman and watch over her she did as best she could for two months. Due to other commitments, she varied the hours she observed Amanda, and it only took two weeks to find that the woman was predictable. She shopped once a week, mainly going to the pharmacy. She visited the hospital and her doctor regularly and occasionally walked around her garden listlessly, and, from the pain etched in her face, with difficulty. On more than one occasion, Raphaela’s heart went out to the woman. The injuries she had sustained in the car accident not only robbed her of someone she loved dearly but often sent her tumbling to the ground. She would watch, as Amanda would grit her teeth before she would ungainly drag herself to her feet and defeated, retreat into her house.

The house was where she spent a good deal of her time. One thing that made Raphaela even more compassionate toward the woman was the fact that at no time during her observations had anyone called on her. From all appearances, she had no family or none that was close by. Either friends were out of town the whole time or she had none. What is it like to have no one who cares about you? As the weeks passed, the expression of defeat on Amanda’s face etched itself like a permanent portrait. Inside, she clearly had lost all hope, and that made Raphaela weep silently for the woman. Those who have passed and loved her are right to be concerned. This woman has no hope left. Darkness of not only her mind, but also of the broken body that stubbornly refused to heal enveloped her. How can I infiltrate myself into such a person’s psyche?

Several days before Amanda contacted them, Raphaela had followed her to a bridge and almost had to step in when the woman looked as though she might jump. But, she had felt less wary as a peaceful sensation filled her body, and she knew whoever was contacting them had arrived to save Amanda. When the woman bent to pick up a lone penny, Raphaela knew that a higher body had intervened. She knew that she was no longer needed and left to report to her grand-mère. Two days later, Amanda Lawson had called them, and they hoped that at last all their questions had answers.

Chapter 5

She sat in front of the ordinary looking house for fifteen minutes. The place was not what she had expected for there were no neon signs or the outline of a hand; it was just a plain house with trees and grass. “They probably have a spell on me to see it like this. I bet they are charlatans wanting to make a fast buck off my misery.” For a moment, her hand reached for the ignition key, but something stopped her. Gwen’s words: “even if I’m not there hold on to my hand.” She had taken an extra measure of medicine to ensure that her mind emptied of all thoughts of her lover—it did not work. “Okay, okay, I’ll go in.”

She opened the car door reluctantly and gingerly stepped out onto the pavement. She let out a small laugh as she remembered Gwen calling the door handle an “oh, shit” handle when she let go and closed the car door. She closed her eyes as all traces of the laugh disappeared, and she wondered if Gwen grabbed onto it and said, “Oh, shit” when she saw the truck coming at them. Shaking her head, she looked at the house again. Will I find you in there, Gwen? With slow purpose, she made her way to the front door and raised her fist to knock.

Raphaela had heard a vehicle stop outside their door. It made her smile slightly as the person probably, no, definitely, was Amanda Lawson. She could have used the driveway as our other clients have. I wonder why she didn’t. This woman was certainly perplexing, but Gwen had already given signs that this would be so. She also told them that the persona she would show today was not the real Amanda. She walked toward the front door and opened it at almost the same moment as the timid knock sounded.

"Hello, Amanda, we've been expecting you." Raphaela tried to prevent a giggle from exploding as she lowered her tone, which to her was reminiscent of an old black and white horror movie

Amanda was surprised that the door opened even before she could knock, but soon her eyes flared at the audacity of the woman who was laughing at her. Why did I ever agree to come here? Then something remarkable happened—she felt a beckoning into the house that seemed against her will.

Raphaela saw that her comment had irked the woman. Then, she felt the connection of an entity transmit its essence across the boundary that separated her from this life, and Amanda’s expression changed completely. “Please enter, Luminitsa is waiting for you.” She waved her slim hand, with rings on each finger, toward the interior of the house.

Amanda’s first inclination was to run and hide, but for some reason her feet seemed to float across the floor as she followed the woman. From all outward appearances, the young woman looked normal except for the jewelry that adorned her hands and ears. As she drew nearer to the older woman, a cold chill similar to the ones she had experienced at home coursed through her body. In reaction, she shivered and was surprised when the woman in front of her commented.

“Don’t worry, my dear, you will understand everything very soon. Now please, tell me why you seek our guidance?” Luminitsa gave the impression of being a kindly grandmother figure, hardly a person who could conjure up the spirits of the dead. At least that was the initial outward expression she gave to gauge the reaction of prospective clients. Now, she waited for Amanda Lawson to show her true colors.

Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion as Amanda sat down in front of a woman whom she thought must be at least a hundred years old. She tugged slightly at the collar of her t-shirt in an attempt to release the knot lodged in her throat. “I…I don’t know why I am here,” she said slowly. “The phonebook kept opening to the page with your ad on it.” Amanda looked directly at the old woman and knew she wasn’t buying any of what she said. “I lost my girlfriend twenty-five months and three days ago. I can feel her around me all the time, but I don’t see her…I want to see her…I want her to come back to me.” Tears welled up in her eyes before they dripped down her cheeks.

Luminitsa smiled slowly as she heard the heart wrenching words. For most, it would have tugged at sympathy strings, but for those like her and Raphaela it was just an indicator to what they had to do to help the woman. “You say lost, my dear. Exactly how can you lose your girlfriend?”

Raphaela, from her vantage point standing with her back to the wall, watched each expression drift over Amanda Lawson’s face. That particular question was one of Luminitsa’s keys to her perception of how people saw them and their work.

“She went away.” Amanda gulped back the words that threatened to ruin her existence—dead was not in her vocabulary.

“We are not a missing person’s organization, my dear. Have you called the police to help you?”

Amanda couldn’t believe the boldness of Luminitsa to ask if she had gone to the police. “You are supposed to be the one who knows all and sees all! Didn’t your ad spout off about being able to heal with the light? Well, I need to be healed.” The truth of her last words was lost to her as her anger raged on. “Do you have any idea of what I have gone through? I lost the love of my life, and living isn’t worth the cost of admission anymore,” she shouted through the tears congregating in the corners of her mouth.

Luminitsa closed her eyes for a few moments. The passionate explosion from the young woman was worthy of their help. If it had been less, there could be no link to the other side. Only a person genuinely held in the grips of the insanity of loving someone so much could demand that the soul of the departed stay shackled to her indefinitely. “We do not spout our gifts as you call it; they are given to us at birth, and we help those who want to help themselves. Do you really want to do this? If you do, it may require you to relinquish your hold on Gwen. Are you ready for that, Amanda?”

The sound of her lover’s name mentioned by the old woman was strange to Amanda’s ears. “How can you speak her name? You do not know her or anything about her or me.” She planted her feet firmly on the floor and pushed back scraping the chair along the wooden floor. “I think I have had enough of this…this sham.” She turned, took a step, and then proceeded to fall flat on her face. When she opened her eyes, she saw something in the corner, but she couldn’t quite make out what it was. Squinting, she looked harder and saw a shiny penny before she heard the voice she longed to hear.

“You okay, babe?”

Raphaela moved quickly but was unable to stop the fall. She was, however, able to help the woman who had a glazed expression in her eyes get up. She looked like she had seen a ghost. “Are you okay?”

Amanda’s brow furrowed as she looked at the person holding onto her arm. “Gwen,” she said softly afraid if she spoke louder it would be nothing but a dream. “I’m okay now that you are here.”

Raphaela glanced across at her grand-mère for guidance, and the glimmer she saw in the aged eyes comforted her for what she had to say. “Amanda, my name is Raphaela. The fall must have placed you in shock for a few moments. Let me help you back to the chair.”

Confusion ruled Amanda’s brain. She didn’t know if it was the doubled up medication or if she were truly going mad. The only thing that was clear to her was what she saw and heard. “Gwen. Where did she go?”

Luminitsa spoke from her reclined position on her chaise-lounge, “Amanda, I’m tiring, please arrange with Raphaela for another consultation. Tomorrow perhaps?”

With her voice reaching an emotional pitch, Amanda cried out, “No, no, you can’t do that! I want to see Gwen. She was here, and I need to see her.”

“Amanda, please, my grand-mère is fragile these days, and she needs her rest. I promise things will be clearer for you tomorrow. Will the same time be convenient for you?” Raphaela felt sorry for Amanda Lawson—a being had been in the room with them. However, not channeled as the woman suspected through Luminitsa but via the pennies that kept appearing in the room each time the entity communicated with them. "Take this—I think then you will understand," she said dropping the penny into Amanda’s hand.

Amanda looked down at her hand as a lone tear fell. “I don’t know if I can go on,” she said with a quavering voice. The words that Raphaela said finally took hold of her consciousness. “Sure, tomorrow will be fine.” She rose slowly from the chair and looked at the other two occupants of the room. “I am sorry.” As fast as she could go, Amanda headed for the door.

With a knowing look at her grand-mère, Raphaela followed Amanda and reached the door as she opened it. “Amanda, please, one more thing before you go.” She pressed a small packet into Amanda’s hand.

Weary, sad blue eyes looked at the woman. “What is this?”

With a smile that lit up her features, Raphaela replied, “Take it tonight an hour before you go to bed; I promise it will help you.”

“It will help me? In what way, is it a magical poison to make me sleep forever?” Amanda didn’t try to mask the sarcasm in any way, and Raphaela understood the mindset. “How do I know you’re not trying to drug me?” The words sounded oddly funny to her ears. Drugs are already in my body. She felt her emotional rollercoaster suddenly slam to a stop as she began to shake. Then she heard Raphaela’s soothing voice and felt a calmness fill her weary body and mind.

“This is for the pain of your physical body; unfortunately, the pain of your spirit is not so easily managed. You may find that the other drugs you take are less useful; we can talk about it tomorrow.” Raphaela wished Amanda goodbye ensuring that the woman had collected herself enough to drive home and closed the door on their new client. She then headed back to Luminitsa for a consultation regarding Amanda Lawson.

>< >< ><

Luminitsa glanced at the pensive expression on Raphaela’s face, and with a raised quizzical eyebrow spoke softly to her granddaughter. “You thought I was harsh on her, didn’t you, Ray?”

Raphaela sat down in the same chair opposite Luminitsa that Amanda Lawson had previously occupied. Her lips curved into a smile at her grand-mère’s pet name for her. Her ray of light she had nicknamed her as a child, and it had stuck. “Maybe a little. She is in a very delicate state of mind now. Our friend from the other side didn’t help either by making her presence known.”

Considering the disparaging comment regarding the astral presence carefully, Luminitsa nodded slightly. “We do not pass judgment, Ray. We only reach out allowing ourselves to be the conduit whereby everyone finds release. Gwen is equally struggling as you have very well experienced.”

Raphaela heard the chastising words accepting them graciously before sighing deeply.

“You appear preoccupied, Ray; why is that? We have waited a long time for Amanda to enter our lives. Do you now regret it?”

“No, not in the way you may think. I was hoping that perhaps once she arrived, we would know immediately why she is important to us. I feel nothing significant has changed; do you grand-mère?” Raphaela spoke quietly; her eyes running over the rings on all her fingers except the third finger of her left hand. They represented momentous occasions in her life and handed down on each event to the firstborn female over the generations. They were all important heirlooms of her ancestors, and the only personal ring added over time would be a wedding band that went with her body when she left one plane of existence for the next. The ancestors of the first jewel maker who had begun the tradition in Europe centuries earlier made each ring. If an occasion permitted in her lifetime, she could commission a ring to mark that event. Her grand-mère had been fortunate to have such an event marked as her eyes drifted to the ring that signified light battling darkness.

Luminitsa watched her granddaughter’s fascination with her rings…but those memories are for another time to dwell on. “We cannot always rush the answers, Ray. When the time is right, the door will open, and then we will see the light that Amanda shines in our direction. Tomorrow, I will need your energy in the meeting with Amanda. She is not strong enough yet to have a one-on-one session. Will you willingly participate?”

It was a given that she would help in any way possible, and her grand-mère knew that, though she always asked permission. It was such a personal undertaking for anyone to share his or her energy. “You have my force, Grand-mère. Now, you need to rest, and in an hour, I will bring you lunch. We cannot let you miss out on our schedule, can we?”

Luminitsa chuckled. “You mean you can’t disrupt your schedule, Ray. Where is it that you go diligently to every day? I know, I know, I’m an inquisitive old woman, forget I asked.”

Raphaela grinned warmly while shaking her head at the question. She then stood up before gracefully bending to kiss the wrinkled forehead. She whispered, “I love you,” before leaving the woman to her rest.

As her granddaughter departed the room, Luminitsa frowned slightly. Where is it that she goes and does not confide in me? Perhaps she has a lover at last! With that lovely notion filling her head, she closed her eyes and immediately fell into a restful sleep.

>< >< ><

Tranquility soothed Amanda as she walked slowly to her car. Once she got in, she opened her left hand and stared at the packet and the penny. With a heavy sigh, she closed her fingers around the objects before placing the key in the ignition. As she drove home, she felt as if she were in another world that defied all reason. There could be no other explanation for the earlier events.

As the cloud that had encompassed her lifted, she looked around and found she was in her living room. The clock on the mantle read eight o’clock, and she was surprised at how well she felt. She had no recollection of how she got there or any event that may have occurred in the eight hours since she last remembered falling at…the stranger’s house. Strangers…who were they? She felt someone or something touching her balled up left hand. The space between her eyebrows furrowed as she slowly stretched her fingers open. Where did these things come from? Her eyes closed as she desperately tried to remember how the objects got into her hand, but nothing would come. “Come on, damn it, remember!” she screamed. “Why can’t I remember?” In frustration, she squeezed her eyes tightly closed willing herself to remember what had happened. Her mind was a blank. Opening her eyes, she sighed as she ran her finger through her hair. “What is happening to me?”

Her gaze tracked to her palm, and the objects resting there. They seemed so familiar, yet at the same time, strange. Then, a vision of a woman with a strong forehead, long black hair, and intense brown black eyes seemed to be floating above, around, and inside of her. The woman’s spirit absorbed Amanda completely rendering her helpless as she sank into the feeling. She did not feel panic or danger only deep abiding love and something else that she couldn’t quite understand. Taking the packet, she opened it and looked at the strange herbs and a note that read, “Steep in hot water and drink before bed.” As if she were possessed, she went into the kitchen and set a kettle on to boil. Once she heard the whistle, she poured the water into a cup holding the herbs. She took a sip and was surprised at the pleasant taste.

Chapter 6

Once again, Amanda sat in her car in front of the ordinary house, but this time she was eager to go inside and meet the women again. Her sleep the night before had been restful—completely devoid of any haunting or visions of Gwen. She was not disturbed that Gwen was not part of her dreams; instead, she felt oddly relieved. Just before she raised her fist to knock, she wondered if today it would open before she had a chance to complete the motion. The sound of her knuckles making contact with the door startled her. Obviously, she wasn’t reading my mind yesterday.

Raphaela looked up from her magazine, and a slow smile crossed her full lips. She heard the car arrive outside the house, but today, she had decided that opening the door immediately would have probably fuelled the fire of Amanda Lawson’s dread of being there. Turning the deadbolt on the door, she opened it and smiled. Great, she took the herbal remedy. “Hello, Amanda, please step inside. Luminitsa is expecting you,” she said in her best gypsy-sounding deep voice.

This time Amanda was aware of walking into the other room and seeing the older woman reclining in a chaise lounge. The day before, she hadn’t really noticed anything but the woman, and her intense eyes; but now, she took in the room as a whole. It is comfortable, but a bit old fashioned. “Hello, how are you feeling today?”

Luminitsa gave Amanda a glowing smile at her thoughtful question. “I’m feeling much stronger today, my dear. How are you?”

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Amanda considered the question of how she felt. For a reason that she could not quite explain, the malaise and depression she had experienced just twenty-four hours earlier seemed to have disappeared. She shrugged, “Not too bad.”

Luminitsa nodded in the direction of her granddaughter. With a wink of her eye she replied, “Raphaela is an expert in the field of alternative medicine, and she has a natural affinity for knowing what will help an unfortunate sufferer. I’m glad you trusted her enough to try the remedy.” Raphaela, from her vantage point, turned a slight shade of pink at the praise from her grand-mère. She diverted her eyes to a painting, by her father, on the wall rather than to the curious ones of their client.

What Amanda was feeling was reminiscent of how she had felt the first time she took oxycodone for her pain. After that, each time she took the drug, she hoped the feeling of euphoria would return—it never did. “It must be a magic elixir,” she said before adding, “are you sure it wasn’t a narcotic?”

Raphaela tensed at the word narcotic and turned her hazel eyes back from the painting to Amanda. “Every living organism can be a drug to another. What you appear to be implying is that I’m giving you something that may be dangerous for you. I assure you; I am not! “ Her gaze bore into the woman. “If that is how you feel, I will dispense from helping you in your recovery from your physical pain. I was only trying to ease your discomfort.”

Luminitsa, saddened by Raphaela’s lack of tact, looked at Amanda apologetically. Although Raphaela had an indomitable spirit and a strong character, she did lack the sophistication to counter jibes about her remedies. Often, in response to criticism, she would dogmatically refuse to help without intense persuasion. I hope that that will not happen here. Raphaela’s participation is crucially important to save Amanda and Gwen from further anxiety.

Suddenly, cold enveloped Amanda’s body, and she felt as though her heart would explode in her chest. “What is happening to me?” Her arms began flailing around her head as reds, greens, yellows, and blues appeared to be whizzing by her. “Get them off of me,” she shouted as pennies began pelting her body.

Raphaela stared in surprise, first at Amanda and then at her grand-mère. Has our client gone mad! What is she talking about? Get what off her? There isn’t anything there. “Grand-mère, what’s the problem?” she asked as she walked toward the agitated and screaming Amanda Lawson. Then, she spied the single penny at Amanda’s feet and understanding replaced astonishment.

“Raphaela, fetch one of your marvelous elixirs for Amanda. She is going to need one…and perhaps get one for me, too.” Luminitsa watched the pennies that were an illusion except for one, tumble over Amanda like a shower. “In all my years, I’ve never had such an event occur.” Is this the momentous event we envisioned?

Leaving the room, Raphaela was glad for the respite from the situation. Amanda Lawson was either more of a charlatan than she perceived them to be, or she was in the grips of a powerful fixation with the entity called Gwen. Either way, this wasn’t going to be an easy case for her grand-mère. She will need all the help she can get. It is unfortunate that I don’t feel much like giving any of my energy to the woman. She shivered as an uncomfortable feeling came over her. Something about her frightens me.

She slid the key into the lock of her small pharmacy and opened the door. She rapidly selected various herbs, and with the experience of years of practice, mixed the herbs that would calm both Amanda and her grand-mère. Ten minutes later, laden down with a tray that held three cups, each with its own individual formula, she stepped inside Luminitsa’s domain. Raphaela could see that the Lawson woman was again under control—no doubt a result of the soothing presence and words of her grand-mère. Without saying a word, she handed each woman her respective drink and stood sipping her tea in the same corner as she had the previous day.

Amanda glanced sheepishly at Raphaela and mouthed thanks as she contemplated the strange looking liquid. As far as she could see, it was nothing more than water with various bits floating around. She sniffed and found that it lacked any aroma.

Raphaela noticed the woman’s hesitation and with undisguised bitterness said, “Drink it, it isn’t going to kill you.”

To counter her granddaughter’s tone, Luminitsa added, “Oh, my darling, you know exactly the right tonic, don’t you? Drink up, Amanda. Trust me, my granddaughter knows her herbs.” As the beverage trickled down her throat, a relaxed expression crossed her face.

Amanda did trust the old woman—the granddaughter was a law unto herself. She might have a way with her medicines, but it certainly doesn’t come with a charming bedside manner. Taking a tentative sip from the cup, she was surprised. The drink that she thought would be tasteless was instead remarkably refreshing. She quickly drank much deeper from the cup and felt her spirits and body respond in a positive way. Her antagonistic feelings toward Raphaela turned grateful, and she glanced at the silent woman.

She’s quite stunning. Amanda noted the woman whose jewelry and flamboyant-colored clothing stood out against a plain backdrop. The woman’s classical features, though not chocolate box beautiful, were nonetheless intriguing. If I didn’t love Gwen as much as I do, I might... “Thank you, Raphaela, the drink is marvelous. Have you thought of opening up a café and selling your concoctions?” It was a break-the-ice type of question, as she actually considered another person’s feelings. She’s only trying to help me, and I haven’t shown any gratitude.

Luminitsa listened to the exchange and waited for the reply, hoping Raphaela’s helpful nature would surface and accept the offered olive branch. When she saw a small lightening of the hazel eyes, she knew her granddaughter had accepted the veiled apology.

Raphaela did not change her stance or expression. She inclined her head slightly and replied, “I’m not interested in commercial returns and making a fortune.”

How can anyone say that? Unless he or she is a billionaire. Who ever has enough money? Her eyes took in the room as she remembered the exterior of the small house in the middle-class neighborhood. I doubt that this family has more than a reasonable income. “Well, the drink is wonderful, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Grand-mère, do you have the strength to continue?”

Luminitsa smiled tenderly at her granddaughter. She loved her and hoped that in her lifetime she could see Ray settled and happy with a loving partner. There is also the matter of the next in-line to receive our special talents. That thought made her chuckle, and as she returned from her daydreams, she found two pairs of eyes on her. “I’m sorry, what must you think of me Amanda? When you reach my age, you will find that foolish, yet happy memories surface at inexplicable times. To answer your question, my darling, thanks to you, I’m perfectly well enough to continue.”

Amanda felt a strange sense of ease and comfort in the presence of Luminitsa. She was pleased the old woman hadn’t decided she was tired, and that they would have to start all over again later. “I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but what does happen next?”

Luminitsa carefully considered her words before she replied, and then, with a swift glance to her granddaughter for support, replied, “Amanda, for many months now the connection has been strong with an entity who wanted to contact someone very dear to her…yours was the name she gave us. Raphaela and I could not contact you directly; that had to be your doing. All we could be were vessels for that entity’s messages. I have written down various notes, or I should say memories, of this entity before she passed.” Luminitsa slipped a folded piece of high-quality paper to Amanda and waited for her response.

With her hands shaking, Amanda opened the paper, read the words and then looked at Luminitsa. “This doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m assuming that the entity you speak of is Gwen.” She watched as the old woman nodded. “Are these her words?” she asked and again received a positive response. Again, she looked at the paper and concentrated on each word. “Garden…my garden was my pride and joy.” Tears began to well. “Gwen always told me I should set up a stand on the highway and sell my produce.” She mouthed the next word, pennies. “What does she mean by that?” Her eyes traveled across the room as she waited for the old woman’s reply.

Luminitsa shook her head. “I’m sorry, my dear, but I only say what is given to me. I cannot interpret what it might mean to you. If nothing seems right to you then another explanation might be found.”

Amanda shook her head. “I just don’t know if I believe all this.” She felt cold air hit the back of her neck again. “Gwen, it was Gwen who always said that pennies were angel’s kisses.” Rubbing her hand across the nape of her neck, she squinted at Raphaela. “Is she the one who always sends this chill down my spine?”

Surprised the woman would ask her the question rather than her grand-mère, Raphaela replied cautiously. “The sensation you speak of can be caused by various events, and there is a distinct possibility that the person who has been contacting us has also tried to draw you to us. Luminitsa will be the conduit by which you contact the other side, not I.”

Her gaze returned to the piece of paper and read all the words, remembering the events they evoked. Numbness filled every pore of her body as her hands involuntarily went to her head and held it tight as a deep chasm of sorrow overtook her. In a small voice, Amanda said, “But it is you?”

Luminitsa watched the interchange between the two younger women and fought back the deep smile trying to filter over her lips. In her present emotional state, it isn’t prudent to allow Amanda to see me smile. There is definitely some sort of energy happening between them. I wonder if Raphaela will share what that is. Probably not, she can be so deep with her feelings.

Amanda released the grip on her head and held a hand toward Raphaela. “It is you? Don’t you feel it?”

Raphaela kept her gaze steady as she digested the words. It is true that this entity Gwen has invaded not only my grand-mère’s dreams but mine as well. I can’t deny that the first time I saw Amanda I felt an affinity toward her, and that is unusual. I will be of no help to her. Grand-mère is more capable as a spiritual mistress in this type of situation…far superior to my skills. Amanda Lawson needs the best, or all of this will be of no help. “Grand-mère, I have urgent business to attend to. Can you spare me for the rest of your consultation?”

“Of course, my darling, go ahead and complete your business. Besides, Amanda and I are at a point where she must list the questions she wants to ask Gwen. After that, we will have the contact consultation.” Luminitsa smiled at her granddaughter who gave her a brief smile of thanks, and then with a short goodbye, left the room.

The crestfallen look on Amanda’s face was unmistakable. “Why?” she asked softly. Her brow creased and she watched Raphaela leave. She turned her attention to Luminitsa and sighed. “I came here to find answers…doesn’t she understand that?” A great sadness began to envelope her. “I must go; I can’t do this anymore.”

Luminitsa gave the troubled woman a steady but calming look. “Amanda, this was never going to be easy, and you must understand that only one of us can be your guide. Raphaela is not being mean or preventing anything from happening. Far from it; she is doing what is right. I am more powerful than she in this area. Believe me, my dear, you do not want any evil forces feeding on your dilemma.” She saw Amanda frown. “You don’t, do you?”

“No,” Amanda said before she closed her eyes. When she opened them, she found herself in a large white building with long hallways that went only one way. As she traveled, the whiteness grew brighter until she arrived in a large auditorium that was bathed in white and had a fountain of white water trickling noiselessly. Her eyes scanned the vast expanse, and in a far corner, she saw a bright beam of light that seemed to beckon her. As she got closer, she felt a sense of peace rather than fear. When she reached the light and was about to go farther, a familiar voice called her name from somewhere in the distance.

“Amanda dear, are you okay?”

She closed her eyes tightly wanting to keep the voice away but could not. Opening them, she saw the gentle face of Luminitsa.

You cannot go there quite yet, Amanda. “You and I are both tired for different reasons. Emotional distress is a very draining experience. What I will need you to do is to write down questions for which you want answers when we have our contact consultation. Will you do that for me dear?”

“Now?”

Luminitsa chuckled. “Not now, Amanda. Bring the list with you when you come back. I do not want you to think that I’ve made things up in answer to your questions beforehand. Why you will think us as being charlatans.”

For what seemed like an eternity, Amanda just sat and stared at the old woman. Charlatans? Maybe but maybe not. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts that made no sense, and there was the strange sensation that Luminitsa was somehow channeling her thoughts.

Luminitsa’s soft, soothing voice spoke to the woman who was painfully suffering in many ways. “If you knock on the door to the left as you leave, you can ask Raphaela to arrange an appropriate time for your next visit. Now, my dear, I will say goodbye for the moment and have a little rest.”

Amanda watched as Luminitsa closed her eyes and seemed to fall asleep immediately. She turned and looked down the hallway for the door the old woman had mentioned. The idea of speaking with the younger woman made Amanda grimace. I don’t think she likes me very much. She shrugged, got up, and walked toward the door. Raising her fist, she lightly tapped the door with her knuckles.

“My grand-mère sent you for an appointment. What is a good day and time for you?” Raphaela clipped out harshly. She watched emotions play out on the woman’s face until tears welled up. “Why don’t you come in and have a seat while we figure out a time?”

Amanda swiped her hand across her cheek to erase the moisture. Defeated, she stayed put. “Whatever I have done to anger you and make you not like me I’m sorry.” She cast her eyes toward the floor not wanting to see the look of hatred in the hazel eyes. “I can arrive any time. Maybe it would be best if you called me with a day and time.”

Compassionate detachment. Raphaela remembered her grand-mère’s words. “I don’t dislike you, Amanda. I want to help you find peace.” Her voice mellowed. “Please enter and sit and we will figure out a good time together.”

Amanda finally looked up and gazed into Raphaela’s hazel eyes. In them, she only saw kindness and something else that was unfamiliar but at the same time familiar. With hesitant steps, she entered the room and sat in a chair, allowing her eyes to roam the walls that were covered in excellent miniature watercolors of plants.

After studying her calendar, Raphaela asked, “Will ten thirty the day after next be good for you?”

“Sure.” Amanda stared intently into the woman’s eyes trying to discern what she saw there. “I guess I will go then.”

Raphaela smiled. “Just a moment,” she said as she slid open a drawer. She moved close to Amanda, took her hand, and turned it palm up. “Here, take these; they will help you.” She pressed two small packets into her client’s hand before closing Amanda’s fingers around them.

All Amanda could do was look at her hand that the younger woman held. Finally, after Raphaela removed her hand, she said, “Thank you.”

Long after Amanda had left, Raphaela stood trying to understand what had just transpired. I need to speak with grand-mère when she wakes.

>< >< ><

With her work done, Raphaela locked the door of her small pharmacy and sought out the kitchen, and the chicken soup that simmered on the stovetop. Five minutes later, she had two bowls of soup, freshly baked warm baguettes, and mint tea loaded on a tray. She snatched up some of the chocolate wafers that her grand-mère loved but rarely allowed herself to have and added them to the tray before picking it up.

A tender smile crossed her face as she saw that her grand-mère was wide awake and sifting through various notes she had made after the session with Amanda Lawson. She had an uneasy feeling. In light of the events that appear to be happening around us, it is wise to take things easy. Getting involved in any way other than as an observer and consultant for grand-mère wouldn’t be prudent.

Luminitsa looked up from her notes and licked her dry lips with the prospect of the meal she was about to have “My darling, Ray, I smell that delicious homemade chicken soup you make. One day, you’re going to make someone very happy in the cooking department.” Then she spied the cookies, and her grin became even broader.

“I already make someone happy in that department, you! Now let’s eat before it becomes inedible.” Raphaela placed the tray on the small table next to Luminitsa and sat down opposite her.

As they ate, they talked generally about the household bills and other such nonsense as her grand-mère termed it. Then Raphaela decided it was a good time to bring up the issue of Amanda Lawson.

“Grand-mère, we both know I can’t get involved to the extent Amanda appears to want me to be.”

Serious, but reflective eyes peered at her granddaughter as Luminitsa carefully considered her reply. “I must admit she is rather insistent in that request. Even though I have made it clear that I will be the one to make the contact with the other side, I can feel her affinity toward you.” She tilted he head slightly and gave Raphaela a knowing glance. “It has been two years since Gwen passed, and after all this time, I don’t think it is Gwen, do you?” I already knew her answer but want to hear it spoken.

With a sad expression, Raphaela shook her head negatively. “I believe someone is using Gwen’s astral shell to help Amanda. Gwen went to a higher plane of existence long ago. How can I tell Amanda that? She’s so depressed and alone right now; I’m afraid it would finish her off.” She focused on a distant corner. “I know it would finish her off.”

“As much as I wish for Amanda’s sake it was otherwise, I agree with you, my darling. I believe the guide using Gwen’s old memories and consciousness from this world is good. If it was not, it would not dare enter my personal aura.” Luminitsa spoke with great resolve on that particular point.

“I’ve booked another appointment for ten-thirty the day after tomorrow. Hopefully, she will bring her questions with her, and we can provide answers that will bring clarity for us all.” Raphaela, lost in a world of her own, spoke absently.

Luminitsa’s brow furrowed. “Why not tomorrow, Ray?” I definitely don’t have anything planned.

Raphaela dragged her mind to the present moment and smiled. “I have business in town tomorrow, and I’ll be away most of the day. I’ve arranged for Clara to bring you lunch.” Raphaela heard the snort of annoyance at the woman’s name.

“I’m not a child, Ray. I can surely look after myself for one day; besides I don’t like that woman, and you well know it.” Luminitsa pouted like a five-year-old and picked up one of the cookies to eradicate the distastefulness of the words in her mouth.

Raphaela issued a loud burst of laughter. “You know very well that you love Clara coming over because you tease and frighten her mercilessly. She believes every last one of your haunting stories.”

Luminitsa returned a small chuckle of her own. It is true Clara is such a naïve young woman and is easily sucked into every story I tell her. “I keep trying to get rid of her, but she keeps coming back when you ask. The only reason I can think of is that she has a crush on you, Ray.”

Blushing slightly at the inference, Raphaela shook her fist gently at the old woman. “You have such a wicked imagination; one of these days it’ll get you into trouble.”

With a saucy look on her aged features, Luminitsa winked and replied, “Why, Ray, it has on many occasions and surely will in the future, too.”

Raphaela bent to kiss the weathered cheek. “I love you, Grand-mère, don’t ever change.”

The old woman hugged her precious granddaughter to her chest and returned an affectionate kiss of her own. “It will never happen,” she whispered. “Now off with you; I know you want to go to your secret rendezvous. Perhaps one day you might trust me with that secret, and tell me where you have been going every day for the past year.”

Off-handedly, Raphaela smiled as she went toward the door. “Very soon now, Grand-mère, I promise. I’ll see you at dinner. Rest easy.” She left the old woman to her speculation. One of the things that keeps Grand-mère’s mind agile is thinking over all the what-ifs.

Leaving the house, Raphaela thought about Amanda Lawson again. When all this is over and Amanda is stronger, I’ll explain why I couldn’t be as involved as she wanted me to be. A major reason she tried to be slightly off-hand and disinterested in Amanda was a part of her wished to help the woman a great deal. All my senses are screaming that right now I can’t interact in the way Amanda wants. Of course, I can’t rule out that the entity using Gwen as a front wants the contact. Her feet hastened to the bus stop while her mind continued its debate about Amanda. Not until I know who the entity is can I have any more than a passing interest in the woman. Only Grand-mère can allow the manifestation into her inner core. If it has evil intent, I’m not adept enough at warding off a powerful foe. If that did happen, I would be useless to Amanda. Her mind then shifted to the next few hours as she waited at the bus stop.

Chapter 7

The vehicle seemed to have a mind of its own as it traveled quickly down the highway. It wasn’t until she heard the crunch of the soft tires against the gravel of the cemetery road that Amanda realized where she was. She brought the car to a stop under the same tree that shaded Gwen’s gravesite and got out of the vehicle. In the past, she had always stood when she spoke with her lover, but this time, she sat down on the soft grass. Her back protested the action, and she grimaced at the pain that seemed to surround her spine and hold it in a vice grip.

“Hey, babe, bet you didn’t expect to see me again this soon. Something wild has been happening to me lately, and I’m not sure what to make of it all.” Amanda’s face filled with pain as she stretched her legs out. “I think I will pay for sitting down, but what the hell? You’re worth it.” Her fingers gently touched Gwen’s name. “Somehow, I thought you were sending me a message, and I ended up visiting two ladies whom I am sure are nothing more than gypsies. The older one is very kind and patient, but the younger one…I don’t know what to make of her. There is something about her that mystifies me, but at the same time, she frightens me.” She laughed. “She mixes herbs and gave me some that I took. I know…I know I can hear you telling me what a foolish move it was, but Babe, I had the best night’s sleep since you went away.” Amanda leaned her head back and peered through the tangle of branches at the blue sky. “The older one gave me a list of words that she said came from you.” Amanda shook her head and let out a derisive laugh. “The words are some that almost anyone can relate to.”

“There is one word on here that I can’t figure out…Red.” She looked at the headstone then back to the paper before she exclaimed, “Ricky Johnson—everyone called him Red! He was that kid in my lit class six years ago whom I brought home to do yard work. I remember you told me not to trust him ‘cause he looked shifty.” She smiled. “I can still see the look on your face when you saw the bouquet of flowers he and his mom brought for us.” Her forehead creased. “You told me my instincts about him had been the right ones.” She sighed deeply as a thought forced its way to the top. “Does that word mean you think I am on the right track with the gypsies?”

Soon, Amanda had her legs bent and her arms wrapped around them. “Luminitsa, that’s the older one’s name, wants me to write down questions for her to ask you when she contacts you. I have so many questions, but I have asked you most of them already. Well, I have until the day after tomorrow to come up with them.” She touched two fingers to her lips before pressing them against Gwen’s name. With great difficulty, she managed to stand up before looking down on the marker. “I love you. I will be back after my next visit with the gypsies.” She walked with deliberate care back to her car, and once inside, she immediately flicked the switch to heat the seats.

>< >< ><

She found herself in an endless hallway drifting aimlessly toward a room bathed in bright white with a fountain of white water. In the distance and even brighter light was beckoning her. This time, when she arrived at the source of the light, she walked through it and found herself in a small room with a fireplace that had flickering white flames. Two high-backed, iridescent chairs sat in front of a white fire with one occupied by a woman who was familiar but not. The woman, who had a strong forehead, long black hair, and intense brown-black eyes, was the same vision she was certain had been floating around, above, and inside of her at the gypsy’s home.

“Who are you?” she whispered.

With a serene countenance that appeared to be completely at peace, the woman looked at her with love, understanding, and acceptance and smiled.

“Who are you?”

Just as the woman was about to speak Amanda woke up. For the third day, she felt refreshed with the burdens of her life seemingly lifted from her shoulders. Releasing the footrest, she bent over and picked up one leg brace, strapped it on then did the same with the other. Once she made it to the bathroom, she showered and put on her clothes for the day. No longer in a drugged haze, she looked at herself in the mirror. A sunken, drawn face with dark circles under her eyes greeted her. Her hair, that once had a vibrant sheen, was dull and lifeless. “Who are you?” she asked in shock. “The Amanda I remember always had a smile on her face. How did I let this happen to myself?”

The combination of standing in the shower and then in front of the mirror elicited increasing pain in and around her lower back. Soon, pain began to course down her legs causing her to moan in reaction. As the throbbing increased, she opened the bathroom medicine cabinet and frantically looked for the meds she was sure were there. “Shit!” She began to walk stiffly but with purpose toward the kitchen and relief. The last of her Darvocet landed in her hand, and she greedily tossed it in her mouth and swallowed it down with water. Making her way back to her chair, she sat down and did not move again until relief was hers, but relief never came. An hour later, she looked at the mantle clock and saw that she needed to leave immediately to make her appointment with Luminitsa. She would have to wait until she returned to call the doctor for refills for stronger meds.

Chapter 8

Raphaela peered at the letter for about the fiftieth time and wondered what to do. Then, she contemplated what the perception she and her grand-mère had among the general population. Most people place individuals with our kinds of gifts in two categories—as being imposters or psychics. Truthfully, we are neither. Some people who traded in their market were phony, and she’d met a few over the years. That only causes someone like my grand-mère and me to appear less than professional in many people’s eyes. Fortunately, over time, reputations grow, and along with that, a respect for the craft they wielded. The perception that they knew everything was a false assumption, and she was thankful of that. God, it must be crazy to live your whole life knowing what is about to happen. Where is the fun and excitement in living if that is the case? The real facts were that those with talent in this field could pick up vibrations from some of those entities that had passed to the next astral plane. It was the next journey in a multitude of journeys that each living being would eventually undertake as he or she learned lessons from each astral projection. No one truly dies but merely moves on. That is how we live our lives. The body is merely a shell, and the consciousness is left to digest the lessons it learns in its lifetime. The astral shell on the other side is with whom we communicate. No scientific body had yet to explain how it happened or why particular people, or in her case, families were chosen that presented the phenomenon.

She had decided from an early age to accept the gift bestowed on her and to move forward regardless of how people perceive her. Along the way, she had pursued something that was even closer to her heart—herbal remedies. It is now the mainstay of my life. Her eyes, which hadn’t left the white sheet of paper with words that looked all jumbled for a few seconds before they became clear, rose as she heard a vehicle stop outside the house. She glanced at the clock and noted it was ten-thirty. Amanda Lawson is as punctual today as she was on her earlier visits. Today, however, will be completely different. My senses feel it. Over the last week, her personal spirit guide had been very active, making her feelings of foreboding all the more potent. The doorbell rang, and Raphaela reread the first line of the letter before placing it in the desk drawer. She left the room and locked the door before she walked down the hall to open the door for Amanda Lawson who had rung the bell for the third time. The words she had read were floating in her mind…We are pleased to accept you…

Raphaela had to swallow deeply, so she could prevent a grin from appearing as she saw the surprised expression of Amanda. She is like most people who come to our door. They think I know the exact moment when they will ring the bell and will open the door before they can push the button. I really hate to disillusion them by telling them that their car usually gives them away. “Welcome, Amanda. Luminitsa is looking forward to your visit today.” Her eyes quickly focused on the pale features, and the pain etched in the face of the woman standing uncomfortably at her door. This doesn’t bode well for the particularly difficult emotional experience the day will likely bring. A delicate disposition was not conducive to a good interview. “Are you feeling okay, Amanda? You look tired. Didn’t the herbal remedy I gave you help?”

Amanda shifted her expression and gave Raphaela a tight smile. “Yeah, it works as long as I’m sleeping. It is when I’m awake that the pain is my constant companion. At least that stuff you gave me keeps the pain away at night now.” As she turned her eyes away from the woman’s face to the floor, she carefully stepped into the room before following Raphaela farther into the house.

Raphaela knocked softly on the door of Luminitsa’s room, and her grand-mère’s cheerful voice welcomed them inside. “Ah, my dear Amanda, today is the day when all your questions will be answered, assuming our friends on the other side cooperate. I did mention, didn’t I, that although there is a powerful entity wanting you here, it could also not communicate with us today? Nothing is set in stone”

Fatigued eyes devoid of comprehension met the older woman’s in question. “Do you want these?” Amanda held up two pieces of paper.

Raphaela, who had yet to take her normal leaning position against the wall, had seen the clueless expression in Amanda’s eyes. “What Luminitsa means, Amanda, is that you might have questions, but…Gwen may not be willing to answer them today. However, Luminitsa has felt an energy surrounding her for the last hour, so we are ever hopeful. Now do you understand?”

“I understood before. Shall we get on with it?” she said. “My first question is one that only Gwen will know the answer to.” She gulped in a deep breath and felt for the first time fear of what was to come. She passed a small piece of yellow paper to Luminitsa.

The old woman smiled kindly at Amanda as she read the question. Why did you tell me what you did right after the truck hit our car? “I’m going to close my eyes and concentrate on the essence around me. If you care to think of Gwen and the question you have written on the paper at the same time, we shall see if anyone wishes to elaborate on it for you. Are you happy with that, dear?” Luminitsa then turned to her granddaughter and gave her a warm but piercing look that exchanged information only they knew. Seeing the affirmation from Ray, she closed her eyes and concentrated on what she did best—finding the light for lost souls.

Amanda waited for her answer. If they are, indeed, gypsies and charlatans, there will be no answer. They have already set the stage for that to happen. With hooded eyes, she watched as the old woman’s closed eyes began to flutter. This is nothing but a show.

From Raphaela’s standpoint, she could only wait while she opened her mind and her energy for her grand-mère to use if needed. At the same time, she kept an eye on their client for any signs of distress. Different events always proceed these occasions. I wonder what will transpire this time. The entity wanting to contact Amanda is very strong, so it’s a good thing Grand-mère is a mistress of this art since things may occur unexpectedly. She watched Amanda sitting awkwardly waiting for something to happen. She’s probably calling my grand-mère an old fraud. Then it happened. The room dropped several degrees, and although she was used to this reaction, she shivered and noticed Amanda did the same. “It’s okay, Amanda, this is normal.”

Amanda’s eyes flashed around the room looking for an air conditioning duct that would explain the sudden coldness. She couldn’t see any. She looked at the old woman again and saw a distressed look. “Is Luminitsa okay? She looks terrible.” Amanda entreated in a whisper.

“Luminitsa is connecting with the energy of one who wants to be heard at this time. However, it does not mean that it is whom you want to hear from; we will have to be patient.”

The lights in the room flickered for a few seconds, and then what looked remarkably like a laser light show began to permeate the room, dancing above their heads in a zigzag pattern. Wow, they certainly know how to put on a show. I bet they are waiting for me to tip my hand as to what the answer is. Well, it ain’t gonna happen.

I’m amazed that Amanda doesn’t look scared or in awe of what is happening above her head. What exactly is going through her mind? Then, Raphaela held her breath as Luminitsa began to speak—as she initially expected—a mass of jumbled, unintelligible words. Then the voice of her grand-mère deepened slightly, and the next words, in a younger woman’s tone, were perfectly clear.

“You wanted to know why?”

Raphaela waited anxiously to see if Amanda responded. She did not. Why, is such an ambiguous word…I wish I knew what the question was then I could judge her reactions better. She didn’t have long to wait as the entity that was speaking through her grand-mère began again.

“You would have been paralyzed.” The words spoken tenderly and in a tone that made it clear the entity was deeply involved and worried about Amanda Lawson.

Amanda heard the answer and opened her mouth wide then closed it. Is there any way they could know the answer? She had wracked her brain going over and over the events of that day. I never told anyone what she said. I’m sure of that. Her eyes narrowed. So, how does she know, unless… “Gwen! It’s Gwen. She’s really here.” With that realization, copious amounts of tears began drenching her cheeks. Unsuccessfully, she tried to wipe them away with the back of her hand as her nose filled and the corners of her mouth began collecting moisture. When she finally managed to speak again, it was with a quavering voice. “Why didn’t you let me die, too?” She lifted her hands over her face and sobbed into them as she mumbled, “Why didn’t I die, too?”

Raphaela silently applauded her grand-mère—Amanda finally appears to believe that we are here to help. The poignant questions Amanda fired tremulously at Luminitsa, or in Amanda’s state of mind, the person called Gwen, were powerful. She found herself enthralled by the drama that appeared to be enfolding in her grand-mère’s parlor.

“It was not your time to leave this life. You have lessons still to be learned.”

“NO, I don’t want to live. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to be with you.”

The area around Amanda filled with high emotion as each syllable was laced with extreme stress. Raphaela felt her heart go out to the woman suffering in the room. There is one word that tells the entire story when it comes to Amanda’s emotional state—loneliness. It would be so easy to reach out a hand and give her comfort. I don’t think a comforting gesture at this point will help Amanda for she has to find her own way back.

“Amanda, please let me go.” The plaintive words echoed like the final leaves falling from a tree in autumn.

Amanda closed her eyes. Please let my life end now. To her dismay, her body began to feel odd as if the warmth of a great love encircled it. Opening her eyes, she gasped as she looked at what had been Luminitsa. She clearly saw the woman with the strong forehead, long black hair, and intense brown black eyes gazing at her with a bit of a smile playing on her lips. Her eyes darted around the room, and she saw Raphaela. I’m not dreaming. She looked back at the woman who used to be Luminitsa and said, “What’s happening?” The woman only smiled. Then Amanda asked, “Who are you?”

“I am Raquel, your spirit guide.”

Raphaela sucked in a deep breath. Oddly enough, the name was the same as her spirit guide. Can it be a coincidence, or is that the connection between us?

“Noooooo,” Amanda cried. “You can’t be! I want to talk with Gwen, not you. Bring Gwen back to me NOW!”

One of the reasons Luminitsa had gone into semi-retirement was the strain on her body these sessions caused, so when she began to shake, Raphaela watched carefully for any distress. It was a common occurrence for those in their profession to suffer from various illnesses associated with the connections they experienced. Shaking was common, especially in such a highly-charged atmosphere. Raphaela breathed a sigh of relief when her grand-mère relaxed slightly as the voice spoke again.

“Gwen is in a higher place. She left her memories for me to help you. She wants, no needs, you to go forward, she loved you very much, Amanda.”

Fury blazed in Amanda’s eyes. “You aren’t speaking for Gwen! She would never allow such a thing to happen. The only thing you have right is that she loves me very much,” she spat. Her eyes bore into the brown black ones issuing a challenge. “You have to prove to me that you speak for her.”

“If you loved her, Amanda, you would allow her to find peace on this side. While you constantly reach out for her, she can feel your pain though she has left behind the vessel in which to communicate with you directly. She wants you to make peace with her mother. The locket she kept in her bedside drawer—the one given to her by her father—will help build the bridge between you. Gwen knows you will understand this.”

“Never! Never will I give that bitch one thing of Gwen’s. She hated me and our love.” Amanda began to sob. “She hurt Gwen so much.” Her body did an emotional u-turn as her tears suddenly stopped. “The necklace? That was so precious to her; how can you ask me to part with it?” She looked down at her hands. “I can’t part with it. It would be like losing Gwen all over again,” she said in a whisper.

“It will be your sign to her that you have allowed her to finally find peace, Amanda. Do you want Gwen to be constantly in the darkness of your emotions? She only wants you to find happiness, and this is your step to salvation. Will you be brave enough to take it? Gwen thought you were. Was she wrong about you?”

Raphaela felt the emotional maelstrom that enveloped Amanda, and she desperately wanted to help but had to wait patiently for the right time. As she watched and listened, she had to wonder what this all had to do with Luminitsa and her. If Raquel is my spirit guide, too, then she could have communicated with me at any time rather than wait for this session or for Amanda to enter our lives. Raquel has never been shy in entering my mind before. What is so different about this time?

Amanda felt bone weary. Her back was protesting the tension that was twisting her body. The situation was making it impossible for her to understand anything other than this Raquel person wanted her to forget Gwen. “I cannot forget Gwen,” she said. “She was everything to me— my life.” A grief stricken face looked at the entity. “All I want to do is be with her.” Her voice was defeated and without emotion, as if she had nowhere left to turn. For her, all hope seemed to be lost. I had a small glimpse of Gwen then this Raquel person took it away. “I just want to die.”

The tension in the room grew as silence answered Amanda’s pleas before Luminitsa stood up…at least her body did. Raphaela was worried for her grand-mère rarely moved out of the chair because over the years her spine was severely tested and now was very weak. If the entity who is communicating decides to do something other than stand, I will have to put an end to this session. She waited and was relieved when all that happened was that a hand touched Amanda’s head.

Raquel’s voice spoke again. “Life moves on, Amanda, and Gwen has moved on, too. The essence that was Gwen will always love you, as you will her. If you hold her close and cherish her memories in your heart, you will never forget her. Material things fade, yet her memories remain with you forever and will never die no matter where you are in the universe. Everything has life, nothing truly dies.”

The touch to her head seemed familiar but not. She closed her eyes and saw a flash of something that reminded her of the tender touch. Whatever it was, it did not stay long enough to become a full-fledged memory. Amanda opened her eyes and looked up into the brown black eyes before she fell forward onto the floor as her body became rigid before convulsing.

Raphaela rushed forward unable to prevent Amanda from hitting the polished wooden floor and quickly turned her over. The seizure was in full force as Raphaela rolled Amanda on her side and watched to ensure that the woman was in no danger of hurting herself. Perhaps she is an epileptic. I hope that it is no more than that. Her eyes quickly moved toward Luminitsa, and she was astonished, but in light of everything else not surprised, when Raquel spoke to her.

“It’s time to reveal all, Raphaela. Everything will work out as it should.”

Still watching over Amanda and being thankful that the seizure was abating, she saw Luminitsa begin to disengage from her trance-like state. “Oh, Ray,” Luminitsa said in astonishment when she saw Amanda prone on the floor. “That wasn’t supposed to happen. Raquel held no malice whatsoever toward Amanda. I’ve never seen this happen before…do you suppose she is ill?” Her grand-mère’s concerned voice seemed to echo off the walls.

“Not sure yet, Grand-mère. I think it might be the stress of what’s happened today. She’s beginning to come back to us.” Raphaela took a moment to look closer at her grand-mère. For all that had transpired, the old woman was looking quite refreshed. Wow, that’s a surprise.

Amanda opened her eyes and stared at the woman who was now holding her close. “W…w…what happened?” she asked. She was aware of the strong loving arms holding her and looked at Raphaela. She smiled and said, “It is you.”

Heaving a sigh of relief, Raphaela smiled at Amanda. “I’m going to take you to a nearby clinic Amanda and have you checked out. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes.”

Her vision moved in the direction of the older woman with concern. I just can’t get over how good she looks after all that has happened. “Grand-mère, will you be okay for a couple of hours? I think Amanda needs to be looked over by a doctor. I’ll be back to make us a late lunch, and then we can talk.”

Luminitsa nodded her head as she watched Raphaela lift Amanda with great care from the floor. She remained in Raphaela’s arms as they left the room and headed for Amanda’s car.

Chapter 9

Raphaela took the keys to Amanda’s vehicle and tossed them in her hands a couple of times before eventually opening the rear door for the pale-faced woman.

“I can sit up front with you. I don’t need to lie down.”

“It’s for the best believe me.” If you think that what you just experienced was bad, wait until you see my driving skills. She then gave Amanda a small smile, and when she saw that Amanda was comfortable, she closed the door and opened the driver’s side.

Raphaela decided that all cars were much the same. They have a steering wheel, gas pedal, brake pedal, and gears. What more do I need to know? Except this vehicle is much larger than anything that I’ve been in before; and it’s new, or at least in as pristine condition as when it left the dealership. “Nice vehicle.”

“Thanks,” Amanda said from the back seat. “Do you need any help finding all the right knobs, pedals, and that sort of thing?” She had seen Raphaela fumbling with the key and wondered if she were having a bit of trouble.

With a bright smile and an even more cheerful voice, Raphaela replied, “No, I’m sure it’s just like all the rest of the cars I’ve driven. Although where is reverse, please?”

Amanda, taken aback by the question, grimaced. “Hmm, it’s the R.” It’s strange that someone other than Gwen is driving the car. It is the one she always wanted with all the bells and whistles. “Are you sure I shouldn’t be up there with you?”

“No, you close your eyes and relax; before you know it we’ll be there.” Raphaela discreetly scanned the various gages then tipped her head sideways glad to see the slot for the key. “Thanks, sometimes the new vehicles have different gadgets. I wish I’d changed my sandals,” she muttered absently. “I’ve never driven with sandals on before.” The car roared to life and once she engaged the gear, the vehicle inched away from the car parked in front of Amanda’s vehicle. Thank goodness, there is an acre of space behind us.

Her experiences of the morning had been strange—bizarre even—but it was a party compared to what she was now experiencing. Over the last two blocks, Amanda must have grabbed the “oh, shit” handle a hundred times as she tried to stretch her legs out enough to press an imaginary brake. “Ah, Raphaela, are you sure you don’t want me to drive? I mean, I am more familiar with how the car handles.”

With a beaming smile, Raphaela answered. “Anyone would think you didn’t like my driving, Amanda. We only have another block to go. Don’t worry, I promise to get you there in one piece.”

Only one more block to hold my breath. “Oh, okay.” It was then that she decided to close her eyes. What I don’t see can’t scare me.

“That’s the spirit.” Raphaela continued to concentrate on her driving and blew out a sigh of relief when she drove the vehicle through a set of traffic signals and saw the small clinic. Parking is going to be a nightmare at this time of day. “Hold onto your hat, Amanda, parking is a real problem around here.”

Thank God, we made it in one piece. Amanda waited for Raphaela to help her out of the car and her brow furrowed with a sudden realization. “I wanted to live,” she whispered to the empty car. I was actually afraid of dying…no, I was afraid of another accident and to lose another…what do I call her? Just then, the door opened wide and she looked into the hazel eyes of…my savior.

“There you go, Amanda, all safe and sound. Let’s get you out of the car, and I’ll take you to see a friend of mine. Dr. Lapahie is wonderful.” Raphaela said, placing a special intonation to the doctor’s name.

Once out of the vehicle Amanda cocked her head and looked at woman waiting with a wheelchair. How did they know we were coming? She didn’t have time to call…maybe the old woman called…another mystery, I guess. “Dr. Lapahie is it? What does he specialize in…the heart?” It bothered her the way Raphaela’s voice said the doctor’s name. “Can’t wait to meet him.”

Raphaela didn’t answer Amanda’s question as she waved to the orderly who was pushing a wheelchair towards the clinic. Fate was good to us. A taxi that had moved away as they arrived provided them with not only a parking space, but also someone who could provide them with wheelchair support. “Jane, you must have been reading my mind.” The orderly grinned warmly as she helped Raphaela maneuver Amanda into the wheelchair.

Are they kidnapping me to a whole clinic of them? Once inside, Amanda’s eyes widened in surprise as she scanned the area. I’ve been in a lot of clinics and hospitals lately, but I have never seen anything like this place. To her right was, what she suspected, a waiting room with folding chairs in disarray and people either sitting or standing. She heard the sounds of babies wailing and what she was sure was a man moaning. Farther down the corridor seemed to be some sort of reception area, but it was more like what her desk area looked like when she was teaching. Overall, the place was dingy and in dire need of a good paint job. Exactly where has she brought me?

Then, a tall, slim woman walked around the bend of the small corridor and lit the place up with her presence. Her chocolate brown velvety eyes sparkled as they saw Raphaela in the corridor. She ate up the remaining space between them and hugged Raphaela warmly. “This is a wonderful surprise, Raph; you’re not due until this afternoon.”

Raphaela grinned at her friend and hugged her equally as hard. She had met Sun Lapahie during one of her last semesters in school, and they had struck up a deep, enduring friendship. Sun attended the school to gain further knowledge of herbalist remedies that she thought would compliment her medical knowledge. Sun’s grandfather was a Navajo medicine man, and she and Raphaela ended up helping each other. Each woman brought to the table a vast knowledge of remedies from around the world. It was a small world when Raphaela and her grandmother turned up close to where Sun lived and practiced medicine. Fascinated by Sun’s tales of the small clinic for indigents where she volunteered, Raphaela didn’t need asking twice if she wanted to help.

Raphaela smiled, as she looked her friend. She could see the clearly defined dusky features of Sun’s ancestors. “Sun, I need your professional help with my cl…friend here. This is Amanda Lawson. Would you check her out for me? She’ll give you all her details regarding her current state of health, right Amanda?” Both women’s eyes turned to Amanda for confirmation.

Amanda sat and watched, stunned by the obvious connection between Raphaela and the woman. I’ve seen that enough times to know there is more than friendship there. The thought bothered her in a way that she hadn’t thought she could ever feel again—she was jealous or at least envious of the relationship. She focused on the other woman taking in her face then her body. Not bad, not bad at all. Then she coughed slightly. “I’m sure I am fine, but Raphaela seems to think I need to be checked out.” She didn’t disguise the once over she gave the doctor before she spoke again. “I’m all yours,” she said. Amanda didn’t know what was happening to her. This isn’t like me. I just made a pass at that woman. I think I’m going mad…it must be all the drugs.

Raphaela heard the inflection in Amanda’s voice and smiled inwardly. Ah, she’s taking notice of someone more than herself—a great sign. “Marvelous, I’ll check on some of my paperwork, and Dr. Lapahie will let me know when you’re ready. I’ll see you both soon.” Her long legs strode in the direction where the doctor had come from, and once she turned the corner, only the clipping sounds of the sandals echoed back to her.

“Okay, Amanda, let’s go into the exam room, and you can tell me all about yourself.” Sun Lapahie gave Amanda a smile that was lukewarm at best. She hadn’t enjoyed the once over she had been given by Raphaela’s friend’s predatory eyes. As she is a friend of Raph’s I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

“Where do you want me to start?”

Sun closed the door and picked up a clipboard and pen. “I could be trite and say the beginning, but your last illness will be a great place to start. I’ll also need to know any medications you’re currently taking and anything you might think is responsible for what worries Raph.”

For a long time, Amanda sat and rocked ever so slightly in the chair as she tried to determine what to tell the doctor. “I’m not sure what to tell you. Almost two years ago, I was in an automobile accident and fractured my back.” Tears welled up. “Because of the deterioration of my spine, I have been in excruciating pain ever since.” She lifted up her pant legs. “I wear braces on both legs.” She shrugged. “I take a lot of pain meds.” She laughed slightly. “It’s probably more than I should take, but they get me by on the rough days.” She focused her eyes on a distant corner as she tried to remember what had happened to bring her there. “I think I was convulsing, and that is why she brought me here.”

“Who is your primary doctor?”

“Dr. Banks is the one whom I see most often.”

“I didn’t think she was a general practitioner.”

Amanda shrugged. “She is for me.”

Hmm, that’s interesting. “Were you at Raph’s home with her grandmother having one of her sessions?” Sun thought better of the question and added, “You can, of course, tell me to mind my own business.”

Amazed by the question Amanda didn’t answer only involuntarily nodded.

A tinkle of embarrassed laughter came from the doctor. “I know what you’re thinking…why I would ask such a ridiculous question? Raph didn’t describe your symptoms, or tell me what happened to you; and I’ve found the only time she isn’t one hundred percent efficient is when it comes to anything involving her grandmother.” Sun saw a look of concern. “Don’t worry, it doesn’t happen often. In fact, I only know of one incident, and that was her grandmother.” She looked back at the clipboard. “As you appear to be in the hands of a very good practitioner, I’ll give you a basic exam and release you back into Raph’s care. From what I see, you appear perfectly able to function,” Sun said in a brusque tone. “Is that okay with you?”

The tone of the doctor’s voice was not lost to Amanda as a sense of sadness engulfed her. What have I done to her? I’m only here because that gypsy woman brought me. When will the world ever swing my way? “Sure, do whatever you want; I don’t care.”

Sun didn’t reply to the pitiful remark, for the woman clearly didn’t have a clue what real life was like. I don’t care, but Raph does, so I will do what I must. She’s a client. That’s the only reason for Raph’s involvement with such a pity party. What other reason can there be for her interest? If this woman injured herself on their property, I wonder whether Raph is worried about a lawsuit. God, I hate having to waste my time on a crybaby. Sun began her cursory examination while the woman sat stoically and sadly on the exam table. Doesn’t this woman know that at least she has the means to have her injuries properly taken care of? People who come here don’t have that luxury, and a great many die because of it. Fifteen minutes later, the examination was finished and other than elevated blood pressure, which needs monitoring, there didn’t appear to be any outward sign of any other trauma. “As you know, I can’t give you a clean bill of health. I don’t see any signs of damage caused by what you described as a convulsion. Your blood pressure is markedly higher than normal, but that probably has to do with the circumstances of your coming here. Do you have a history of high blood pressure?” She saw the woman shake her head no and continued. “We don’t have the necessary diagnostic tools here to evaluate what made you have a seizure or if it was indeed one. I suggest you see Dr. Banks for further evaluation.” Amanda nodded in agreement. “Make sure you tell her about the elevated blood pressure.” Sun paused. “If you have blood pressure problems, I think you will find that Raphaela can do wonders for you.”

Amanda blew out one breath and then another. “Convulsions and high blood pressure, now there are two new ones to add to the list.” She couldn’t help the sarcasm. It seems like icing on the cake. “Listen, I know you did this exam as a favor to a friend, and I’m sorry I took up so much of your time. From the looks of this place, you must run on a shoestring budget, and I am sure there are people out in your waiting room who are in need of your help. Just send me the bill, and I will see you get a check promptly.” She brushed away a tear as she carefully got off the table and sat back in the wheelchair. “Like I said, I’m sorry to have wasted your time. Thanks.” She placed practiced hands around the rims of the wheels and turned around toward the door. “If you don’t mind, could you please open the door?”

“Why not do yourself a favor? Stand up, and walk out of this room. If for no one’s sake, think of Raphaela’s. She won’t say, but she’s worried, especially if you had the problem in her home…the implications could be…”

Amanda interrupted the doctor as she turned her head and glared at the woman. “You know nothing about me, or where I’ve been, or what I’ve been through. As for walking out of this room, no problem…I’ll do it gladly. Thank you for your time, Doctor.” She stood up, and although pain shot through her body, she put one foot in front of the other then pushed the door open and walked out.

As she watched Amanda Lawson struggle out of the room, Sun picked up the phone and called Raphaela. The woman is right, I know nothing of what she has been through, and I’m never likely to. If I allow every patient’s pity to be important to me, it would destroy me. It did not mean she cared any less, it meant she cared more for she had to see the loathing on faces of people like Amanda Lawson who thought no one cared. Amanda is luckier than most for she has found someone like Raph to take notice. If ever there was a spirit on this earth whom we should applaud for her compassion and genuine caring for others, it is Raphaela. “Hi, I just wanted you to know I am done with your friend.”

“Thanks, Sun, I’ll be right there. How is she?”

Sun shook her head in repugnance. “She’ll survive. Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Of course not.”

Sun opened her mouth to ask why her friend was wasting her time on the woman but thought better of the idea. “Never mind, your friend will be wondering where you are.”

“Yeah, you’re right; she’s kind of fragile right now.”

The doctor made a decision; she walked quickly to the door and shoved it hard. She saw Amanda standing against the wall across from the room with downcast eyes that glistened with tears. “Raphaela is on her way. If you care to listen, the best piece of advice I can give you is to have her help you with your meds. She has a special talent, and you can trust her.” She watched as a startled look crossed the woman’s face. “Oh, and a vacation might be good, too—get your mind off your troubles, and you’ll find it will do wonders.”

Amanda swiped a hand across her cheeks and stood with her mouth opened as she watched the doctor turn and walk away. Was it something I said? Amanda felt a tug on her arm and noticed Raphaela standing by her side. “Where are my keys?”

Raphaela frowned. “Right here,” she said holding up the keys.

Amanda grabbed them away. “Let’s go,” she said before turning and walking as fast as she could for the exit.

“Wait, Amanda, what’s the matter?” Raphaela asked as she hurried out the door behind her. She finally grabbed the woman’s arm to stop her. “What’s happened? Did Sun give you bad news?”

Amanda wrestled her arm away and glared at the woman. “If you want to know what happened, ask your doctor friend.” Her anger boiled up further. “And, if she says it’s privileged information, you can tell her I said she could blab away.” She moved away in the direction of her SUV. “If you want a ride home, you better come along,” she said over her shoulder.

The ride home was quiet giving Raphaela time to mull over several scenarios of what might have happened between the two women. At first, she thought that maybe Amanda made a pass at Sun but dismissed that idea immediately. I don’t think in her present state of mind Amanda would have done that. Besides, there’s no way is Sun interested in her. I guess they could have been like oil and water and just didn’t mix well. Although… Just as she was about to expand on that thought she heard the screech of rubber as Amanda stopped the vehicle in front of her house.

Amanda glared at Raphaela as she waited for her to get out. When she didn’t, she spat, “Is there something else?”

Taking the hint, Raphaela opened her door and got out. Before she could close the door, Amanda said, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to sue you or your grandmother.”

Raphaela watched as Amanda drove away at speed much faster than was necessary and spoke to the wind she left behind. “I never thought for one moment that you would sue us.” Perplexed, she walked to the door of the house, inserted her key, and let herself in. She felt the tension of the drive home and Amanda Lawson’s presence in her life lift dramatically. This house is the one place I know where nothing can harm me. Its very essence makes me feel welcomed and loved. She also knew that further inside her grand-mère resided, and that alone removed any feelings of loneliness that occasionally invaded her thoughts when she had to deal with the emotional drama of people like Amanda.

“Raphaela, is that you?” Luminitsa’s strong voice echoed down the hallway. She smiled. Her voice is in direct contrast to her body that is frail and unresponsive to treatment.

“Now who else would it be?” Raphaela chuckled knowing her grand-mère would be smiling as well. She walked toward Luminitsa’s room and knocked as she always did before entering. Her grand-mère was lying comfortably and certainly looked more refreshed than she probably felt.

Luminitsa saw the strain in her granddaughter and with a waggle of her finger, caught the younger woman’s eyes flashing in a tender glance. “I can see that it didn’t go well, Ray. You’d best sit down, and tell me everything.”

With little resistance, Raphaela sat although she suspected her grand-mère must be hungry and wanting her mint tea. It is way past our lunchtime. “It was interesting.”

Luminitsa sighed heavily; the weight of the world appeared to be on her granddaughter’s shoulders, and the only thing she could do was listen and offer advice if asked. Leaning forward, she touched Raphaela’s hand and held it gently.” First, how is Amanda?”

She stared into her grand-mère’s eyes and shook her head slightly. “I’m not sure. All I know is she was examined by my friend, Dr. Lapahie,” she smiled. “Do you remember her? She’s the one who took care of you after your stroke.” Her grand-mère nodded but continued to listen rather than say anything. “After that, she appeared to be angry and drove us both back here. Somehow, she has the impression that we think she’s going to sue us…I don’t understand why. I didn’t have time to speak with Sun and find anything out, but I will while I make us lunch.”

Luminitsa heard the explanation. Indeed, it does not make sense. We didn’t have any control over how Amanda would react to anything said to her in our home. It is always at the client’s own risk. “Well, she can’t sue; she signed the waiver, so that would negate any action for negligence…”

“She didn’t!”

Frowning slightly, the older woman looked at Raphaela. “She didn’t? Why on earth didn’t she, Ray?”

Raphaela sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck as she spoke. “In all the excitement of her actually contacting us, I forgot to have her sign the document. She has the opening to sue us. I’m sorry for failing you, Grand-mère.”

The poignantly spoken words brought tears to Luminitsa’s eyes. “Oh, my darling, Ray, you have never failed me. From the moment you were born, you have given me a hope in the future, and the light to lead me onward. We have shared an abundance of happy memories and experiences that I always treasure. Besides, Amanda may be many things, but I am certain suing us isn’t in her nature. We did do one thing for her that will be the catalyst for her recovery.”

Encased by the loving words of her grand-mère, Raphaela gave her a quizzical glance. “What was that?”

“She actually felt a connection to someone other than herself. She has begun to question her desire to leave her physical life behind.”

Even more puzzled by the cryptic statement, Raphaela shook her head. “I don’t understand. Whom was she connected with…you?”

The soft chuckle that emanated from Luminitsa made Raphaela smile—it always had from the very moment that she could consciously remember anything in life. “Not me, Ray…why you, of course! Amanda thinks she knows you and believes you are important to her. The aspect of what she thinks is not important only that she understands. Nonetheless, she now feels something other than pity for herself, and that is remarkable.”

Raphaela repeated the word, “Remarkable.”

“I think we should ask…no, you should go over and ask her to dinner. It’s time for her to make new memories and not dwell on the old. While she lives alone without genuine friendship that will not happen. We have the opportunity to open up her world to a completely new dimension. I think she just needs a little more help to get back, as they say, in the saddle.” Luminitsa was satisfied with her announcement though she could see worry beginning to cloud her granddaughter’s eyes. “You don’t agree?”

“I do, but what if she focuses all her energy on us or me? I wouldn’t want her to get hurt again if the friendship became distant.” Raphaela chose her words carefully because she knew there was more yet to disclose to her grand-mère.

Luminitsa’s brow creased in puzzlement. “Distant? Why would we be distant with her? It’s true that at the moment she might not be the nicest person to be around, but deep down and getting closer to the surface is a wonderful caring person. I think she needs us, and more particularly, you, to help her achieve that goal. And, my darling, Ray, you do that kind of thing so well.”

Raphaela cleared her throat as she tried to dredge up a suitable explanation. This is the moment when I must admit my secret. “Grand-mère,” she said tentatively. “You’ve always wanted to know where I go everyday?”

Luminitsa grinned. At last! “Yes.”

“Well, it’s like this, Grand-mère. The clinic I took you to, and where I went with Amanda today…well, I work there. In fact, I more than work there; I’m one of the chief financial backers and directors of its operation.” There, it is finally out in the open. She eyed the old woman. I can’t see one iota of change in Grand-mère’s expression…that can mean anything. Then, a look of disappointment crossed the older woman’s face as she stared at the rings on her fingers. “I know you won’t be happy that I’m using my gifts and my trust fund in this way. We did talk about it when we came here that I wouldn’t …”

Luminitsa held up her hand. “No, no, Ray. I think what you are doing is a splendid way for our gifts, and yours in particular, to shine and help a great many people. Your trust fund is for you to do with as you see fit, and I’m sure your parents would be proud…very proud. What better way to use your father’s legacy than using his fame after his death for a good cause. Why you thought you had to keep it a secret is a puzzle to me, but I’m sure you had your reasons.”

“Then why do you look so disappointed?”

“Forgive an old woman her dreams, Ray. I actually thought as you were so happy when you left for this secret rendezvous that you had finally found someone who made you happy and loved you.” Luminitsa had tears slowly rolling down her cheeks as she gave her granddaughter a solemn glance.

Raphaela smiled and quickly got up from her chair to hug the old woman tenderly. As she thought about the comment, her own tears were not far away. She whispered into Luminitsa’s ear, “One day, Grand-mère, one day, and I promise you’ll be the first to know.”

Embarrassed by her emotional ramblings, Luminitsa hugged her granddaughter as tightly as she could before releasing her and gruffly announcing, “Off with you to make us lunch. I’m hungry, and I know how you like your schedule.” The wink of her eye took any sting out of the words.

Raphaela smiled and wiped an errant tear away. “I’ll call Sun and ask her about Amanda, and tell her I can’t return to the clinic today.”

Luminitsa gave her granddaughter a quizzical look. I hope she doesn’t think I disapprove; for I don’t, in fact, I am supremely proud of her. “Don’t think you have to stop doing what makes you happy, Ray.”

Raphaela started to leave before tuning and saying, “I’m not. If we are going to try to make someone else happy, I’ll need to go over to Amanda’s house and ask her to dinner.

Chapter 10

Amanda stopped the SUV in the driveway, and then struggled to get out. All she could think about was getting inside and taking her drugs. The day had taken its toll on her body, and she wasn’t sure if the meds would even abate the horrific pain she felt. One brown plastic container after another flew to the floor as she scrutinized every label. “SHIT!” she screamed as she limped into the bathroom. She pushed aside everything in the medicine cabinet except the pill bottles and again scanned the labels. “Damn it!” she yelled the door and slammed it with such force that the glass broke. “I don’t have one fucking pill left.”

At least one good thing came out of my visit to the gypsy’s clinic–that bitch of a doctor told me to call Emily about the seizure. She picked up the phone and dialed. It is the perfect ploy to get more drugs. She listened to the list of options and finally heard a real voice. “Dr. Bank’s office, this is Cindy, how may I help you?”

She’s too damn perky. “This is Amanda Lawson; I need to speak with the doctor immediately…this is an emergency.”

“If it is an emergency, you should call nine-one-one.”

“Listen, I’m not calling nine-one-one; I had a seizure, and the doctor told me to call Dr. Banks immediately.”

“She’s with a patient right now.”

“I don’t care, I need to speak with her right now!”

In her past dealings with the woman, Cindy knew that reasoning was beyond her comprehension. The doctor told me that if she ever calls in an agitated state that I should advise her, and that is what I’m going to do. “Just a minute.”

Amanda tapped her fingers nervously as she waited. The pain was accelerating beyond anything she had ever felt before. I don’t think I’m going to make it.

“Amanda, how long ago did you have this seizure?” Emily asked.

She bent her head back and sighed loudly in relief. “I don’t know…about two hours ago…around eleven I think.”

“Are you injured?”

Yes, I need drugs. “No, I went to a clinic, and the doctor there said she saw no outward signs of injuries. They didn’t have the proper diagnostic tools to fully evaluate me and told me to call you immediately.”

“Which clinic and what doctor?”

“Oh, I don’t know, an Indian woman…Sun something or another. The clinic was on Hearst Street I think.”

“Sun Lapahie?”

“Yes, I think that’s it.”

“While I call Dr. Lapahie, I want you to call for an ambulance, and I will meet you at the hospital.”

“I can drive myself.”

“No, you call an ambulance, is that clear?”

I’m not calling any stupid ambulance. “Sure. I’ll see you there.” She hung up, grabbed her keys and noticed that her hand was trembling. “It’s the pain; it has to be the pain.”

>< >< ><

Emily watched Amanda enter the hospital and scowled. She must be insane! Once Amanda stopped at the desk, she approached her. “What part of ‘call an ambulance’ didn’t you understand?” She took hold of Amanda’s arm and led her into a private office. “Haven’t you suffered enough from one automobile accident? What do you think would have happened if you had another seizure while you were driving?” Emily looked at Amanda’s trembling hands. “Come on, I have you set up for a brain scan.”

“I don’t need that,” Amanda whined. “I’ve been poked and prodded enough today.”

“Well, get ready because you have more coming your way.” Dr. Banks opened the door and waved for Amanda to go through.

“Fine, but I need to tell you I am in tremendous pain right now.”

“Have you taken your medication?”

“This morning.”

“Well, I can’t give you anything more until the tests are run. Try to hang in there.”

Amanda just shook her head. “Do I have a choice?”

“No.” Emily’s voice had softened. She knew the day hadn’t been easy for her patient–the phone conversation with Sun Lapahie confirmed that…

“Yes, she can be difficult, but she has good reason.”

“Well, to be perfectly frank, Emily, I think she needs a good kick in the butt, so she will stop feeling sorry for herself and get on with her life,” Sun said.

Emily laughed. “Sun, I doubt that either you or I could go through what that woman has endured and not feel exactly as she does.”

“Care to enlighten me?”

“Have you ever had a patient whom you can’t help? One whom you know is basically healthy and will live a long life, but there is nothing you can do to stop his or her suffering.”

“You’ve run out of options?”

“The only thing I have left is an Intrathecal Pump Implant, and I won’t do that unless she tells me it is what she needs.”

“I guess I was harder on her than I needed to be,” Sun said. “I see so many here who don’t have the advantages of the health care that Amanda does, and it makes me jaded at times.”

“Having a good health care plan doesn’t mean that the patient doesn’t deserve compassionate treatment, Sun.” Emily felt protective of her patient. “If I could share Amanda’s story, I think you would regret your words about her. We’ve all been there where the patients just seems to push all the wrong buttons, but we need to remind ourselves that they are in need of our skills as doctors. Amanda is just trying to cope with the raw deal that life has handed her. Underneath it all, she is a wonderful person, and that is what I tell myself when she makes me want to scream. Bottom line…she needs my help.”

“Emily?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you’re her doctor.”

Three hours later, Amanda sat in a chair across from her doctor.

“We didn’t find any indications of chronic seizures or any damage done from the one you had.” Emily removed her glasses. “I think it was an isolated incident probably brought on by stress, and the medication you take.”

“So you don’t think it will happen again?”

“I doubt it.”

“What about the high blood pressure the other doctor talked about?”

“We’ll keep an eye on it. If it is okay with you, I will speak with your internist, so he will know what happened. That way he can monitor it when you see him.”

Amanda closed her eyes and said, “I need more pain meds.”

Emily narrowed her eyes and looked long and hard at her patient. “I thought I just gave you a prescription not too long ago.”

Amanda focused her clear blue eyes on the doctor. “I know; but the pain…it has been really bad lately.”

The doctor sighed. “I will give you enough to last two weeks.”

Amanda’s eyes widened. “But…”

Emily held up her hand. “Then you will have to come see me for another two weeks’ worth.”

“But…”

“That is the only way, Amanda.”

“Oh, all right.”

“I will check tomorrow to see if you have made an appointment.”

“Don’t worry, I will make it first thing in the morning.”

“Good. Would you like me to drive you home?”

For the first time since arriving at the hospital, Amanda smiled. “No thanks, I think I can manage.”

“Then, I will at least walk you out to your car.”

Amanda nodded. “I’d like that.”

>< >< ><

When she pulled up in her driveway, Amanda was surprised to see Raphaela sitting on the front porch. I really don’t need this. She looked around and didn’t see any vehicle. “How did you get here? On your broom?”

Raphaela stood, pulling herself up to her full height. “Very funny. I walked, but now I am questioning the wisdom of that.”

“You walked? That has to be a good five miles. A broom would have been quicker.” She saw Raphaela standing steadfast. “Move aside, and let me unlock the door. No sense standing out here and getting eaten up by mosquitoes.”

“Are you going to allow me inside, too, or do you think I have special potions to keep them away?” Raphaela, surprised at the vitriolic response from Amanda, smiled inwardly for she actually did have a good combination of natural ingredients to ward off the stinging insects. From her discussion with Sun, nothing had happened at the clinic that her doctor friend would classify as unusual.

Amanda frowned. “I wasn’t going to leave you out here if that’s what you think.” She blew out a breath. “Look, it has been a really long day, and I need to get inside so I can take one of these.” She held up a white pharmacy bag and jiggled it. “Come in or don’t, it is up to you.”

When Raphaela stepped inside the house, she noticed it was as neat as a pin from the hallway to the immaculately clean kitchen. Doesn’t Amanda ever make a mess or cook? Then she saw the discarded medicine containers on the floor. “Exactly what do you take Amanda? I might be able to help you.”

Amanda eagerly popped the pill into her mouth and drank the contents of the glass she had just filled. “It usually takes thirty minutes to work. I need to get this into my system before the meds they gave me at the hospital begin to wear off.” She saw the surprised look on Raphaela’s face. “Yes, I was at the hospital all afternoon.” Changing the subject will track her away from what meds I take.

Raphaela gave Amanda an understanding look as she casually walked over to the counter and the new containers. With her back to the woman on the pretext of looking out of the kitchen window, she saw the labels and grimaced at the powerful medicines. She noted the overgrown plants and lawn and remembered the woman’s words about her gardening skills. “Not much of a gardener anymore, I see.” From her angle, all she could see were some straggly flowers and shrubs. I bet it was once a beautiful place.

Amanda flipped on the radio. Because of the shot of Demerol she received at the hospital, her pain had abated somewhat, and she was more lucid. “I used to garden…Gwen said it was the best in the county. You should have seen my roses, and the vegetables seemed to grow themselves.” She shrugged. “It is in the past now.”

She heard the words of a song on the radio and was lost in them…Can you hear my thoughts? Does your heart recall the day we met? She brushed a tear away. “Not much of a story is it?”

The voice of the singer continued to hold her attention. Never to leave me…a look, a gesture, a kiss for you seared my soul forever. Will you remember me now that I’m gone from you? Will I ever see your face again, or are you gone for all time to another place? Seconds, minutes, hours tick by without you by my side. You have gone on alone and left me behind. Will you wait for me in eternity? You shared my heart, my love…you’re inside my soul for lifetimes yet undone. Now that you’re no longer here…will, you forgot you ever loved me?

“You know, I know Gwen died in the accident,” she said. “The second question I was going to ask the spirit was if it would be okay to love again.”

Taken aback at the candid comments, Raphaela didn’t know what to say. Amanda’s personal life really wasn’t any of her business, and the admission confused her. Then she recalled Amanda’s insistence at the session that ‘it is me.’ Maybe this is as good a time as any to find out what she meant…particularly after my discussion with Grand-mère. “I was wondering why you think I’m someone important to you, Amanda. You keep mentioning something along those lines.”

Silence permeated the room as the soulful sounds of Norah Jones began to fill the crevices. Amanda made her way to her recliner. “Please sit down,” she said as she motioned to the chair next to hers–Gwen’s chair. Raphaela noticed her eyes took on a distant look as if she were in another place and time. Finally, she looked directly into Raphaela’s hazel eyes. “When we first spoke on the phone, I recognized your voice. To my knowledge, I had never spoken to you before; but I knew the tone and the inflections.” She pursed her lips and sucked them inside biting hard as if to wake up. She spoke again, “Then, when you opened the door that first time I knew it was you.”

Raphaela blinked rapidly at the confession. I’ve had this kind of experience with some of my closest friends. That’s why I was attracted to them. Old souls traveling the same path are the easiest explanation for most people. Unfortunately, I didn’t pick up the same vibe from Amanda. What do I say to her? “There can be a perfectly rational explanation for that, you know. It’s something to do with the impulses from the brain catching up with optical nerves.” Oh, no, where did I dredge that up? It’s pathetic!

Amanda felt a wave pass over her and knew the meds were kicking in. For a moment, she closed her eyes and went with the feelings in her body. Amanda gave the woman next to her an easy smile. “Sounds interesting, but as I found out today my brain is functioning perfectly.” She looked away for a moment then gazed at Raphaela again. “I can’t explain it, and I’m not sure I want to, but I know you. I am sure I have always known you. I could feel it when you held me during the seizure…I should have been unaware, but I knew you were there, and I wasn’t afraid.” She shrugged. “Where are my manners? I don’t entertain much. Would you like something to eat? I have some nice cod that can be unfrozen in a jiffy.”

Raphaela, stunned by the confession but amused by something else, was unable to prevent herself from chuckling. Soon she couldn’t stop herself from laughing out loud.

Creasing her eyebrows, Amanda looked at the woman who seemed to be having quite a time laughing. Maybe one of her spirits told her a joke. Partially offended, she asked, “Did I say something funny?”

Finally getting the laughing fit under control, Raphaela smiled warmly at Amanda. I’m glad she didn’t get all huffy over my laughing. “I’m sorry, Amanda, but seriously, unfrozen cod in a jiffy? You know, I traveled around Europe growing up, and in some parts of the world, a jiffy takes on a whole new meaning. Anyway, that’s gutter talk, and I came here to ask if you wanted to come over for dinner this evening. It would allow my grand-mère and me the chance to make amends for your previous terrible experiences in the house. I can assure you that we’ll make it as comfortable an evening as possible for you. No unwanted or unannounced guests.” She winked at the mention of guests. “What do you say? If tonight isn’t good, we can do it tomorrow or anytime you name.”

Amanda started to smile but stopped. What do I say? “It has been a long time since anyone has asked me to join them for dinner.” She thought for a moment. “What type of wine do you like?”

With a beaming smile, Raphaela stood up as she spoke, “I don’t drink, but my grand-mère loves full-bodied French claret. How about eight? That way you will have time to take a nap after your busy day.”

“Eight sounds fine,” Amanda said with trepidation. It was a step forward and that scared her. Then she chuckled. “Would you care to ride home on that broom, or shall I give you a lift?”

With a smile that lit up the room, Raphaela shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, Amanda, but you’re wiped out, and I know there’s a bus due around the corner in a couple of minutes. Relax…and Amanda, I’m glad you’ve accepted the invitation. My grand-mère has some wonderful entertaining stories…I promise you’ll enjoy yourself. See you at eight. I’ll let myself out.” She left so rapidly that Amanda was unable to respond.

How does she know the bus is around the corner and leaves in a few minutes? She shrugged. Must be one of those gypsy things. Her eyes closed, and she entered into an easy, light sleep.

Chapter 11

Amanda woke with a start. “Shit, what time is it?” She sighed with relief when she saw it was almost seven. She went into the kitchen for a glass of water to take with her meds. It was important that she take them on schedule, so there would be no breakthrough pain before her next Oxycodone. Tonight especially, I don’t want the burden of pain.

When she walked into the bathroom, she saw various items from the medicine cabinet strewn on the floor. Carefully bending over, she began picking up a tube of toothpaste, a plastic aspirin bottle, Q-tips, saline solution, and a few other items. Looking at the fractured image of her face in the mirror, she shook her head. “You have to get a grip, girl.” Then she thought of the night to come and smiled.

She reached into the shower and turned on the water before she sat on the bench in the stall. Soon her body had a thick layer of foamy soap as her mind once again drifted to the upcoming dinner. She rested her elbows on her knees and buried her face in her hands. “What am I doing?”

“You are letting Gwen go,” a strong voice answered.

Like a shot, that she didn’t know she was capable of, she stood up and slowly opened the sliding shower door. “Who’s there?” The bathroom was empty. “I really think I’m losing my mind.” She slid the door closed, sat back down and squirted shampoo into her hand. I can’t let Gwen go.

“It is time to move on, Amanda.”

“Now, I know I’m going batty.” She massaged her head vigorously trying to wash the voice away. I don’t think I can make it on my own.

“Sure you can. You’ve already started on that road, and if it doesn’t work out, you can always come back here and hide some more.”

Amanda stood up and let the water flow over her head and body before turning off the water. A small smile curved around her lips. “Raquel, that’s your name, right? Thank you for your advice, and I will take it under advisement.” She towel dried her hair and felt bereft that the voice did not respond.

Amanda stood looking at the large variety of wines lining the shelf at Sparrow’s Fine Wines. To her left stood a short, round man who seemed to be doing the same thing. “So many choices,” she said to him.

With a bright smile, the man turned and looked at her. “Yes, there are. What are you looking for?”

Smiling back in kind, Amanda said, “I was thinking of claret.”

“Hmm, do you want domestic or French?”

“French, I think.”

The man reached for a bottle. “This Chateau Moulin de Peyronin is classic claret. It has smooth tannins; I think you will appreciate its subtlety.”

Amanda took the bottle. “Wow, this is pricey.”

“That depends on whether you are compact car or Mercedes kinda gal.”

She smiled and put the bottle in a small hand basket. “Thank you. Now, what are you looking for?”

“Something special for my wife, she just got a promotion.”

“That is something I can help you with.” She moved down the aisle to the German wines and picked a bottle. “I spent two years in Germany near Trier— this particular winery has never disappointed me.”

The man took the bottle and raised his eyebrows. “I’m a Mercedes kinda guy. Thank you,” he said as he turned to leave.

“You’re welcome.”

At the checkout, she chatted with the young girl behind the cash register. When she returned to her car, a warm happy feeling began permeating her. I actually interacted with people, and I was nice—kinda like my old self. A genuine smile filled her face as she placed the wine in the seat and thought about having dinner with the women who had mysteriously come into her life.

>< >< ><

Raphaela sank into the hot water in the bathtub where she had sprinkled a liberal amount of her favorite herbs to give her that all-over relaxed feeling. As the warmth surrounded her, she mulled over the events of the day. This morning when I woke, there was no indication that by dinner Grand-mère and I would be actively seeking out our newest, and somewhat antagonistic, client to spend the evening with us. The events of the consultation followed by the visit to the clinic had Raphaela wondering if she dare broach the subject of dinner. Once she discovered that the woman had gone to her own doctor, she was certain that acceptance was out of the question. Providence or the spirit world had been on her side, and miraculously, Amanda had accepted.

Initially, she hadn’t been happy about her grand-mère’s insistence that they ask her to dinner. But, the more she thought about it, the more it made perfect sense, and frankly, she was looking forward to the evening. You could count on one hand the number of times she’d had anyone home to dinner—and those had been school friends when they were working on a paper. Not once had she brought someone home for the simple pleasure of doing so, not even her dear friend Sun whom she cared a great deal about. When she’d gone over to Amanda’s, she had considered the dinner merely something she would attend, so she could keep her grand-mère happy. Now…now, I’m not so sure. In fact, there was more than a normal bounce in her steps when she was going home.

Half an hour later, she pampered herself as much as time would allow and carefully chose clothes that didn’t give her the gypsy look. If necessary, she could hold her own in the dress department, but she found the garments that were classical and timeless were the ones she preferred. Tonight, I’m going to try to get Amanda completely at ease for no other reason than she deserves a little enjoyment and peace from her worries and pain. If we succeed, who knows how many more times it will take Amanda to get back on her feet? And, it will be worth it.

The Spanish style chicken she had prepared was cooking slowly, and if the aromas around the house were anything to judge by, it would be delicious. Then, she heard her grand-mère calling. She entered the bedroom and saw Luminitsa had not yet dressed for dinner. Amanda is due in ten minutes.

“You’re not dressed, Grand-mère, is anything wrong?” Concern flooded the younger woman’s face as she pressed a gentle hand to her grand-mère’s forehead.

“I’m perfectly well, Ray. Don’t worry yourself so. I’m very tired, and if you wouldn’t mind, I’d really like just a snack for dinner, and then I’ll go straight to sleep.” Luminitsa eyed her granddaughter. I’ve seen that suspicious look before. “Before you say anything, Ray, no, this wasn’t planned.”

Raphaela rolled her eyes. She loved the old woman deeply, but on occasion, Grand-mère had things arranged only to leave her to sort it out at the last minute. Now, as she peered closely at her grand-mère, she saw the fatigue etched in the weathered, yet beautiful face. “I’ll give Amanda your apologies, although she was looking forward to your stories. Why don’t I make up a little of the chicken dinner for you while you get ready for bed? I will bring you a tray once you’re settled in.”

The beaming smile she received told her its own story. “You may tell Amanda that she can call anytime, and I will relate any story she wants to hear. It is, after all, one of my most treasured pastimes.”

Raphaela left the room and heard a car drive up and stop, not on the street as on previous occasions, but in the drive. A faint smile crossed Raphaela’s lips as she quickly made her way to the door and opened it before Amanda was even out of the car. With a warm smile, she waved at the woman who exited her car with a brown paper bag in hand.

“Hey, how did you know I was here?” Amanda said as she reached the door. Smiling mischievously, she waggled her finger at Raphaela. “Did you read my mind?” When she saw the look on Raphaela’s face, she laughed.

“No, I don’t read minds, but I’m sure if I worked hard enough at it I might.” Things are working out just as we hoped. “Come on inside; dinner is almost ready.” A sudden thought struck her. “I hope you’re not vegetarian.” Raphaela waited anxiously for the answer. Things can go array without my even trying.

It felt good to laugh again, and Amanda took the opportunity to do it again. “No! Me like meat,” she said in her best cavewoman imitation. Holding out the bag she said, “I have it on good authority that this is excellent claret.”

Raphaela glanced at the brown paper bag and gave Amanda a wink of appreciation. “My grand-mère is going to wish she wasn’t so tired tonight.”

“She isn’t going to join us?” Amanda truly liked the old woman and was somewhat sad that she wouldn’t be having dinner with them. This means it will just be Raphaela having dinner with me. The thought, in a strange way, frightened her. “I’m sorry to hear that, I hope she hasn’t been taken ill because of our session today.”

As they walked further into the house, Raphaela showed her to the dining room. Since Luminitsa’s stroke, they no longer used the small cozy room, which was much to her chagrin. “No, she’s just tired. Sessions like yours take it out of her, which is why she doesn’t do it full time anymore. I can assure you she isn’t ill. When I tell her she’s missing out on the wine bought especially for her, she’ll be upset.” Raphaela stopped and thought for a moment. “I’m taking her dinner to eat in bed before we have ours, and I think a glass would go wonderfully with her meal. If you’d like, you could take her a glass while I dish up her plate. She’ll love you for it.”

Warmth crept into Amanda’s being as she thought of the older woman smiling as she brought her the glass of wine. Flashes of her own grandmother flickered for a moment making her smile inwardly. “I would be honored to take her a glass. She is a special woman, and you’re so lucky to still have her in your life.” She shrugged. “I lost both my parents several years ago and my grandmother at least a decade before that.”

The confession had Raphaela reeling for a few moments. Something significantly has changed in this woman…almost akin to the Jekyll and Hyde story. “You never lose anything, especially people you love. They are always with you and today more so as you’ve remembered them. I’ll let you uncork the wine and let it breathe for a few minutes. The glasses are in the cabinet to your left, and my grand-mère’s bedroom is the second door on the right. I’ll be in the kitchen,” she said pointing to an open door. “Sing out if you need me. Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes, so don’t let Luminitsa spellbind you with any of her stories.” Raphaela winked and left the room.

As she watched the woman leave, Amanda realized she hadn’t given her a corkscrew, so she did the only thing she could. “Raaaaphaeeeelaaaaa,” she sang out. “Where can I find a corkscrew?” She finished her song with the flourish of a falsetto.

From the kitchen, laughter echoed around the house as Raphaela bent over in hilarity. Amanda Lawson is fun, and I’m even more pleased that she agreed to the dinner invitation. Barely able to talk, she finally managed, “In the drawer of the hutch with the glasses. Did anyone tell you never to audition for the opera?”

It was Amanda’s turn to laugh. That felt good. Then, she couldn’t resist. “Yes,” she sang out before she found the corkscrew and opened the wine.

Raphaela popped her head inside the room and said, “Good, you’re far too talented as a comedienne,” before disappearing back into the kitchen.

Comedienne, indeed. While she waited for the wine to breathe, Amanda looked around the room and smiled when she heard Raphaela humming in the kitchen. With new eyes that saw the furnishings for the first time, she was impressed with not only the quality but also the quiet ambiance. The furniture was country French. The rich tones of the cherry wood with hand painted designs accented the contours, and what she suspected was hand-carved detailing. Several excellent Renoir and Monet prints adorned the walls along with a couple of magnificent portraits of a young woman who looked a lot like Raphaela. She didn’t recognize the artist but intended to find out who it was. She stood and gazed approvingly at her most favorite Renoir—The Bathers. How apropos. Deciding that the wine had breathed enough, she poured a generous portion into the glass and headed down the hallway to Luminitsa’s room. Tapping softly on the door, she waited.

“Enter, my dear, enter.” Luminitsa’s voice rang out.

Slowly and with some trepidation, Amanda opened the door and saw the older woman sitting up in her bed. “Raphaela said you might like a glass of wine.” She saw Luminitsa’s eyes light up. “I suspect she meant a small glass, but I thought you might enjoy a bit more since I understand claret is your favorite.” She moved closer to the bed and handed the woman the glass.

“Oh, you lovely girl, that looks delicious. How are you my dear? We were worried about you.” The older woman took the glass and sipped on the blood red liquid with relish. Her eyes rolled as she allowed the flavors to integrate with her senses.

Amanda had never really taken in Luminitsa completely and gazed at her intently. She could tell the woman had been, and still was, quite attractive. Her body appeared to be failing just as she saw her own grandmother’s deteriorate with age. But, a fire in the dark eyes that told Amanda the woman’s mind was strong and alert. “I…I wanted to ask…hmm…never mind, it wasn’t that important.” She felt blood rush to her face and was sure her cheeks were bright red.

With a charming, yet teasing twinkle in the eye, Luminitsa inclined her head slightly. “Don’t be shy, Amanda, ask away. Ray isn’t here, so you can ask about her if you want.”

A genuine smiled filled Amanda’s face. “It is nothing about your granddaughter,” she said as she felt her face grow even hotter. “Although I must admit, she has made me smile and laugh today, which I really liked…it felt good.” She sucked in a breath. “At our session this morning, did you see the face of the being you were communicating with?” Her eyes focused on the old woman. “I’ve been seeing someone in my dreams and…well…”

Luminitsa didn’t answer immediately. She sipped her wine and she savored it and the question. “Raquel is a lovely creature, wouldn’t you say? She might remind you a little of my granddaughter, except they are so different. You do share one thing with Raphaela, which is extraordinary.”

“And that is?” Amanda asked.

Luminitsa placed a hand on Amanda’s arm. A far away look in her eyes appeared as she answered, “You have the same spirit guide. Ray doesn’t always heed her spirit guide—she prefers the herbal medicine side of our gift and often ignores other signs. That is a detriment to her at times. Raquel will guide you well, Amanda.”

She pursed her lips. “Raquel came to me earlier while I was showering. It was as though she could read my thoughts, and I could swear I heard her voice, clear as a bell, speaking to me. How can that be?” she asked. “I don’t understand…mostly, I don’t understand why Raphaela and I share the same guide. I didn’t think that happened.”

There was a tentative knock on the door, and it opened as Raphaela peeked her head in. “If you two have finished talking about me, I’ll bring in your dinner, Grand-mère.” She entered the room and smiled at the sheepish look she received from both pairs of eyes. “Ah, so you were talking about me, shame on you both.” Laughing, she placed the tray on her grand-mère’s side table and leaned in to kiss Luminitsa’s cheek tenderly.

Raphaela was so close that Amanda could feel the heat of her body. “We weren’t talking about you really…it…it was more about me.” Embarrassed, she looked away and was fearful that she’d see the two women trade knowing glances. She didn’t know if it was the close proximity of Raphaela, Luminitsa, or the combination of them both that suddenly made her feel vulnerable. Taking a step backward, she tried to ease away from the women.

Raphaela felt the atmosphere change distinctly and gave the older woman an imperceptible nod before wishing her goodnight. She turned to Amanda with a friendly, but not over-powering smile and said, “Amanda, let’s go eat, I’m hungry…what about you?” She stood at the threshold of the door and gallantly waved Amanda through. Before closing the door, Raphaela gazed fondly upon her grand-mère who was completely absorbed in not only the delicious meal but the wine, too. After Amanda and I finish dinner, I’ll bring her a smaller refill as a nightcap. “I’ll be back to check on you, Grand-mère, and wish you a good night later.” Luminitsa looked up, smiled, and waved her granddaughter away with the flick of her fork. Raphaela smiled indulgently and followed Amanda to the dining room.

>< >< ><

Amanda tried to decide what she would say to Raphaela about the accusation of talking about her. The last thing she wanted to do was to alienate the woman and lose the fragile connection they appeared to have. Before she entered the dining room, she turned and looked directly at Raphaela. “The only mention your grandmother and I made of you was that you and I apparently have the same spirit guide, and I was asking how that could be.” She narrowed her eyes. “That was all we said.”

With a sparkle in her eyes, Raphaela replied. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Amanda. I’m an open book—anything you want to know about me I’ll gladly share. Of course, it means that there has to be a reciprocal agreement.” Pointing to one of the dining chairs, she said, “Please sit, Amanda. Tonight, I’m going to treat you to one of my great-grand-mère’s recipes, she was Spanish you know.” By leaving the room to collect the dishes and serve their meal, Raphaela gave Amanda no time to dwell on what she perceived to be a problem that didn’t exist.

Amanda blinked and shook her head at Raphaela’s words and let a small smile crease her lips. How did I get so lucky? She watched the doorway with anticipation of what was to come. “It sure smells good,” she called out.

Raphaela brought out the meal and placed it on the table. “Please, help yourself.” Smiling at the generous portion Amanda took, Raphaela commented. “Looks like you’re hungry.”

The blush on her cheeks didn’t stop Amanda from digging into the chicken. “Hmm, this is wonderful. Your great grandmother must have been a wonderful cook.”

“Yes, she was.”

Five minutes later, they were enthusiastically eating the scrumptious meal. Both women enjoyed the food so much that there was little in the way of chatter between them.

Raphaela looked across the table and remarked, “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you sooner…would you like me to pour you a glass of the wine you brought?”

Amanda finished swallowing a mouthful of the best chicken she had ever eaten and placed her fork on the plate. “I’m not much of a wine drinker, besides with the meds I take it wouldn’t be a good idea.” She smiled broadly, as she picked up her water glass and sucked out the few remaining drops. “Actually, I was wondering if you were ever going to ask if I needed more water.” A mischievous smile played around her lips. “I thought maybe only allowing your guest one glass of water was some weird gypsy custom. Had I known that, I would have rationed it better.” Amanda couldn’t stop the broad grin after seeing the horrified look on Raphaela’s face.

“I’m sorry, Amanda. You must think I’m horrible hostess.” She couldn’t hide the red creeping along her cheeks. Then she noticed the sparkle in Amanda’s eyes and realized she was teasing her.

“I was only joking,” Amanda said as she finally gave into laughter.

Raphaela, too, succumbed to the need to laugh and soon they were both dabbing the tears from their eyes. What had happened wasn’t very funny but proved to be a wonderful icebreaker. To Raphaela’s surprise, the woman who arrived at their home only days earlier in a state of desperation was now emerging as a witty and charming woman. It is amazing. I wonder though, is it all a sham for the evening and for my benefit. “You’re on to us gypsies, Amanda,” she said with a grin “Why not get your own, and we can make it our very own custom…the guest gets her own refills. What do you think…shall we do that?” she replied with a twinkle of her own in the eyes.

“Sure, why not,” Amanda eked out through her laughter and tears. She watched as her dinner partner brought her glass to her lips and lost it again. She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly as she tried to control her laughing fit–it didn’t work. Finally, she said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I think that is so funny. If you will excuse me, I will go to the kitchen and get some more water for myself.”

Reaching over, Raphaela placed a gentle hand on Amanda’s and felt the warmth and softness of the skin under her fingers. The experience of how pleasant it was to touch Amanda was not something she expected, and she removed her hand quickly. “No, let me.”

“But, I thought…” Amanda looked down at her hand that still tingled from the brief contact with Raphaela.

“I was only teasing you; besides, you can fetch your own water next time.” Raphaela stood up. “I’ll be right back. Laughter is a wonderful tonic, isn’t it?” Raphaela felt her senses responding to Amanda in a way that was foreign to her. I like the way it makes me feel. As she placed the water in front of the woman, she caught Amanda’s eyes and asked, “Where did you meet Gwen for the first time?” She saw a hint of sadness and added, “Look, I’m sorry, that is way too personal of a question to ask.” She spied the full water glass. “You can throw that water at me if you’d like.”

“And, waste the water I finally got? Not a chance.” Had anyone else asked her that question, Amanda would have instantly fallen into a deep depression, but she felt the need—no want—to tell Raphaela everything. “I taught English Literature at the university, and Gwen asked if she could audit my class.” She smiled at the memory. “I remember her knocking on the doorframe of my office. When I looked up, I saw this angel in green scrubs standing there. After that, it was history as they say.” She watched for any adverse reactions from the woman across from her and saw none. “I loved her from the first moment.”

“It must be wonderful to have found someone you can love like that. I can’t say I’ve ever been that fortunate. I envy you, Amanda, to have all those wonderful loving memories,” Raphaela replied as she twirled the stem of her water glass.

Amanda looked intently at the woman and noticed just how beautiful she was. “It is inconceivable to me that you have not found love.” Maybe she has been waiting for someone special. Again, she looked at Raphaela, and she felt the same way she did after the seizure when the woman held her. “Maybe you are waiting for someone special.” She shrugged as she continued to hold the gaze. “Maybe you’ve already found the right someone.” The vision of Raphaela hugging the doctor flashed into her mind, and she released the gaze.

Raphaela replied, “They say that everyone has another half, someone who mirrors his or her soul. They also say that you’ll know that person when you meet him or her. Did I tell you my grand-père was a trapeze artist? He saw my grand-mère in the audience and knew instantly she was the one…he was fifty feet in the air at the time.” A trickle of light laughter accompanied the story.

The sound of Raphaela’s laughter was oddly familiar to Amanda. “I think that sometimes we can see that person, but we try to ignore what is evident to everyone else around us. There are so many stories in literature in which a character stares across a room at someone he or she doesn’t know. As if in a dream, the character can pick up on a story the other person doesn’t even know he or she is telling.” She looked deeply into Raphaela’s hazel eyes. “Sometimes it is imagination; other times it is one heart speaking to another.”

A warm smile appeared on Raphaela’s face as she listened to Amanda. In many ways, she speaks just like Grand-mère. “You and my grand-mère must get together over coffee one day and trade thoughts. I think you’ll be infinitely surprised at how alike you think and feel about life. I’m the more practical one in the partnership, or that’s how my grand-mère views me. Practical isn’t so bad, and it helps others. I don’t want to spoil the mood, Amanda, but did you find what you were looking for today?”

Amanda heard the question but focused on the word partnership. “You’re lucky you have your grandmother. It’s sad to be alone.” She stared at her plate. “People have so many good intentions and promise to be there for you, but in the end, they forget you…forget their promises.” She lifted her eyelids. “Not that I blame them. They all had lives of their own to live.” Although her words should be those of someone who is sad and depressed, she was neither. “In answer to your last question, I don’t know if I found what I was looking for, but I know something has definitely changed.” A playful yet serious look crossed her face. “Would you like to go to Starbucks with me sometime? You never know, we may have similar thoughts, too.” She winked then looked hopefully at Raphaela.

With a burst of laughter at the audacious pick up line, Raphaela nodded. “Sure thing, I have a free lunchtime on Friday when Clara comes over to clean the house. I usually do a full day at the clinic, and she takes care of my grand-mère. Besides, how did you know I love Starbucks? Oh, don’t tell me,” she said holding her hand against her forehead. “Next you’re going to say the type of coffee I love. Right? And they call us mind readers…tsk, tsk,” Raphaela replied. “I hope you’ve left some space for dessert. I make a mean apple and cinnamon pie.” Still chuckling, she stood, collected the plates, and left for the kitchen and the final course of the meal.

Amanda watched her leave then stood up and stretched. After picking up some cutlery and other utensils, she followed Raphaela into the kitchen. She stood quietly and watched as the woman placed the dishes in the sink then moved down the counter to the waiting pie. She took in the motion of Raphaela’s hips, back, and shoulders that were broad and definitely proud. Her body reacted, and she had to look away for fear that the woman might pick up on her thoughts. “Um…I brought these out for you,” she said holding up the items.

Without turning around, Raphaela replied, “Thanks, you didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it. Would you do a favor for me and take a glass of wine to my grand-mère? I thought she might like a nightcap.” She looked at the wall clock. “She might be sleeping now, but with her you just never know. Oh, a small glass please, or I’ll have her singing through the night, and she, believe it or not, is worse than you!” This time Raphaela did turn and winked to take any sting out of her comment. The look she saw in Amanda’s eyes confused her but sent tingles down her spine.

She caught me; I know it. I bet she read my mind. Amanda felt her cheeks heating up as she said, “Sure thing.” She moved toward the wine bottle on the counter. “Might as well just take the bottle and pour some in the glass she already has.” She reached for the bottle and her hand brushed against the soft skin of Raphaela’s arm. “Sorry,” she said refusing to make eye contact. It has been a long time, but I still remember what being turned on feels like. “I’ll be right back.” At a speed that surprised her, she left the kitchen.

>< >< ><

Amanda tapped lightly on the partially opened door and waited for an answer. When she heard none, she nudged open the door a bit more, and in the light streaming in the room from the hallway, she saw that Luminitsa was sleeping. There was something about the way the light lit up the old woman’s face that made her look like a young girl. My god, she’s beautiful. There was something more–it was the serenity of those at peace with themselves and the world. Let me heal you with the light. What a burden it must be to have so much empathy for others in both this world and the next; yet she carries it off with a quiet dignity and strength of spirit that would put much younger people to shame. Quietly she pulled the door partly closed.

“Amanda.”

Surprised to hear her name, Amanda slowly pushed the door back open—the old woman appeared to be fast asleep. She took hold of the doorknob and began to pull until she saw a light creep in the room from a break in the curtains. Gradually, it moved across the room until it shone only on the old woman.

“Amanda, the one you seek holds your life in her hands. Trust and she will keep you safe.”

“What? Who?” she said as her eyes fixed on Luminitsa who did not move.

The light began to recede and soon the only illumination in the room came from the hallway lights. Amanda sucked in a deep breath. Raquel, I know you can read my mind. You’ve given me too many cryptic messages already today. Please just let me enjoy the evening with Raphaela.

>< >< ><

Raphaela reflected on the gaze Amanda gave her and something that was just out of recall tried to surface. The more she tried to dredge up the memory, the more it moved out of reach. With a wry expression, she cut the pie into six pieces and then removed the cream from the refrigerator. I’m enjoying this evening immensely, and Amanda is proving to be a wonderful guest. We should do this again soon…maybe once a week until we get to know each other better. Yes, once a week…that won’t be too overtly friendly will it? Placing the pie and cream on the serving platter, she re-entered the dining room to find Amanda walking back in at that same moment. “That was quick; was Grand-mère asleep?”

Amanda tried to shake Raquel’s words from her head the entire walk back to the dining room. One look at the woman who waited for her erased all thoughts of anything but Raphaela. “Yes, she was snoring softly.” She spied the dessert and licked her lips. “That looks really yummy.”

“Thank you. Eat as much as you want. I hate to admit this, but I’ll probably have seconds—this is my favorite.” Raphaela placed the platter in the middle, positioned a piece of pie on each of their plates, and handed the cream to Amanda.

Pouring the cream over the pie, Amanda felt her mouth react to the sight. She cut a generous piece and brought it to her mouth. “This is marvelous.”

Raphaela grinned at the expression on Amanda’s face. She looks like an excited child. It would be so easy to just sit here and watch her changing features. She didn’t want to be rude and began eating her pie slowly as she covertly watched Amanda. Amanda had polished off the first piece, and she offered her more, which the woman took with a delightful greedy expression. “When you come over for dinner again, I’ll have to make you a pie to take home.” She hadn’t realized that she had spoken her thoughts aloud.

“So we can do this again? I mean, have dinner together?” Amanda asked.

With a surprised glance at Amanda, who looked as if she was sure she had heard incorrectly, she nodded. The expressions on her dinner companion’s face made Raphaela want to reassure her by hugging her close. “Well, yes. We get on so well it would be a pity to let our new-found friendship disappear. Wouldn’t you agree? I was actually thinking that if it’s not too much of a liberty, once a week would be good. Or, whatever you want; I’ll be happy whenever you want to venture over.”

Amanda had to push her excitement down but was afraid that the grin on her face gave her away. I want to see her again and again. Although the thought sounded strange, it had the ring of truth, and she knew it was right. “Too much of a liberty…I think not. Perhaps it is not enough of a liberty since I was actually thinking of more often.”

With a laugh, Raphaela shook her head. “Only if I give you lessons so that you can reciprocate one day. Frozen cod really doesn’t do much for my palate.” She caught Amanda’s eyes and saw genuine happiness. This is good. No, it is great. If people only took the time with others, they might be surprised at how much they gain from that effort. She knew that today her grand-mère’s instincts had been right on the button; and now she had a new friend, and one she felt as comfortable with as she did Sun. Then it dawned on her where she had seen the strange expression that Amanda had worn earlier in the kitchen—Sun. Sun looks at me like that before rushing away. Odd, really odd. “I’m going to put these in the sink. Would you like to choose some music for us to listen to?”

“Why don’t I help you, then we can choose the music together.”

“Sounds good to me,” she said over her shoulder as she headed for the kitchen. “I have an even better idea; I’m going to provide us with another new tradition–we share the clean up duties. That way I won’t get up in half an hour to clean up. I hate having dirty dishes around.” Raphaela laughed self-consciously at her habit.

“Lead on.” As Amanda followed Raphaela into the kitchen, she watched her hips sway gracefully. Feelings began surfacing that she had buried long ago. As they stood side by side doing the dishes, she saw the woman’s nostrils flare slightly in what Amanda thought was more rapid breathing. We are close enough to touch, close enough to… Don’t go there! You don’t even know if she is interested in you that way. Still, she breathed in deeply and imaged that she was capturing the same air that had passed through Raphaela’s lungs.

It was a strange sensation sharing this most basic of chores with another person. As Raphaela passed the clean dishes to Amanda, their fingers occasionally touched, and she felt a tingling sensation going through her nerve endings. It was disconcerting. Never had she felt this before, and she didn’t know how to handle them. Where do I turn to find out what this means? Taking a deep breath, she could faintly smell the perfume that Amanda wore. Her sensitive nose picked up the differing scents that the perfume produced—the over-riding aroma of roses came to mind. “Hope you don’t mind my asking, Amanda, but what perfume do you use?”

Taken aback by the question, Amanda didn’t know what to say before stammering out, “Hmm, it’s Design.” She felt her body tremble as their shoulders briefly touched. She didn’t know why the feelings were surfacing for Raphaela, but they were. With each breath and passing moment that she was next to the woman, they intensified and screamed for release. I know I have stood next to her like this before, but we only met a few days ago. “Do you like it?”

“Yes, it’s made up of essences of my favorite flower—the rose. All done,” she said drying her hands on a towel. “Thanks for your help; it made short work of that. Now, let’s find out if we have similar tastes in music. I’ll lead the way since the equipment is in another room.”

“Another room?” A smiled played around her lips as she added, “My dear, Raphaela, are you going to show me your etchings?”

For a second, Raphaela was flustered and then realized that Amanda was teasing her. Gaining her composure quickly, she retaliated, “I could if that’s what you want, but frankly, mixing herbs and logging them down on charts might not be your idea of etchings.” She thought for a moment before adding, “Though I do sketch them, and according to some people, I’m pretty good. That’s the talent part from my father. The room where we listen to music is just down the hall.”

Amanda couldn’t help herself and laughed. She was having a wonderful time and it was all thanks to the wonderful woman next to her. “Oh, then I’d love to see them, but first, may I use your bathroom?”

“Oh, I really am a poor hostess. You can tell I don’t do this very often, can’t you?” Raphaela pointed to the door to the left in the hallway. “The room where I’ll be is opposite the bathroom. I’ll go ahead and choose something relaxing.”

Raphaela smiled as she went into the room. The fire in the fireplace was in need of another couple of logs to give it more life. The room was a small, cozy area that held a two-seat sofa and a recliner, with a coffee table between them. In the corner of the room was a mini music system that suited the diminutive size of the room. Looking at the rack of CDs, she carefully selected a music compilation of her favorite tracks of baroque music, which was a soothing safe bet. She adjusted the sound level so that it wasn’t too loud but drifted around the room giving it an easy ambiance.

Closing the bathroom door, Amanda leaned against it and sighed. She could feel the tingles of pain start and wished that she had thought to bring her medication. I never thought I would be here this long, or that I’d have such a good time. Closing her eyes tightly, she willed the pain to stay away. “Please, just a few more hours,” she whispered. A memory of a time years ago invaded her mind…

“Gwen,” Amanda said, “this is the best camping trip ever.”

“Hmm, I agree. It has been a long time since I slept so soundly.”

They walked hand in hand along the crest of a hillside overlooking Cayuga Lake when Amanda lost her footing and tumbled twenty feet down a rocky crevice. Gwen had tried to hold onto Amanda’s hand, but the force of the fall caused her to let go. Scrambling down the side of the hill, she came to her lover lying among jagged bits of rock.

“Amanda, Amanda, don’t move until I can check you out,” Gwen ordered as she knelt down.

Amanda looked up and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “How would you rate that fall? I think a ten is in order.”

Gwen eyed the woman. “You must really be hurt ‘cause joking is what you do when that happens.” Gently she probed Amanda’s lower body then her ribs and that made her yelp in pain. “Sorry,” Gwen said as she lifted Amanda’s shirt and examined the area. “Looks like you have bruised your ribs, but that’s all, no fractures.” Gwen had spent fifteen years working as an emergency room nurse and had seen her fair share of broken ribs, and she was certain that was not the case.

“I knew there was a reason that it hurts to breathe,” Amanda quipped.

“Just lie still until I check out your arms, neck, and head.” Carefully, she felt around Amanda’s neck and shoulders then gently kneaded her head. “All seems to be okay there.” When she picked up the left arm, her lover wailed.

“Ow, that hurts! Don’t be so rough.”

Gwen took off her light jacket, found a tree limb, and fashioned a support for the arm. “I think your arm is broken. Do you think you can make it back to the car?”

Sucking in deeply, Amanda replied, “Yes, I can do it.”

“Good, that’s my girl. I’m going to help you stand up. If at anytime you feel pain or think you can’t do it, let me know.”

“Sure,” Amanda said trying to hold back the threatening tears.

“Hey, it’s okay to cry.” Gwen bent down and kissed Amanda’s cheek. “Are you ready?” When Amanda nodded, she straddled the woman then reached under Amanda’s arms before lifting her upright.

Fifteen minutes later, they were in the car heading for the closest hospital. Gwen looked over and saw Amanda’s face contorted in pain. Reaching over she touched a hand balled up in a fist. “Relax, babe.”

“You try to do that. It hurts Gwen!”

“If you do what I tell you the pain will go away.”

“Yeah, right,” Amanda scoffed.

“Just do what I say. First relax your hand.” When she saw her fingers, extend she continued. “Now I want you to breathe in deeply through your nose, hold it, and then blow it out through your mouth.” She watched as Amanda did as she said and smiled when she saw her yawn. “Good, you are relaxing.”

“But, it still hurts.”

“As bad?”

“No.”

“Now, I want you to concentrate on the pain and ask yourself if it is stronger than you.”

Amanda frowned. “Hell, no.”

“Good. Now tell the pain if that is as bad as it is going to get, it might as well go away.”

Amanda smiled at the memory and consciously began to slow her breathing down and let her body relax. Once she yawned, she knew she was completely relaxed. Her thoughts turned to the woman waiting for her across the hall. Please, we are so close to… Amanda closed her eyes. I haven’t felt this way since Gwen… The reflection made her realize that she was seriously considering taking another lover and letting Gwen go. Trying to hold back the tears, Amanda opened the door.

When Amanda walked inside the room, Raphaela immediately noted the marked changes in the woman’s features. “Hi, I’ve taken the easy route with this selection. Take a seat…the recliner is wonderful. I’ll be right back.”

Amanda sat in the chair and lifted the leg rest. Leaning her head back, she let her shoulders relax and was soon lost in the music that seemed to surround her. Her mind focused on challenging the pain so intently; that she really didn’t know what was playing, but in a way, it soothed her.

Raphaela headed for her herb room, and within seconds, she had the required powders she needed and ground them together with her mortar and pestle. Satisfied that she had the correct mixture she noted what she had done, and then she slipped inside the kitchen. She placed her potion inside a glass, filled it with water, and stirred it briskly. As she entered the room, she saw Amanda in the armchair with a distinct look of pain on her face–I made the right call. “Here’s my special version of a night cap for you. Drink this, Amanda. It’s going to make you feel a little better.”

Amanda opened her eyes and focused on Raphaela who held out a glass of what appeared to be water. The one you seek holds your life in her hands. Trust and she will keep you safe. The words echoed in her head as she took the glass and drank. “Thank you.” She eyed the woman. “I guess you know.”

Unsure of what Amanda was referring to, Raphaela blinked rapidly a couple of times and smiled. “You have a very expressive face. Why don’t you relax for a while and then we’ll call it a day? Let’s face it, you’ve packed an awful lot into today, and right now your body is saying it needs some rest.”

Grateful for Raphaela’s understanding of her condition, Amanda stood up. She was face to face with a woman whom she knew but didn’t know how or why. The only thing she knew for sure was that she didn’t want to let her go. Moving a step closer, she pulled Raphaela to her and hugged her tightly. “Thank you for everything,” she whispered.

It was a moment Raphaela would remember for the rest of her life. Lightening surged through her body as Amanda held her, and it was the most perfect moment of her life. This morning, Amanda was an annoying stranger, now she is…certainly a friend I know…have I always known her but refused to admit it? “Anytime, I’m here for you whenever you need me. Now, I think it’s time for bed.”

Amanda couldn’t resist. “Yours or mine?”

Raphaela burst out laughing easing the tension that was growing in the room. “Next time, I might take you up on that offer. Right now, Ms. Lawson, it’s time to go home and rest that body of yours. Although, I can make up the spare room if you’d prefer…it wouldn't be any trouble.”

“As delightful as that sounds, I really do need to go home and take my meds.” She leaned in and gently kissed Raphaela’s cheek “I’ll show myself out.”

Raphaela shook her head. “Let me get at least one thing right as the hostess tonight…I’ll show you out.” After Raphaela opened the front door, she felt a keen sense of loss as Amanda stood on the doorstep. “Safe journey home, Amanda. Call me tomorrow, and we can arrange another…dinner.” I almost said date. How stupid would that have sounded?

Amanda smiled. “What time do you get up? I like to call early.”

Raphaela shook her head in amusement. “Is six too early for you?”

Not wanting to leave just yet, Amanda replied, “Not at all. Expect a call from me then. Maybe you can slip out for coffee…better yet…your grandmother should come with us.”

The mention of her grand-mère made Amanda more endearing to her than she had already become. “Grand-mère doesn’t travel far, but who knows? I’ll mention it to her, though not at six…she’s more a brunch type of person.”

Amanda smiled, leaned in, and kissed Raphaela gently on the lips. “Until tomorrow.” She turned and whistled all the way to her car.

Raphaela was so astonished at the feelings boiling to the surface when Amanda kissed her that she was unable to close the door until Amanda’s car was totally out of sight. Finally, she walked back into the house, down the hall, and into the room that they had just occupied. She sank down into the armchair that Amanda had vacated and breathed in deeply smelling the perfume that still invaded the room. What is happening to me?

Chapter 12

Amanda pulled her SUV into her driveway and blew out the breath she had been holding all the way home. The evening had gone spectacularly, and for the first time since Gwen went away, she felt truly happy. I can’t leave Gwen behind, can I? No, I can never leave her. She is everything to me. Please forgive me for thinking I could move on. She reached down to take the keys out of the ignition but shook her head as her ears began ringing. She closed her eyes and flashes of multicolored lights stabbed at the insides of her eyelids. Her face twitched, then her arms, and soon she was jerking uncontrollably. Her head slammed into the steering wheel before wrenching backward against the headrest. Again, her head lurched forward then sideways as it hit the window. Finally, the tremors began to subside into smaller spasms that continued to rock her body gently.

A few minutes later, she opened her eyes and saw blood on the steering wheel. Touching her forehead, she felt wetness and flipped down the visor—her blonde hair plastered to her forehead was full of blood. Tiredness overtook her as she leaned her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes. I don’t want to be here. Feeling as if suspended over an abyss, she saw an opaque light hovering in the distance. As she drifted toward it, she saw the faces of all those whom she had lost beckoning her, and she relaxed and flowed effortlessly into the abyss. Then, she saw Gwen.

>< >< ><

Raphaela walked in the dream state, more out of curiosity than a need. There had been a time when she had welcomed the many faces she acknowledged during this time and had actively sought them out, but that was long ago. Now, most were strangers whom she had never met in the physical world she inhabited before their passing. Nevertheless, all accepted her into their astral projection as a dear friend who was happy to help whenever she could. Her grand-mère had taught her not to fear this time for it would help hone her sensitive senses; thereby allowing her gift to manifest into something helpful for the short time she walked the earth.

As a child, she had friends in the astrophysical world who never grew older yet accepted her changes as she progressed from child to teenager and then finally to an adult. One such friend who never left her side was Raquel. Once she was old enough to understand, her grand-mère explained who Raquel was and how she would always be there to guide her through this lifetime. As time progressed, her need to be independent and seek out her own fate without any help from her spirit guide, or anyone else for that matter, grew. From then on, autonomy was the overriding factor that drove her life. Allowing Raquel or anyone else into her head and dreams without permission hadn’t been easy at first, but eventually no one tried to communicate through her. In essence, she had locked the door between them and opened it only when she chose. Now, it was time to open the door.

Her grand-mère had accepted her decision with the dignity born of no choice; she was after all, her mother’s daughter. Raphaela’s mother had always been afraid to use her gift, so she never embraced any parts of it. Often, Raphaela wondered if her mother had lived would she have allowed her daughter to embrace her destiny. In a way, Raphaela had excluded many of her gifts from her life preferring to concentrate mainly on her herbalist skills. Yet, according to her grand-mère, she was so talented that she could will the right people into her head at any given moment. And this was such a moment.

Passing through the mists of astral memories, she smiled at her acceptance as an old friend without recriminations for being gone so long. As she glided among them, she saw the one entity she subconsciously had been looking for—Raquel. “It’s been awhile, Raquel.”

Her spirit guide smiled as she always did. “For you, Raphaela, but for me, it is but a miniscule spec of time since we last spoke.”

Raphaela accepted the comment with a slight smile. Yes, time has no real fabric of importance here. “Please, I need you to answer a question.”

“Ask, although I suspect I know what it is you are wondering about.” She spoke with a beatific smile that lit her face and had always made Raphaela feel at ease.

“Why does Amanda think she knows me, or that I’m important to her? Why are you projecting yourself inside her head? I always thought the connection we had could only be between us. How is it that Amanda feels it, too?” Confusion was evident in the Raphaela’s voice.

“Sit, Raphaela, sit. It is important you understand, or you will loose something that will change your life forever.” Raquel sat in a chair that had miraculously appeared. Then again, anything could transpire in her dreams if it made sense.

Raphaela sat in a chair opposite her spirit guide, reminding her of the times they had conversed when she was taking exams or going through various stages of puberty. “I’m listening,” Raphaela replied.

“The only thing you need to know and understand completely, Raphaela, is that Amanda and you share an astral essence that binds you inexplicably together. Because of that, I’m bound to you both, and I will guide both of you through your current paths, but you must allow me to do so. As you know, if you or Amanda asks me to leave, I will; and that is a real fear where Amanda is concerned. She is doubtful that what she hears in her head is real, but you know better and must impart that faith in Amanda. She must understand that I will never tell you or her anything that might harm either of you. When you both reach the journey’s end, we will all be as one just as all are one in the universe.”

The kind eyes that had followed her every move through her early life and who, in the background, had done so ever since appeared to be sincere. How can I ignore this? For such a long time, I have refused to acknowledge the true gift I possess and perhaps that is why at night I feel hollow inside. There could be no sweeter appreciation of what Raquel said than to know that Amanda was part of her for all time. If she had accepted that particular part of who she was, she would have known that from the beginning. “I need to accept all of my gifts if I am to help Amanda. Is that what you’re saying?”

Raquel smiled and inclined her head slightly as her force began to fade. “Be who you are, Raphaela, and all will happen as it is meant,” she said before her essence disappeared completely.

Raphaela knew that attempting to reconnect with Raquel would be a lost cause. She felt her consciousness glide backward out of her dream state as her mind cleared the cobwebs that had accumulated over the years. Suddenly, she felt a tremendous negative force invading her psyche. She now understood that the only person who could do that was...Amanda!

Raphaela virtually fell out of the chair where she had fallen asleep. Looking at the clock, she noted only ten minutes had slipped by since Amanda had left. The overpowering feeling that Amanda needed her, or worse yet, was in trouble claimed her every thought. “I have to go to her. No matter how ridiculous it might look if nothing is wrong I have to go.”

Within five minutes, a taxi was waiting outside the house. She had checked that her grand-mère was sleeping peacefully and locked the door as she left. Once she was in the cab, she gave the driver Amanda’s address and they sped off into the night. Her only thoughts were to save a woman whom she now knew was everything she had been seeking for all her life.

>< >< ><

Raphaela climbed out of the taxi and debated about asking him to wait but decided against it. Besides, Amanda is probably perfectly well, and we’ll laugh about it over coffee or something. From the other side of the sidewalk, she saw Amanda’s car in the driveway of her house. That’s a good sign. At least she is home. The full moon blazed brightly, lighting the driveway as if it were daylight. As she neared the vehicle, a sense of foreboding gripped her heart and mind. She closed her eyes in terror when she saw Amanda’s lifeless body slumped in the front seat. Oh, god, why did I let the taxi leave? The doors were unlocked, and she quickly swung the driver’s door open and felt for a pulse. “Amanda, Amanda, what has happened to you?” She felt a faint pulse, but Amanda did not respond to her question. This is bad…really bad.

She examined Amanda’s head wound where blood was now congealing on her forehead and decided it was deep but not life threatening. The rest of her body checked out to be stable, and Raphaela decided it would be best to get her into her house, so she could try to revive her. In desperation, she glanced around the inside the vehicle until she spotted what might be the house keys in the well next to the handbrake. She snatched them up, ran to the front door, and tried the first then the second of the three keys in the lock until it opened. Thank god for that!

She hurried back to the SUV, and with great care, Raphaela gently picked Amanda up and got her into the house and onto the sofa. Checking her pulse for the second time, she noted it was irregular. Right now, she needs immediate medical attention. She grabbed the phone from the end table and dialed 911. “The ambulance is on its way, Amanda. Please stay with me until they get here.” Five minutes, they said it wouldn’t take longer than five minutes. Is that too long?

For a few moments, she stood over Amanda’s limp body while strange and erratic thoughts filled her mind. What if this is what she wants? Gwen was all she lived for, and now it looks like she might get the chance to be with her. Dare I ask her to stay for me? She knelt down, gently placed her arms around Amanda’s shoulders, and held her tightly. “Come back to me, Amanda, please come back; I need you.”

Drifting closer to the light, the vision of Gwen shone brighter than all the rest. “You cannot stay,” Gwen said.

“I want to stay with you.”

Gwen smiled. “It is not your time.”

“But…but why did I come here if not to be with you?”

“So you will understand.”

“Understand what?”

“You always were stubborn, and I had to get your attention; that is why I asked Raquel to intercede for me.”

“Raquel? I don’t understand.”

“She has always been with you, my love, but you would not hear her, so we sent you a message by way of the phonebook.”

Amanda shook her head. “You made the phonebook appear and open to Luminitsa’s advertisement.”

“Well, Raquel did.”

“Why them?”

“They are part of your being.”

Looking at Gwen’s face, Amanda saw only love and happiness. “Why am I here now?”

“You wouldn’t listen to Raquel when she spoke through the old woman, so I made you convulse. When you had dinner with Raphaela, I thought you had finally turned the corner—I can’t move on as long as you mourn me so.” Gwen gently touched Amanda’s cheek. “But, there you were sitting in your car thinking that you couldn’t ever let me go. Convulsions seem to be the only way I can get your attention. You need to see that I am happy; I have moved on to the next astral plane. I am only here now because you can’t let go.”

“But…”

“Shhh. You can see the light, so that you will understand that I am in a safe place. You cannot enter; you must go back. The light of Luminitsa will set you free, and you will begin to understand why you are traveling this path.” Gwen leaned in and kissed the tear that was sliding down Amanda’s cheek. “You still have more love to give and knowledge to share. Go back, my love. Your future is waiting for you.”

Amanda began to drift away from the light as she heard…‘come back to me, Amanda, please come back; I need you’. The light had disappeared completely; but Amanda was not sad; she felt safe in the arms of love.

For what seemed like an eternity to Raphaela, there was no response. Then, she heard a low moan, and Amanda’s eyelids flicked open and shut several times like the clicking of a camera lens. She finally focused on who was in the room with her. A smile that lit up the whole room was Raphaela’s reward as she hugged Amanda even closer. “It is you.”

Through her tears, Raphaela smiled weakly and tenderly kissed Amanda on the cheek in a mixture of relief and immense gratitude, “Yes, for always.”

The sirens of the ambulance screamed outside, and she heard two sets of feet beating a path to the front door.

“You needed me to stay,” Amanda whispered in a tone bordering wonderment and awe.

“I need you to stay; and if you do, I promise you’ll get better.” Raphaela smiled and kissed her lips tenderly as she gently released Amanda and went to the door.

>< >< ><

The emergency room, packed with people who had contusions or moaned in wheelchairs, while others looked just as she did, somewhat bewildered and anxious. Amanda went into an area where a doctor could examine her. That left Raphaela to reflect on what had happened, and what it would mean to her future. Her thoughts then drifted to the herbal remedies that she had given Amanda. Could that have been the cause of her seizures? Closing her eyes briefly, she knew in her heart that it wasn’t, even her head told that it is was improbable. However, will a general medical practitioner… Swallowing hard, she walked to the payphone and called Sun. She will know what to do; Sun always does in circumstances like these.

Ten minutes later, Sun walked through the doors of the ER and glanced around for her friend. When Raphaela saw her, a grateful and relieved smile crossed her face. “Am I glad to see you, Sun,” she said pulling her friend in for a hug. “What did you do? Hijack a plane to get here so soon?”

Sun laughed and shook her head. “No, I don’t live far from here, and I was still dressed when you called.” She noticed the worried look on her friend’s face. “What’s the problem?”

Strain and anxiety flooded Raphaela’s features as she replied, “It’s Amanda…I think I might have almost killed her.”

Sun’s eyebrows creased. “You’re kidding, right? I can’t imagine you would ever do something like that. Please sit down, and tell me what happened.” Just then, a woman in her mid-thirties dressed in scrubs stood and scanned the area before walking toward Sun and Raphaela.

“Sun, are you here for my patient Amanda Lawson, too?” Emily Banks asked.

“Um, I came because my friend here asked me to.” She turned to the woman next to her. “Raphaela Rousseau, this is Emily Banks, Amanda’s doctor.”

“So, you are the Raphaela whom Amanda keeps asking for?” Emily said as she held out her hand. While they shook hands, Emily eyed the woman who seemed genuinely concerned about her patient.

“Yes, I’m Amanda’s friend. She was with me this evening, at least before she went home. Then later, I found her slumped in her car. Would you mind telling me how she is doing?” Raphaela asked.

Emily looked at Sun then at the woman with her as it finally dawned on her where she had heard the name Raphaela Rousseau. The doctor’s eyes lit up. “You’re Raphaela Rousseau,” Emily said. “I read your article in a medical journal, what was it…about a year ago?” She watched as the woman gave her a slight nod. “Your idea about integrating holistic practices as a compliment to traditional medicine is not only enlightening but has merit. Your approach to the incorporation of herbal remedies with conventional medications was thought provoking, and I believe, worthwhile. But, you’re not here about that. Amanda is resting and doesn’t seem to have any lasting injuries from this seizure. The plastic surgeon on call stitched the gash on her forehead, and we don’t foresee that there will be much of a scar.”

“Thank you. You don’t know what that means to me. May I see her now? Will I be able to take her home?” Raphaela glanced at the swinging doors of the emergency area where Amanda was.

She really does care about Amanda. Emily reached out and touched Raphaela’s hand. “I would like her to spend the night and then tomorrow run a test that hopefully will induce a seizure.” The doctor saw what she thought was terrified look on the woman’s face. “Don’t worry I will take good care of her. If we can cause her to seize while she is hooked up to the monitors, we can get a better picture of what is causing them.”

Raphaela dropped her gaze and allowed herself to breathe normally for the first time since she had found Amanda slumped over the wheel. As she did, a wave of intense emotional well-being washed over her. Then she glanced up at Amanda’s doctor and with a wry smile said, “It won’t happen again. I’ll wait here until I can see her, if that’s okay?” She turned her attention to Sun and squeezed her hand in grateful recognition of her friend’s selfless act. “Thank you, Sun. I’ll be fine now. You can go home and rest. I’m sorry I brought you out so late.” Then, she sat down on one of the hard, uncomfortable chairs.

For Sun, it was as if a dagger had pierced her heart when Raphaela had dismissed her. “No, I can stay,” she said. “You’ll need a ride home.”

Emily eyed Raphaela. “Just how do you know it will never happen again? Is there something you aren’t telling me?”

With a serene smile, Raphaela gazed into the quizzical grey eyes of the doctor. “There isn’t any specific science that can prove how I know, I just do. Although early tomorrow morning, I can give you all my notes and samples of the herbal tonics I’ve given Amanda on four occasions. You can have your lab check them out, but you’ll find them harmless unless Amanda is allergic to any of them; however, I never felt allergies would be a problem when I made them.”

Emily chuckled. “This isn’t something your herbs caused. Where Amanda is concerned, I run every test imaginable. Her tox screen is negative, and her blood work is normal. There is nothing you could have given her to cause her to have a seizure.” She motioned to one of the chairs. “May I?” Once Raphaela nodded, she sat down then spoke again. “I don’t know how much you know, but trust me, Amanda has been through more in the last two years than most people experience in a lifetime. She’s in an enormous amount of pain most of the time, which in turn causes stress. As you know, stress is not good for healing.” Her gaze softened. “I think your herbs and holistic practices might be just what the doctor ordered.” She laughed and added, “And, I’m the doctor.” She patted Raphaela’s hand. “Come on, I’ll take you to her.”

Sun sat listening to the exchange between the two women. She had seen the great concern for Amanda in Raphaela’s eyes and felt a pang of jealousy. “Do you want me to come with you?”

Raphaela had been so absorbed in her own fright and worry about Amanda that she had unconsciously ignored her friend. Now that she had a good idea that Sun’s interest in her might be a little more than friendship, Raphaela wanted to be gentle with her friend. With a rueful smile, she turned to Sun, placed her arms around her and hugged her gently. “I love you, Sun. You are my most trusted friend and always will be. This time I have to go alone…she needs me, and I need her. Can you understand that?”

The feeling of Raphaela’s arms around her elated Sun until she realized it was only as a gesture of friendship. She had wanted more—much more—and now, Raphaela’s interests are in the woman in the examining room. “Sure, no problem, I’ll wait here for you and take you home. I don’t want you taking the bus home, or worse yet, walking there. She reached over and took a newspaper off a vacant chair. “Go on, she needs you.”

Tears shone in Raphaela’s eyes as she felt the emotional turmoil she had caused in her friend. Second best isn’t something either of us deserves. She stood up and glanced covertly at Amanda’s doctor who was looking at Sun. Hmm, maybe, not all is lost for Sun. “Perhaps Dr. Banks might take pity on a fellow practitioner and allow you a better place to wait along with a decent cup of coffee.”

Emily’s face brightened. “Of course, I can. In fact, I’d like you to do a consult with me on Amanda’s case. You have treated her and perhaps new eyes might shed some light on her condition.” She lifted her eyebrows. “If that is all right with you, Sun.”

“Yes, I would like that. I know I was rather hard on her when she visited me and that was wrong of me. Perhaps this will be my opportunity to make it up to her.”

Raphaela’s brow creased sharply as she heard Sun say she was hard on Amanda. I thought she told me that nothing happened. Her mind flashed to an angry Amanda telling her, “don’t worry, I wouldn’t sue you.” The realization that Sun may have known even then about her feelings for Amanda might explain whatever occurred between them. That makes sense. I will have to speak with Sun about this later.

Emily grinned as she turned to speak to Raphaela. “I’ll take you to Amanda, and then Sun and I will go over her notes and mine in my office. Please don’t keep her too long; she needs her rest.”

Raphaela nodded as they headed toward the swinging doors. Her step was considerably lighter than when she first arrived.

>< >< ><

Amanda was lying on the stretcher and for the hundredth time began counting the ceiling tiles, dividing them into full, damaged, and partial. Each time the count began, she would become engrossed in the images she saw; she was certain she saw profiles of several presidents, three cats, a bird, and something that was akin to a person riding a horse. Her mind drifted to the woman who had saved her–Raphaela.

In the short time span of sixteen hours, she saw an aura, heard a voice speaking to her, convulsed and visited the emergency room twice, and dined with a remarkable woman she now desperately wanted to see. I wonder if she is even still here. Amanda frowned. She probably needed to go home and take care of her grandmother. She heard the voice of her doctor beyond the drawn curtain and waited for her to enter. When the curtain finally parted, she stared at the one woman she wanted to see.

“Hi, there, how are you feeling?” Raphaela, now that she was within touching distance of Amanda, felt incredibly shy as she tentatively moved closer to the stretcher.

Amanda couldn’t help the beam that crossed her face. “You stayed,” she said in wonderment.

Emily saw the emotional reaction her patient and her friend emitted toward each other and she smiled. “I’ll give you a few minutes, and then Amanda will be moved to the fifth floor for a good night’s rest.” She then left in search of Sun.

With a smile that tugged nervously at her lips, Raphaela closed the gap between them and tenderly picked up Amanda’s hand that was lying on top of the blanket. “I’ll always stay. It’s in my blood to watch over you and keep you safe.”

“Hmm, I like that.” Amanda’s eyes searched Raphaela’s, and when she saw understanding, she spoke again. “I came back to you; but I want you to know what happened to me while I was gone.”

“I already know, but if you want to tell me, I’m listening. Otherwise, we never have to speak of it,” she said wanting to give Amanda her own space if she needed it.

“I want you to know everything.” The smile on Raphaela’s face was her answer to continue. “I saw a bright light, and Gwen was there.” She closed her eyes as she visualized the moment. “I wanted to stay, but she said it wasn’t my time; and when I asked why I was there she said because I am so stubborn. I wouldn’t listen to the messages she was sending me. Do you know she is the one who made me convulse both times?”

With a chuckle, Raphaela shook her head remaining silent while she waited for Amanda to continue.

“She told me the light of Luminitsa will set me free and bring me understanding.” She creased her brow. “Do you know what that means? Is there something special about your grandmother’s light? Then she added tentatively, “She said you were my future.”

Considering the words for a few moments, Raphaela tried to decipher the message then she stooped over Amanda and whispered in her ear like a conspirator who didn’t want anyone else to hear. “Didn’t you know? We all have a light, and she probably meant my grand-mère’s shines brighter than most. And for the record, I was told you were my future via a mutual friend.”

As much as she understood Raphaela’s reply, Amanda knew there was more. “I know everyone has a light, but it was the way she said ‘the light of Luminitsa will set you free’ that made me feel she wasn’t talking about that light. I know it is more, so much more, but I don’t know what the more is.” She shrugged. “I do know that I want to be with you and get to know everything about you.” Her eyes searched Raphaela’s face. “Is that okay with you? I mean…”

Impulsively, Raphaela bent again and kissed Amanda tenderly on the lips. “I want to get to know you, too. In my heart I know it will be the best thing for both of us.”

Amanda licked her lips and a grin played around her mouth. “I like the feel and taste of your lips. But, I think I need to have another sample, so I can make sure of my assessment.”

“I see. You do, do you? In that case, Ma'am, I have little option but to comply with your request.” Raphaela felt the blood stirring in her veins as her lips touched Amanda’s for a few more fleeting seconds. Then she removed her lips but remained close as her eyes, sparkling with happiness, captured Amanda’s blue ones. “It’s going to be a wonderful education getting to know you, Amanda Lawson. However, I think you need to rest now and get to feeling one hundred percent, or the doctor will be after me. Besides, what will it do to my ego, if you keep convulsing every time we are together?” The lines around her eyes crinkled with amusement; they both knew that wasn’t very likely.

Amanda chuckled and reached out to touch Raphaela’s face. “It will never happen again,” she said. Just then, the curtain pulled back and Emily Banks and Sun Lapahie entered the small area. Amanda looked at Raphaela, then at Sun and back to the woman with whom she had just shared a kiss. Still smarting from the visit to the woman’s clinic, Amanda was unable to keep the animosity out of her voice. “Why is she here?”

Sun was about to speak when Raphaela placed a hand on her friend’s arm and spoke for her. “Amanda, Sun is my best friend. I called her for guidance. She’s worried about you, too. Seems like you make a big impression wherever you go,” Raphaela teased to ease the tension that had suddenly hit from out of nowhere.

“It’s true, Amanda, I am worried about you, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to help Dr. Banks and Raph with your case. Perhaps the three of us together might find a solution to alleviate your pain.” Sun spoke quietly, grateful for her friend’s intervention. She still wasn’t sure she liked the woman on a personal level, but for Raph’s sake, she’d try again.

Amanda’s jawed clenched, as she ground her back teeth. She had no use for the woman or her bedside manner. It was obvious to Amanda that she was just putting on a front for Emily and Raphaela. She had witnessed a harshness that bordered on cruelty first hand and wanted no part of her solution. “I think…” she started. She smiled at Raphaela and glared at Sun. “Would you two excuse me for a minute while I speak with my doctor?”

Puzzled, but acceding to her request, Raphaela followed Sun out to wait on the other side of the curtain and left Amanda alone with her doctor. “Sure, take your time.”

>< >< ><

Amanda narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice to an ominous tone. “I don’t want that woman evaluating or helping me.”

Emily frowned. “Why? She is a first rate doctor and very knowledgeable. I think she would be an asset.”

Taking a deep breath, Amanda clenched her jaw again. “When she examined me it was as if I were nothing more than a body for her to probe. When I asked her to help me by opening the door so I could wheel myself out of the examining room, she told me to get up and do it myself. I don’t want her near me!”

Not believing what she heard, Emily shook her head. “I have known Sun for years; she is a thoughtful person who cares deeply for her patients.”

“Has she ever treated you? If she had, you might have a different opinion,”

“I hate to say this, Amanda, but you aren’t exactly the model patient.”

Red colored Amanda’s eyes. “That may well be, but I am the one paying the bills! I’m the patient, and doctors are supposed to care for patients not browbeat them!” Again, Emily couldn’t believe her ears as a broad smile filled her face.

Glaring at the doctor, she added, “Just what the hell is so damn funny? If you think this is a humorous matter then perhaps I should find myself another doctor.”

Emily moved closer to the stretcher and touched Amanda’s arm. In a soft, quiet tone she said, “I don’t think it is funny, but I do think you are pissed off.”

“You’re damn right I’m pissed off!”

“The good news is that you are passionately pissed off about something other than your pain, or the raw deal life has given you.” She cocked her head slightly as her voice softened more. “That means you have turned the corner and want to live. If Sun Lapahie inspired that in you then she should, for no other reason, be allowed to help with your treatment. Besides, she is a very competent doctor.”

Amanda massaged her face with her fingers as she tried to collect her thoughts. “Before that happens I want an apology.” She moved her hands and looked directly at Emily. “We will not have this discussion for a second time. If she ever treats me like that again, she will be gone. Agreed?”

Emily nodded. She noticed a distinct change in Amanda’s voice from the times when she had treated her in the past. There is a new resolve, but it is more than that…her spirit has returned. She thought of the woman, Raphaela Rousseau, who was waiting outside the curtained room. She probably heard most of what we said. Her eyes widened. And, so did Sun. Damn. “So how do you want to proceed?”

“If I get an apology, she can help; otherwise, there’s no deal.” Amanda’s face brightened. “Do you think Raphaela’s herbs will help me?”

“I think she has already helped you immensely.” The look on her patient’s face told Emily everything she needed to know. Amanda is ready to join the world of the living. It is all thanks to her new friend, Raphaela. “Shall we call them in before you go to your room?”

“Can’t I just go home and come back in the morning?”

In a voice that allowed no argument, Emily said, “No.”

>< >< ><

Outside the curtain, Raphaela stared at her friend in astonishment. She hadn’t heard everything, but it was evident that Amanda was angry, and that anger focused on her friend, Sun. Was Sun unkind to Amanda? Sun, for her part, looked sheepishly down at the polished floor rather than be captured in one of Raph’s penetrating gazes. “Is that true, Sun? Were you cruel to Amanda when she visited the clinic? I knew she wasn’t happy when we left, but…I can’t believe that you would have done such a thing. You’ve never had any problem with a patient before,” Raphaela said.

Sun looked up with a gritty determination in her eyes. “You know me, Raph, I’m not a cruel person. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Amanda was in such a state of self-depreciating pity; I felt it the best option to goad her into doing something on her own instead of relying on others. If I were wrong, I’ll apologize, but I’m not. By the sound of it, Emily agrees with my tactic. I’ll be damned if I do anything of the kind.” Emily had expressed her feelings about Sun’s treatment of Amanda in their phone call earlier in the day. She hadn’t necessarily agreed with her, but she hadn’t said she didn’t.

Raphaela considered her friend’s adamant stand and the sound of anger in Amanda’s voice and felt pulled in two directions. Defending Amanda was her first inclination, and she wanted Sun to apologize immediately. At the same time, she respected her friend’s professional astuteness. After all, Amanda did respond with anger to the implied unkindness of Sun’s words. “Sun, how do you propose to help if you won’t apologize directly?”

This time, Sun did trade glance for glance as a sparkle of laughter appeared in her chocolate-colored eyes. “Simple really, you’ll be the nice guy, and I’ll be the bad one. Works in all the movies, doesn’t it?”

Sun’s attempt to alleviate the strained situation made both women laugh. Neither noticed Emily watching them with her arms crossed with a somewhat amused yet perplexed look that was in stark contrast to the expression on Amanda’s face.

Raphaela was the only person Amanda had any interest in seeing. When the curtain opened, and she saw the two women laughing, all that changed. It was apparent to her that they were sharing a joke at her expense. Sorrow filled her heart. I was stupid to think… “Dr. Banks,” she said. “I’m tired, and I’d like to go to my room now.” Looking at Raphaela, she gave her a half-hearted smile before turning away and closing her eyes.

Raphaela’s expression changed immediately to one of deep concern as she glanced quickly from Amanda’s pale face to the doctor. Dr. Banks merely shook her head and gave the worried woman a small smile of reassurance.

Why is everything so complicated? She rubbed her forehead and sighed. “All right, Amanda, I agree you need your rest. Why don’t you come back tomorrow, Ms. Rousseau? Bring along those notes you mentioned, and I’ll sneak you in to see Amanda when you get here…even if it isn’t visiting time. Would you like that Amanda?” She looked at her patient but knew in the back of her mind that she shouldn’t have asked the question.

Raphaela felt a wall placed between her and Amanda. Right now is not the time to undertake its removal. After all her adventures of the day, Amanda is probably far too weary for another emotional confrontation.

Tears began to well in Amanda’s eyes. This isn’t how I want things to happen. Apparently, everyone around me, including Raphaela, think of me as no more than a joke. “I really don’t care. Can I please go to my room now?”

Shit! Emily heard the old defeated Amanda in her voice. Why is happiness so elusive where Amanda is concerned?

The tears Raphaela saw had her heart beating rapidly. Has Amanda changed her mind, like the toss of a coin, about sharing our lives? It doesn’t make any sense. She knew that Amanda was tired and emotionally wrought and that caused people to say and do things they didn’t really mean. Breathing in deeply, she gave Amanda what she hoped was a bright smile. “I’ll come back tomorrow. We can’t let the light down now, can we?” She waited for a response, but there was none. “Goodnight and sleep well,” she finally said. Walking over to the stretcher, she gently squeezed Amanda’s motionless hand. Then, she turned around and briskly left the area.

When Sun finally caught up with Raphaela, she placed a hand on her shoulder to prevent her from fleeing the scene. “You could always go back and make sure she’s tucked in properly.” A part of her hoped that Raph wouldn’t take the bait and maybe she then might have a chance.

For a few moments, Raphaela considered the words and shook her head. “No, we’ll work it out tomorrow. I need to go home. If grand-mère has woken she’ll be worried.”

Sun heard her friend’s stilted and strained voice and felt a barrier come between them. “Would you like to get a coffee at Starbucks before you go home? It might make you feel better.”

Raphaela, with worry and concern, turned to Sun. “Until Amanda is out of the hospital, nothing will make me feel better. Sorry I’m such a nuisance, Sun. You go home, and I’ll take a taxi.”

Knowing it was useless to argue with the determination of her friend, Sun kept walking beside Raphaela. “I’ll take you home. As you say, tomorrow you’ll work it out.” As she said the words, she felt that the slim chance she had for Raphaela’s affections blew away like ash from a fire that encountered an unexpected wind. If necessary, I’ll even apologize to the selfish bitch if that is what will solve the problem. She really didn’t want to, but she would. It was the least she could do for her friend.

Raphaela said, “Thank you, Sun,” as they headed toward the car.

Chapter 13

Ten minutes after Raphaela had left, the orderly came to take Amanda to her room. As the wheels clattered along the tile floors, she once again concentrated on the ceiling tiles above her. For a brief moment there, I thought I could go beyond the existence I have known since Gwen left. Now, I think it was just a dream. Situated in her the room, she swallowed down her medicine for the nurse and finally was alone. It was then that the tears began to flow unchecked.

Emily stood in the doorway and watched the emotions play across Amanda’s face. “What’s the matter?” Emily asked. “Are you in pain?” She crossed the distance to the bed with long strides.

“Why were they laughing at me? Do you think the treatment I received from that doctor was proper?”

Emily Banks felt tension and acute sadness rising from her patient. It hadn’t been an easy road for Amanda, and the new zest for life that had appeared, however briefly, was something she didn’t want to see disappear as soon as it had arrived. How do I explain this situation tactfully? “They weren’t laughing at you, Amanda. Your friend needed to laugh. Looking at her, I wondered if she might require a bed for the evening, too. They overheard almost everything you said to me, and her tension needed easing. I’m not sure exactly what transpired between you and Dr. Lapahie and never will for I wasn’t a fly on the wall. I’ll bring the necessary forms in the morning, and you can make an official complaint against her if you feel she was improper in her medical care. From your expressions and tone earlier, I suspect you will do that. Just remember, there are more people involved in taking that action than just you and her. I cannot and will not make a determination one way or the other about the care you received.” The last thing Emily wanted to do was to be a part of offering one of her own up to the medical board. Silently, she hoped Amanda was reacting out of frustration and tiredness and would change her mind once she had a decent night’s sleep. Emily picked up Amanda’s chart and was glad to see that the nurse had already given her the sleeping medication.

Amanda blew her nose before shaking her head. “What should be of the most concern to that doctor is that I felt offended, and no doctor worth his or her salt should be happy to hear that.” She felt her anger rise again then wane. “I don’t know what I want to do right now. I am really tired. I will sleep on it and let you know in the morning.” Her eyes gazed at her doctor. “I am glad you are here for me, Emily.” She closed her eyes, and although the noises that filled the hospital floor at night rang out through her room, she paid them no attention and fell into a deep sleep.

>< >< ><

Raphaela had slept fitfully. She rose at her usual six a.m. and was glad to get out of bed to greet the new day. It was a tradition in their household to meet at breakfast, and in their own way, send a thank you prayer for waking and being in a position to see another day. Luminitsa ventured out of her rooms only at that time. She would spend the precious breakfast hour chatting about the day as they had always done since Raphaela was a child. Her advanced years, and the stroke that diminished her physical abilities did not deter her from having that one piece of freedom. How strong she was when she woke determined how much of the day it would take her to recover her strength. “It is all worth it,” her grand-mère would say.

Now, with the breakfast table set, she contemplated the previous day. If I go through it all in my head, I’ll be here all day. Instead, she concentrated on the last few minutes with Amanda, and the woman’s offhanded remark about not being bothered if she turned up. There was no way around it; the comment had stung. Once she was home and lying in her bed, she allowed the hurt to manifest into tears as she tried to forget the harsh words. Initially, she had been shocked at Amanda’s adamant position regarding Sun. In all the years I’ve known Sun, I have never heard a harsh expression pass her lips. However, she had ignored Amanda’s outrage and passed it off as the weariness of the day overriding common sense. Is it though? Does Amanda genuinely feel a grievance toward Sun? Why was I so quick to defend Sun without regard to Amanda’s feelings on the subject? Sun did admit she hadn’t been friendly, and some of the words she deliberately spoke were to goad Amanda out of her self-pity routine. Was I right in deciding, without all the facts, that self pity was the correct diagnosis? Could Sun have been wrong in her stance? Am I an even greater wrong-doer by ignoring Amanda’s protestations and siding with my friend?

“Good morning, Ray, how is my darling granddaughter this morning?” Luminitsa’s voice filled the room with a lively spirit that booted out any negative vibes that had been emanating from her thoughts.

Raphaela’s troubled thoughts disappeared as she swiftly stood up to kiss her grand-mère’s weathered cheek. “Excellent, Grand-mère, and you look as beautiful and rested as ever. I’ll fetch our breakfast.”

Luminitsa saw the dark circles around Ray’s eyes and knew something was amiss. She immediately placed a restraining hand on her granddaughter’s arm. “You will do nothing of the sort. I see we have tea, and that will be fine for the moment. Sit, my darling, and tell me what’s troubling you.”

Raphaela blinked rapidly knowing that she couldn’t hide anything on an emotional level from the old woman. They couldn’t read each other as well as they could others, and that was purely a safeguard as they lived so closely with each other. It was hard enough to know about strangers and friends, but to know that much about a person you loved and lived with had the potential to be a gunpowder keg waiting to explode. It had been a mutual pact that they didn’t read each other that had lasted until this moment. “Are you reading me, Grand-mère?” she accused.

The twinkle in the kind eyes blasted Raphaela with love rather than inquisition. “We never do that, do we, my darling? However, the dark circles under your eyes tell their own story. How is Amanda? They tell me she will be fine.”

Banishing the last of her negative thoughts from her head, Raphaela smiled as she realized that her grand-mère already knew about Amanda. I should have known. “She’s in the hospital for observation, but we know, as she does herself, that it will never happen again. Gwen apparently was responsible. I thought it was Raquel, but…”

“Raquel allowed Gwen those few moments; our Amanda Lawson is a very stubborn woman. If she’s going to be fine, what makes you so sad, darling?”

Raphaela sighed heavily. Where do I start? Perhaps from the beginning or the end…I really don’t know. She picked up the teapot and poured them both a cup of tea before she began. “I had a dream that Amanda needed me shortly after she left. Apparently, she had been convulsing again, and I took her to hospital. They couldn’t find anything wrong, and they are keeping are overnight for some tests to ensure there isn’t a reoccurrence.”

Raphaela stopped speaking, and Luminitsa gently prodded her before she sipped the tea. “And?”

“I called my friend at the clinic…Sun, Dr. Lapahie.”

“She’s a charming woman with a wonderful bedside manner. I can see why you are friends as you both share a caring nature for others.”

Raphaela sighed again and blew out an irritated breath. “That’s just it, Grand-mère, according to Amanda, Sun was cruel to her at the clinic when I took her there. Sun admits that she was a little harsh, but she said it was only for Amanda’s own good. Now, I think Amanda blames me for it all. She isn’t even bothered if I look in to see her today.”

Luminitsa stared into the teacup she had lifted toward her lips, and a smile crossed them before she drank from the cup again. Moments later, she answered. “Amanda has had a lot to deal with in the past twenty-four hours, darling. Sometimes things can take on an entirely different meaning from what they did the day before. Although Amanda strikes me as impatient and unforgiving at times, I don’t believe she is a liar. Go to her today, Ray, and talk it over. She’s as sad as you are that things have taken a turn for the worse. I think Amanda quite likes you, Ray.” She sipped her tea once more. “When I was at the clinic, I saw the way Sun looked at you, and believe me, it wasn’t only as a friend.”

Opening her mouth wide then closing it silently, Raphaela didn’t know how to answer that observation. Finally, she asked, “If I choose to have a romance…not that I’m saying I’m going to of course…but if I did, and it was with someone like Amanda, would you approve, Grand-mère?”

Old eyes that had seen many things over time caught the eyes of her granddaughter. With great care, she replied, “Whomever you decide to have a romance with, Ray, I will happily accept in our home. If Amanda makes you happy, Ray, how can I ever be anything other than that, too? I will issue you with a word or two of caution though. People are not always kind if you decide to love another of the same sex. They may say terrible things that will be totally undeserved and untrue, but people are not always so easy to accept love in the purest form.”

Raphaela digested the words of wisdom and smiled gratefully at her grand-mère. What would I ever do without her? She stood up and kissed the old woman’s forehead. “I know that not everyone approves of such a relationship and may point fingers and say terrible things, but haven’t they all my life? We are not exactly the conventional family, are we? I’m used to it, tolerate it and have grown to ignore the snide remarks of narrow-minded people who cannot accept anything beyond their blinkered upbringing. Remember, I’ve had a marvelous teacher. Now, I’ll go make breakfast because I need the sustenance before I see Amanda.”

Luminitsa watched Ray leave the dining room. She was proud of the way her granddaughter looked at life, and she was pleased that she had a little hand in that process. A part of her was sad, though, for now if she elected to love women, Ray would be the last of their family line. I know first hand that love has a way of ignoring everything in its path…even tradition. As she glanced down at the tea leaves in the bottom of her cup, she swirled them around and provided herself with a personal reading as she waited patiently for her breakfast.

>< >< ><

Even though sleep was ebbing, Amanda kept her eyes closed. She knew where she was; the sounds and smells of a hospital were not ones she would forget. At some point in the night, she had been vaguely aware that someone had woken her to take her vitals, but as to whom that was, she hadn’t a clue. Other than that slight disturbance, she had slept soundly. Now, as her mind began processing the events of the previous day, she refused to open her eyes. Foremost in her mind was the woman who had captured her thoughts and heart. She recalled the look of hurt that filled Raphaela’s face when she told her it didn’t matter if she visited her or not. If her hurt hadn’t been so acute, she may have recognized something else sooner. When Raphaela turned to leave, she saw a smug look on Sun’s face. Her eyes flew open in shock at her newly found discovery. “Sun’s in love with Raphaela!”

“Good morning,” a cheery voice said. “How are we doing today?”

Amanda looked at the tall, pretty, dark-haired nurse whose nametag read Alicia. “To be honest, I’m feeling a bit grubby.” She ran her tongue along her teeth. “I think my teeth are wearing fuzzy socks…any chance I can brush them.”

Alicia laughed. “Don’t you just hate that feeling?” She adjusted the IV bag and checked the monitors. “I’ll bring you your basin with all your supplies; then you can take care of those fuzzy socks.”

The girl’s sincere smile made Amanda respond in kind. “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

“Sure, no problem. They should be bringing your breakfast in soon, and after that, I will send in the aide to help you get washed up.” She looked at the blood that still clung to Amanda’s matted hair. “Looks like you need to have your hair washed, too. If you need anything, Amanda, just push the call button. For some reason we have a light patient load right now, so I should be right with you.” She handed Amanda the basin filled with soap, toothpaste, toothbrush, mouth-wash, and the obligatory lotion. “You can use the water in the jug. Is there anything else I get for you?”

“No, thanks.” Amanda smiled and watched as the nurse left before she peeled the wrap off the tub and pulled out the toothbrush and paste. Her mind turned to Raphaela. Will she even show up to visit me? I sent her the message that I didn’t care, so what can I expect. “But I do. I care more than I ever thought I would.” Sadness gripped her heart for what might have been.

“Good morning, Amanda, how did you sleep?” Emily asked as she entered the room and closed the door. After she picked up the chart and read the notations, she looked at her patient. “Looks like all your vitals are good.” She stood closer to Amanda and examined the sutures on her forehead before walking to the bathroom. When she reappeared, she had a wet washcloth in her hand. “Let’s see if we can get some of this blood washed off,” she said as she gently dabbed the area around the stitches. “This looks like it is starting to heal nicely. I don’t think you will even notice the scar.” She looked into Amanda’s eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Mmm-hmm. I was just thinking about everything that happened to me yesterday. Most of it is rather unbelievable.”

Emily sat on the side of the bed. “You went through quite an ordeal. I thought I saw happiness in your eyes; now, I’m not so sure. Want to talk about it?”

Before looking at the doctor, Amanda rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. “I’m not sure I can,” she said refocusing on the doctor. “Raphaela gave me hope that I might be able to love again…now, I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I don’t understand.”

Emily’s heart went out to her patient for Amanda was special to her and always had been. Maybe it is my connection to Gwen, or perhaps it’s Amanda’s sadness crying out to me. Whatever it was, she hoped, with all her heart, that Amanda would find happiness again. “What don’t you know?” she asked.

“If I’ll ever see her again.” The words resonated throughout the room like a death chant.

There was nothing for Emily to say for she, too, wondered if the woman would return. “What have you decided to do about Dr. Lapahie?” she asked.

Amanda pursed her lips and thought about the question. “Here, as they say, in the clear blue light of the morning, I have gone over what happened, and…” She shook her head negatively. “I went there because it was close; my friend Raphaela works there and I had just had a seizure. I felt that she glossed over the seizure on the excuse of not having the proper equipment. She gave me the old ‘slam, bam, thank you, ma’am,’ and then told me in essence to get off my ass and open the door myself. Later she came out and intimated that Raphaela was worried I would sue her.”

Emily frowned. “That isn’t something you would do.”

“Exactly. I know I can be difficult, but I wasn’t this time. It wasn’t until she wouldn’t open the door for me that I lashed out.” She chuckled. “All I could think was how lucky I was that she wasn’t my doctor.”

After what seemed like a long moment of silence, Emily asked, “Do you want the forms?”

“No.” Her voice was almost a whisper. “Its time to stop the anger…it’s not that I don’t think I was treated poorly, for I believe I was, but it is time to let it go.” A tear slowly slid down her cheek. “It is time to let Gwen go, and move on with my life.”

Touched by the words, Emily bent down and hugged Amanda close. “I will be here to help you every step of the way,” she whispered. “Know that you are not alone…you never have been.”

Amanda melted into the hug; it felt good to experience something other than sadness. Perhaps I have lost Raphaela, but at least I know I can feel again. “Thank you.” Her voice trembled as she thought of the woman who had stolen her heart and whom she was sure she had lost.

A soft knock on the door had both women looking at it with interest.

“That’s probably your breakfast,” Emily said as she let Amanda go and wiped a tear from her own eye. “I bet you’re hungry.”

“Yes, I am.”

Emily opened the door and saw Sun Lapahie standing there with a bunch of beautifully mixed flowers in hand. “Hi, Emily, any chance I can have a quick word with Amanda? I promise no fireworks?”

Emily looked back at Amanda. “Is it okay with you?”

Weary of the mess, she shook her head. “Sure, come on in, Dr. Lapahie.”

“Thanks, I won’t keep you long. Emily, any chance you and I can catch up when Amanda and I have spoken?” Sun asked her friend and colleague with a faint smile.

“Sure, I’m done with my rounds, so I will be in my office. Just let my receptionist know you’re there, and she’ll find me.” She patted Sun’s arm as she left.

Sun stepped into the room hesitantly—something that didn’t happen too often to her. Today, with this woman, I have to tread carefully; a lot is at stake. She tentatively motioned to the flowers hoping to use them as an icebreaker. “I brought these for you. I know how stark hospital rooms can be, and a little color helps to keep you cheerful.” Scratching the back of her neck as Amanda merely nodded her acceptance and waited for something more. “I guess you’re be wondering why I’m here.”

She reached out, took the flowers, and nodded. “Thank you.” Once she gave them the necessary sniff and set them on the covers, she continued, “Yes, I do. In fact, shocked is a good word to describe how I felt when I saw you at the door”

“I guess that would be as good a word as any. Anyway, not to waste your time, I wanted to say I’m sorry.” Sun moved a little closer, so the woman could see how genuine her statement was.

Amanda nodded her head and gave the woman a half smile. “I accept your apology.”

Surprised at the immediate acceptance, Sun narrowed her gaze and stared at Amanda. Is that a token statement, or does she really mean it? “Thank you, though you haven’t asked me what I’m sorry for.”

Weary eyes met the woman’s stare. “Does it matter? I can’t allow myself to have negativity in my life if I want to move on…I can’t do that and be angry with you.”

Nodding, Sun motioned to the chair at the side of the bed and with Amanda’s nod, she sat down. “I’m not really so harsh on my patients; in fact, most say I’m the opposite. Not that you’re probably interested, but I need you to understand that Raph is very special to me, and I guess I was being protective of her. She’s a rather unique woman who sometimes needs defending from the world in general. In a strange kind of way, I had you pegged as someone who might hurt her. It doesn’t forgive my rudeness or callous indifference to you, but a part of me thought I was doing the right thing.” She shrugged. “I’m probably not making any sense, but anyway, thank you for accepting my apology. I meant what I said about helping you in your recovery, though I’ll probably never be quite as gentle with you as Emily is. She always did have the best bedside manner when we were doing our internships.” Sun smiled weakly and stood up.

Amanda gently reached out and took Sun’s hand to stop her. “Listen, we both want what is best for Raphaela. You’re right, she is a very special woman, and she is lucky to have you in her life. We all need someone who will watch our backs no matter what.” Amanda gave Sun a sincere smile. “I will never intentionally do anything to hurt her.”

“You might not like this, but unfortunately you have already. She was kind of cut up when she left last night. Raph’s smart though, and she’ll have already figured out that it was the strain of the day and be hot footing it over here as soon as she can after having breakfast with her grandmother. Luminitsa is quite the character isn’t she?” Sun grinned knowing that Amanda meant what she said and did forgive her. We might never be good buddies, but at least we can be cordial with each other.

Sun’s words about the hurt Raphaela felt the night before cut Amanda to the bone. “I know I hurt her last night, and I haven’t any excuse for my actions. I know now that I jumped to the wrong conclusions, and for that, I’ll always be sorry. I hope you are right, and she will visit me, so I can apologize.” She looked intently at the woman. “I have always believed that you have to be responsible for your own actions, and you have done just that. I respect you for it…I’m sure it wasn’t easy to do.”

With a tight smile Sun replied, “For Raph, I’d walk to the ends of the earth. She’s that important to me…to us, now, I guess. She’ll be back, count on it. I know she cares a great deal for you. I’ve only ever seen her that worried once before, and that was when she brought her grandmother into the clinic after her stroke. It was hard to keep her away. I’ll leave you to rest and have breakfast, and if you need anything that I can help with, Amanda, just call me.” Sun dropped her card on the bedside table and turned to leave.

Although she knew that the doctor was in love with Raphaela, Amanda felt she needed to make an effort to find some sort of peace with the woman. “Sun,” Amanda said. “I’d like it if you were on my side in my treatment.” Sun’s beaming smile gave Amanda her answer. “I’ll check in with Em now and see what she plans for you, take care of yourself, Amanda.”

For a long time, Amanda stared at the card the woman had left. She felt a heaviness that she had carried with her for longer than she cared to remember lift. Then she felt it–the overwhelming sense of well-being. Raphaela is near. The powerful feelings consumed her from all sides until her eyes once again tracked to the doorway and a glorious smile crossed her face.

Raphaela grinned as she saw Amanda’s smile. That was all she needed as she rapidly closed the space between them and dropped the flowers and box of candy she had brought on the bedside table. “How are you feeling, Amanda?” Her voice had dropped an octave as she tried to speak coherently.

“Come here.” Amanda held up a finger and motioned for Raphaela to come closer. When she moved in, Amanda said, “No closer.” She reached up behind Raphaela’s neck and pulled her in for a kiss. Once they parted, she said, “I’m so sorry for my words last night. I’m sorry for hurting you…will you please forgive me?” She held her breath.

“Nothing to forgive, Amanda, I knew you were tired. It had been a long day for you…for all of us. All that matters is that you get well, and we spend time getting to know each other if that’s what you still want.” Raphaela knew in her heart the answer. However, she needed to hear it and seal the promise they had made.

Moving her arm so the IV line wasn’t in the way, Amanda put her arms around the woman. “I want that…I want that, and I want you in my life on whatever level you want.”

“You’ll be hard pressed to get rid of me now, Amanda, remember, we share a bond. Besides, I told my grand-mère today that I was going to ask you to convalesce with us for a week or two. I decided that you needed someone to look after you…and who better than me. Right?” she asked. “What do you say?”

“That might entail giving me sponge baths, and a nightly massage with lotion. Do you think you’ll be up for that?”

A faint blush stung Raphaela’s cheeks as she tried to answer and couldn’t. In truth, she hadn’t gone any further in her mind than what they had now. A personal relationship is all new to me. What do I know about loving someone physically? Deep down she knew that love was what she was feeling, but she didn’t want to chase it away by saying something wrong in the early stages. She swallowed hard and tried to speak, and once more, no sound emanated from her lips.

A slim finger crossed Raphaela’s lips. “You don’t have to say anything. We will proceed at whatever rate you are comfortable with.” As she spoke the words, Amanda knew there was a deeper truth that she hadn’t admitted to the woman in her arms. I love her. Now was not the time to speak of her true feelings. Time was on their side, and there was no need to rush the words. “I would love to stay with you and your grandmother. I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.”

Raphaela was grateful for not pushing the tender subject matter. We have time, all the time the world has to offer us. “In that case, while you eat your breakfast, I’ll go check with Dr. Banks for a time when I can take you home. I’ll be back soon, so don’t leave without me.” Raphaela winked as she chastely kissed Amanda on the lips and went in search of the doctor.

She watched Raphaela’s body move as she left. All is right in my world. “I won’t leave without you.” She found the button and pressed for the nurse. “I’m in need of a shower.” Then she thought of the strong, steady hands of Raphaela washing her body. “Maybe I will just ask for breakfast, and the shower can come later.” A rush of passion filled her body, and she smiled. Hurry back, my love.

>< >< ><

The cab pulled up in front of Amanda’s home, and both she and Raphaela jumped out and exhaled deeply. “Was that onions or body odor?” Amanda let out an exaggerated breath. “I never knew I could hold my breath that long.” She playfully tapped Raphaela’s arm. “Tell me again why we took the taxi and not my car…oh, yes, you would have had to drive it.” She laughed and walked toward the front door. Turning the knob, she frowned. “Did you lock the door? I don’t have a key.”

Raphaela reached inside her jacket pocket and pulled out the keys to the house. “Are you looking for these?”

Amanda hugged the woman next to her and laughed. “I’m glad I have you to keep me organized.” She pushed the key into the lock, swung the door open, and bowed halfway. “After you, Madame.”

Complete with a gracious curtsey, Raphaela did as requested and waited for Amanda to follow her inside. She hoped she would like the flower arrangement that was waiting to greet her. The day before, she’d feigned a visit to the clinic, so that she could go there and clean the house. She wanted it to be a welcoming sight for Amanda after being away from her home for a month convalescing with her and her grand-mère.

Amanda’s eyes opened wide as she looked around her house. Not only was it immaculate, but it had the fresh smell of…flowers. She squeezed Raphaela’s hand before going to the table and inhaling their fragrance. “I like what you’ve done with the place.” It had been a month since her release from the hospital, and she and Raphaela had been there only to pick up her clothes and toiletries. It was strange having someone other than Gwen in the house, but after a month of being with Raphaela, she knew it was the right thing to do. “Maybe when you get back from Arizona you might want to move in here…after all, your grandmother will already be here.” She stole a quick kiss as she waited for an answer.

Raphaela’s mind wandered to the day not too long ago when she had told Amanda and her grand-mère the news that she was leaving town for six months...

Amanda was making marvelous strides in her recovery since she’d been resident with her and her grand-mère. Her friend felt so good that she was making plans within plans of where they might go together and what they might share. It made the news she had yet to impart to her and Luminitsa that much more difficult. She had put off the dreaded deed for so long that she hardly knew how to tell them. She watched them chatting amiably over breakfast, apparently without any care in the world. The two women she cared for the most looked about as happy as she had ever seen them.

“Here you go, ladies, I have a fresh brew for us. Who wants to play mother?” Raphaela placed the teapot in the center of the table within easy reach of any of them.

Amanda looked curiously at Raphaela. Although she had only been there a relatively short time, she could read the woman like a book. The serious look in her eyes told her something was on her mind. Amanda stood up and took the teapot. “I will pour for my ladies.” She bowed her head slightly as she eyed Raphaela again. “Okay, out with it.”

Taken off-guard for a moment, Raphaela glanced sharply in Amanda’s direction and shook her head feigning that anything was wrong. Grateful when her grand-mère spoke, until she heard what she had to say.

Luminitsa smiled as Amanda poured her more tea. She is such a lovely young woman. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was a little that she has made my granddaughter as happy as she has. “My dear, thank you, while you were making more tea, Ray, Amanda was telling me about a Broadway performance that she plans to buy tickets for as a thank you for our kindness. In six weeks time, I believe. I must say I’m looking forward to it.”

Amusement filled Amanda’s eyes as she saw the stunned look on Raphaela’s face. Actually, she was surprised, too, for she hadn’t expected Luminitsa to speak at that moment. “Not what you expected is it?” She clapped her hands and laughed. “What do you think? We will have such a great time, and I have arranged for a special handicapped room for both of us gimps.” Her gaze turned to Luminitsa. “Right, Grand-mère?”

With a merry twinkle in the eye, Luminitsa nodded as she sipped her tea. A thoughtful look entered her features as she gazed for a moment at Raphaela who had remained silent.

A deep furrow ran across Raphaela’s brow at her grand-mère’s comments. What on earth can I do now? This has to be the moment to tell them. A ticket for a Broadway show can be extremely expensive. She looked fondly at her grand-mère. She looks more animated than I’ve seen in years. This really is a terrible situation. Why didn’t I tell them earlier? Maybe I can cancel and go another time. It doesn’t have to be now…but these kinds of offers are rare. Taking a deep breath for courage, she smiled weakly as she spoke. “I can’t go.”

Both Luminitsa and Amanda looked at Raphaela in surprise. “You can't go...why?” asked Amanda.

Clasping her hands around her teacup, she hoped it would provide inspiration, but none came her way. She gave the two startled women a sheepish smile and replied, “I’ve been offered a rare working sabbatical, you might say, at the Navajo reservation where Sun was brought up. The medicine man is her grandfather, and he’s offered to share some of his knowledge with me. It’s something I never thought would ever happen, now it has, and I’ve been trying to find the right moment to tell you both.”

Amanda just looked at Raphaela wondering if she had heard right. We have just begun getting to know each other, and she is going to leave. Unbelievable. Her eyes drifted to Luminitsa who appeared to be nonplussed by the announcement…but…as an outsider looking in, she could see a slight crack in the old woman’s façade that told a story of its own. Impulsively, Amanda reached out and took Luminitsa’s hand. “Well, it looks like we gals will have to take on the Big Apple all by ourselves.” When the Luminitsa’s eyes gazed at her, she smiled. “What do you think, Grand-mère, shall your chariot be electric, or would you like me to push you?” She gave the older woman a wink. “I can’t have my collaborator going around New York City in anything other than style.” Not skipping a beat, she looked directly at an open-mouthed Raphaela. “When do you leave?”

Raphaela glanced at Amanda gratefully for she had made the announcement less fraught than it might have been. Nevertheless, her beloved grand-mère still hadn’t said anything, which made her sad. “A week today, I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to tell you.”

Luminitsa didn’t say anything at first as she allowed the words and their meaning to fill her head. Am I the reason my granddaughter has found it difficult to tell us of such a marvelous opportunity? All my life I have brought up Ray to be independent. Have I, by default, chained the very essence of her independence by being a milestone around her neck? She gathered her scattered thoughts before placing a gentle hand on her granddaughter’s arm. She said, “I’m very excited for you, Ray. It is a wonderful opportunity, and I wish I were young enough to go with you. Perhaps I’ll leave you both to discuss your plans. I’m feeling a little tired.”

Amanda saw the concerned looks that passed between the two women and felt the sadness they both felt. She got up from her chair and put her arms around the old woman’s shoulders, “You won’t be alone. Either I will stay here, or you can come to my house.” She kissed the white hair tenderly. “Will you let me take Raphaela’s place while she is gone?”

A tear rolled its way slowly down the aging skin of Luminitsa’s cheek. She felt genuine warmth and affection from the woman who had been a stranger to them only a couple of months earlier. As Amanda’s kindness permeated her being, Luminitsa now understand Amanda’s role in both her and Ray’s lives. She had wondered, and now, it had clarity like clear water in a glass. “My dear, you already have a special place in my heart; therefore, it is impossible for you to replace Ray, because you are already here with me. I will berate my granddaughter later for allowing us to make plans that she cannot possibly partake in. Although, it will be her loss, Amanda, two beautiful women alone in the big city—who knows what we might get up to? You enjoy your morning, and I’ll catch up with you both at lunchtime.” Luminitsa saw the concern and love on her granddaughter’s face and kissed the top of Ray’s head whispering for only her to hear, “Don’t worry, child, I really do think it’s wonderful. Besides, you are my light; I carry you wherever I go.”

Amanda put her hand under Luminitsa’s arm. “Let me help you back to your rooms.” She looked over her shoulder and smiled. “Don’t go anywhere; I’ll be right back…well, back as fast as two gimps can go.” She and Luminitsa laughed as they trundled slowly out of the room.

Five minutes later, Raphaela looked up into the warmth generating from Amanda’s eyes as she came back into the room. “Thank you for doing that…I would have done it, but you beat me to it.”

“Your grandmother is a very special lady whom I’m honored to know,” Amanda said. She pulled a chair close to Raphaela and asked, “Why didn’t you say anything about this sooner?”

Raphaela heard the hurt in Amanda’s tone and realized that was one of the reasons she hadn’t said anything. She didn’t want to hurt anyone. “When I talked the position over with Sun…” Hearing the indrawn breath from Amanda told its own story as she tried again. “Sun mentioned her grandfather to me about two years ago, and I expressed an interest in finding out more about the Navajo remedies. Consequently, over the past eighteen months, Sun has been working toward that goal for me. Around the same time you came into our lives, I received the offer.”

“All this time you knew you would be leaving and kept it from me,” she touched her chest. “And, even more, you kept it from your grandmother…Raphaela that almost borders on cruelty. What did you think would happen to her? What if I hadn’t come into both your lives…what would you have done then?”

Understanding in part the raw emotion, Raphaela didn’t feel as hurt as she might at the stinging words.” Yes, I wanted to find the right time, particularly for my grand-mère. You see, I didn’t want her to think I was being selfish and leaving her to fend for herself. Mostly because the only person we knew who could come to help at the time, my grand-mère didn’t particularly care for. Then you came into our lives. It was easy to say I forgot about the offer with all that happened shortly afterward and has been evolving ever since. A part of me doesn’t want to go now that I’ve met you, Amanda. However, another part, the greater part of who I am, knows it will be good, good for us both, and I can’t ignore that, not now. Can you understand that for the first time in my life, I’m doing something, which might look selfish to an outsider, but will eventually benefit others? If you don’t understand that than I really can’t think of what else I can say. Perhaps you don’t know me as well as you might think.”

For a long time, Amanda mulled over the words before she responded. “I am not all that concerned for me, Raphaela…it is your grandmother for whom I worry.” She took the woman’s hand. “I understand your need to do this, and I applaud you for having the opportunity…” A tear rolled down her cheek. “I don’t know that I will be enough for Grand-mère,” she admitted. “I’ve only cared for myself for so long; I’m not sure I’m equipped.” She shrugged, lifted Raphaela’s hand, and kissed it gently. “We will manage, and you will be back before we even begin to miss you.”

Raphaela tried to comprehend Amanda’s words. “I would never have left my grand-mère without someone to care for her, Amanda; I’m not without feeling in this matter.”

Amanda’s eyes flew open. “That’s not what I said at all!” Taking a deep breath, Amanda tried to push down the anger she felt. “All anyone has to do is watch how you act around your grandmother to know how much you love her! I can’t believe that you took my words and twisted them around to make it sound like I said you were unfeeling.” She could feel her insides shaking with anger before the tears began to fall. “I never said that.”

Raphaela shook her head as she realized how ridiculous she was being. In a strange way, she was blaming Amanda for her own problems, and that wasn’t right. “Amanda, I’m sorry, truly I am. I didn’t mean to imply any such thing. I guess you could say I’m all out of sorts. This is the first time I’ll have left my grand-mère alone for more than a few hours a day since we arrived in America. In Europe, we had family. Here, we haven’t any who will pass the time of day with us. I’m glad you came into our lives and allowed us to be part of yours. For the record, you brought a bright light back into my grand-mère’s eyes when you mentioned the show. I wish I’d thought of it years ago, thank you.”

Those were all the words Amanda needed to hear as she stood up pulling Raphaela with her. “The day you and your grandmother came into my life is the day I began living again.” She pulled Raphaela toward her and kissed her. “Everything will work out as it should,” she whispered into Raphaela’s mouth before kissing her again.

Chapter 14

Raphaela realized that with each passing day that led to the time of her departure, she was becoming more and more passionate about Amanda. Tomorrow morning, she had a 10:00 a.m. connection, and they would have to leave by 7:00 a.m. to get her there on time. Holding Amanda close, Raphaela whispered, “You could try having my grand-mère for the odd sleepover to see how it goes, although I suspect she’ll want to remain in her own home. I’ll let you ladies decide for me and have the answer when I get back. Okay with you?”

“Sounds good to me, but we need to take this up later. Will you wait here for me? I won’t be long…I need to take care of something.” Grabbing her cell phone, she kissed Raphaela. Being in the arms of the gorgeous woman had almost made her forget her need to be elsewhere. “How about we meet back here at three, and I’ll cook an early dinner?” she asked, moving in for another kiss.

Raphaela laughed at the dinner suggestion. “How about I cook dinner, and you eat? That way I’ll leave with an easy conscience that you had a good meal before you go back to frozen items.” They once again embraced and their kisses became instant and passionate. Finally, Raphaela pulled back, shook her head, and sighed. “We’d better go before we both change our minds.”

Hand in hand, they left Amanda’s house and walked toward the car.

>< >< ><

Raphaela had sorted through her files to ensure that everything was in order should there be a need for them while she was away. She closed the door to her small office that was little more than a broom closet. Space was at a premium in the building, but since she was the major contributor of the funds that kept the clinic open, she had that little modicum of space. The room also doubled as the main administration office with only Sun and Karen, the sole full-time clerical staff they employed, having access. She headed for the consultation office, and her hope was to see Sun to confirm the arrangements for the following day. Her thoughts drifted to earlier that day, and the surprise her friend had given her.

Hearing Sun’s voice, she opened the door and smiled at her friend, then her expression changed to puzzlement as she saw Dr. Andrews seated opposite Sun in what appeared to be a briefing.

“I’m sorry, Sun,” she said. I’ll call you before I leave.” Confused by Sun’s greeting to “come in” when she obviously was in the middle of a meeting, Raphaela frowned.

“No, no, Raph. This concerns you, too. Sam is going to be covering my weekend shifts. I thought I’d take a trip home and introduce you around. How does that sound?” Sun smiled first at the young man who had volunteered his weekend off to do this for her and then at her friend as she tried to gauge her reaction. When she saw the smile and bright expression in Raph’s eyes, she knew she’d made the right call.

“Why that’s wonderful,” Raphaela said. “Are we on the same flight?” Raphaela felt relived that Sun was going to introduce her around. She had dreaded that part and had been praying for a couple of weeks for a solution, as the date got closer.

“Yes, Karen booked me on the same flight.” Sun shrugged. “I wanted it to be a surprise for you.” When she saw the pleased look on her friend’s face, she smiled. “Want me to pick you up, or shall I meet you at the airport?” She wasn’t sure what arrangements Raphaela had made for getting to the airport. She had labored over her decision to go to Arizona with her friend for a couple of weeks. Initially, it was going to be a surprise, but when Amanda Lawson entered Raph’s life, things became complicated. It wasn’t until she talked to her grandfather several days earlier that she made her decision.

“Amanda and Grand-mère want to see me off, and I can’t disappoint them. I’ll meet you at the airport. See you tomorrow, Sun.” She turned to Dr. Andrews and smiled. “Thanks for the help, Sam.” Raphaela left the two to finish their discussion.

She glanced at her watch. It’s two, and if I leave within the next fifteen minutes, I can catch the bus. She probably would be early, but it didn’t matter, she’d rather be that than late and miss some precious time with Amanda before she left.

>< >< ><

As she waited in Amanda’s house, she found it hard to associate the woman she knew now with the one she had watched several months earlier. From what had been just another case for her grand-mère and her, it was a little peculiar. The spirit world had been sending messages to all three of them informing each that she would benefit from the experience. Things had worked out spectacularly well. Not just for Amanda and her, but for her grand-mère, too. Luminitsa had gained another lease on life and had enjoyed the fact that she hadn’t been the center of Raphaela’s total care during the month Amanda had stayed with them. Just that morning, she and her beloved grand-mère had a long talk that made her finally accept that everything was exactly as it should be…

“My darling, Ray, don’t fret so; I’m going to be just fine. Your Amanda will take care of me almost as well as you.” Luminitsa held the head of her granddaughter to her chest as they sat together as they used to do when she was child and worried over something. Age had no barriers; to Luminitsa, Ray was still the sweet, innocent child who worried about the slightest thing and tried to solve everyone’s problems with little thought of what it was doing to her. That was one of the reasons she hadn’t contested Ray’s wish to move into herbalist remedies rather than the medium side of the family gift. With the certain possibility that Ray would become a powerful medium, they both knew it was highly likely that her life span would diminish rapidly as her power increased. Many a medium channeled all his or her energies into helping others and suffered for the work—in many instances, he or she died younger than necessary.

Ray had been the type who would experience just that, as her great-grandmother once had. The painful memory of her own mother’s early death made her sad for a moment, but then she realized that Ray was her own woman. Ray had found this out long ago and chose to help others in another way and admirably, too. The path her granddaughter had chosen had been a relief in many ways. She was able to see her grow in her field but with less of the stress to her body that would occur if she had chosen Luminitsa’s way. When she had announced her secret of working at the clinic, at first it hurt that her granddaughter hadn’t thought she could be trusted with the knowledge. Even now, she didn’t understand why it had been that way.

“I know, Grand-mère, I know. We have never really been apart.” Raphaela’s voice cracked slightly.

Kissing the top of the dark head, Luminitsa smiled tenderly as she spoke. “We are never apart, Ray; you and I both know that. There comes a time in life when you have to think of yourself, my darling. For so long now, you’ve had to care for me along with those at your clinic and then finally, Amanda. Don’t you think it’s time that you gave yourself a break? Just enjoy the experience for the sake of it without the milestone of me, and yes, Amanda, around your neck for a few precious months. After all, you’ll have us for the rest of your life.” Luminitsa chuckled. “A vacation without us won’t be so bad.”

Raphaela looked up alarmed at her grand-mère’s words. “I don’t think of you or Amanda as a burden, Grand-mère. To me, you and she are what fulfill my life…it is who I am and want to be. I’m not whole without you both; I know that now.”

Cupping Raphaela’s head gently in her hands, Luminitsa gave her a concentrated gaze filled with all the love she had for the child and what she had become. “Then, let it be a gift from Amanda and me. We are confident that when you have followed this dream, you’ll return to us, and you will begin a fresh exciting life with Amanda.”

Eyes, glistening with unshed tears, captured the woman who had taught her everything she knew until Amanda’s arrival in her life. “You’re part of the fresh start, Grand-mère; we both want that. I guess three in this situation isn’t a crowd.” She winked at the old woman.

“Put like that, I’m going to love the change as well. Besides, Amanda and I share things that you can’t possibly understand Ray. When you get back, you might be surprised at how different we are as well.” Luminitsa smiled as she spoke for she knew it was true. Raphaela didn’t have the burden of the physical disabilities she and Amanda had to toil with every hour of their lives. Together, they might learn to become a little more independent, particularly her. For so long, Raphaela had done everything for her, and she had allowed it to happen. However, watching Amanda making the strides to be less dependent on Raphaela, she realized it was time she did the same.

“I’ll look forward to that, Grand-mère. Have I told you today that I love you?”

Luminitsa chuckled. “Every day in every way, my darling, Ray. Now, off with you, or Amanda will think we are conspiring against her.” Winking, she released Raphaela to go into the arms of someone she knew loved her granddaughter as much as she did.

>< >< ><

Glancing at the clock in the family room, Raphaela frowned as the hand moved on to 3:29 p.m. Where’s Amanda? If there was one thing she knew about Amanda, it was that she was punctual. Her ability to be in tune with all that was happening around her was significant and well honed, but Raphaela felt woefully under informed about love.

The opening of the door brought a smile to her face. She walked quickly toward the sound and grinned when she saw Amanda. “There you are; I thought something had happened to you.”

Amanda smiled. “I’m sorry; I was at the cemetery.”

Raphaela’s stomach churned as she walked quickly back into the room and took a seat. Looking up, she saw Amanda standing in the doorway with a questioning look on her face. “You were late because you were at the cemetery?” Jealousy, something she had never felt, careened unchecked around her mind. “I guess I will always have to compete with Gwen.”

Suddenly, Amanda was crouching beside her. She winced as the back of her plastic braces dug into her upper calves, but she ignored the pain. “No, no, you have it all wrong. I was there with Gwen’s mother…I gave her the necklace.” She reached up and wiped a tear away from Raphaela’s cheek. “Gwen is the past; you are my future,” she said with wonderment in her voice. “I love you.” The only other woman she had said those words to had been Gwen. “I love you,” she said as she struggled to get up.

Raphaela smiled gloriously as she stood up and took Amanda’s hand to help her. They became lost in each other’s arms as they kissed. Pulling back, Raphaela cocked her head and gazed into Amanda’s blue eyes. “I love you, too. I think I always have but was too blind to see.” She stroked the woman’s cheek. “I have a confession to make.”

Gently Amanda mirrored Raphaela’s movements. “What?”

“Until you, I had never kissed anyone in passion...I’ve never made love with anyone. Will you…I mean…”

Amanda lifted Raphaela’s chin then placed a slim finger over her lips. “Are you sure that is what you want?”

“Yes.” Her voice was barely above a whisper as she tried to hide her embarrassment.

Amanda drew in a breath. “After Gwen went away…” She saw the arch of Raphaela’s eyebrow. “Death,” she said before continuing. “I never thought I could or want to love again. Then, you came into my life and turned it upside down in every which way, and I found myself loving you.” She leaned in and gently kissed Raphaela’s cheek. “I won’t lie and say I don’t want you right now because I do. More than I thought possible. But, when we finally make that commitment to one another, it should be forever and not out of desperation because one of us is leaving.”

“How can you say desperation? I’m not desperate!”

“If we make love now, I won’t want to let you go, and I don’t think you will want to leave.” She searched Raphaela’s hazel eyes. “Do you understand?”

Raphaela brought her hand up to the back of her neck and rubbed it gently. “Yes, I understand, and you’re right…if we make love now, I would never want to be apart from you.”

Amanda hugged her close. “What do you say we go find your grandmother and take her out to dinner?”

“I have a better idea…let’s go pick up some take out, and take that to her. She loves Kung Po chicken.”

Amanda stole a quick kiss before she picked up her keys. “Let’s go.”

The three women spent the night in companionable enjoyment sharing good food and great company. That night each went to bed contented with Raphaela’s upcoming departure and her ultimate return.

>< >< ><

Amanda and Luminitsa waited for Raphaela to return to the SUV with her last suitcase. Once Raphaela placed it in the third row seat, Amanda started up the vehicle and sped off toward Sun’s house.

Three days earlier, Raphaela had announced over breakfast, “Sun has decided on visiting her family in Arizona and will be traveling with me. She will drive to the airport and leave her car there until her return.”

A pang of jealousy surged through Amanda, and she had to look away, unable to reply with anything other than silence. Luminitsa finally spoke up. “We are taking you to the airport, and if your friend Sun wants to ride with us, she can.” She saw Amanda’s look of gratitude and smiled. “I am sure when she returns Amanda will be more than happy to collect her.”

Now, as they stopped in front of Sun’s home, Amanda reached over and squeezed the old woman’s wrinkled hand. A dark eye that had seen many years of events, winked at her conspirator. “All is as it should be, my dear.”

Amanda nodded as she watched the woman who owned her heart and Sun emerge from the front door. “Are you doing okay, Grand-mère?”

“Yes. In fact, I am feeling better than I have in years.” She smiled then greeted her granddaughter’s friend. “Good morning, Sun.”

“Good morning,” Sun said as she put her bags in the vehicle.

Relative quiet filled the vehicle during the hour’s drive to the airport. Each woman was lost in her own thoughts that reflected how each felt about the upcoming journey. For Amanda, she was bereft at Raphaela’s leaving but knew it was only for a short period, and then they would start their lives together. For Luminitsa, although the thought of her granddaughter being so far away was disconcerting, she knew it was for the best. Although Sun was aware that Raphaela was only interested in her as a friend, she had a fleeting hope that their time together might change that. Raphaela had the most jumbled thought of them all–her mind filled with a combination of excitement and sadness, but she knew all would work out.

Stopping at the curb by the departures, Amanda turned to the women in the backseat. “I’ll let you off here then park the car, and we will be in shortly.”

“Oh, just let us out here, and go on back home. You can’t go beyond security, and I really don’t think it is wise for Grand-mère to walk that far.”

Luminitsa said, “We will meet you inside.”

“But…” Raphaela looked at her grand-mère and saw that she had turned her attention out the window—the discussion was over. She opened the door. “We will wait by security for you.”

Once the two women had exited the vehicle, Amanda and Luminitsa began laughing. “If we hurry, maybe that spot over there will still be free.” Amanda pointed to a handicapped spot on the other side of the road behind a security blockade.

“Then for our surprise,” Luminitsa said with a smile.

Raphaela stood with Sun by the security area scanning the walkway from the parking garage wondering if her grand-mère and Amanda would arrive in time for them to make it to the gate before the plane departed. Her grand-mère’s stroke had affected her left side, which caused her to walk at a very slow pace. Couple that with Amanda’s limited abilities, and she was certain it would take them at least a half hour to travel the short distance from the parking lot. Then she saw them, her eyes opened wide, and she began to laugh. Coming down the walkway were the two women she loved most in the world. One was driving a yellow Jazzy, and the other a red one. Grand-mère will do just fine while I’m a way.

Laughing, Raphaela hugged both women. “Are you two entering in the Indianapolis electric wheelchair races?”

With a twinkling of her eye, Luminitsa looked at Amanda. “Sounds good to me.”

Chapter 15

Raphaela sat by the fire, alone as usual at this time of night, and began to fill in her journal for the day. This was a habit she had picked up as a child and never stopped once she reached adulthood. Sucking the end of her pen, her thoughts drifted to the fact that she was still in awe of the magnificent things she had learned and incredibly been able to impart to the people who had welcomed her like an old friend. Sun, she felt sure, had been party to that fact. Sun’s grandfather was an amazing man, and she could see now where Sun had found her vocation. For the grizzled man, who as the current medicine man wore the most outrageous costumes, was just like any other proud grandparent, he sent his child off into the world after imparting as much knowledge as he possibly could to help her through life’s tribulations.

She and Sun had formed a bond immediately when they had met. It wasn’t just the herbal medicine course, or the friendship they had struck up, it was the fact that they shared something that few others did—each were brought up by grandparents. Sun’s parents were killed in a car accident when she was eight, necessitating that she and her six-month-old sister Moon leave their suburban home for the reservation. In no time, they took to the new surroundings like ducklings to water. Moon had stayed at the reservation practicing as a nurse in a small hospital close by. She remained true to her Navajo roots by staying within the confines of the mountain ranges of spirit tradition. Sun, on the other hand, had gone to the big city to learn as much as she could. After spending almost six months on the reservation, she knew that her friend would return home eventually. The calling of the spirit of the land to the person was something that was almost tangible in the air. When Raphaela had arrived, she had been unsure as to how she could possible settle into a totally weird and wonderful setting. To her surprise, it had been remarkably easy. Jack Lapahie, Sun’s grandfather, had blessed her visit as an omen of a visitor from another land who held the spirit world in her palm just as they did. After that, it was a piece of cake; everyone accepted her.

Over time, she had begun to accept the complex, yet simple lifestyle of the Navajo tribe she felt bound to. She was particularly fascinated with the stories of the family, and the home they lived in called a Hogan. She learned that the posts of the dwelling represented the four sacred mountains, and sections of the building match up to the structures of the universe. The earth floor represented Mother Earth and the circular roof, Father Sky. Most of all, the Hogan was the site for all religious ceremonies. It was one of the most sacred places of a Navajo family, binding them to the land from birth.

Of course, fascination was secondary as she was there to learn from the best source possible—a traditional medicine man. Jack was as happy to show her their ways, as she was to impart her own traditional family ways. She often told herself that it was a partnership made in heaven. Jack Lapahie knew his herbs and had personal names for every one when he picked them. It hadn’t taken her long to understand that for the Navajo, every living thing was a relative and deserved respectful treatment. Her own spiritualist upbringing was not much of a departure from the family she felt a deep, abiding bond to. I could happily live out my days here satisfied with life.

Then her thoughts drifted to Amanda. She would dearly love to bring her here to see all the wonders she had experienced. But, would that work? Although they had a remarkable affinity with each other, they had barely scratched the surface. They still needed to learn who they were and what they ultimately expected and wanted out of life. Before she’d left, they had spent the two months after Amanda’s hospitalization with the seizure getting to know each other as much as possible. Out of love and respect for her naivety and lack of experience, Amanda hadn’t pushed the physical side of their relationship. Kissing and fondling each other had been the limit, mutually deciding that they would make love only after they were certain they would never be apart again.

The tears of happiness she had experienced in Amanda’s arms now spilled over onto her cheeks. She wiped one away with her finger kissing the moisture held there like a bubble in time, much like her captured thoughts of Amanda. She whispered, “I love you, Amanda” to the gentle breeze that floated around her, and she smiled sadly.

Returning to the journal, she saw several of her tears had streaked the page, and it made her smile. A lasting impression for prosperity. She began her notes, and as she did, she made a decision—she would invite Amanda to see what she did. Besides, there is a very special ceremony I want Amanda to experience. Once that happens, we can begin our new journey of life together in earnest. Yawning as she glanced up at the sky full of stars, only one thing could complete the feeling she had right now and that was sharing it with the people she loved most in the world. Placing her pen and journal in her leather Navajo tooled valise, a gift from Jack, she stood up and left the glory of the universe at night to sleep and dream of Amanda.

>< >< ><

Surprisingly, the time since Raphaela began her stint in Arizona flew by for Amanda and Luminitsa. They spent time quietly talking or taking long leisurely walks, which for them, consisted of Luminitsa on her Jazzy, and Amanda walking along side her. The time had helped heal their bodies in the most remarkable way. Luminitsa felt the right side of her body becoming stronger with each day; thereby, compensating positively for the discrepancies of her left side. Amanda’s strides were subtler. She still experienced pain, and on some days, the need for increased doses of pain medications left her little choice. She found that as her mental resolve became stronger, she was able, on occasions, to push past the pain without the need of medication.

It was customary that each afternoon Luminitsa would take an hour nap. Before that, Amanda would read a story from her classic English novel collection. They were halfway through their fourth book, A Tale of Two Cities, when Amanda suddenly closed the book and looked at Luminitsa.

“What is it, child?” She knew what was coming; she had been waiting for the discussion for months.

“Sun is in love with Raphaela,” Amanda said.

“I know.”

Amanda smiled. “Of course, you do.”

A soft chuckle proceeded, “I didn’t read her mind…I read her body language.”

For several minutes, Amanda sat and stared into the sparkling dark eyes. “Should I be worried?” She really didn’t want to know the answer, but her stubbornness insisted she speak the words.

Luminitsa reached over and touched Amanda’s knee. “All lives are intertwined in the tapestry that makes our essence. Some of those threads are small and weak and can easily be broken. Others are thick and strong, woven deeply throughout the tapestry. Sun’s essence has been with you throughout all time, Amanda. She will turn into a strong and dependable friend who will show you the way on many occasions.” “She is not a threat, but an ally.”

“Then why do I feel threatened by her?”

“Only you can answer that, my dear.” Luminitsa smiled fondly at the woman. “All will be as it should be. Isn’t that what we discussed last week?”

“Yes, it is. I guess since Sun is making her third visit out there …” she shrugged. “Let’s see if Sydney can ever admit he loves Lucie.” She opened the book. “Carton…”

>< >< ><

Hanging up the phone, Amanda sighed. It was becoming more and more difficult to separate from Raphaela. She longed to hold her close, feel her heart beat next to hers, and breathe the same air. She was so lost in her thoughts she didn’t hear Luminitsa enter the room.

“Don’t worry, darling, she will be back before we know it,” she said while patting Amanda’s shoulder.

Amanda turned to Luminitsa. “I know; but it is hard, especially when we have to hang up. I don’t want it to end, but I know she has so much to do that I can’t occupy all her time even if I want to,” she said. Then she took a good look at Luminitsa. “Well, look at you all dressed up. What’s the occasion?”

“I need you to take me somewhere.”

“Sure, anywhere you say.”

With a twinkle in her eye, Luminitsa smiled. “Even if that is the ocean?”

Surprise colored Amanda’s face. “Sure, but why the ocean?”

Choosing her words carefully, Luminitsa spoke. “I will tell you later tonight after I have seen the full moon over the water.”

The words, ‘later tonight,’ told Amanda that there was the possibility of an overnight trip. “You know, Grand-mère, that is a four or five hour trip; are you sure you are up to it?” The glare she received had her changing tactics. “Then I guess we should pack our bags, and make a reservation for the night.”

“Mine are already packed, and I have made a reservation for a lovely place right on the ocean in Avon by the Sea.” She eyed Amanda. “Now, it is up to you to get yourself ready.”

Luminitsa’s words brooked no discussion, so Amanda got up and went dutifully into her room to pack an overnight bag. If Raphaela finds out about this, she is going to have my hide. What is Grand-mère up to?

Thirty minutes later, they were in the car headed down Highway 79 toward their latest adventure. From the corner of her eye, Amanda glanced at Luminitsa who was sitting quietly while watching the road ahead. “Okay…are you going to tell me what we will be doing on this little journey of ours?”

Luminitsa briefly closed her eyes and sighed. “Last night, I had a visit from my mother who reminded me of something that I have long forgotten. I need to be at the ocean tonight for the full moon and then in the morning for the sunrise.”

For Amanda, references to the long departed had become second nature. “How long has your mother been gone?”

Laughing slightly, Luminitsa shook her head. “You are never going to say the words are you?”

“You knew what I meant, didn’t you?” Amanda asked.

“Yes,” she replied.

“Then what does it matter what words are used?”

Luminitsa nodded her head. “Point taken, and of course, you are right. I believe that no one actually dies, my dear. He or she merely moves on to another astral plane as you and I will one day. To answer your question, she and my father died when I was five. My sister and I were taken in by her mother just as I took in Ray.” She stared off into the distant horizon as the memories floated up to her consciousness. “She used to visit me often when I was much younger, but it has been many decades since she has come to me so strongly.”

“What was it you forgot?”

Luminitsa just smiled. “You will find out,” she said before she turned her attention toward the window. She spoke not another word until they entered the town of Avon by the Sea and stopped where they would spend the night.

When they pulled up outside the Chashelmara Inn, Amanda couldn’t hide the surprise. After checking in and opening the door to their suite, she was dumbfounded. “This must have cost a fortune,” she said.

“Money is of no concern to me in this instance, Amanda. We are here for a specific reason that transcends monetary concerns. Besides, I can afford it and more if I chose.” Luminitsa looked out the window. “It will be getting dark soon…we need to be by the ocean before then.”

Amanda frowned. What is she up to? “Walking in the sand might be a bit tricky for us both.”

“We will have no problems,” Luminitsa reassured as she made for the door. “Are you coming with me?”

Wide eyed, Amanda walked as rapidly as she could to catch up to her. “Hey, wait up for me.”

True to the prediction, neither woman had any problems navigating across the sand to the water’s edge. It was there that Luminitsa grabbed onto Amanda’s arm for support as she took off her shoes and then stepped into the water.

“Grand-mère, the water temperature has to be in the mid-fifties; you will catch a cold standing in it.”

Luminitsa was lost in her chant and did not heed Amanda’s words, or the temperature of the water. “For all who listen, this is my granddaughter Raphaela’s friend, Amanda. She is my guide for this journey. Please accept her as you do me.” She opened her eyes, turned, and walked back out of the water. “We need to get our rest. It is critical that we be here before sunrise.” She took hold of Amanda’s arm again, slipped on her shoes then looked thoughtfully at her. “When we get back to the room, I will explain.”

Once they were in the room, Amanda quickly started a fire in hopes of warding off any untoward effects standing in the water may have had on the old woman. “Here, sit by the fire and warm up. You must be freezing after standing in that water.”

A serene smile crossed Luminitsa’s face. “I neither felt the cold nor will I suffer any effect from it. Please sit with me,” she said patting the arm of the chair next to her. “I want to tell you a story.”

Before complying with the request, Amanda lovingly placed a light blanket over Luminitsa’s lap and legs. “I must say you have me intrigued. Please share your story with me.”

“Along with my parents, I had an older sister—Raphaela.” She saw Amanda’s eyes light up. “Yes, Ray is named for her. Each year we would travel from our home to the ocean, so we would arrive on this date. On that night, we would walk with her to the ocean where she would say prayers of thanksgiving and salvation then introduce us as her guides.” She looked at Amanda. “You are my guide,” she said patting her hand. “Then in the morning, we would again accompany her to the ocean where she would stand in the water and say several prayers of hope before walking into the water until it covered her knees.”

Amanda gasped. “Didn’t you worry about the tides pulling her under?”

Luminitsa smiled. “No, we knew she was safe.”

“Is that what you are planning on doing?”

“Yes,” Luminitsa said. “It is a ritual of rebirth for the soul. When my mother came to me last night, she reminded me that if I am to survive, I must renew my soul.”

“But Grand-mère, I don’t think I can stand by and watch that happen. Even a fit person would not be able to undertake such a thing.”

“I am not just any person,” she said. “Perhaps my outer shell looks old and feeble, but my inner being is strong; the brilliance of my soul, however, has been tarnished. It is essential to us all that I get that back.”

“Surely there must be another way.”

Luminitsa shook her head. “No, this is the only way…” she trailed off. “If you will not help me, child; I will do it alone.”

There was a determination in Luminitsa’s voice that sent a chill up Amanda’s spine. Raphaela is going to kill me! If I help her, she will kill me, and if I don’t, I will be letting this dear woman down. Shit! “I will be there for you, Grand-mère, but I will not be happy about it.”

A soft laugh emanated from the woman. “I promise you that it will all be as it should be.” She stood up and went into the sleeping area. “It is a queen bed; do you want the right or left side?”

“I will stay out here,” Amanda said. I don’t think I will be getting much sleep tonight.

The next morning, Amanda felt herself shaken and she opened her eyes. Staring down at her was Luminitsa who had a look in her eyes unlike any Amanda had ever seen. “We must hurry; the sun will be up shortly.”

Scrambling to her feet from the chair, Amanda quickly went to the bathroom, grabbed the towels, and then came back out into the room. Luminitsa was gone. “Shit.” When she finally caught up to her, Luminitsa had crossed the boardwalk and was about to step out onto the sand. “Here,” she said breathlessly, “let me take your arm.”

The dark sky gave way to light, as the sky above them seemed to turn white then a brilliant turquoise color. Any other time Amanda had been by the ocean at sunrise clouds were always present but not this morning. A hot red-orange ball began to slip its way up the horizon sending shards of color in all directions. Luminitsa began walking farther in the water unfazed by the waves that seemingly parted as they approached her. Deeper and deeper she got and just as the sun was halfway up the horizon, Luminitsa stood still.

Mesmerized by the sun, the water, and the old woman who appeared to be no longer visible even though she could clearly see her, Amanda stood frozen in place. Suddenly, her mind wrapped around the fact that Luminitsa was gone, and she moved as fast as she could into the water. Waves slapped against her legs pushing her backward until she fell down. Struggling, she rose up and once again started toward the last place she thought she had seen Luminitsa, but the waves seemed to be barring her rescue attempts. “Nooooooo,” she screamed as she fought her way through the water. Just then, she saw the old woman reemerging and beginning her journey back to shore. Once she was within arm’s length, Amanda grabbed Luminitsa and pulled her close. “I thought I had lost you.”

Once they were out of the water, Amanda picked up the towels and began wrapping them around Luminitsa. “We have to get you warmed up,” she said over the roar of the waves. Then, she realized that although she thought she saw Luminitsa submerged in the water, she was not wet. How can that be? She squished her toes in her wet shoes. I’m wet. “Why?” she asked as she continued to cling to the woman.

Luminitsa wrapped her arms around the woman. “It is as it is dictated to be. My mother never was wet either.” She squeezed Amanda. “Thank you, my darling, for being my guide. I’m starving. Let’s find something to eat before we go home.”

>< >< ><

Jack Lapahie observed his granddaughter as she watched her friend, the gypsy named Raphaela. Sun had always yearned for things just out of her reach, and at this moment that was exactly the situation. With his old, tired but ever-alert eyes, he had seen the emerging love Sun had for the woman. Although he did not approve of her choices in physical relationships, he respected that she had to make her own way in the ever-changing world. He loved the child very much and was proud that she had gained entry at the university to study the white man’s medicine. Though, when she had finally finished her studies, he had been equally as upset that she did not chose to remain with her people. Through the eyes of the gypsy, he had seen the merit of Sun’s achievements in the decade she had been gone. Her devotion to the sick and compassion for those who could not afford treatment in the general hospitals had made his heart sing. He still had hope that eventually she would return and felt that more keenly as he stared at the woman sitting on the rock outcrop writing in her journal.

He was glad to have gotten to know the gypsy for she had taught him much of her own skills and family traditions. The elders of their tribe recognized her awareness of the spirit world. She had been welcomed not because she was Sun’s friend, but as a friend of the Navajo and their teachings. “How can one not accept a sister into the fold?” A voice from inside the family Hogan spoke out into the darkening night sky. He could smell the delicious aroma of the meal prepared by his woman. Turning away, he smiled and hoped one day Sun would find a mate who could be a partner in life as he had done over fifty years ago.

Before he entered the family home, he shouted across to his granddaughter. “Sun, go tell your gypsy friend that dinner is ready. You know your grandmother doesn’t like being kept waiting.”

Sun swiveled around; she hadn’t been aware that her grandfather was in the vicinity. Did he catch me watching Raph? Probably, the old man never misses a beat. I do love him. “Okay, we’ll be there shortly,” she shouted before walking rapidly over to the spot where Raphaela was concentrating on her journal. As she paused within a couple of feet of her friend, she watched the way Raphaela held the pen between her teeth as she concentrated on what to write next. She studied her friend as she boldly wrote on the paper. It was during her second visit that she enquired about what Raphaela was writing.

“Is that a personal diary you keeping, Raph?

“No, it is a working diary.”

She remembered thinking at the time how typical it was of her friend to be so conscientious. It reminded her of Raphaela’s copious notes at the clinic, not to mention her brilliant pencil sketches. Her heart beat a little more rapidly as she observed the calm breathing and with it the slight rise and fall of her ample breasts. One of the things that her grandfather was right about was the gypsy part of Raphaela’s makeup. She loved wearing the low cut traditional style blouses, and she, for one, applauded that immensely. It is silly really to have licentious thoughts about my friend. That’s all Raph is, a dear friend. She can’t be any more than that; the arrival of Amanda Lawson has seen to that. A part of her still hoped, as one does, that the person she adores, who is slightly out of reach, will desire her. It was like the reminiscence of unrequited first love that follows one through life—there was always hope. Her hope was fading with each day. The knowledge that Raphaela didn’t see her as anything other than a friend meant she had to be content with that if she still wanted Raphaela to be part of her life. Even if she had to store away her own dreams of the woman and accept she belonged with another, she still wanted Raphaela in her life. Amanda Lawson is one lucky lady; I hope she knows that.

“Hey there, Raph, my grandmother has the meal waiting, and you know she’ll go on the warpath if we don’t get there on time.” Sun softly spoke not wanting to spook Raph.

A warm smile shot up at her as Raphaela brought her gaze from the journal to the woman who had arrived at her side. “Wonderful. I’m starving. Spring Lark is a marvelous cook. Did you know she’s even teaching me a few recipes to take home? I can’t wait to share them with Amanda and Grand-mère.”

Sun’s heart skipped another beat, but this time not in lust—in pain at the simple, affectionate words. How she wished her name had been on the list. “Yep, she sure is a great cook. How are the lessons with grandfather going?”

Another beaming smile sent her way had Sun dazzled by its glow as she waited for the response. “Jack is marvelous. I’ll never forget his kindness in allowing me the knowledge he has shared. I’ll never forget yours either, Sun, for permitting me this wonderful opportunity. If there’s anything ever you need from me, you only have to ask. If it is in my power, it will be yours.”

For a split second, Sun wanted to take the opportunity to say the words she’d wanted to do for the last five years. Over the years, before Amanda arrived, she had her chance to speak her heart and she hadn’t. I had my chances in Raph’s life, and I didn’t take them. I always thought time would be on my side. Time had run out for her, and she finally accepted that Raphaela wasn’t going to see her in any other light except the one she did now. On reflection, it wasn’t so bad. I can live with it. I have for several years anyway. “You owe me nothing except your friendship, which is a mutual thing we have, right?”

As she saw the differing expressions cross her friend’s face, a serious expression crossed Raphaela’s features. Raphaela had wanted to say something, she was sure of that. What is that I wonder? “Always, Sun. Your spirit is with me through all time. I’ve known that from the first moment we met.”

Although Sun had lived with the spirit world all her life, she had a more practical way of looking at things. It was not something she and her family, in particular her grandfather, agreed upon. Nonetheless, it was who she was and wanted to be. The mumbo jumbo about spirit worlds and other lifetimes and all that crap could be a little wearing on the majority of folks. In a way, she’d been surprised at how well she and Raphaela did get along considering the woman’s beliefs. What she lacked in compassion and a rather logical way of looking at things, Raphaela would balance with her gentle spirit. They had gotten along marvelously and complemented each other professionally. In fact, when she came to think about it, they made a good team, and it showed in the way the clinic survived. She might never be able to share the physical loving side of Raphaela’s life, but she sure could make up for that in their professional life. That was exactly what the spirits had decreed, or so her grandfather and Raphaela would probably say. “How many years have you known me, Raph?”

Raphaela thought about the strange question and with a slight frown replied, “Six years in fall, why?”

“Well, one day you might remember that I’m not into the spirit thing that you and my family love to chat about. Take it from me, all that happened when we met was that you and I were both in the right place at the right time needing a friend we could rely on, and it worked out. Lots of relationships don’t last as long as our friendship.”

With a chuckle, Raphaela stood up, placed her journal in the protective plastic cover, and grinned good-naturedly. “Yeah, sure, I understand where you’re coming from…except… don’t you believe in something other than science? Fate perhaps, or another religion, or…well, the list is endless, Sun”

With a laugh that filled the darkening night sky, Sun placed a friendly hand on Raph’s shoulders. “For you, I’ll believe anything you want, but right now, if we don’t get inside…let’s put it this way, I’m not too old to be sent to bed without dinner.”

Laughing at the thought, both women headed for the Hogan. “I’m going to ask your grandfather to reside over a healing ceremony before I leave. Do you think he will?”

Sun glanced sharply toward Raphaela and stopped a few feet away from the Hogan. Concern filled her eyes. “Are you ill? Why haven’t you told me? What are your symptoms?”

With a chuckle, Raphaela placed a warm hand on her friend’s to stop her from worrying. It is sweet of her. “I’m not ill, but Jack has told me so much about the ceremony and what it can achieve that I was going to ask Amanda if she would go through it. As a part of her get well team, what do you think?”

Thankful that there was nothing wrong with Raphaela, Sun smiled slightly. How can I compete with someone who is thousands of miles away and has such loving words said about her? One day, I hope I will be as lucky. Then Sun considered the suggestion. True, the healing ceremony has appeared to help some of our people, and it has soothed outsiders if their mind focuses in that direction. Will Amanda Lawson be willing to allow her mind to be cleansed of all the pain and suffering she has succumbed to in recent years? That was a question only Amanda could answer. I have to say, it is a noble suggestion. What harm can it do? “Great idea, I think you know by now that Grandfather treats and thinks of you as family; therefore, I’m sure he’d be delighted. However, will Amanda agree with something so outlandish?” With a sheepish smile, Raphaela gazed at her friend with a question in her eyes. “Oh, no, Raph, no way. Look, I’m your friend, and I’ll do anything for you but not that, please, not that. Amanda doesn’t even like me.”

Raphaela’s eyes took on a serious note as they pleaded silently with her friend. “I think you’re exaggerating, Sun. Amanda likes you…she’s just a little jealous that’s all. Besides, who better to prepare her for what happens than you. I don’t want to ask her over the phone; it’s too impersonal. I’ve written her a note if that helps.”

“Great, now I’m the go between.” One word Raphaela said kept coming to the forefront. “Hey, what do you mean jealous?”

Shaking her head, Raphaela replied, “Why, you love me, Sun, just as she does…that would make any person jealous. Besides, you can come here at the drop of a hat, and she has other responsibilities. Will you do this for me, Sun, please?”

Startled at the words, Sun traded glance for glance with her friend. “How long have you known?”

“Not that long. I guess a part of me that was un-awakened until Amanda arrived in my life had always known. I do love you, Sun, and always will, but not in the way that I love Amanda.” She shrugged. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m selfish asking this of you. I’ll call her at the weekend.”

“No! I’ll go over and check on the two invalids when I get back and talk with Amanda about the ceremony. After all, that’s what friends are for, right?”

With a soft appreciative laugh, Raphaela hugged her friend tightly. “Right.”

A white-haired head appeared from inside the Hogan. “If you two don’t get inside, I’ll send you both to bed without your dinner,” Spring Lark announced with an amused twinkle in her eyes.

“Let’s go. She means it, and I’m not into fighting with any Indian even if she is my kin folk.” Raphaela grinned as she entered the Hogan with Sun bringing up the rear hastily while being by chastised by her doting grandmother.

>< >< ><

After her adventure in the ocean, the change in Luminitsa was not immediate. Over a month’s time, Amanda could see a spirit and strength that belied everything the woman had been up until then. Although she still had a limp, it was much less than it had been, and Luminitsa was using her left hand effortlessly. The ill effects of the stroke were seemingly gone. Their walks had become exactly that, as each woman would put one foot in front of the other on their journey to the nearby park. Another change was Luminitsa’s afternoon naps that had once been a necessity were gone, and she shared in the book reading.

One morning, Amanda awoke, sat up, and sniffed the air. A mixture of coffee and bacon permeated the air. A bright smile crossed her face as she got out of bed, put on her braces and shoes, and hurried toward the kitchen. When she saw Luminitsa standing in front of the stove, her heart sank.

“No, Ray did not come home early to surprise us,” Luminitsa said. “I awoke early and thought it was about time I made us breakfast. Come sit, and I will pour you a cup of coffee.”

“How do you do that?” Amanda asked. Her answer was a wink.

They stood together doing the dishes much as she did with Raphaela the first time she ate dinner there. “Grand-mère, will you sit with me for a minute? And, please don’t read my mind.”

Putting down the sponge, Luminitsa went to the table. “Now, whatever gave you the idea I did such things, child?”

Both women laughed until Amanda’s expression turned serious. “I love Raphaela, do you know that?”

“I would have to be blind not to see the love you have for my granddaughter…and I would also have to be blind not to see her love for you.”

Taking a deep breath, Amanda continued. “I would like your permission to ask her to be my life partner when she gets back.”

“I would never deny the blessings of love.” She stood up and hugged Amanda close. “You are already a part of our family.” She sat back down before continuing to speak. “As I told Ray, choosing a lifestyle that is not the norm is a difficult road.”

Amanda’s ears perked up. Raphaela spoke with her about having a relationship with me?

“And, she said people had looked at her strangely all her life, so this would be no different.” She looked fondly toward the woman. “You have brought out in her a happiness and glow that have been left unattended.”

“As she brought the same out in me, Grand-mère. Of course, you know that if she accepts that means that you will be part of the equation, too. We can all live together here, or at my house, or if you like, we can buy something new to solidify our union as a family.”

Luminitsa had to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. “Thank you.” Again, she rose and hugged the woman.

“Why the tears?”

“I am happy for you and Ray, but at the same time it makes me sad.”

“Why?”

“Because Ray will be the last of our line.”

“She doesn’t have to be,” Amanda said.

“You are both women, so how can that be?”

“Did I ever tell you that I have two brothers? I haven’t seen them since Gwen left.”

Luminitsa held up a hand. “Brothers? You have brothers? Why haven’t I heard about that before now?”

Amanda’s face reddened. “They both live in Tennessee, and Gwen and I would visit them during the holidays every year. When Gwen went away and I was in the hospital, they came immediately.” She shook her head. “They wanted me to go back to Tennessee with them and leave Gwen behind. I kept telling them I didn’t want to leave, but they kept insisting.” She laughed. “They wanted to be the white knights who swept in and rescued me. When they refused to listen, I just stopped taking their calls. Finally they got the message…I haven’t heard from them in over eighteen months.”

“Doesn’t that make you sad to be apart from family?”

“You and Raphaela made me realize what I have been missing.” She smiled. “I called my brother Keith last week, and we talked for a long time about Gwen and what I’ve been through. I told him I have met someone and want to make a life with her.”

“I am glad you did that, but how does that relate to what we were talking about?”

“Maybe they will help Raphaela and I have a child of our own.”

Shocked, Luminitsa said. “You would want your bother to sleep with Ray?”

Amanda laughed. “No, silly. They would donate their sperm to impregnate Raphaela.” She laughed again. “I guess we are getting ahead of ourselves. Maybe we should see what she has to say to my proposal first.”

Luminitsa laughed, too. “I don’t think there will be a problem there.”

Both women looked up as they heard a knock on the door.

“I wonder who that could be.”

“I don’t know. I’ll get it.” Amanda lovingly patted Luminitsa’s shoulder in passing. “Maybe Raphaela has come back early and wants to surprise us.”

Luminitsa closed her eyes. “No, that isn’t who it is.”

Opening the door, Amanda sucked in a breath as a scowl covered her face. “What are you doing here?” she asked.

“Well, it’s nice to see you, too, Amanda.”

Amanda, clearly nonplussed by Sun’s arrival, composed herself. She really did want to be cordial toward the woman who was a close friend of Raphaela’s. Wanting to do something and actually achieving it is a very different ballgame. “I’m sorry, please, come inside; it’s turned cold out tonight.”

Sun heard the attempt at casual conversation and realized, possibly for the first time, that she and Amanda had one thing in common—they both struggled to be nice to each other. “Thanks, I appreciate that…it is rather chilly,” she said trying not to make sentence hold a double meaning.

“I suppose you’ve seen Raphaela again. How is she?”

“She’s great. Actually, I am here at her request.” Sun looked past the woman and gasped. Luminitsa was walking toward them-–-the effects of her stroke barely discernible. “You look wonderful, Luminitsa.”

Luminitsa walked over to Amanda and gently put her hand on Amanda’s arm. “Thank you.” She smiled fondly. “I owe it all to my darling Amanda.”

Sun looked at Luminitsa then at the woman next to her. Both radiated a glow of well being that she never thought she would see. “Well, you both should write a book and let everyone know how to rejuvenate your life because I’ve never seen either of you looking better.”

Taking the doctor’s arm, Luminitsa began walking toward the parlor. “Please come in and tell us how our Ray is doing.”

Amanda trailed behind the women wondering if she could ever feel at ease in Sun’s company. When they reached the sitting room, she perched, with a sense of belonging, on the arm of the couch and tried not to glare at the doctor. “Exactly what did Raphaela want us to know?” she demanded.

Sun returned the grudging look. What is her problem? She has won Raph away from me; what more does she want…blood.

Luminitsa gave Sun a kindly smile then spoke to Amanda. “My darling, would you be a dear and bring tea for our guest?”

“Sure.”

Once Amanda left the room, the old woman made significant eye contact with her visitor. “Ray was never yours to lose,” she said.

Perplexed, Sun leveled her eyes on Luminitsa. “I don’t understand.”

“Amanda and my granddaughter’s lives have been entwined for eons.”

“You know I think all this is mumbo jumbo, and I tell my grandfather in the nicest possible way exactly the same thing. Although I have to concede you have me at a disadvantage, so I’d better just say I’m busted!” Luminitsa’s words echoed her grandfather’s thoughts. Logic and science ruled her. There is no room in my life for such lunacy, but she did hit the nail on the head.

“My dear, one day you will listen to your heart, and you will understand perfectly.”

“Here we go, tea for everyone,” Amanda said as she reentered the room.

Sun’s gaze shifted from the old woman to the one laden with a tray of teacups. “I should tell you why I’m here.”

“How is my darling Ray doing?” Luminitsa asked.

“She is learning much but is anxious to get back home. She asked me to give you a message…well, a request actually, Amanda.”

“I’m listening.”

Sun pulled on her lower lip and shrugged. “She would like you to go to Arizona for her last week. In fact she gave me this,” Sun extracted a note from her pocket and passed it to Amanda.

Amanda smiled with caution as she thought over what the woman had said. Taking a long, slow breath she accepted the note and held onto it tightly, much as she would Raphaela if she were there. “I need to stay here and take care of Grand-mère.”

The loving familiarity with which Amanda spoke the word Grand-mère stabbed at Sun’s heart. She belongs here; I don’t, I never have. “Not a problem; I have volunteered to do that.”

“Are you taking time off work?”

“No, but I will only be ten minutes away and will spend the night, so I can get Luminitsa breakfast in the morning and be here for her in the evening.” Sun looked at the old woman and was surprised to see the ease she took in getting up out of her chair.

Luminitsa stood in front of Amanda who was still perched on the arm of the sofa. “You and I both know that I haven’t needed any help for nearly six weeks.” She lightly touched Amanda’s cheek. “It is important you go to Ray.”

“But…”

Luminitsa shook her head. “She needs you right now, and I don’t. Besides, I’m going to enjoy Sun’s company. She and I may well learn from each other.” The directness in her tone told Amanda she would be on the next flight to the reservation and the woman she loved.

Chapter 16

The journey to Arizona was arduous for Amanda. Although she was able to cope with pain better and could walk the sidewalks of their town with little trouble, the fact remained that her legs were weak. Navigating through an airport with people hurrying about and pushing past her was a harrowing thought for Amanda. It was her first journey as a disabled person, and nothing had ever prepared her for what she encountered. The airline had assured her that a wheelchair was available from the ticket counter to the gate, but it was not. She had to wait thirty minutes for its arrival then a large man unceremoniously pushed her to the security gate where, in front of every passer-by, she held her arms out and had a wand waved over her entire body. At first, she thought that being able to board the airplane first would be a plus–she was wrong. On three separate occasions, harried and unthinking people let their carry-on bags whack her in the shoulder and head. Sitting in the bulkhead provided her more room, and although she had easy access to the bathroom, the lack of handrails made the distance inaccessible.

She had to change planes in Chicago and once again found herself waiting an interminable amount of time for the arrival of a wheelchair. Although she probably could have walked to the bathroom, Amanda still felt the fear of falling and used the wheelchair as a safety feature. In the bathroom, she again found people’s lack of consideration hard to understand. Although there were four handicapped stalls, only two would accommodate a wheelchair. One was out of order, and the other occupied by a woman in her thirties who appeared to be walking perfectly when she exited the stall. Neither embarrassed nor apologetic, the woman just passed by Amanda without as much as a look.

Arriving in Arizona, Amanda was glad to see an electric cart waiting for her. All the trials and tribulations of the journey were pale in comparison to the anticipation of seeing Raphaela. As the cart neared the security gate, Amanda leaned forward and spoke to the driver. “Let me out here please.”

The driver frowned. “Are you sure? It is a long way to the baggage area.”

Amanda smiled. “It will be okay. My friend is meeting me, and she will take good care of me.” She handed the man a five and carefully stepped down onto the tiled floor. “Thank you,” she said as she scanned the faces for the one she loved. Her eyes kept searching as her mind wondered if she had mistakenly given Raphaela the wrong time or flight number. Then, she spotted a tall, elderly Native American man wearing jeans and a beaded tan vest over a denim shirt looking at her intently. As he moved closer, she took in his long white hair, skin browned by the sun, and a deeply creased distinguished looking face.

“Excuse me, are you Amanda Lawson?” The man’s deep tone resonated warmth and caring.

“Yes, and you are?”

The man extended his hand. “Jack Lapahie.”

Amanda found the man’s grip to be warm and strong. “Lapahie? Are you related to Sun?” The mere mentioning of the woman’s name made her stiffen in reaction.

“Yes, she is my granddaughter,” Jack said proudly while brown eyes seemed to be probing her. “You know my granddaughter?”

Drawing a breath, Amanda replied, “Yes, we met through Raphaela.” She felt a tingling as the man eyed her sizing her up. “Why didn’t Raphaela come to meet me?”

The man’s features softened. “Sparrow Hawk, as we call her, has a special job to do. As the medicine man for my tribe, it is my responsibility to greet outsiders who wish to stay with us.”

Amanda nodded as if she understood when in reality she did not. “I will need to go to baggage claim before we journey to your reservation.” She was anxious to see Raphaela, and the man being there instead annoyed her.

A worn hand took her carry-on bag then the man started walking away.

Standing there with her mouth open, Amanda wondered if Sun’s grandfather was just like her. He could have at least waited and walked with me. A plane must have landed as hordes of people seemingly began to surround her. She panicked and began to sweat as oppressive heat overtook her body. Images of people knocking her to the ground and trampling her loomed as a reality as she instinctively tried to move toward a wall where she would find protection for her back. Then, she felt a warm protective arm around her shoulders.

“I’m here, Little One.”

Grateful eyes peered up into Jack’s face. “Thank you. They all seemed to come out of nowhere.”

“I found a wheelchair for you,” he said motioning to the chair by his side. He gently guided her to it and smiled once she sat down. “If I had known all those people would be coming, I never would have left you alone for that moment, Little One.” He positioned himself behind the chair, and his long strides ate up the distance to the elevator.

Soon they were in a jeep that seemed to Amanda like a throwback from the Second World War. At first, the drive wasn’t too bad although her back kept reminding her that it was not happy with the seat. When they turned on to a dirt road, her condition took a turn for the worse as the rutted dirt roads caused her immense pain with each bump. Whenever the older man asked her questions, her answers were short and terse. She felt that the man was annoyed with her, but she didn’t give a damn for agony ruled. His seemingly intrusive questions reminded her painfully of her first visit with his granddaughter. He is probably going to tell me to get out and walk. She knew her thinking was unreasonable and tried to be civil, but the pain would not allow that.

>< >< ><

Raphaela walked over to the edge of the fence line that marked the boundary to the reservation and the dirt road for the sixth time. Originally, she had planned to go with Jack to collect Amanda at the airport, but he had insisted that he must meet her alone and become familiar with her on a one–on-one basis to improve the chances of the healing ceremony working. It had been a hard blow to take, but one she understood perfectly. Besides, he’d given her an even greater task: to collect three herbs from the surrounding forest that would be used in the healing process. She was to give each herb a special name, so Jack could repeat it during the ceremony. As she was unable to participate in the actual ceremony, he told her that the names were her personal gift to the one who was important to her life.

Once the task was finished, she waited anxiously for Jack’s jeep to speed toward her with his precious cargo. After six months, the anticipation was almost too much to take, and she sighed in the resignation of knowing they would eventually be there. No sooner had she turned around to head back to the family Hogan, she heard the screech of tires against the dirt. Turning quickly back around, she saw Jack’s jeep rolling to a stop close to her position. The waiting was over, and in a few moments, she would have her wish—Amanda would be in her arms again. She felt her body tingle as she watched first a foot, then a leg, then all of Amanda alight from the vehicle.

Seconds later, arms engulfed her in a bear hug. “I’ve missed you so much, Amanda, there really aren’t any words,” she whispered. Raphaela didn’t need Amanda to say anything for she could feel instantly that the woman in her arms was in pain. “Jack has arranged for a cabin for us to share. How about we go there now, and you can take a shower and have a rest?”

Amanda shook her head. “I can’t do that; it would be rude,” she said trying to sound casual, but failing miserably.

“Sure you can.” Raphaela turned toward Jack. “It will be okay if I introduce her over dinner instead of now, won’t it?”

All of Jack’s senses honed on the small blonde woman, and he had felt her pain acutely. “Now is not the time to meet the family, Little One. They will wait until you have rested.”

Nodding her head, she offered Jack her hand. “Thank you so much for bringing me here and arranging for my stay. I’m sorry if I was short with you during the ride.” She shrugged. “I have this problem with my back, and the ride here combined with the long flight put me in considerable pain. Meeting your family now would not put me in a positive light. I hope you will accept my apologies for my rudeness.”

Jack smiled as his dark eyes lit up with understanding. “You are welcome here, Little One, and my friend, Sparrow Hawk, has told me much about your condition. It is my hope we can help you heal. Now, I must go. We will speak later. Rest easy, Little One.” The old man smiled at Raphaela as he left them and headed into his family home.

Relived to be alone with Raphaela at last, Amanda sighed. “Which is our love cabin?” Her voice, laced with exhaustion and pain, but bravado won out. “It will be our love nest, right?” When she saw the horrified look on Raphaela’s face, she let out a chuckle.

Raphaela’s eyes tracked to their Hogan as she picked up Amanda’s bags. “Amanda, we can’t…that is…”

“Don’t worry,” she said as she lazily put an arm over Raphaela’s shoulders for support. “I’ll be good.” They walked slowly, and Amanda knew Raphaela was trying to accommodate her. “The day has been a bitch, but all that pales to being with you.” She grimaced as her ankle rolled slightly on a rock. “I am afraid I will have to take the big meds, or I will not be of any use to anyone.” She stopped and looked intently at Raphaela. “Are you disappointed in me?”

For a few moments Raphaela digested the question. Am I disappointed in Amanda? Even if I am a little, does it really matter? There is really only one answer: NO! “I guess I’d hoped that in the six months things might have gotten a little better for you. You kept saying in your letters and phone calls that you and Grand-mère were doing great. I guess that was to stop me worrying about you both. I’ve been really selfish, haven’t I…leaving you both for so long.” The words left Raphaela’s lips before she could prevent them, and even she could hear that she sounded wounded and defeated. That hadn’t been her intention for the first few minutes of her reunion with Amanda. It should be a joyous and happy occasion.

“Hey, I’m sorry.” She gave Raphaela a half-hearted smile. “Which is our place?” Amanda asked looking for their cabin. “I should have medicated myself for the journey…I should have known better, but it was my first flight since the accident. Now, I know, and it won’t happen again.” She felt exhausted and chided herself for being unable to overcome both the pain and tiredness. “The truth is, we, both your grandmother and I, have made remarkable strides in our recoveries.” She wiped her eye refusing to let the emotional tears fall. “Listen, I didn’t mean to bark at you. I forgot how exhausting trips are. Right now, I need to get my legs up to rest them as well as my back.” She spied Raphaela out of the corner of her eye then turned to face her. “I’m sorry; you deserve a better greeting.”

Without another thought, Raphaela dropped the bags before picking up Amanda and carrying her the few yards to the cabin. “Call this a practice run,” she whispered into Amanda’s ear. She deftly, without dislodging Amanda, opened the door and deposited her tenderly on one of the single beds. “I’ll go get the bags.” She winked as she left Amanda alone for a few minutes.

Dumbfounded, Amanda shook her head then her face broke out into a full smile. Hmm, I do believe she loves me. Her eyes tracked Raphaela’s movements as she re-entered the cabin. “You can sweep me off my feet anytime you like. Please close the door, and come over here.” Whatever surliness she had felt few moments earlier was gone as her need for Raphaela became overwhelming.

With a smile that beamed light into every crevice of the old cabin, Raphaela knew that Amanda loved her. Placing the bags on the floor, she stepped closer to the bed and dropped onto her knees. “And, what can I do for Madame now?”

Awkwardly, Amanda wrapped her arms under Raphaela’s and gently lifted her onto the bed. “This,” she said as she kissed the trembling lips. “And, this.” She slowly ran her fingers over the swell of Raphaela’s breasts. “I have missed you.” She kissed the woman soundly as she considered snaking her fingers down the scoop-necked blouse. “I want you.”

Raphaela’s breathing intensified as she mirrored the emotions she could feel emanating from Amanda. She knew that in her heart it wasn’t the right time or the right place. Gently, she attempted to place a figurative bucket of cold water on their growing passion. “I missed you, too, darling. As much as I hate to say it, making love right now isn’t going to help you with the pain.”

“I don’t want to make love. I just want to feel you close to me. Please hold me. I love you so much.”

Raphaela could only celebrate in the glory of the intense feelings Amanda elicited from her body. She kissed Amanda’s throat revelling in the scent and feel of Amanda’s body in her arms trying desperately to squelch the need to go farther. “I love you, Amanda.”

Censoring her desire to have Raphaela right then, Amanda slowly pulled the woman closer and smiled when she saw Raphaela’s cheeks redden. “You are beautiful when you blush. Now is not the time for lovemaking I know that. Please just hold me while I sleep.” She smiled when her woman nestled close as they both reclined on the small bed. Feeling Raphaela’s body next to hers gave Amanda peace and momentary relief from the pain, and she slowly closed her eyes.

Luxuriating in the broken yet beautiful body in her arms, Raphaela felt the sexual charge dissipate. The feelings replaced by ones of well-being, and the need to be together as one on a plane much higher than the mere physical. Content, she watched over Amanda as she drifted off to sleep. Closing her eyes, she marveled at how amazing life and the woman in her arms were. Tomorrow, they would begin the preliminaries of the healing ceremony in which she was certain that Amanda would then find relief. Thankfully, she’d sent a note with Sun explaining all about the ceremony. Later, when she had spoken with Amanda, she appeared to be quite excited about the whole event. Or, was she just excited about seeing me again? Whatever, it doesn’t really matter. She closed her eyes in the wonderment that life was so marvelous.

>< >< ><

Raphaela held Amanda’s hand as they looked over the snow-capped mountain ranges; the sight not only created a wonderful, peaceful view, but the air all around them was clean and sharp. The early morning gentle breeze that blew back at them whispered of hot air that looked like mist. Lifting Amanda’s hand to her lips, she smiled at the anxious features of the woman who had come to mean so much to her over the past year. It is the way of the universe to plough up a field of memories and transplant new seeds to grow and flourish in what had been a barren landscape. In her heart, she knew the words were true of their love for one another. “Everything is going to be fine, Amanda. You trust me, right?”

Amanda gave Raphaela a curious glance as she quickly replied. “Of course, I do. Do you doubt it?”

With a light chuckle, Raphaela placed the hand she held once more to her lips and kissed her slightly cold fingers reverently. “No doubts at my end. However, I know this is all strange to you, and I just wanted to say I’m always here for you. If you don’t want to do this, I’ll understand.”

Amanda knew she was receiving a ‘Get out of jail free’ card, and the only question was: should she use it? Then, she looked up into the serious features awaiting her reply. All she saw there was security and love given without any expectations making her next words so easy to say. “Raphaela, for you I’d walk over coals…but then again maybe the healing ceremony might be easier.”

They both looked down at her feet and laughed as they settled for a few more minutes silently watching the sunrise. Glorious colors cascaded around them as the pale pinks and muted blues quickly changed to vibrant orange-red. Moments later, a splendid, clear blue, fair weather sky, like the waft of a breeze, presented itself for the parade of a new day.

“Wow, that’s what I call a good omen,” Amanda said as she looked across at Raphaela’s face. In all the time they had been together, she had never really scrutinized her features in detail. What she saw was a slightly pointed, but not without merit, nose and a somewhat swarthy complexion that she was sure many a woman would gladly pay extortionate amounts to acquire. Her eyes were hazel and in themselves not remarkable except they were filled, or so it appeared to Amanda, with pleasant and compassionate thoughts of what the day held for all the people who crossed her path be they known to her or not. Then, lastly but to Amanda the most notable of features, were Raphaela’s full lips that screamed at her constantly to reach in and kiss them. It was a game she repeatedly played… how long it took to kiss Raphaela’s lips. When they were alone, the best she’d managed was five minutes. Such control. It made her smile to think what life was going to be like once they actually lived together. Maybe I’ll scare her off if I don’t keep my roaming hands and lips to myself. Then again…

“Dare I ask what you’re grinning about? You’re looking directly at me, so do I have a zit or something?” Raphaela asked with a teasing look in her eyes.

“No zit, my darling, just pure unadulterated sex appeal. What I wouldn’t give to say to hell with it all, and drag you back to the cabin. I’d forget about everyone and everything else, and make passionate love to you all day and night.” Although she was laughing as she spoke, deep down it was exactly what she wanted to do.

For a few moments, Raphaela was speechless. Amanda was good at doing that to her and not many over the years had been able. Thinking about the comments, she mused over them a little longer than she realized.

She hadn’t answered as Amanda piped in, “A penny for them?”

“I’m sorry; I guess I was lost in a dream world.”

“Did I by any chance happen to be there with you?”

Raphaela chuckled as she bent to kiss Amanda’s lips, savouring the moment. Soon, they wouldn’t be alone, and Amanda would go with Jack for a two-day session. “You are always there with me, and one day, I promise, it won’t be just in my mind.”

“You say the most flattering of things. Are you sure I’m going to be your first?” Amanda wriggled her eyebrow in a caddish gesture that had them both laughing.

“Let’s go for breakfast. Spring Lark will be annoyed if we’re late, especially on such a momentous day.” Raphaela grabbed Amanda’s hand and led her slowly back to the Hogan. She was careful not to push the pace in deference to Amanda’s fragile state. Although she said she had felt much better that morning, on the previous two mornings she had been tired and wracked with pain. A part of her was pleased that Amanda agreed to the ceremony. She knew it was probably only because she’d asked, but Raphaela knew it was the right thing to do. It was so keenly impressed in her senses that she hoped Amanda would eventually see, too, that it was for the greater good.

“Spring Lark is a marvellous cook, isn’t she? I don’t think I’ve eaten so well in ages,” Amanda replied as she walked at the slow pace Raphaela was kind enough to understand she needed.

“Yes, she is. Spring has been teaching me some basic stuff, and I’m taking some recipes home. I’ll be cooking up a storm for you and Grand-mère when we get back.” As Amanda licked her lips in an exaggerated fashion, it once again reminded Raphaela that there had to be a joker inside Amanda wanting to come out and play. Once she lets it out, I bet she will feel even better than she had before.

“I’m going to love all that pampering again, and I know Grand-mère can’t wait for you to get back to cook. She really doesn’t care for frozen cod.”

Raphaela stopped dead in her tracks. The horrified expression on her face told Amanda all she needed to know that her ploy of shamelessly teasing Raphaela had succeeded excellently. Laughing, Amanda quickly snatched a kiss and winked. “I was only joking, but I gotcha.”

Shaking her head, Raphaela laughed along with Amanda. “You sure did.” They walked along in silence then entered the Hogan with smiles on their faces—it would take a hurricane and more to wipe them away.

>< >< ><

Raphaela gazed over to the mountain range where previously she and Amanda had taken in the dawning of a new day together. It was hard to know that Amanda was merely yards away, and yet as far away as possible. Until she had Amanda back in her arms, as far as she was concerned, Amanda was light years away. Jack had explained in detail that to heal Amanda in their ways she must be open to the possibility. If Amanda could believe in spirits and Gwen talking to her from the other side, it would to be easy to convince her. After all, this only entailed lying on a sand painting and cleansing Amanda of all the dangers that were producing imbalances in her physical world.

Amanda had intelligently asked several questions of what would happen to her. Jack, and occasionally she, would chip in with the answers. Although Jack had dispatched her to collect herbs he was going to use during the ceremony, she knew that he wouldn’t use them. Tradition dictated that the medicine man performing the ritual would collect all the herbs fresh on the day in question. He had allowed her to watch him collect the herbs when Amanda had gone to the cabin to lay down in an effort to alleviate her pain. Jack had walked over to the plant he needed then talked to it. He told the plant Amanda’s name then made an offering of corn pollen. Once he’d done that, he collected only what he needed for the recipe. He did this several times. It was fascinating to watch and made Raphaela feel part of the ceremony even though she couldn’t physically be there.

Amanda had been undergoing the healing process for two days. As the time seemingly ticked by slowly, Raphaela had the chance to reflect on the past year and what everything really meant to her.

She’d always thought her gifts would help her in immediately knowing whom the other part of her soul was. She had spent weeks stalking Amanda, and yet the first moment she saw her hadn’t awakened any emotion of recognition. In fact, she had felt only pity for the woman and a deep sense of obligation to help her. Amazingly, it was Amanda who appeared to have the power to see beyond her own hurt and guilt and conceivably, if not understand their connection, at least acknowledge it.

The change in her appreciation of Amanda had been that evening they had dinner together for the first time. The blinders finally removed from her eyes allowed her to see what her grand-mère and Raquel always had—Amanda was part of her being. They had shared so much in the past, and if she were brave enough to act upon a situation in the present would do so in the future. To proceed she needed to ensure that Amanda no longer yearned for Gwen. At the time, a tiny part of her was jealous of the fact that Amanda would rather have been on the other side than experiencing life with them. Then, things changed, and there was a sudden, miraculous—it could be that—change. Raphaela no longer cared, just as long as Amanda focused her attention on her and their being together. Still, even now, the niggling thought invaded her mind at night that was she only second best to Gwen.

The six months at the reservation had focused her mind and body on many things, and Raphaela was grateful to Gwen for looking after and loving Amanda through all the years that Amanda and she hadn’t known each other. How could she ever bear malice or unhappy thoughts regarding Amanda’s previous relationship? She knew that had they met years earlier they would have been together from that point on. The universe plays tricks with time, and we were lucky to have found each other now. Fortunately, we are both in a position that will allow us to spend the rest of the time we have in this life together. It was so clear to her—Gwen was a friend in her heart. She made the possibility of two wandering souls meeting again a reality. Now, Amanda and she would have the opportunity to become complete once again.

The door to the Hogan opened, and Jack’s powerful melodic voice seemed to echo around the stillness of that part of the reservation. “Sparrow Hawk, it is now your time.”

Running as fast as she could, Raphaela embraced the man and thanked him. Stumbling inside, she saw Amanda sitting on the floor and talking amiably with Spring Lark. Her eyes fastened on Amanda’s cheerful and rosy countenance, and she tried to speak. But, a lump like a tennis ball, had lodged itself in her throat.

Amanda glanced up and caught Raphaela’s gaze, and her heart melted all over again as she saw the hazel eyes filled with love. “I’m a changed woman, Raphaela. Want to take me for a test run?”

Raphaela blushed at the words and was doubly embarrassed when Spring Lark chuckled before she spoke. “Little One cannot run like a deer just yet, Sparrow Hark, but perhaps this evening after she has rested…well, who knows what might happen?” There was a distinct glitter in the old woman’s eyes as she spoke.

Struggling to find the words, Raphaela held out her hands for Amanda to take, so she could help bring her up from her sitting position. “I think that’s very wise, Spring Lark.” She squeezed Amanda’s hand. “Thank you for the wisdom. Now, I think Amanda might need to rest.”

Spring Lark shook her head in agreement. “Yes, that is the usual next step.”

Raphaela approached the older woman and hugged her close. “Thank you for everything,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

A few minutes later, they were in the cabin, and Raphaela held Amanda at arms length as she shot out twenty questions. “How do you feel? What was it like? Do you think it’s done any good? Okay, okay, that’s too much. How about I love you, and I missed you?” Raphaela saw the beaming smile that eclipsed everything else. Then they clung to each other and passionately exchanged kisses. Eventually, with clothes dishevelled, they sunk onto the bed in emotional exhaustion.

“I missed you, too. How about you hold me, and we’ll sleep for a little while? Then I’ll answer all your questions. For the record, I love you, too.” Amanda couldn’t help the drowsiness that overcame her as she drifted off to sleep.

Finally glad to have Amanda in her arms again, Raphaela whispered as she, too, closed her eyes, “I can wait. In fact, I’ve been waiting for you forever.”

Chapter 17

The journey home had been enjoyable for both women. “I wish I had done this on the flight out,” Amanda said as she moved in the large leather first class seat.

“It’s the only way to travel.” Raphaela smiled as she took her companion’s hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Great. I’m headed home with a beautiful woman by my side and almost pain free.” For the most part her intense pain was gone, although she felt it still lurked on the outskirts waiting to reappear. The day after the healing ceremony, she and Raphaela had discussed her apprehensions with Jack. Allow yourself to rejoice in the feelings of well being, Little One. Then Raphaela, with eyes that sparkled from unshed tears told her, “if it comes back, we deal with it together.” It was then she decided to release all her fears and apprehensions and allow herself to be happy. And, she was.

They had a non-stop flight from Phoenix to Philadelphia then switched planes for the short flight to Scranton where Amanda’s car was waiting for them in long-term parking. Closing the door, Amanda looked over at Raphaela and smiled. “In two hours, we will have you back to Grand-mère.”

Raphaela gently caressed Amanda’s face. “And, we shall all start our new lives together as a family.”

“Then let’s get out of here…the sooner we leave the sooner we will be home.” As they headed up Route 81, Amanda glanced over at Raphaela who seemed a bit restless. It was clear that she was anxious to see her grand-mère again, and in truth, so was she for Luminitsa had taken a hold of a part of her heart, too.

When they were within in two blocks of Raphaela’s house, Amanda reached for her cell and speed dialed a number. Raphaela’s quizzical eyes gazed at her wondering what she was doing or whom she was calling.

“Hi, I’d like to order take out, please.” Amanda’s eyes twinkled as she returned Raphaela’s gaze and saw the question replaced by amusement.

When Amanda completed the call, Raphaela smiled and placed her hand on Amanda’s arm. “You didn’t have to do that. I would have cooked us something for supper.”

“True, I didn’t. However, we both know you’re dying to see your grand-mère, and while I pick up the order, you can have some alone time. Then we’ll all have a great time talking for hours about your escapades.”

Raphaela’s expression turned serious. Although she didn’t want to exclude Amanda from the homecoming, she really did appreciate the few minutes she and her grand-mère would be alone. “Thank you, Amanda,” she said. “I have missed Grand-mère, and she will want to hear about your adventures as well.”

With a loving smile, Amanda nodded her head. Do I have adventures to share? “I think I might actually have a story that is worthy of one told by Grand-mère.”

“Will you pop the trunk, so I can get our bags?” Raphaela asked as she got out of the vehicle.

“You go inside, and see Grand-mère. I’ll bring them in later. Right now, you have something more important to do.” She nodded in the direction of the house. “Go on. She is right in there and will be ecstatic to see you.”

For a moment, Raphaela stood at the car door seeming to be debate what to do. “Are you sure? You know I can always go with you, and we can see…”

Amanda laughed and held up her hand. “No, I want to do this. Please, go inside. I’ll pick up the take out and be right back.” She shooed Raphaela away with her hand and smiled as she watched her love enter the house. Satisfied that all was well with the world, she put the SUV in reverse and headed to the Oriental Garden. For a moment, her thoughts turned to Sun but ended almost as quickly…she didn’t care about Sun anymore. Raphaela and Grand-mère were hers, and nothing or anyone could ever change that.

>< >< ><

Raphaela entered the house and heard noises coming from the kitchen. Has someone broken in? Without a thought, she quickly ran to the kitchen and almost fell down as she saw her grand-mère deftly making tea. She thought she’d gone back in years to the time before her grand-mère’s stroke. “Grand-mère?”

Luminitsa felt her back stiffen and heart pound as she heard the voice of her darling Ray; she’d missed her granddaughter’s presence of being close. With tears welling up that she had hoped to quell but now knew would be impossible, she turned around with a welcoming smile. Holding out her arms, she said, “Ray, my darling Ray, you have returned at last.”

There was no hesitation on Raphaela’s part as she rushed forward and closed the gap between them. She felt the loving arms of her grand-mère close around her, and she knew that she was home at last. For several minutes, they allowed the closeness of their bodies to erase the months that had parted them. “I’ve missed you, Grand-mère,” Raphaela finally said. Tears were running freely down her cheeks, and she hadn’t even realized that she was crying. As she looked up, she could see that her grand-mère, too, had tears glistening down her cheeks.

Luminitsa pulled out of the hug and held her granddaughter at arm’s length. “I’ve missed you, child. Let me look at you and see what the months have done.” Luminitsa scanned each line and structure of her granddaughter’s face. She allowed her senses to encompass all of Ray physically and spiritually. There wasn’t any evidence that Ray had encountered anything that had changed her spirit in any way. In fact, she looked positively alive and blooming. Her skin had a healthy glow, and her eyes were sparkling with an inner happiness that didn’t just reflect their reunion.

Raphaela chuckled as she wiped away some of her tears. “I’m still the same, Grand-mère, inside and out.”

Luminitsa gave Raphaela a loving smile. “Yes, you are. Yes, indeed you are. Where is Amanda, you didn’t leave her behind did you?”

Raphaela was home. Peace filled her with the assurance that only true happiness and contentment in life comes by the love you give others. “Amanda decided that we needed to have a few minutes alone,” she said. “She also decided that take out was a good call, and she’ll be back shortly.”

There was no doubt in Luminitsa’s mind that the way Raphaela talked casually about Amanda meant that her granddaughter cared even more deeply about her. It is as it should be, for Amanda means so much to us both. “Well, she certainly is a very considerate person, Ray.” A simple smile of remembered joys crossed the face that time had etched. “We have shared many an adventure together.”

Raphaela laughed at the comment and shook her head. “I’m sure you did. It looks as if over the next few days we’re going to be telling each other our stories. I, for one, can’t wait to find out what happened to make you look so wonderful.”

Luminitsa smiled. She had thought Raphaela hadn’t noticed her newly found freedom, but that had been a foolish thinking. Ray sees everything about the people she cares for. “Well, you will have to wait until Amanda returns because she was a very special part of that process.”

Raphaela felt the love she had for Amanda growing more powerful at the words. Yes, it was a good day indeed for all of us when Amanda finally heeded the calling of the spirit and joined our family. “I’ll gladly do that, Grand-mère. Shall we wait together over tea? I must say I’ve been desperately waiting for a decent cup of tea.” She saw the twinkling understanding in the bright eyes of the older woman and chuckled. “I’ll be right back.”

Luminitsa watched indulgently as Raphaela left. The knowledge settled within her soul that her granddaughter was back, and they would never have to suffer a similar physical wrench ever again. Over the months, she and Amanda discussed much, but the dearest to both their hearts had been Raphaela. It had been incredible as to how in-tune they were on what they felt was right for Raphaela. Consequently, they had a very special surprise for her later—something they knew would be a bombshell, though a very good one—for Ray.

Five minutes later, they sat at the table chatting while waiting for Amanda to return. Both knew in their hearts that until she was there with them they were not a whole family. Then, there was the familiar skid of tires on the drive, and a few minutes later, they heard the door open.

Seconds later, Amanda appeared in the doorway with her hands full of bags while distinctive aromas wafted in the air. Raphaela watched with tears as she saw her grand-mère stand up and walk over to Amanda, take the packages, deposit them on the table, and then hug the young woman. “It is good to have you back, Amanda I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too, Grand-mère, and do I have lots to tell you.” Amanda’s eyes reflected the love she felt for her as her gaze slid over to Raphaela and captured her. Their smiles and loving glances told a story only they understood —no words were necessary. “I don’t know about you two, but I’m starving…let’s eat. By the way, where’s Sun? I brought enough food for her, too.”

Luminitsa smiled warmly as she gave Amanda a wink. “She left this afternoon. I told her that tonight I wanted to be alone with my family.”

Amanda hugged Luminitsa tightly as she whispered, “Thank you, Grand-mère.”

Raphaela quickly retrieved the take out, and with a nod in the direction of the kitchen left the two women to reacquaint. At that moment, life was as perfect as she suspected it could ever be. Minutes later they were eating the delicious food, glad to be together once again.

>< >< ><

Luminitsa, Raphaela, and Amanda sat quietly in the parlor satiated from the meal and the stories each had told. Amanda eyed Luminitsa who nodded discreetly. “I think I’ll get myself a glass of water. Anyone else want one?”

“I’m fine,” Raphaela said with a smile. “Do you want me to get it for you?”

“No,” Amanda said as she got up. “I’ve got it covered.” She left the room for the kitchen, and once she was there, she turned on the water and didn’t have to wait long. Luminitsa arrived moments later and walked to her side.

“I think I’ll have a glass of water after all,” she said loud enough for everyone in the house to hear.

Amanda put her arms around the woman. “I love you,” she whispered. “Is everything ready?”

“It will be by the time you get Ray and bring her there.”

With a glorious smile, Amanda mouthed, “thank you” and left but turned back around. “Guess I should have a glass of water with me.” She winked, quickly took a glass from the cupboard, filled it with water, and then went in search of her love.

Raphaela sat alone in the familiar room wondering why the two women had suddenly become so thirsty. We just ate…MSG will do it to you every time. The appearance of Amanda interrupted her thoughts. Her brow creased. “Where’s Grand-mère?”

Placing the glass on a coaster, Amanda walked over to Raphaela and held out her hand. “Please come with me,” she said.

Even though her brow creased, Raphaela took the proffered hand and stood up. “Where are you taking me?” she asked as her arm encircled Amanda’s waist.

For her part, Amanda sucked in a breath. “You’ll see.”

Soon they were standing hand in hand at the threshold of the room where they had first listened to music together. In the room filled with dancing candlelight, Luminitsa stood in one corner. “Please come in, and stand here.”

Raphaela cocked her head. “What’s going on?”

Amanda only smiled and led them the short distance to the waiting woman who nodded at their arrival. The candlelight glowed softly around Luminitsa’s face giving her an ethereal look. “Have you both come here in love?”

Finally, in understanding, Raphaela looked at Amanda as they said, “yes,” in unison.

The dark eyes searched their faces for any hint that either might not be sincere, and she saw none. She opened her hand palm up revealing a gold ring. “This ring belonged to Amanda’s great-grandmother, and she is willing giving it to the one she loves.” Luminitsa took Raphaela’s left hand and poised the ring at the tip of the ring finger. “Will you accept what is willingly given?”

Raphaela’s eyes glistened with happiness. “Oh, yes.”

Amanda’s finger joined the old woman’s around the ring. “I give you this ring as a symbol of my enduring love.” As she began to slip it on the finger, Luminitsa released her fingers but held them there. Once the ring was in place, Amanda chastely kissed Raphaela’s lips. Speechless, Raphaela could only smile at the woman she loved with all her heart.

With both women looking at her, Luminitsa opened her hand palm up again. “This ring belonged to your mother, Ray.”

Raphaela understood fully. “I willingly will give it to Amanda.”

Eyes dancing with delight looked at Amanda as an old, wrinkled hand took her left hand and held the ring at the tip of the ring finger. “Will you accept what is willingly given?” Luminitsa asked.

“Yes.”

Fingers that shook joined Luminitsa’s and Raphaela’s as she slipped the ring up the finger, “I give you this ring as a symbol of my enduring love.” She then chastely kissed Amanda’s lips.

Luminitsa placed both women’s left hands together then held hers on top of them before closing her eyes and raising both arms shoulder high with her palms upward. A bright light seemed to fill the room, and Raquel’s words echoed silently throughout. There’s a time, and a place; there's a space, and a race; one day soon, you and I will meet and know we face our fate. “You have met your fate,” Luminitsa said. “Now love shall guide your way—you have become one.”

Raphaela didn’t have the words for what had happened. She was in shock—a gloriously wonderful shock—but in shock nonetheless. Raphaela sat on the sofa holding Amanda in her arms while Luminitsa sat in the armchair by the fire relating the ocean visit. Once Luminitsa completed her story and Raphaela had digested all the implications and meanings, she stood up.

“Just because I’ve been away doesn’t mean that I don’t have a surprise for the two of you. I’ll be back in a minute.” Raphaela left the two bemused woman in the room that she was sure were speculating as to what possible surprise she had for them.

Five minutes later, Raphaela arrived with a brown, non-descript envelope in her hands. Standing beside the fireplace and looking at the two women she loved, she was certain that the events she set in motion three months earlier had been the right thing to do. “Okay,” she said grinning. “Do you remember all the letters you sent me while I was away?” A nod from both women had Raphaela smiling.

“Well, one of those letters got me thinking about something…” Opening the envelope, she handed the document first to Amanda. Watching as she read the contents, Raphaela had to prevent herself from laughing as she saw Amanda’s jaw drop and watched her sit there in stunned silence. Then, from seemingly lifeless fingers, Raphaela removed the documents and handed them to a very curious Luminitsa. Her reaction mirrored Amanda.

“You, you bought this?” Amanda finally managed to ask.

At the same time, Luminitsa remarked, “Ray, this is way too extravagant! Why?”

“In answer to both your questions, yes, I bought this for us…all three of us. As you well know, Grand-mère, I can afford it. One of the things my father left me was a legacy of his work. His paintings are in demand these days; I was able to sell several, and voila, we are now the proud owners of the largest house in the area. I never would have known about it, but you both mentioned it in those early letters when you decided, out of curiosity, to go to the open house. Don’t you both see that it makes perfect sense? The house is larger than both our houses put together, and the annex will make a perfect area for you, Grand-mère. You can have your independence and still be close to us. We can all begin a new life together in a new home.”

Her eyes searched the faces for a reply one way or the other. All she saw was stunned confusion. “Look, if it is a bad call and both of you don’t like it, I’ll sell.” Raphaela waited crossing her fingers that they, too, thought it was a great idea. She held her tongue as to the other reason she had for wanting to make this move. She didn’t want to live in the same house Amanda had shared with Gwen. We need a clean break with the past before we start a life together.

What seemed like an eternity finally ended when a squeal of delight emitted from Amanda. “I loved that house…we loved it. Didn’t we, Grand-mère?”

Luminitsa nodded. “Yes, I remember discussing what we could do with it if we lived there.”

With the approval of the two women, Raphaela said, “I guess we’ll be moving in soon. The house is vacant and just waiting for its new owners.” Raphaela giggled with delight and not too long after, Amanda and Luminitsa joined her in looking at the photos of their new home. The laughter and joy coupled with the jumbled conversation that followed completed what was the most incredible reunion anyone could ever have imagined. They were together as a family–who could ask for more?

>< >< ><

Luminitsa dozed in the chair while Amanda and Raphaela discussed plans for the new house. Opening her eyes, she yawned. “I think I will retire.” She got up, walked the short distance to the couch, and then leaned in to give each woman a tender kiss. “Your room has been prepared,” she said then left.

A rakish smile crossed the blonde woman’s face. “Alone at last,” she said pulling Raphaela close. “Shall we go to bed, too?”

Butterflies erupted in Raphaela’s stomach along with a distinct warm, wet feeling. “Yes,” she said as she touched the ring on her finger. Standing up, she extended her hand to Amanda who readily took it. Then, in one fell swoop, she picked Amanda up and carried her to the bedroom. “I believe it is traditional to carry the one you love over the threshold,” she whispered. Once in the room, she gently put Amanda down and hugged her tightly.

For her part, Amanda melted into Raphaela with a slight quiver. She closed her eyes and breathed in the familiar scents that distinguished the woman in a way that no other could possibly possess. Slowly and with purpose, she began kissing Raphaela’s neck as she worked her way towards the woman’s lips. Kisses that made her heart thump in double time also made it lodge in her throat. The time was near when she would put away everything in the past and move on–uncertainty seemed to want to disrupt the moment. Dislodging her tongue and lips, she gently cupped Raphaela’s face. “I love you.”

Raphaela ran her hands greedily along Amanda’s body. For her, it was like opening Pandora’s Box—the unknown now had perfect clarity. Then, with a highly, sensually charged voice, Raphaela said, “I love you, Amanda, and I want to commit to you in every way possible.”

Amanda’s fair skin colored with emotion. “Will you give me a moment?” she asked. “I need to use the bathroom.”

Raphaela stole a quick kiss and ran her hand over one of Amanda’s small, but to her, perfectly formed breasts. She smiled seductively and nodded toward the bed. “I’ll wait for you over there.”

The comment and action left no doubt in Amanda’s mind that they would soon be lovers. If I can let that happen. She closed the door then leaned back against it. Gwen, I shared a bed with you…can I share one now with another? A sense of peace filled her as she realized she wanted to share the rest of her life with Raphaela. Yet, the fear of moving forward still loomed heavily in her mind. She and Raphaela had a special connection that she couldn’t explain, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to. It simply was, and in a way, that idea both scared and comforted her. Clinging solely to the past had its appeal. She knew what that had been, but the future...that is unknown. For such a long time she had mourned Gwen and even considered, on more than one occasion, joining her in the afterlife. “Can I do this?” She heard a soft knock at the door and swallowed the tightness that had been gathering in her throat.

“Are you okay, Amanda?”

“Yes, yes, I’ll be with you in a second.” She took hold of her emotions as she cursed herself for allowing guilty memories tarnish the precious time with Raphaela. She finally grasped the knob and slowly opened the door fully. What she saw was Raphaela lying on the bed dressed in nothing more that a loose fitting, open robe. Her eyes gazed first at the warm hazel eyes filled with love before taking in the entire woman. She felt her heart begin to pound rapidly as she tried to discern the full breasts that were peeking seductively from the robe.

A strangled sound of delight emanated from Amanda as she smiled seductively. “What do you want?” she asked.

Raphaela’s eyes hadn’t left Amanda’s body from the moment she exited the bathroom. Her body cried, in what could only be termed a primal rage, for satisfaction. “You…I want you next to, inside, and around me while we make love.”

Amada stepped forward, leaned over the bed, and snaked her hands inside the robe touching the silky skin. She closed her eyes in reaction to the sensations coursing through her body and felt a shiver. She moved her hands along Raphaela’s sides until she reached her shoulders. Splaying her fingers, she opened the robe fully and allowed it to fall away onto the bed covers. In that instant she knew the answer to her question. Yes, I can move forward. She could release Gwen into the heavens, and for the first time in two years, she welcomed being earthbound.

She gazed with love and appreciation at Raphaela’s body stretched out on the bed. Awe laced Amanda’s voice and mind. “My god, you are beautiful.” Crawling onto the bed next to Raphaela’s naked body, Amanda trembled with the anticipation of what was to come. Her eyes pleaded for Raphaela to take action and remove the clothes she was wearing. The message understood, and with slow teasing deliberation, Raphaela unbuttoned her blouse. As each part of Amanda’s flesh was exposed, she deposited a kiss.

Amanda was on fire, and when the final piece of clothing fell off, she let her open hands slide over her body suggestively. Raphaela’s gaze intensified and she became enrapt by the vision and wanted more. “Please, now.”

Their kisses became insistent, passionate, and demanding, and Amanda pulled back, rolled on her side, and gently caressed Raphaela’s cheek. “I love you,” she whispered. She moved her finger down Raphaela’s long neck, over her chest between her ample, supple breasts, and down her belly before resting on her swollen, wet protrusion peeking out from the thatch of dark hair. Amanda smiled as she saw Raphaela close her eyes—her face filled with desire. Slowly, Amanda moved her finger down Raphaela’s right inner thigh to her knee, and then repeated the movement on her left side until she once again rested her finger on the wet core. Gently, she pressed down and moved her finger in a circular motion before lifting it away.

Amanda cupped the underside of Raphaela’s right breast and lifted it gently as her thumb circled the nipple. “Hmm, it is shy,” she said in amusement as her fingers massaged it to a hard erection. “I love you,” she whispered again. Amanda then took Raphaela’s hand in hers and placed it on her own small breast.

Raphaela’s eyes glazed over in passion as she felt the softness of Amanda’s breast. It was all she needed. Taking charge and leaning into her lover, she rolled her onto her back. Her mouth and fingers insistently explored the body that was strangely familiar to her. Her lips found their way to an earlobe, and she gently bit down before her tongue assaulted the ear’s crevice. She whispered, “I remember you,” before she let her fingers mirror Amanda’s and slid them between the soft smooth folds of moisture.

The two bodies began to react to a well-known journey of love and passion.

“I remember us. We are together where we belong. You are my light, Amanda; you give my life meaning. We never will be apart again. If we ever are, I promise you, I’ll find you no matter what, no matter where you are in this lifetime or the next.” Raphaela keenly felt the words explode inside her as she spoke. This was their destiny, and one she knew they would both carry for all time, whether they were earth bound or heaven bound.

The End